The two weeks passed in a flash. The Prince slept on my floor every night, but he had not tried to kiss me like he did the first night ever since he learnt that I was "Yun's Qingqing". The way he said it made my skin crawl, but I was thankful that my beloved was somehow protecting me once again.
I didn't speak much, since none of the servants wanted to bother with me. The only times of the day I used my voice was when I decided to practise my singing. I had asked for an erhu on the second night the Crown Prince and I slept together, and one was left by my bedside the next morning when I awoke.
I spent most of my afternoon singing to myself as I played the instrument, allowing my voice to fill up the space I had to myself. The servants only came in to serve me my meals or clean up the place, as per the Crown Princess' orders.
The night before the day I was to be snuck out of the Palace towards Jin Tang, the Crown Prince came into my room once again. This time, he didn't come empty-handed. In his hands, he held a white handkerchief, embroidered with a pink hibiscus at the bottom right corner.
"This... Belongs to you." Prince Lang handed it to me, and I took in from him, confused. I held in both palms, sitting up on the bed. The Crown Prince sat down on the bed too, but he kept his distance.
"This was Yun's. He... Died in my arms." My heart stopped cold in my chest when the words left the Prince's mouth. How could he have? All the guards from that incognito mission he went on died - only his personal guard stayed alive! I had begged everyone I knew to tell me what happened to him, but they could only tell me that the Crown Prince had ordered everyone to keep hush.
"The Tong Zhen commoners attacked us from all sides, and there was no backup. They simply thought I was a nobleman, for I chose to dress like them. Yun reacted first, saving me from the blow that would have killed me. But... We were overpowered. Yun asked us to run, so I did."
I listened to the Prince speak, numbed by the fact that I was learning about the death about my beloved three years after he had passed. "We ran for a while before I realised that it was wrong for me to abandon my men. They were all... So young."
I looked up at the Crown Prince, noting the gleam in his eyes as he held in his tears. Something in my chest loosened just as my stomach twisted. There was little comfort in how the heir to my nation may not be so cruel after all. His shoulders sank, as though he was finally letting all the burden he had to show.
"They were all dead when I got back. But Yun... Yun was still breathing. Barely. He held this in his hands," Prince Lang gestured to the handkerchief. "Murmuring for his Qingqing."
My hands shook as I stared at the hibiscus on the handkerchief. "He begged me. Begged me to give this to his Qingqing, his love. But I never found her. There was no one by the name of Qingqing - no woman who was in a clan in the same rank as his -" He broke off, realising the idiocy in his words.
"I kept it. In case I found her." He didn't dare look at me in the eyes. "I buried my men at the borders of Tong Zhen and Yin Shang. I carved them tombs with my bare hands."
I opened my mouth, but no words came. My hands gripped the handkerchief, crushing it within my palms. There were no tears I could muster, only cold shock seeping into my bones. There was a stupid hope I had that he was still alive somewhere, since no one knew what had happened. All I wished as that he could have lived his life away from Yin Shang, with someone else, as long as he was alive and well.
"Would you - Would you have sent me on this mission if you knew I was Yun's woman?" It was an empty question. The Crown Prince knew it too. He gave me a half-hearted smile, eyes not really meeting mine still.
"Yes. Yes, I would." I turned away from him, pressing the handkerchief to my chest as I laid down to get ready for bed. I had enough information. Telling me now was making it hard for me to put everything behind me.
After all the candles were blown out, and there was no sounds from the outside anymore, I heard Prince Lang speak. In a tiny whisper, as though he was worried he would be shifting the air around him with his voice.
"I'm sorry."
***
The Crown Prince's personal guard waited for me outside the side entrance into the Palace, holding a horse. He bowed his head. "Your servant is to send you to your destination, Highness."
I was dressed in plain commoner clothing, my hair having returned to the one I wore when I was unmarried. My dagger was tied to my arm, while the jade bracelet and Yun's handkerchief were in a satchel I had packed, tied across my body. There was only one set of clothes and several gold coins. I had nothing else to bring with me.
"Let's go," I murmured. There was a long distance to the border, and I was to meet the Jin Tang contact late in the evening by the houses at the river that acted as the two nations' border. The guard helped me onto the horse and I swung my leg over the saddle.
After a short plead for my forgiveness, the guard hopped on behind me. "Hyah!" With a kick, the horse galloped its way, following the movement of the reins in the guard's hands from behind me. Though there was nothing to see, I enjoyed the breeze in my face and the speed that the horse was running. The air tasted like unbridled freedom.
It was sun down when we finally smelled the breeze of the river. We had stopped twice in between to eat and for the horse to rest. My legs were aching, and I had tied to dagger too tight to my arm. But I didn't dare to shift it for fear of it appearing obvious. My lips were dry from the wind, and my eyes stung.
We were greeted by a people smuggler. He spoke in a different accent, but it was usual of the people who lived by the borders to sound like people from Jin Tang. But he was polite, bowing and helping me off the horse. "My client awaits you from his manor, milady. We must get on the boat quickly if we are to reach before the hour of the Dog."
It was the hour of the Rooster. I had to leave immediately. I turned around to look back at my nation in the darkening sky. My lips trembled as I wanted to say... Something. Goodbye? Farewell? What do you say to something you have to leave behind?
"Highness." I jumped when the guard stood by my side. He extended his palm towards me. In it, was the golden butterfly hairpin that the Crown Prince had gifted me as part of my mission. I stared at it for a moment before taking it.
"Your servant bids you farewell." The guard bowed low, keeping his body bent. With one final look behind me, I turned and nodded at the smuggler. "Come with me," the smuggler said. He helped me up onto a small boat, where 5 girls sat. They were all shivering, hugging their knees and desperate to make themselves seem as small as possible.
The smuggler lashed out at one girl who put her hands on the side of the boat, smacking her hand away. "Don't look!" he hissed. It was long enough for me to see that the smuggler had tied her hands together with coarse rope. He turned back to me and gave me a smile, as though nothing had happened. Alarmed by his behaviour, I sat down on the floor.
The boat took off. I understood immediately why the girls were shivering - the night winds were freezing. Not to mention, these girls looked like they had been on the boat for several hours. None of them had anything in their hands.
The full moon was out, but it was impossible to make out anything in the water in the dark. The smuggler moved his oars with speed and skill, obviously familiar with steering a boat in the night. He rowed the boat in the direction of the lights from the port of Jin Tang's side of the river.
"Milady, before we reach the shore, I will have to tie your hands together. Otherwise, you would look out of place," the smuggler spoke when I started making out the soldiers patrolling on Jin Tang's shore.
I agreed. Glancing at the girls, whose appearances I could see with the lights from Jin Tang getting brighter as we closed the distance, I knew I looked too proper to have been captured from Yin Shang. Plucking my mother's bracelet, the handkerchief and hairpin from my satchel, I shoved them down my robes. I tossed the satchel aside, raising my hands to mess up my hair.
The Crown Prince had informed me that our contact in Jin Tang had a story prepared for my arrival at their port, so I was to cooperate with the story as best as I could. The smuggler didn't tell me anything yet, for which I assumed was to prevent any of the captured girls from trying to use it to their advantage.
Just as we were about to get to shore, the smuggler produced some rope and tied my hands. "Tighter," I muttered, feeling the rope give when I pulled my hands apart. The smuggler didn't need telling twice - he tugged and the ropes burned into my skin. I bit my lip, feeling my skin tear as I bit down to bleed. The taste of salt and metal proved that I was bleeding.
As we got to shore, the smuggler stopped and got off first, a grin on his face. There were at least twenty soldiers lined up at the shore, holding swords as they stood next to tall torches of fire. The smuggler fished out a bag of gold coins from his robes, the pieces jangling loudly as he approached a soldier. "Good sir! The usual, the usual," the smuggler was saying, patting the soldier's arm hard as he shoved the money into his hands.
The soldier gave us a cursory glance from the shore. His eyes paused on me, and I lowered my head instantly. "That one... That one's a little older, isn't it?" the soldier asked, jutting his chin out towards me. I felt my hands clench into fists. Foul men stealing young children. But I had no power here.
"I bought this girl from Yin Shang's slave market. She claims to have been a Jin Tang citizen but was kidnapped when she was five. I told her that she was insane, but I bought her for a nice sum. Smart enough for such a story."
The soldier snorted at the smuggler's words. With a wave of his hand, the other soldiers at the port turned their backs towards us. "Get off the boats, you wretches!" the smuggler spat, his face twisting into an ugly expression. One at a time, the girls scrambled to their feet, the boat swaying with half of its body still in the water. We all got out, and I followed behind all of them.
"See you for a drink soon, sir!" The smuggler's expression turned into a friendly one the moment he turned back to the soldier. We walked for a long while, the smuggler leading the way. None of the girls in front of me bothered to run - they only stared at the ground, hoping not to trip on anything in the dark.
It broke my heart.
Just then, five men came out from the thicket of trees we had walked into. Each of them grabbed a girl, who screamed and protested as they twisted their arms. They began to drag them away into the trees, leaving me alone. My jaw trembled with fury, but I could only watch them get taken away helplessly.
"Milady, the great Imperial Secretary of the Gold Court has sent his horse and his servant." The smuggler untied my ropes as he explained. A man dressed in neat robes emerged from the trees, pulling a horse along. He gave me a bow and introduced himself as the Imperial Secretary's butler.
"He awaits, Ma'am." The butler gestured to the horse. I swallowed the lump in my throat.
My mission had finally begun.