Calla's POV:
"Is it because of him? It's because of him. Right?" My best friend asked, not confirmed on behalf of me. What can I say she is my best friend for a reason.
I don't answer, can't answer. What she said is cent percent true. Because Emily and Liam are still a couple. Rather I can say an engaged Couple.
Not to say both are already rich heirs in college. Moreover, they are heavily related to the Foster industries. Not to forget, Liam is still his best friend of him.
"Calla! You are my very best friend. You can't cut the ties off me. You know?" She suddenly came in front of me, leaving her hands on my shoulders explaining slowly word by word as if she was talking to a child.
"I know that you didn't move on from him. I know it's difficult for you. But your entire family and friends are in there. In New York. You can't run away like this. It's enough, Calla. I thought you are a strong woman. But, here you are running, hiding like a coward from one person who doesn't even care if you are alive or dead. You are destroying yourself on him." she at this point was yelling while I was bowing my head down defeated and tired from her words.
"But, I am living well. In fact, Great. You see this compa..." I was about to prove her wrong in a low voice which was barely a whisper, my head hanging down in defeat completely opposite of my words, but she cut off me.
"What? This company? Do you mean the life you portray in business papers and media? Oh! Please! We both know how fake is that. How you fake in front of the world that you are living a dream life. What's that? The great CEO of CA Industries!" She laughed without humor. I can feel tears threatening to spill from my eyes knowing how fake my life has been.
"Calla, For others you may be a great CEO, but for me, you are still a girl fighting with herself for a useless, fruitless unrequited love." She told me in a serious tone, looking straight in my teary eyes with a fire of truth. I can't seem to tolerate its heat. That fire threatens to burn me alive.
"I...Emily, Come we should go to my house. There we can discuss many things." I said hurrying her because I don't have any answer to any of her questions.
"Calla! You are avoiding the topic again. Face it, Calla! You can't avoid it for so long. It's already late!" She said holding her silky smooth hair in her palms, pulling at it frustratingly.
Maybe she is true. But, I am intending to avoid it for as long as I can. Because the alternative is to forget every bit of my Ame from my mind. But, I can't seem to afford it at this point in my life.
I went to take my phone and my bag. I turned towards the door and gave her my answer.
"Emily! We both know, what will be my answer is. So, If can you hurry, let's go." I said walking towards the elevator without turning back at her.
I heard her let out a deep sigh and began to follow. At least by the sound of her footsteps.
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Him
the main reason, why I left New York to achieve my goals in Los Angeles.
the mere reason why I can't date anyone wholeheartedly even when I am on the verge of becoming 27, an adult, a woman.
the sole reason why I always feel a trace of emptiness in my soul, a lack of warmth in my heart even when I have achieved my goals, a missing puzzle in my life when everyone around me feels that my life is perfect, literally nothing below a dream. Yes, maybe it is really a dream. But, an incomplete dream.
Him, My Ame. He has to be held responsible for all these.
From what I have heard, Samuel has inherited the company of his father 4 years ago. Foster Industries. Immediately after completing college. I was so happy for him. In fact, wanted to wish him face to face. But I somehow controlled myself by imagining the amount of embarrassment I would face If I went there.
Nonetheless, I sent him a greeting card, a beautiful gift wishing him his success indirectly. So that he wouldn't doubt it was me. Even if he knew it was me, there wouldn't be any changes among us. It's that he wouldn't throw it. So that I can participate in the activities of his life in any way even indirectly.
I haven't met him in these 5 years. Maybe that's good too. Because He was living well. rather happily without my presence.
What am I saying? He lived fine in the college without my presence even when knowing that I am loving him uselessly. He doesn't even look at me then. So, Obviously, he will be living his life comfortably knowing that a nuisance like me has finally left his life.
I have heard that Amelia too inherited her father's company. That too is on the same date as Samuel's. And together in a grand, pocket hurting party. On the same day, they were engaged too.
I have seen about them in the papers and magazines. Because of two top empires' CEO engagement. Of Course, it will be mind-blowing and internet-breaking news. And It was.
I being as pathetic as I am, just took leave and locked myself in my dark bedroom of mine and slept curling in a fetal position like a baby after being exhausted from crying my lungs out.
The person who comforted me was the Rex again. He comforted me by letting me hug him. He silently sat beside me for an entire day without any food.
When I left New York in search of my dreams and in hope of moving on from my Ame, I succeeded and failed simultaneously.
I may have achieved my dreams but I lost myself to him. The hope I desperately held, was lost the moment I reached Los Angeles. That moment is when I realized it is very very difficult than I have thought.
A part of me was dedicated to my future but a big part of me was and still is dedicated to him. Still longing for a tiny hole to enter his soul he was miles apart.
My soul felt connected to him even after I left that place. He still ruled me without even his presence. That made me fear, afraid of my future.
Every day, night, hours, minutes, second I can't even afford to think of anyone other than him.
While living with him in my imaginary world, I seem to be compromised by that idea. Living with him, imagining him in my mind. That itself, that mere thing satisfied me.
While I was afraid of how I am going to move on, I became accustomed to seeing him in the business magazines every day in the process.
When I thought that my love for him will vanish when I left him, it showed its strength by loving him more every second without even seeing him.
When I thought I will forget his heavenly face, my love for him showed me his face before my eyes before I went to bed every night.
When I thought I will forget his deep, masculine voice, my love for him replayed the videos of his interviews in my mind.
When I thought this unrequited will not be enough, my love for him showed me that it will be more than enough.
I made myself alive from his face, his vice, then bittersweet memories. I told my love that he have given me very bitter memories. But, my love convinced me by saying that it's better than nothing. Right?
What I feared came true in the end. But, it didn't hurt as I thought before. In fact, I felt content. Better than forcing myself to forget him.
I feared that my compromised love will destroy me. But, that love showed me another version of love. A step above all compromised love that made me alive in his absence.
I feared that I can't afford it. I feared that it will destroy me, kill me.
Indeed, it destroyed me. But it rebuilds me too. Saved me too.
I told myself that I am too selfish for that.
Indeed, I am selfish. But I am selfish to abandon my self-respect for a little bit of addiction.
My Addiction, My Ame.
I anticipated the answer of the time for my love.
Indeed, it replied. That reply hurt me. But, it lessened my pain too.
I patiently waited to learn what my love for will change into.
Indeed, it changed. That change made me doubt myself. But it gave me strength too.
Over the years, everyone and everything around me changed including me. But, my love for my Ame doesn't change, can't change.
It just took another cover, another name, another form. I just reincarnated from one form to another.
From my unrequited love to compromised love to my selfless love.