Yu Ru's smile was radiant as Wei Yang of the Luo clan lifted her red veil. The man marrying my sister was grinning as well. As per our agreement, Yu Ru was to be made Third Mistress of the household, married to the third-born son, as First Wife.
Master Wei Yang was not as accomplished as his two older brothers, who were in the Scholars' Guild, writing and learning to decide what to teach our young. However, we had seen how he treated his servants, speaking gently and forgiving them for mistakes when we went to visit them once before agreeing upon his request for Yu Ru's hand in marriage.
Before Father and I announced our arrival, we watched as the young Master teach his servant how to write the word 'xiao', meaning 'filial'. My heart settled upon seeing that.
The Third Master was 20 years of age, making the husband and wife the same age.
Yu Ru turned away from her husband, looking for someone. The crowd that had come for the wedding was big, with guests from both the Yan clan and the Luo clan, as well as the clans' good friends. I sat at a table alone, with Grandmother off socialising. Father was back in the Palace, though he had tasked me with handing Yu Ru a red packet to wish her a long-lasting relationship on this auspicious day.
Everyone else was whooping with the newly-wed couple, squeezing with each other as they cheered and laughed. It was easy to tell who was drunk from the way they were acting in broad daylight.
Yu Ru's eyes found mine, and they filled with tears once again. I wore a pink robe to her wedding, having toasted and cheered with my sister's in-laws. I raised my cup of wine and toasted her, nodding without speaking.
"To the consummation room!" one of Master Wei Yang's uncles yelled. Everyone cheered in agreement as Yu Ru blushed. Her husband scratched his cheek in nervous amusement, before shaking his head.
"We shall party till dusk, good friends! Then you will all leave us alone to it!" A roar of laughter reverberated across the Luo family house, and the music started up again as the celebrations continued. Something within me relaxed. There was nothing else to be busy for any more.
I sat back down on my chair, raising my face to the sunlight and allowing the warmth to cover me. The noise was horrible, but I was at peace. I could forget about what awaited me in two days, just for a moment. There was nothing but joy for the happiness that my sister had found.
As I closed my eyes, I thought back to the ceremonial rituals they had done. Drinking from tea cups the other had poured for them after the first bow; bowing a second time with a duck in both their hands; the final bow before the groom may lift up his bride's veil. This was the ceremony that non-royal couples went through before they were married.
"You thinking of your own wedding?" I jolted as Grandmother sat back down beside me. I sat up straight, realising I was in public. I was glad that most people were too drunk to see me so un-mannered.
"Yes, Grandmother," I answered truthfully. She gave me a knowing smile and sat back on her seat. As the head of the house, she had been busy sending invitations and determining the processes that preceded sending Yu Ru from our manor to the Luo's family house for the past two weeks. Thankfully, she didn't have as much to do for mine, since my entrance into the royal family was something that was the nation's duty.
"You will do fine, Qing'er. Don't be too nervous. With the Yan clan backing you, you have nothing to fear from the other women in the Crown Prince's harem." She patted my hand and took a sip of her wine.
I shook my head. "I wasn't thinking of that..." I let out a sigh. "I was thinking... With my promotion as Virtuous Consort of the Crown Prince, there would be no such thing as the three bows of marriage or any wedding ceremony. It would just be... An installation."
Grandmother snorted. "My child, then all you have to do is be Queen!" I grabbed her hand in alarm. No one else seemed to have heard her words of treason, much to my relief. "Grandmother, this is not something you can say so casually!"
She waved her hand at me in a gesture of dismissiveness, taking another sip. The alcohol must be getting to her. "Only First Wives have the right to such a ceremony. If you want to be married as such, then be the Queen when the Prince becomes King."
I pressed my lips together to stop from groaning in frustration. Grandmother cannot know of what I was to do. She thought I was pining for the position of Queen. I was only mourning the loss of my freedom to marry the future person I love.
Grandmother patted my hand again and opened her mouth to speak. I assured her that my worries were just because of nerves before she could say anything more, placing more meat on her plate so she would eat more and drink less.
After the whirlwind of activities were done, and Yu Ru and Wei Yang were whisked away into their marital bed after the catching of red dates to represent the number of children they would have, Grandmother and I took our palanquins home.
Grandmother was tipsy and turned in early. I took a bath, feeling the emptiness that came from no longer having Yu Ru by my side.
As the steam of the bath rose up around me, I allowed the warmth of the water to engulf my body. One day. I had one day of freedom left before I was to "marry" into the Pan family. Then it wouldn't be the ache of not having Yu Ru by my side that would haunt me.
It would be the fact that I would have no one I knew; no one I could trust. In a nation of brutes who only wanted to fight wars and gain land. To be married into the family of wolves who would tear at each other if it meant power. That was how the current Emperor came into power - tearing the throne from his own brother's hands by killing him.
The water pressed upon my chest, and I sat up straighter, doing my best to breathe. I was over the tears and despair. There would be none of that tonight. Dunking my head into the water, I welcomed how the temperature scorched my skin.
I stayed in the water for a long time, holding my breath, hoping that maybe then the Heavens would send me another Yun to save me.
***
I dreamt of Yun once again. We were older, when I was 16 years of age and he was 18. He had grown into his soldier uniform, where he stood at the entrance of Yan Manor. He was holding something behind his back as I ran up to him, a grin on my face.
"I got you something," he said, raising his eyebrows in a show of secrecy. I rolled my eyes and reached out to grab what he was hiding. In a flash, he spun away from me, laughing as I chased after him out of the Manor. We headed for the space next to the Manor, where there were enough trees to make a private clearing for us to talk and laugh.
He had been accepted into the royal guard after saving me, since his quick-thinking was proof enough of his potential. He worked directly under Father's third General. It was his day off, as he had mentioned to me in his letter. We kept in contact after I learned that Yun was accepted into the royal guard from Yu Ru.
Yun turned around suddenly and grabbed me, making me squeal as we tumbled onto the grass. We laid on our backs, laughing breathlessly as we gazed up a the trees shading the sun from our eyes.
"Here," Yun said. He raised the item he was hiding behind his back above my face. I blinked at a pair of silk shoes he offered to me, heart swelling just as protest rose from my lips.
"Yun, these are so expensive -" "I wanted to get them for you for your 16th birthday. This dark blue pair would look good on you." He sat up, grinning down at me.
"Can I put it on for you?" The earnest in his eyes made it hard for me to deny him. He led me towards a fallen log and I sat down. He kneeled on one knee to get closer to my height. He was careful as he removed my shoes, sliding the silk shoes onto my feet.
"They fit perfect," I murmured in wonder. Yun gave me a lop-sided smile and shrugged. "I've been observing. I hope you like it?"
I nodded and threw my arms around him. Yun stiffened but embraced me anyway, holding me in his arms. My heart was near bursting. There was nothing more I wanted to do aside from stay in this place and time forever.
"Qing'er..." Yun pulled back and cradled my cheek with one hand. "I am... No where worthy enough to be with you. But there is nothing more that I hope to do than to be your partner."
My lips parted in surprise. "I don't have a strong family clan, nor a worthy name of my own, but I want to take care of you until the skies fall and -"
I stifled a giggle and pressed closer, bumping noses with him. Yun had a bad habit of babbling when he was nervous. He closed his mouth.
"Thank you. There is nothing I want more too," I said back. Taking a hold of the back of his head, I lifted my chin and kissed him on the mouth.
That was the first time I wore the token of promise he had given me. That was also the last.
Two months after my birthday, Yun came to visit me.
"It's just a quick mission in Tong Zhen. I will be back in just thirty days. When I get back, I'll bring you to the Summer Festival in the square."
There was a niggling worry at the back of my head, but it didn't seem right for me to tell him my anxieties. It was, after all, just the Crown Prince's incognito trip to Tong Zhen, the other nation that was at our borders towards the south.
Before he could go, I grabbed his arm and wrapped my arms around him. "Be safe," I whispered. Yun laughed and turned around, pulling me in for a kiss. "For you, milady, anything,"
That was the last I saw of him. Father received the news that the Crown Prince had returned nineteen days earlier from his trip than expected. After asking around, demanding that Father's subordinates tell me what had happened with all the guards that went with the Crown Prince.
"Only one survived. The Crown Prince's own personal guard. The rest were slaughtered by Tong Zhen's vigilante group formed by the commoners. They assumed that His Highness was a higher-up from Tong Zhen out to destroy them, so they ambushed him."
I went weak with the realisation that Yun was dead.
There was a saying that one should never gift their lover a pair of shoes, for it was a symbol that they would run away. I didn't run away... But Yun never returned.
As I laid in bed that night, I imagined the entire wedding ceremony. Only I was the bride, and Yun was my groom. His father, head of the Mu clan, smiled proudly from the side as I bowed to Yun. The old man had passed the year Yun didn't return from a difficult case of heartache.
Yun reached out to lift my veil, smiling at me. "Join me, my wife," he said. He stepped back and held out a hand. I reached for it without thinking, but no matter how far I stretched it out, I couldn't reach him.
"Yun?" I gasped, looking up. He leaned forward to grab my hand, a look of fear on his face. "Qing'er-" he cried out but his voice cut off as an unseen force tugged him backwards. I lunged for him, but suddenly, I was surrounded in darkness. Yun had vanished.
"Yun! YUN!" I screamed as the walls closed in on me. But there was no one. No one but me. I pressed my hands against the chest walls, breathing harshly as I screamed for help. My red veil became the thing that suffocated me, my gasps for air too few and too small as it covered my mouth.
My screams for help went unheard. My beloved was nowhere to be found.