"Why seven? Aren't there only-"
Christopher stopped mid sentence as if he realized what I meant.
Did he really? Did he know to think of Drew?
His face grew dim as he thought. He was probably remembering the last moment with Drew he had. The only one at that.
His voice was low as if he were doing his best to control it.
"Does that have to do with your friend?"
I had to answer him. It hurt me seeing him look so hurt.
"Yes he's my ex really. He's just still attached. That's all..."
I trailed off not knowing what to really say.
"And what about you?"
I looked at him shocked, but not at his question, at what I was thinking.
No. Maybe... I don't know! There are times when I know it was right, question it, and what not but did I really still like him? Did I only break up with him because Justin asked me too?
Why did he ask me to anyway?
It was a question always in my mind but I couldn't ask him now; it was too late.
I tried thinking back to what would make him want me to break up with Drew but nothing really came to mind. Unless...
Did he know?
There was probably only one thing that could set him off but he couldn't possibly know.
Lost in thought I forgot that Christopher was even there. His eyes strained at me, piercing through his glasses.
Finally I answered him feeling his stare get deeper as time went on.
"I don't know. I broke up with him for a reason I just can't seem to really remember why."
He sighed as if letting go air he was holding in.
"Can you think of maybe a reason why? You can't just forget something like that so easily."
You're right, but I'm not going to tell you. I know exactly why I broke up with him on my part, but not the other.
But he can't know that.
He was also right about the other part. You can't just forget something like this easily. Everyday I question what Justin meant but he can't answer those questions.
I was starting to get angry. I had to stay calm. It wouldn't be right to put out my anger on him when he was just asking me questions.
I took a deep breath and looked at him.
"I wish I knew that myself."
I honestly did. I wished I knew why I couldn't just forget and move on. I wish I knew why Justin asked me to break up with Drew.
I wished for a lot of things. And I wished for the wrong thing. One's that would never come true.
I was angry but only wanted to cry.
What was going on? Why was I experiencing all of these mixed emotions? Why did things have to change?
I felt a tear slip down my cheek and didn't care to hide it.
I hurt, both physically and mentally. My head pounded, but not ad hard as earlier thanks to the aspirin.
I wanted to be alone, away from everything.
More tears came down clouding my vision.
Christopher came over to me and hugged me like that one time when he dropped me off at the coffee shop. When I mistaken him for Drew. But this time I knew it was him. Not from me seeing him before or the fact that it was just us two but because he felt warm and inviting.
His large, long arms wrapped around me tight enough to show feeling but loose enough to give me freedom.
I nuzzled my head by his neck really smelling him and feeling warmth.
I liked the comfort he was giving me now. I liked his warmth. I liked his sweet smell of vanilla.
I wished I could tell him about Justin. They understood loosing family. But a part of me just kept me from doing so.
He let go and blacked off looking a little shy at what he did. He was still over me but not completely like with the hug.
"I can't stand to see you hurt. Seeing you cry just stabs me in the chest. Whatever it is, know you can tell me. I'll always be here for you."
His words were soft, brushing my heart as he said them. His face was serious yet kind at the same time showing me he meant it. He really did care about me.
They all did.
But how could I choose one in the end? It would be cruel to do that and not choose. I couldn't choose them all as a answer either, that would be worse.
He smiled at me and leaned back in only to kiss me on top of my head making a flash of pink run to my cheeks.
He brushed one of my cheeks with the back of his hand and then got up.
"I'll leave you be. Get some rest, you need it."
I just nodded my head feeling I already spoke to much as well as the fact that my voice would do anything but work now.
He smiled at me again during and then left leaving me alone in my room.
My tiredness came back to me and I felt the need to sleep again. I felt like I was forgetting something that I was reminded of earlier.
Drew.
He had probably sent me thousands of texts and wanted to know if I was okay. I was too tired to move though. I didn't want to get up and look for my phone.
My eyes drifted down and continuously started closing until I gave up and let sleep take over.
Tomorrow. I'll do everything tomorrow.