AJ
As we get ready to greet the girls for the first time in 4 years my hands are shaking, she's gonna know it's me. The thought terrifies me, what does she think of me? Does she think I ran away? Does she think I abandoned the kids? Does she think I'm a murderer? I am a murderer; I realize it morbidly. It's my job. I look over at Ren, he's engrossed in his new auburn hair. A few streaks of red sneak out from under the wig. I walk over and tuck the strands away and give him a light kiss on the back of his neck. He pays almost no attention. I look over at Darren, jerking my chin to the door and mouthing 'I need to talk to you' His features rearrange from his normal boredom into concern. He quietly steps out into the hall to wait for me. I wait a few moments, standing silently in the base's armory. It's on the first floor with the kitchen but it has always felt as if it were another part of the war room. Although the mahogany hardwood is the same, the walls are a cold steel, it's always colder in here than the rest of the first floor. On the stone ceiling are two rows of harsh fluorescents directly overhead; they cast dark shadows around the tables. also a cold metal. In the center of the room is a glass case with throwing knives and a small assortment of swords. Adorning the walls various pistols and rifles. I never really liked guns. Their shadows ink black, looming at me from every wall in the room. Set in the wall across from the entryway is a smaller door, through it is where we keep the explosives and the chemicals. I'm sure it will be Raven's favorite room in the whole damn place. Once I'm sure Ren is paying me no attention I walk out of the cold room into the much more welcoming hallways.
"What's going on?" Darren says to me, leaning against the wall, a glowing cigarette hanging between his fingers. I grimace as the smell of it stings my nose. Noticing my reaction, he quickly puts it out against the wooden frame around the wall. He sighs in annoyance.
"Sorry" He says halfheartedly, he has a steely tone, as if he's angry with me. More angry than he usually is at least, like I've hurt him in some way. I decide not to ask about it, when it comes to Darren and I, the best way to handle a situation is to avoid it. I sigh, begrudgingly stepping closer to him, that tense feeling in my chest tightens again. I speak to him in a low voice, Ren might not have noticed me leave but that doesn't mean he hasn't realized I'm gone.
"I'm worried about Ren. I know you've noticed that he's been more hostile lately. I keep trying to figure out if something is wrong but if there is, he won't talk to me about it, all I get is a few words here and there. Like when I ask if he's been taking his meds all I get is a monotonous 'yes', when I ask if he's feeling okay, he just nods and when I ask him if he's been having any homicidal thoughts, he just stares at me. I can't figure out how severe the problem is. Things are only escalating." I bring up my bruised wrists, still purple and angry, yellowing around the edges just a little bit. even after three days they're quite prominent. Darren reaches up a hand to touch them but I hide them behind my back. I don't want him to touch me. His eyes dart to the floor, I feel the awkward tension of his embarrassment and try to ignore it.
"This isn't good." he says to me in the same hushed tone I had used. I roll my eyes,
"No, really?"
He glares at me, he looks like he's about to say something but he doesn't, instead, he sighs and stares at me, the rich unnerving color of his eyes seem to be toiling with emotion. I can't look away, This stare, this look in his eyes...I know this one too well. It throws me backwards into memories I'd rather not remember. I feel my hands begin to tremble. It's a kind of stare where I can see he's going to start an intimate conversation. Something that will stay between us. The familiar comfort of his gaze washes over me, quickly overcome by my fear. Please not this. I don't want to share any more secrets with you.
"Are you okay AJ? I can't help but notice you've been especially irritating lately. And that only happens when you're trying to shut something out. Is it about Amora?"
I still can't look away from his eyes. Dammit, I hate it when he does this. Why can't he just leave me alone? "What if…" I begin, almost unwillingly, like the words are being pried out of me . "What if she thinks I'm a monster? I abandoned Jason and Millie. I disappeared without a word after my father was murdered. It looks pretty damn suspicious. Amora is smarter than to believe the story you created."
"And?" Darren persists,
"And?" I ask him quizzically,
"There's something else." I glare at him
"Buzz off, Darren. It's not like you really care anyway. You never did." I try to walk away but he knocks me into a wall. "Don't you dare say that." He's taut with tension as he stares at me. Anger and pain dancing in his eyes. "You know it's not true."
I stand frozen against the wall. I can feel a tingly heat on my skin, it's been so long since I ever let him get this close. My skin crawls with anger.
"I don't know anything when it comes to you." I say to him with bitter contempt. "Can I go now?"
He leans in, an inch closer. I smell cigarettes and cologne. When I really pay attention I can smell citrus and cedar. My breath catches as I stare at him, unable to pull my eyes away, like he can force me to look into his eyes with power of will. A superpower only a villain would have. He takes a step back, swings open the armory door and does a sweeping gesture with his arm to guide me inside. Ren's eyes don't even graze over me before they go straight to Darren, I knew this would happen. It's why I didn't want him to know. The tension between us has risen by about 50 percent, I can barely focus on not walking into a wall. I have no idea how we can complete this mission. I force myself to calm down, I can still feel the heat of Darren's skin. Like it's stuck on me. I try my best not to look suspicious to Ren and slide my cinquedea into my belt before pulling my shirt over it. I love the cinquedea. Sleek and covert. I'm wearing a baggy, unassuming T-shirt and a pair of not ripped jeans that I had to borrow from Ren. Ren has pulled on a gray sweatshirt, the only color dark enough to keep any red from peeking through the mesh bald cap other than black was a deep auburn, and his eyes, a steely blue. He's still devastatingly handsome, maybe even more so. Lucky for me my hair dye faded out what feels like centuries ago, leaving me with my natural blonde. I decided not to wear contacts and instead put on my glasses, which I also haven't used in centuries and I can't help but notice Ren and Darren both staring at me simultaneously.
"Do I really look that bad?" I say to them both, Darren looks away from me and turns his back, suddenly very interested in the glass case.
Ren smiles at me, his disguised look makes him seem so much less cold. Someone I might be able to love if I tried to. Although I'm not sure I could ever love anyone else. "On the contrary, AJ. I am finding your look to be quite attractive." I smile back at Ren, my heart breaking again. I hope it doesn't show.
"Maybe I should wear my glasses more often."
"Please don't." Darren begins, hastily. Almost in a fervent panic.
"I already have Ren looking like a geek, I don't need you to look like urkel, I'd much prefer to not be seen next to two, grossly unattractive people. It would make me look bad."
He ironically straightens out the cuff of his sleeve and swipes invisible dust off his shoulder. "Now," Darren says, with an excess of arrogance. I fight the urge to punch him in the nose. "Let's go pull off a kidnapping."