Two options lay before me on my desk; a pink flower hairpin, or a purple butterfly.
"Will you join the Harem, milady?" Yu Ru asked as she helped me put on the plain gold dangling earrings that the Crown Prince had gifted me yesterday. I did not answer.
"That is the only place worthy for a maiden like Yan Qing," Grandmother's voice boomed from my room entrance.
I watched her come in from my mirror. Father looked very much like her, and they both held themselves with pride in their stances.
She wore a dark green dress, half her hair up in a tight bun on her head. She only had one jade hairpin in her bun, one that Grandfather had gifted her as part of her dowry when she first married into the Yan clan.
Her eyes narrowed in disapproval as she took me in, ignoring Yu Ru's greeting by my side. I was unable to sit still after getting my hair braided and pinned, so I stood before my vanity desk, looking at my options.
I still needed the main hair piece, in order to look orderly for the Palace trip. Then I could leave.
I adorned a pale blue dress and matching shoes, nothing special or extraordinary.
"Not dressed to impress, my dear," Grandmother noted. I shook my head.
"Dressing extravagantly to the Palace is inappropriate. Especially for my first visit," I replied.
She sighed but said nothing else. She reached out for the pink flower hair pin. "This is what you need... To survive. A level head and maturity."
She held it up to the candlelight to see it clearer, for it was still dark out. The palanquin was ready outside the Manor. We needed to leave soon if we were to reach the Palace on time.
She picked up the purple butterfly next, her lips turning up into a small smile. "This would make a man wonder what you could give him. Or show him. A taste of freedom and adventure."
I knew what she was hinting. Grandmother believed that if I could bend my royal husband to my will, Father would have less of a hard time.
But to do that, I would have to climb up the hierarchy. To expose myself to enemy eyes and invite endless scandal.
"Which do you choose, my child?" I stared at the two in her hands, hesitating.
"Qing'er, are you ready?" Father called out from outside. Yu Ru hopped up, grabbing my items and going to open the door.
With a firm shake of my head to Grandmother, I answered Father.
"Yes, Father. Let us leave."
As I walked out of the door, I left Grandmother with both hands full.
I picked neither.
***
"Welcome, General Yan, Lady Yan. Please, His Highness is waiting for you," Eunuch Zhang, the Crown Prince's head eunuch, bowed as he beckoned us towards the main hall of his master's Palace.
We had to walk for a while on foot, our palanquin stopped for checks at the Palace's main entrance.
The soldiers guarding the doors recognised Father immediately. They apologised for the inconvenience they were causing numerous times, explaining that they had been instructed that no one could enter in palanquins during this time of potential war.
The Crown Prince's eunuch greeted us past the main gates, introducing himself as Zhang Sheng Wei.
His green uniform had white lotus flowers on his sleeves well; the only difference from the King's eunuch was the lack of decoration on his collar. He led our way, turning eastward where we were to be.
I followed closely behind Father as we entered the courtyard of the Eastern Palace, Yu Ru to my left. She carried our items, for the possible change of clothes that we might need to make.
Father was dressed in his Court attire without armour, the dark blue robes tightened at his waist with a black leather belt made from an animal's hide.
The sun began to rise, the sky getting brighter. We climbed up the white stone steps, standing before the sliding doors to the main hall of the Eastern Palace.
Yu Ru stood dutifully to the side, not permitted to enter.
The Palace was big, with a large main hall and three smaller halls circling it. The roofs were painted red, as all Palace buildings were.
At the main hall, a sign was poised right above the sliding doors: Eastern Palace.
The eunuch announced our arrival, the white papered doors to the Prince's quarters showing us nothing of what was inside.
"Enter," the Prince's voice was low and husky, but was loud enough for us to hear.
I kept my head down as we entered, the smooth wooden floors of his Main Hall capturing my interest. Father walked ahead and stopped.
Eunuch Zhang mentioned our names once more before he dutifully returned to his spot at the side of the room.
"Your subject greets Your Highness," Father said, bowing low. I hurried to do the same. I glanced up enough to see the Crown Prince at his desk, the lower half of his body wrapped in dark blue robes.
Orange and white carp fish had been embroidered across his robes.
The carp represented the Pans, with their nobility and wealth on full display.
Only the next-in-line could wear the carp on his clothes, while the King wore the four-clawed dragon as a sign of his status.
The Embroidery Bureau of the Palace must have spent much time and effort for each and every carp on his robes.
Even his matching shoes had one carp on each side, the silk uncreased. I was reminded of the one pair of silk shoes that lay in my storage, uncreased from a lack of wearing.
Yun had put it on for me, on my 16th birthday. The one and only time I had put it on.
I snapped out of my reverie as the carp shoes I was staring at began to move. The Crown Prince stood up, and he stepped in front of the desk he had been sitting at.
"Good day to you, General." The Crown Prince's tone was polite - and almost amused.
Worry pooled in my stomach. Which Crown Prince could allow himself to be happy when his nation was being surrounded by the forces of our enemy state?
"To what do your subjects owe this honour?" Father began, stepping forward and hiding me from the Prince's view.
The Prince chuckled, a dry laugh that made my skin crawl. His given name was Lang, which meant 'gentleman'.
But for Pan Lang to have won the seat to be next-in-line and survived a decade on his throne when seven other Princes still lived in the Palace...
"Yan Qing... Is that right?" I froze as he called my name, but I bent my back even lower as I replied him.
"That is right, Highness. Your subject is Yan Qing; Qing for a bright Spring day."
There was a pause.
Then the carps were right before my eyes, which had been trained on the wooden floors.
"Lift your head, Yan Qing." I blinked twice at his instructions, not wanting to obey. Father turned to face us, and I knew that I couldn't disobey a direct order from the Crown Prince.
I raised my head slowly, taking in the Crown Prince. He was a head taller than I was, his shoulders wide and broad.
He was too close for comfort, and I could feel him breathing on me. Swallowing hard, I raised my chin but kept my eyes trained on the biggest carp on his chest.
"Your daughter... Has a wifely face," he said as he turned to Father. The insult in his voice was clear.
I was not beautiful by any means, but to call me "wifely"... My jaw tightened as I clenched my teeth.
"Thank you, Sire." My voice was steady. But almost immediately after, he clasped my chin between his calloused thumb and index finger, forcing me to stare up at him as he peered into my eyes.
My breath caught in my throat at the sudden movement, but I suppressed my instinct to strike him in the neck, pressing my hands tighter to my sides.
Pan Lang's eyes were narrowed, scrutinising me. His small dark eyes were barely able to hide the cruelty lingering in his gaze.
I recalled that he was 35 years of age, even though his face made it seem like he was much younger. He was the oldest Prince still alive, first son to the second Queen of Yin Shang under the reign of King Pan Jing.
He had a crooked nose, famously broken in a brawl he had with his fourth brother. The younger Prince has since been exiled.
The Prince's thin lips turned up in a bare smile. "You are just what I require."
"What is the meaning of this, Highness?" Father stepped in, taking hold of my arm and pulling me away. There was barely controlled anger in his voice, but it wouldn't be obvious to other people.
"The King has decreed an order for Lady Yan." He let go of my chin, and I let out a shaky breath as he returned to his desk.
Pulling open a drawer, he fished out a scroll and handed it to Eunuch Zhang. We fell to our knees. The servant began to read.
"Lady Yan Qing of the Yan clan has been chosen from a careful selection of girls. Carry out the mission of saving your country."
Father's grip on my arm tightened as my heart raced. I didn't want to be his concubine. I didn't want to be embroiled in the messy fight for the throne.
"Go undercover into Jin Tang, seduce the Crown Prince of the royal Li clan. Rise up to become Handsome Fairness (jie yu) and bend the future Emperor's will to your own."
My knees turned weak as the Eunuch continued to read, and I could barely kneel upright.
"Convince the Crown Prince of the futility of warring with our country. Kill the royal if necessary. You shall obey. End of imperial decree."
There was a loud silence.
"What is the meaning of this?!" Father stood up, stepping up to the Prince. My arms were shaking, but I got up and tried to calm Father before he did something that could cause his execution.
"Watch yourself, General Yan!" Eunuch Zhang put his hand on Father's shoulder, but Father shrugged him off.
"We will not accept this!" My father grabbed my arm, pulling me along, as though leaving the Hall could reverse the decree.
I didn't budge, however, staring at the Prince. He was calm, as though the show of anger was nothing but entertainment to him. His eyes caught mine, and he smiled.
It was enough. It was futile. There was nothing that could be done. It had been made.
"The decree is not meant for you, General. It is the Lady's." He raised his eyebrows as though in challenge, observing my reaction. As though he knew that there was no way I would protest.
My eyes grew hot.
Oh, Yun. If only you hadn't saved me. Then this wouldn't have happened.
Tugging my arm out of my father's grip, I lowered my head.
"Your subject... Obeys," I whispered.
"Yan Qing!" Father was aghast, but the Prince let out a pitiless laugh.
"I knew you were the right person for this job. For your right decision, I have a gift for you." He walked up to me and took my hand.
His hands were gentle, but there was no warmth. He pressed something thin into my hand.
Looking down, in my palm was a golden butterfly hairpin. Almost identical to the purple one I had left to Grandmother. Before I could react, he reached up and placed it into my hair.
"Look at you. The Crown Princess would be glad that you were chosen for the job. You will train with her for three weeks, to learn the art of being a wife. Instructions on what comes next shall be given to you when you are in the Eastern Palace. Without your father."
He spoke directly to me now, ignoring my father's presence.
"You will make a wonderful concubine." His fingers trailed over my right cheek, making all the hair on my body stand on end.
"Your subjects takes her leave." With a bow, I turned around and walked away, head high even as tears began to fall. Father joined me, quiet as we made our way back out of the Palace.
"Milady..." Yu Ru trailed off as she saw my face, but I ignored her, walking faster.
Tugging the hairpin out of my hair, I let my fingers curled around it like it was a dagger.
There had never been a moment when I had felt more dread in my life.
I was to become a concubine of Jin Tang. A lowly wife to the royal family of my enemy state.
But there was nothing I could do about it.