RECAP
Currently I am in page four, reading a new character's introduction- Vivienne. An Army General's daughter. As fearless as a wild cat, stealth like a hungry tiger that would pounce on it's pray any moment, smart like a wolf and sharp like an eagle. A highly skilled fighter. A knight in a shinning armour. Above all, a strong woman always holding her head high brimming with pride and a confident shoulder that wouldn't crouch down for a single second at least.
"She's everything am not" the jealous me sulked and drifted to sleep as the medicines took the better off my mind and body.
CH-04 A nightmare is her daily routine
Gavin's POV
Once I saw Lily is fully asleep, I stepped in very silently.
I took her book which was now laying on her stomach, set her properly into a sleeping position and tucked her in a blanket.
"I'm sorry… for everything" I whispered it to her while brushing my fingers in between her hairs. I know I could never say it when she's awake.
I went back to my cabin, hung my coat on my chair and collapsed on the chair. I threw my head back and covered my face with both my hands.
Knock. Knock.
I moved my hands from my face and narrowed my eyes towards the ajar door which I forgot to close on my way back here.
"May I come in, Dr. Witmore ?" Stood there a very highly skilled Surgeon Ethan about to return in the coming months.
"Oh y-yes Dr. Woods . Please do. How may I help you?" I answered sitting up straight.
"How's your research going Dr. Witmore?" Asked either seating on one of the chairs set in front of Gavin's table.
"Well and good up until now" I half-lied.
"You don't seem to actually mean it. What's wrong Gavin? Did she..." he trailed off unsure about how appropriate his question was.
"No. She didn't, at least not yet" I paused for a moment and again asked "how would you react Doctor? If you were in her place, upon knowing I'm approaching you with an ulterior motive - research purpose? Up on Knowing I'm not just any new intern but a psychologist?"
Dr. Woods chuckled at my series of questions " you asked so many questions directing towards only one single answer" he paused and continued "I think…." I leaned over the table eagerly waiting for him to continue.
"I would be surprised, of course but would later try to view it from your point and understand you eventually"
I smiled at him and nodded to myself"don't try so hard Dr. woods, don't forget I'm a psychologist. I can see beyond your words. You are not confident about her understanding me part at all."
Dr. Woods chose to remain silent on being exposed. Instead he changed the topic " so how's it? Any progress?"
"Not really"
"You know what, Gavin? I'm actually impressed with your ideology 'curing cancer through willpower' quiet interesting, it is. Something new and much needed for the future of Medical Science.
And Ms.Lilly, according to me is your ideal candidate."
"Oh she is. But it's only me, who isn't her ideal curer" I lowered my head shamefully. I deeply sighed and looked up again "I desperately want to save her Ethan. I do. She's such a pure soul. She totally deserves to live doc" My eyes were tearing up at this point.
I know my profession doesn't allow me to be attached to my patient and above that, feel weak. But I'm a human after all and I guess I too can feel vulnerable at times.
"Do you, perhaps have feelings for her Gavin?" Enquired Ethan with much lower voice. "I'm afraid what you have towards her is something more than affection and care" Ethan was very careful with these words as he was low-key nervous.
"Speaking honestly, Yes. I do have feelings for her" I chose not to lie this time. Not when we have already started conversing using our given names.
"You know this won't end well, Gavin" his concerned filled eyes directly staring at mine.
"I know. But I'm far beyond helping it. I'm gonna do my best. I'm not gonna let my Lily go that easily"
"Hey,hey don't sulk, man! Get your act together, Gavin. You are her doctor, her possible saviour you can't fall apart like this. This is so not you".
I just nodded blankly.
"So tell me, Gavin how's she doing? Any progress? " he asked with his concerned filled voice.
"No and do you know the worst part of it? Her mind is already completely broken, beyond repair. Her symptoms are too unusual for me to decipher—"
"What do you mean by that???" He cut through my words. His brows furrowed "No Gavin! I guess you are wrong. You are just too stressed about her. She seems perfectly fine in my eyes" he told it all at once in a single breathe.
I nodded in disagreement. I grabbed a glass full of water and handed over it to now worked up Ethan "façade, it is" I resumed back to my seat and Ethan shifted in his, uncomfortably.
"Elaborate please, Gavin. Like you said if she's actually hiding behind a strong girl's façade, if you're so confident that you have witnessed beyond it, elaborate it to me. Go ahead."
I sighed loudly before I began with my theory based on my observations "well….. you see Ethan, as you know she's been suffering literally all her life. A victim of a wide range of genetic and viral infection. A constant sufferer of persistent asthma. And to worsen it all she's now gifted with a horrible lung cancer. And at the end of the day, we should take note that she's just a mere eighteen year old girl. A teenager basically. Girls of her age are enjoying the fullest of their youthful days and living it all up, attending colleges, opting for great careers, dating, partying... you name it. And what makes you think she doesn't desire or deserve any of those, at least once in her life time?" I balled my fists with frustration.
I, again, deeply sighed and continued "from what I've observed, she desperately wants this all amusements and this desperation outgrew her rational thinking capacity. And her being too reserved to speak about it with any of her close people. Not to mention her family's rare visits which usually lasts for a couple of minutes, just adds in more damage. Her image she is labelled as 'the unfortunate one' in the outside world which she is fully aware of. She doesn't want to accept she's unfortunate or a bane to the famous 'Brown family'. She cries to sleep every single night. Particularly her tears starts to roll down when she reads a particular book, a novel I guess. She reads it every night, drifting off to sleep. And the next morning, if I enquire about it she has no idea if she actually read the book and ended up crying. This hell like situation experience is her daily routine."
My eyes were all glassy by now and my sight was blurred.
Ethan stood up from his seat, still couldn't believe what he just heard. He didn't speak a word, not that he ran out of those, it seemed like he lost his voice, totally heartbroken he made his way out of my cabin.
I, too, couldn't trust my senses anymore and therefore decided against driving back home and slept on the couch meant for visitors.