(Have you ever betrayed someone? or have you ever been betrayed by someone you love? how to move on and how to overcome the pain, pressure, and the fear of trusting someone after being betrayed? would you still lower your wall to welcome new people entering your life? Or you will close the door to save yourself in fear of being betrayed again?)
Stay in love or falling out of love is the end of every love story.
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Cringggg! Cringggg! Cringggg! As my phone rings repeatedly when I decided not to show up for a while, "Not now Lea." I said to myself while looking at my phone. I just want to some air this time around. I want to be alone and enjoy peace of mind.
"Please answer the phone bro. "Marc said irritably because of the loud sound of my phone.
"I'm not going to answer her call." I announce with pride.
"Then please silence the phone! tsk." He reply, I think he knew about my double-minded situation today, well obviously.
"Whatever," I answer then turn the phone off, my phone rings sound like she wants me back Lol.
"Is it Lea?" he asked.
"Yes, but I'm not going to answer her call whatever happens." Like duh, not this time.
"Bro just talk to her and settle your issue that's the best thing to do right now, you cannot watch your phone while sitting here and do nothing. Come on! you're not a kid anymore." He said to convince me, I got his point but my heart is so soft when it comes to lea.
"I know, but how am I going to open this issue huh? as you said she will never tell the truth I deserve right? And besides, I'm busy. I have no time for drama."
"Busy your face," he answered and roll his eyes.
"To be Honest Lea is beautiful and very attractive so you can't blame others, In lea's case having a lot of boys is not surprising as you can see, your girlfriend is willing to entertain those teasers, you choose to be part of her life then you must be ready for the circumstances, or just do something that will make her stay."
"let's say I'm not the only man she wants, I'm into it. You can say it directly on my face bro, but it does not mean that I was ready for it."
"Then why stay? Is that the only thing you can do just to save your relationship? Riddle look, you are starting to lose yourself because of that toxic relationship, and if you let yourself be drowned by that toxicity then that's your fault don't you dare blame lea, Fred, or your victim for your stupidity."
"Those teasers are just playmates to her, That's all. She will not stay in this relationship if she doesn't love me." I answered to save myself from marc, but obviously, he's right but I don't have enough strength to solve this issue.
Coward people always lose, that's me.
"People leave when they want, people leave when they find someone better and they leave when you did nothing but to wait. People come and go, And you cannot please someone to stay just because you love them." Marc added.
Reality slapped me this time, I feel nothing but hate against myself for accepting her unbelievable reason just to save myself from doubting the girl I love, I completely deal with my doubt just to avoid arguments and fights. I allow her to build walls inside my heart to save myself from reality, those walls are already high, I cannot see what happens inside those walls and It was my mistake.
Can't blame someone why these things happen to me.
"Yeah, I got it. I let her do whatever she wants and in return, I must accept the result of this negligence. Damn me!" I replied with heavy feelings.
Everything become heavier this time, I started to realize that I create a huge mistake for letting lea be with this toxic relationship.
"Talk to her, So you can know if that feeling is worth fighting for, you just have to ask her and deal with the truth."
"It's not that easy you know?
"Yeah, I mean of course! you almost give your life with that girl but you deserve the peace of mind riddle ford, you are risking your mental health bro."
Sometimes, we are just a victim of our own thoughts, we hurt ourselves by chance, we intend to search for happiness but we end up being hurt and loser in the end. We choose to stay quiet just to prevent arguments and fights however, your silence is the reason for one's emotional breakdown. Sometimes it's not the others who make us happy but I, ourselves are the ones who can fulfill the happiness that we deserve in this game called "Life." We are responsible for our own happiness no excuse and no "what if's" just let go of things we can't carry.
I decided to find lea to settle this unnecessary thought in my head, Marc is right I can't stay quiet any longer I deserve the peace of mind.
I'm waiting outside Dimson university when I notice someone looking at me, it's Lea's classmate.
"hey! Are you waiting for someone? She asked.
"Yup, it's Lea have you seen her?" She looks uncomfortably.
"Is there something wrong? I asked.
"Well, lea did not attend the whole class for today. I guess this is not the right place to find her." She answered.
"Are you sure with that?" I doubt her answer since Lea texted me a while ago saying that she's here.
"Yeah, if you don't believe you can ask her directly if you found her."
"Okay? thanks by the way." I replied.
I try to call her but she didn't answer my call even my text. I start tracking her phone using GPS and the map lead me to the bar near her condo. Sounds weird but she's with whom? I enter the bar and start searching for her, The lights, music, and even the smell of this place make me sick. I wasn't into this place because of my health condition.
"Hey, new face huh." The girl in front of me said while teasing me with her red lips and eyes.
"Give way please." As I answer but she keeps on standing in front of me while touching my face attempting to dance with me.
"Please move!" I reply angrily. She moves right away and laughs at me. Well obviously I'm not here to enjoy but to find lea and to take her out of this place, She doesn't belong here, I stop for a while, I remember the car outside.
"This can't be, It was lea's Car I'm sure" I look outside to confirm it, and yes I was right. The GPS can't lie and the car is the evidence. My heart start to produce an abnormal heartbeat, I was a bit shaky and angry this time, but still manageable.
I was standing near the stage and saw a familiar face "Is it lea? I asked myself, I can't see her face clearly because of the lights, she's with a guy. But who is that guy?
"Excuse me please." Someone said so I move a little from my place. I try to find the familiar face again but I failed, they are no longer in the same place where I saw her. I'm so desperate this time I have to assure that it was my girlfriend, I'm tired of misassumption.
After a minute I decided to wait outside the bar but surprisingly the car is no longer there. "Damn it! Where did she go?!" Maybe I took much time looking for her inside.
I was disappointed for losing this chance of seeing her other man this time. I walk straight to her condo, the witness of my genuine love for lea.
"This condo might be the witness of lea having fun with some other guy, I wish I was wrong" I said while standing in front of this bed thinking for the possibility that her other man and lea sleep and make love here, on the place I used to sleep.
The pictures hanging on the walls, the stuff displayed in her cabinets, and the sketch that I made. Whenever I saw her sleeping, everything seemed worth it not until she continuously paged the doubt in my head and start to grow it like I never wanted. It hurts every time I remember how she whispers her Love and how she gave me a kiss while saying Goodbye and her cuddle whenever she feels sad. Those sweet moments are precious.
My Old and sweet Lea is no longer here, she was taken by her own needs and vices I never give, she is everything I have during my simple days, and cannot afford to lose her this time. I can't. How to hold someone without being hurt?
If there is something that triggers me to let go is my health condition, if I suffer too much from the pain my heart are the most affected.
I was artificially inseminated with my father's sperm then I was carried and delivered by the twin sister's womb because of my mom's condition. My mother's name is Trisha, and she has a twin sister named, Trixie.
My health condition is very sensitive since my heart is weak, too much heartache can lead me to death. My health condition is also the reason why I spend most of my time in study and staying at home, So basically I'm saving my energy to extend my life. Kinda funny but real.
After so many years of saving my energy, I wanted to feel the world so I decided to leave without my parents. I asked them that I can live on my own with the help of my friend marc they allow me.
I hide my family background when I enter Dimson Academy to the school own by my family, I'm sick of special treatment because of my health condition so I wanted to be independent and far my parents.
But I guess I fail, I failed on saving myself and I became someone's nightmare. If I could go back in time I will risk my life to save lea and that girl. My life is now a big regret and mistake. I regret every touch I made when I take her purity.
One thing I'm sure of, my victim knows me and she can sue me anytime she wants, but the question is when? is my good future are no longer sure after the tragic event?
But why? Why did she keep on being silent for a long time? Every night her voice is screaming on my head, asking mercy, crying for help, and begging for me to stop. I got my head full of unwanted thoughts.
My heart says that I was also the victim but my head keeps on saying that I wasn't. I was the attacker, I choose to do it.
Once in my life, I dreamed to live freely. But I fail.
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Risking your mental health is dangerous and a huge red flag. Stop pressuring yourself just to satisfy the world, Make your mental health as part of your priority on the top of everything learn to distinguish and analyze what are the red flags and green flags in your life. Your MENTAL HEALHT MATTERS. YOUR FEELINGS MATTER, AND BEING VULNERABLE IS NEVER A DISADVANTAGE. Everything in you is important stop pushing yourself to satisfy the people around you. This chapter is a reminder how important you are and how valuable you are. Riddle make a lot of sacrifices and disregard his feeling most of the time just to save his relationship with lea.
How do you define love and relationship?
Riddle Ford is what? A VICTIM OR NOT?