I was pacing up and down in my bed-chamber, deep in thought. Despite it being spring, it was raining heavily outside and the curtains were drawn in to block the gloomy view.
The past fortnight had been mostly sleepless for me as I waiting till today to sneak into my dad's study and get my hands to the list of suitors. Mel, unable to refuse when I insisted, was here all this time, assisting me to brew plan after plan on this mission. And now when the time was finally near, I was starting to feel nervous and was trying to back down.
The door to my room opened suddenly, catching me off guard, but seeing it was only Mel, I let out a breath. She had been out since daybreak to snoop on what was going on with the list of suitors.
"You've been jumpy since last night, girl. Are you sure you wanna do this on your own? I can go and check the list and take photos or something if you want."Mel began, seeing the state I was in. "It would be obvious that you're up to something if you go there looking like how you look now."
"No, Mel, I'm alright. I can do this, okay? I just need to calm down a little." I was trying to assure myself more than her as I took deep breaths to calm my nerves. "Before you forget what you rushed here to tell, go on, tell it."
"Oh, I just found out the list has been finalized. I'm fairly certain that it's in the study as we guessed earlier. I heard this overly-talkative butler mumbling to the head maid, so yeah, it's bound to be there." Mel said animatedly, she looked excited despite the concern towards me.
For a second, I contemplated asking Mel to do this instead of me but, having been learning all my life not to pass over your burden to someone else, I resorted not to ask this favor of her. Besides, this was a sensitive thing for me and I could not make up my mind to let someone else glimpse this before me. I knew the thought was ridiculous as the list was already prepared by my dad and his counselors.
"So you do remember the plan, don't you?" I asked Mel after a short pause in which I talked myself into calming down so as not to betray any emotions on my face. "You'll be staying at the end of the hallway, leading to the waiting room from the study. Until I come back you need to alert me any instance if anyone's coming my way and do try to buy as much time as possible, okay?"
Mel nodded her head for my sake. Even though she was the one, who came up with all these details while I was brooding like a damsel in distress, here I was frantically explaining it again to her like an idiot. I was already showing signs of anxiousness.
"Stop overthinking, babe," Mel tried to soothe me, taking my hands in hers and giving them a reassuring squeeze. "Everything's gonna turn out okay. Let's just get it over with."
"Okay, then, here goes nothing." I took a deep breath and walked out of the room as if I was not up to anything fishy.
We had agreed to part ways before taking the stairs to the ground floor and then Mel would take the other route to get to one end of the hallway, where she was supposed to be on the watch.
I was hurrying towards the study, revising the plan in my head when I spotted a familiar face among a crowd of elite men, who were coming my way. Fabien was with his father, the cousin of Duke Edmund Beaufort of Denmer, but the moment he saw me, he gave a small smile. Unlike usual, his face did not light up and I started to worry if something was wrong.
Seeing him whispering something to his father and staying behind, I decided to stop and talk to him, just to ask how he was doing.
He walked up to me and stopped a little bit too close to me. For some reason, my pulse quickened and a light blush crept up my cheeks. What was happening? It was not like this was the first time we were talking alone. Maybe it was because he was so much closer to me that I felt kind of exposed and trapped in his intense gaze both at the same time. I felt as if he was looking at me in a way he has never done before. Whatever it was I was not uncomfortable as I should be under such a circumstance, instead, I was just feeling shy all of a sudden.
I looked up at him through my lashes, unable to face him with my flushed cheeks. Searching his face to find out why he came so close, I noticed that he seemed relieved or even satisfied by the fact that I was blushing and reacting unusually to his close proximity.
Unable to stand this change of atmosphere between us, I started to talk.
"Are you here for some reason?" I could not think clearly and I asked the first thing that came to my mind, which I realized was sort of rude only after the words escaped my lips.
"Oh, I'm here with my dad to attend some business at the Royal Court. You know, there's stuff to do." Fabien replied quickly.
Was I imagining it or was he avoiding my eyes? He did look rather uncomfortable in my presence. Maybe he saw me blushing earlier and was now thinking that I was becoming one of his fangirls. Oh my goodness! It would be so embarrassing from now on if he continued to think of me that way.
"Then, um... I'll take my leave," I managed to utter finally. "Good luck on whatever you've got to do at the Royal Court. Bye."
Then without wasting any more time, I started to walk away.
"Wait," Fabien called out suddenly.
I turned my head to look over my shoulder. "What is it?"
"I'm not in a hurry, Ava. You don't have to leave." He said as if he felt the need to make up for something he did.
That was when the thought occurred to me that I might as well ask for his help to watch out for me at the other end of the hallway.
"Fabe, since you insist that you've got time for me, can I ask you a favor?" I asked sweetly, surprising myself for using this kind of tone to bribe him into helping me when I knew too well that I did not need to do such a thing as he was a gentleman, who was most of the time glad to be useful.
"Aren't you a little too sweet today?" Fabien asked, chuckling and looking like his usual self for the first time today.
I let out a little laugh and sent a quick text to Mel, telling her the new situation before I dove into explaining the plan briefly, but in a way that he would understand the gravity of it.
When I finished explaining, Fabien looked more uncomfortable than ever.
"It's fine if you're not okay with doing this. I'm sorry for even asking. It's wrong, I-" I babbled, seeing his reaction. But he silenced me halfway by putting a finger to my lips.
"Ava, you don't have to think like that. I'm up for anything if it's for you." Fabien replied, trying to sound playful and I instantly smiled.
'He must've not been used to this type of mischievous tasks. What a gentleman, unlike someone else we know.' I thought to myself, smiling as we headed off. 'But then again, I wouldn't have dreamt of doing such sneaky stuff if it wasn't for something so decisive in my life.'
Leaving Fabien at one end of the hallway and making sure that Mel was also stationed properly at the opposite end, I hurried to the study. As the door to the study came into view, I tried my best to make sure that my footsteps would not be heard if someone were to be inside. I stopped at the door and put my ear to it to listen for any sounds coming from within.
After coming to a conclusion that no one could awake could be inside this long without making a sound, I unlocked the door using the key I managed to snatch from a guard on my way and sneaked in. Once inside and seeing that no one was there, I closed the door quietly and began my search. I went through the pile of papers on my dad's desk first and finding nothing, I decided to go for the drawers.
From time to time I checked my phone, which was on silent mode, for any texts from the two outside. Finally, when I opened the last drawer on the right side of the desk, I found the handwritten list of suitors, which carried the names with initials and the ages of all the suitors, who have sent in applications, seeking the hand in marriage with me or more precisely marriage to the throne.
Trying to think of this in a positive way as my mum advised me before, I blinked away a few tears that were starting to pool in my eyes and quickly started going through the list from top to bottom. There were many names of young noblemen I have met before. I recalled that some of them seemed really nice when we used to play together when we were small kids. A small part of my brain said that maybe, just maybe all hope was not lost.
After glancing at the other side of the paper quickly, I noted that there were thirty-five suitors altogether. 'Thirty-five, is it? Three plus five and it's my lucky number.' I thought to myself and laughed at the irony. Then I checked the other side again to better read and if possible remember some of the names of the suitors, so I could look into them later. Halfway through it, I checked my phone again and panicked seeing a text by Fabien, which was sent about 30 seconds ago.
Fabe: Someone is coming this way. I'll buy u some time. Get out immediately.
I just hoped that I was already not too late and if I was I needed to have something ready to say. Thinking of possible excuses, I quickly shoved the list underneath the papers in the drawer, where it was supposed to be if my memory was correct. I was about to close the drawer and leave when I spotted a few applications, stacked in a pile on the table.
To my horror, the application of top carried the name, Calvin Tobias Beaufort. I was so shocked that I had to grip the edge of the table to steady myself. Why on earth would he apply unless his family insisted? Even then he definitely was not the type to do as he was told. I thought frantically. He had been somewhat nice to me for one day and now we were not even on speaking terms. What was he thinking?
Knowing that time was running out could not stop me from checking the next few applications as well. The fact that they were piled separately from the others, made me want to find out more. I quickly checked out the names and realized that all of the applications in this separate stack were from the most influential families. When I thought I could never be more shocked than by seeing Calvin's application, my eyes crossed with the application of my dearest friend or the person I thought was my friend, Fabien Alexis Beaufort.
I knew I was on the point of breaking, but from the back of my mind, a voice was telling me to leave quickly unless I wanted to get caught, looking like a mess and unable to provide any sensible excuse for my being here. Still, in a daze, I realized that as if my legs had a different brain of their own, I was out of the door and was already running in the direction of Mel, wiping the tears that I did not realize were flowing until then.
'By any chance, was Calvin plotting someway to hurt me for seeing the side of his life, which he didn't want to be revealed? Was that why he has decided to become a suitor? Then what about Fabien?' My mind wondered. I started to feel betrayed. 'Did it not occur to him to at least tell me? Even after I asked for his help, he could have at least told me then. No wonder he looked all uncomfortable.'
It took all my energy to not break down, but when I saw Mel, my only true friend, I lost all my cool. Seeing the sight I must have become, Melissa's expression changed to panic and then to concern. Before she could ask anything I hugged her tightly and let the tears come down in a flow.
"What happened, girl?"
I could not answer as I started to hiccup through sobs. I was crying desperately like an infant. But Mel was so understanding that she stopped questioning me and holding me close to her, guided me to the western garden through a less crowded route, saying that I could cry to my heart's content once outside.