"Kat you ready?" my family friend asked through text
"Yeah, I need to stop at the store to get balloons for my sister" I replied back.
As I stood outside my neighbors came to give their condolences. They heard me breaking down a few times this week. No one understood I wasn't crying because he was dead. I was crying because I'll never get answers. When my ride pulled up I told everyone goodbye and got in.
The car ride was us listening to music and talking about how fucked the funeral was going to be because everyone hated my mother and I looked like her. I grabbed the balloons from the store and off we went to the shit show. Everyone was already drinking and I wanted to drink but kept my cool for the first few hours of being there.
It wasn't until I heard " I never knew he had another daughter?" then the reply was "He doesnt, he told me she wasn't his but don't say anything". That set me off. I went and had the family friend get me a beer. I wasnt going to deal with these idiots talking shit sober. I told myself one beer. One turned into two. My fathers "best friend" came up to me shortly after and asked "Hey what year were you born?" he said in a weird tone.
"1994, why?" I dont know why it matters especially at a funeral.
"Oh, I slept with your mom and I might be your father" he said in a matter- of - fact kind of tone.
"So are you going to get a DNA test?" I replied holding back tears in my eyes.
"No, I am married. I am probably wrong about the date anyways" he said walking quickly away.
I couldn't stay sober. I lost it and started drinking more and fast. I was finally buzzed and I was ready to leave. I hated everyone in that place who made the "That can't be his daughter" comments. I was screaming internally. My siblings all knew who they belonged to. I had one photo with the man and they had a whole board. They look just like him. I tried my best to be civil but the comments people made had me ready to fight.
We all said our goodbyes and I went bar hopping. I didn't want to feel anything. I carried his ashes with me and danced with them all night. I was crying the entire time. I don't remember getting home but I woke up the next morning feeling like shit. I didn't drink after that. I didn't want to become like him. I didn't want to give the man that satisfaction that I wasn't going to end up like him or my mother.
Few months went by and I'd forget he was dead and think we were still pissed at each other. I didn't cry as often. I knew I'd never get the answers and I didn't owe anyone on his side a damn thing. I barely spoke to my siblings. I didn't feel the need to. None of them believed I was their fathers child so what wouldve been the point? Months go by and I no longer thought bout him until my children's toys start going off.
The toys were motion and button operated. I didn't think anything of the motion operated but I was concerned about the button ones. It would go off at random times. I'd hear breathing and the "WHEEEEEE" noise. Sitting in bed I heard scratching on the wall. It wasn't a hollow wall so no animals could be in it. I freaked out and asked a bunch of people what the hell I should do. No one really had an answer and my sister swore it wasnt our father.
I didn't believe it. I put his ashes outside and said " You wanted shit to do with me in life dont come in my home and bother me in death asshole" I walked back in and locked the door and went to bed. No noises happened while he was outside but as soon as I brought him in the same shit would happen. I was getting angry and I threatened to flush him if he didnt leave me be. My son came up to me and talked about the "Bald fat man", my father was bald and fat. They never met him and I never hung photos of him anywhere. He didn't deserve to be on my walls,in my head he didn't deserve a child who had his last name. He wasn't my dad. I believed there was another man who was and I needed to find him.