Chereads / Unforgettable Moments: A BTS Fanfic / Chapter 19 - Unbearable Guilt

Chapter 19 - Unbearable Guilt

Zee's POV

I woke up feeling frightened and scared. My heart was beating fast and felt like it was trying to jump out of my chest. I had a slight tremor and was completely soaked from sweat. I sat up and covered my face with my hands. I wasn't sure what was going on or why I had had that dream. I thought the nightmares were over but clearly, I was wrong. 

Tears started to stream down my face and I felt a very sharp pain in my chest. The same pain I felt after Wayne left me. I started sobbing quietly as I didn't want to wake Jazz up. I got out of bed and went to the bathroom. I headed towards the basin, rinsed my face with some water and wiped it dry with a towel. 

I headed back into the room, put my slippers on and decided to go down stairs. I needed to clear my head before attempting to sleep again. I quietly left the room and headed towards the stairs. Thankfully everyone was in their rooms, as I didn't feel like company. I just wanted to be alone with my own thoughts.  

I heard the front door opening and I paused halfway down the stairs. "Who could it be at this time?" I asked myself. I heard footsteps coming towards the stairs and I was unsure of whether to go back upstairs or to stay and see who it was. I was a little scared because it could be an intruder. 

I held my chest as I was beginning to panic out of fear until I saw his face. It was Namjoon and he stopped as soon as he saw me. I breathed out a slight sigh feeling a bit of relief before continuing down the stairs. 

"Zee, what are you doing up so late?" he asked.

"I couldn't sleep," I said walking past him.

"Cool, do you mind if I join you." 

"Yes RM, I do mind. I just want to be left alone," I snapped back. 

"For how long, you can't keep avoiding me or the issue at hand," he said.

"The issue at hand has been dealt with, and I'm not avoiding you. I just want to be left alone with my own thoughts," I said while walking towards the kitchen. 

"Ok fine! Listen, I understand why you don't want to tell Jake but please try to l see things from my perspective," he said, following me to the kitchen. 

"I do see things from your perspective; I just have to look out for my team as well as yours."

"By not telling Jake the whole truth?" he asked in conclusion. 

I stopped what I was doing and looked at him. I walked towards him and folded my arms. 

"What would you have done if you were in my shoes? How would you explain going behind your friend's back to dig up information about his girl? How would you even begin telling your friend the type of person his girl is? Tell me how I can tell him without jeopardising our friendship, our team and the competition? If you can, then I will go upstairs and gladly tell Jake the entire truth!" I said looking directly into his eyes.

I looked at him, waiting for an answer. An answer that will rid me of the guilt I have inside of me. He looked at me completely stunned by my questions, eventually shaking his head in defeat. 

"I thought so," I said and walked back to the counter. 

I made myself some coffee and made my way to the balcony, leaving him in the kitchen. I hoped he wouldn't follow me as I really wanted to be alone. I knew right then and there that Namjoon and I would never work. It was best we kept things professional from now on. 

(Later that morning)

I had battled to fall asleep again after my encounter with Namjoon, so I found myself working on our next pitch for the showcase. I was so focused on my work that I didn't even hear Jazz wake up.

"Morning Zee, have you been up all night," she asked, while getting out of bed. 

"I've been up since 2:00am and couldn't fall back to sleep," I responded nonchalantly, "By the way, I hope you remember that we have another pitch with the organisers today," I reminded her. 

"I haven't forgotten," she said, while dragging her feet towards me and sat at the side of my bed, "I hope you're not stressing over the meeting."

"No, not at all. In fact I'm convinced we are going to win this round. We've put in a lot of effort with this one," I said with a smile, closing my laptop. 

Jazz giggled and shook her head in disbelief. 

"What?" I asked her. 

"I'm just amazed, that's all. I take it your feeling a lot better than yesterday," she asked with a smile. 

"Oh yes! In fact, I'm just going to focus on the showcase and us winning the competition. That was the goal in the beginning," I said in response.

"You need to also remember to have some fun Zee. Don't let a mishap push you backwards," she said with a worry in her eyes. 

"You and the guys can have all the fun for me," I said with a wink, "And besides, we need to really get cracking on the showcase," I concluded.

"Oh yay, the workaholic is back," Jazz said sarcastically. 

"Very funny," I said sheepishly, "Come on, let's get ready to go downstairs," I said jumping out of bed. 

Jazz followed and she made her way to the bathroom while I went into the closet to get my outfit ready. I heard my phone go off and I wondered who it could be. I walked back to my bedside table to check my phone and it was a call from Namjoon. "Why is he calling me," I asked myself. I let it go off to voicemail as I wasn't ready to speak to him. Instead I put my phone on silent and put it under my pillow. "I will deal with him a little later", I said walking back to the closest.