It was the night before yet another big event at the palace. Tomorrow was going to be officially the Day of Introduction of all the thirty-five suitors, the day on which the suitors were to be initially revealed to the princess. No one, but for me, Mel, and Fabien knew that I was aware of all the suitors by now. That meant that I would have to pretend to be surprised whenever a suitor presented themselves to me.
All my life I have tried my best to be true to myself as it was one of the greatest values I believed in. "Oh, this is definitely gonna be hard!" I complained to no one in particular, thrashing my arms and legs on the bed in a very ungracious way.
A masquerade ball was to be held tomorrow night, where I would have to honour each of the suitors with my time and presence. It was tradition that the prince or the princess, awaiting marriage, in this case, I, danced with all of the suitors as a gesture of getting to know them. If I were to find any of them appealing, I was to remove their masks, which I found quite uncomfortable to carry out. The entire process were to be intriguing, to ceremoniously reveal the suitors that piqued my interest. It would be quite the fascinating idea for a prince, but being a princess I felt it somewhat inappropriate. Besides, I might not even be interested in any of them to begin with.
It would be easier if they would remove their masks themselves if they found me to their liking. But then again, would they be honest with their feelings in front of me, in the face of possible acquaintance to the throne?
Did I have a choice in this? No, I would not be able to keep from removing anyone's mask. If no one were to interest me, then I had made up my mind to unmask a few randomly, handing over complete control of this to my luck.
My back started to hurt from being lying on the bed at the same odd angle for long and I sat up and leaned against the headboard, pulling my legs up to me. I had dismissed my maids for the night almost two hours ago, after having my hair combed and having myself dressed in silk for bed.
It had to be close to midnight by now and I needed to get some sleep. However, thoughts from two days ago were still bothering me. Whenever, I tried to close my eyes, I could picture how I almost kissed Fabien or how Calvin taunted me about it without even knowing for sure that what he accused me of had almost happened.
I was grateful that the last two days no official business had required either of the two guys to be called to the palace. I had had enough to deal with, what with the preparations for the upcoming series of events at the palace without them creating drama in my life.
My thoughts drifted to how my life would be after the wedding. Would it be better if I get to get married to a total stranger or someone I knew at least a little? There were several in the list that I knew back in my childhood days. I wondered what worse things could happen if I were to pair up with one of the Beauforts cousins by any chance. In a way, I was relieved of not having to choose a suitor on my own. I was not sure if I could trust myself with such an important decision after how I seemed to fall into a mess everytime I crossed paths with the gentleman or the troublemaker.
Tears started to form in the corners of my eyes as I was reminded that none of the suitors could actually love me and could only be eyeing the crown that was soon to be decorating my head. In the first place, how could they fall in love without knowing me closely even if some could be genuine people. I sighed. There was no point in crying, so I got out of my bed, draped a robe over my nightgown and walked to my personal library, which was in one of the adjacent rooms and to which I had entry from my bedroom.
The smell of books cleared my head instantly as it always did and I was naturally drawn away from my worries. I ran my fingers along the covers of my favourite classics in the bookshelf that was placed close to the set of windows, overlooking the Eastern Garden. I stopped unintentionally my fingers at Wuthering Heights and pulled it out.
Me and my mother both shared equal love for this piece by Bronte. It was such a perfect love story beyond doubt and so realistic in depicting human nature. Oh, how ego could destroy even the strongest of relationships. I could not understand what drew me to this story in particular. It was not as if I could relate it to my life. I had held no such strong love towards any man in my life, but I could skim in this world created by Bronte all day and still find it fascinating.
With the opened book balanced on my hand, I walked back to bed, immersed in its first chapter, where a stranger crossed paths with the tragic life of Heathcliff. I curled into a ball in my bed and continued to read. This habit of late night reading was bound to make my eyesight weak some day soon. I could almost hear Jasmine's voice, nagging me about this.
Suddenly my phone started to ring on the bedtable next to me. I reached for it without looking, almost toppling down the nightstand and without checking for the caller ID, I answered it.
"Hey?" I asked, wondering who disturbed my peaceful moment.
"Ava." Calvin's deep voice breathed from the other end. I sighed audibly and my first thought was to hang up.
"Ava, please...., don't hang up on me." His voice was filled with some strange emotion, which I was not familiar with. The way he sounded almost pleading made me not end the call.
"Okay, I won't," I said carefully. With Calvin, there was no knowing what would happen next, so I was still a little nervous, despite the fact that his tone carried sincerity.
"Shi*. It's Ava, right?" He asked, sounding perplexed. His voice was kind of husky and the way his words slurred made me realise that he was drunk.
"Yes." I replied as patiently as I could manage to sound.
"Ooh! It's a surprise that you even decided to... to walk. No, shi*, sorry, decided to talk." He laughed idiotically at his own clumsiness. He was cursing more than usual, but he did not seem to have lost his temper.
I was wrong, he was not just drunk, he was totally wasted. Was it even a good time to talk with him? The thing was he was bound to forget whatever we talked in the morning, which was a good thing. Besides, people usually end up complaining about their lives when they get drunk. It was refreshing to listen someone else's issues as a change and I could use a little distraction right now.
"Shi*, I forget the excuse I made up for calling you this late."
Calvin was fumbling with words. His drunk self was something I was experiencing for the first time and I could not help but let out a soft laugh at the funny way he was speaking.
"That's fine. I wasn't doing anything much. No need of excuses." I was starting to feel comfortable talking to him, despite the way he treated me not so long ago.
"D'you know, life is full of shi*?" He asked, turning the conversation into a different path.
"First, can you stop saying that word on repeat?" I said, intending to lighten the mood, bu then as an afterthought, added; "Do you know I'm also one of those people, who think that life is one tough journey?"
"Woah, is this a game of chain questioning or something? I dunno if it made sense anyway." Calvin chuckled.
"The thing is, Ava, I don't want to always hurt you. When I look at those innocent eyes of yours, I know I should stop. But I can't seem to help it. Don't hate me for it." He continued after a short pause, his tone totally different from earlier.
This was not something I was expecting would come. Out of all the things he said, the phrase he said last seemed to carry more weight than anything. I was so surprised that I could not think of what to say next. Did I believe his confession on not wanting to hurt me? No, I did not want to believe him. I knew that if I did, it would lead to me crumbling down in front of him one day, probably the next day. But why on earth would he ask me to not hate him? He did not seem to have a problem with me loathing him even two days ago. Or had he been hiding how he was feeling for real? I shook my head vigorously as if it would push away the thought immediately.
"Ava, you there?" He asked with concern in his deep voice. "You wouldn't hate me, would you?" He seemed so vulnerable at that moment and my heart broke at that even though I was aware that I should not be emotional. It could well be his intention to trap me to one of his little pranks.
"Ye... yeah, okay, I won't hate you." I stuttered, not knowing what to say.
I just hoped that he would forget we ever had this conversation by tomorrow morning. This seemed more awkward and confusing than the way things were when he was arrogant and loathing towards me.
I desperately tried to change the topic, but failed terribly at it, until he himself decided to let it go after assuring himself that I was not harbouring any hatred towards him. I could not understand why it mattered to him so much.
As if sensing that I was a little too silent after his possible confession, he started cracking lame jokes. His vain attempt at joking made me loosen up and managed to make me laugh even more than it would have if he managed some quality jokes. For the first time I felt that he had a sweet side to him underneath his mask of bad persona. I wondered if the alcohol was sharpnening his senses and that was the only reason behind him noticing my little chnages.
"At last, you said something that's actually funny," I lied as I could see that he was not going to get to a good joke even if he tried the entire night. Oh, he was so awkward at this.
"Oh!" He sounded genuinely disappointed. "So I suck at this? Sorry, no more lame jokes from me."
I burst out laughing at his childlike response. For once, I could stop worrying about behaving less like princess as he was bound to forget this.
"Dude, just hang up, will you?" Out of the blue, I heard Fabien's voice from the other end. "You're so damn loud. Some of us are trying to get some sleep here."
My heart skipped a beat at the sound of his voice and for no reason I began to feel pretty bad about talking to Calvin when Fabien had been right next to him all along. I told myself that he could not have heard who it was on the other end and I was relieved that his voice too gave a hint of him being drunk. What could be the reason that made the two get wasted? Or was it their usual way of spending every Friday night? There was so much I did not know about them.
"Get lost, bro!" Calvin yelled back to his cousin playfully, bringing me back from my thoughts. "I'm trying to get on good terms with our princess here."
That was the last thing I needed him to say. I was worried what Fabien was thinking right now, even though I had no reason to worry. My thoughts did not even made sense to me.
"Hey, Ava, are you listening?" Calvin asked.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I just..."
"Oh, you're definitely too sweet. There's no need to apologize. I'm the one who's keeping you awake at the middle of the night." Calvin chuckled. "I can't get why such a sweet girl gets on my nerves sometimes. Or maybe, you're not annoying at all. Maybe its just me and my temper." He seemed to be talking to himself.
However, his words made me feel more lost than ever. And the thought that Fabien was with him at this moment seemed to stab into my heart for some reason I could not quite identify.
Not knowing what else to do, I ended the call without a warning and turned the phone off, so he would not be able to reach me, in case he tried to call back. I was still in a daze as I tossed the phone to the bedside table and sank into the bed, waiting for sleep to take over me.