I pulled in on the street next to my apartment building, the sky was dusky, the moon was starting to poke out. When I got out my car I walked over to the front door of the apartment to unlock it.
The stairs squeaked under my feet, I tried really hard not to disturb my neighbors. Once I reached the door, I took my other key to unlock this door. My apartment looked somewhat festive for the holidays, I decided to put up a tiny tree in my living room, and I had some lights hanging up.
Today was a productive day, but I was so tired and I didn't even bother texting Hannah that I'm home. She'll be at the hospital for the next five hours. Instead of getting out of my elf clothes, I went over to the fridge and took out a bottle of water and went to sit on my loveseat and turned on the tv.
Clicking through the channels, I found that 'A Wonderful Life' was on, so I decided to keep it on to watch. I've always found this movie really sad, but sweet. A man who was going through some stuff and he decided to jump of a bridge, but then he was saved by an angel. Throughout this whole movie, the man never existed because he wished he was never born, and see how life would be if he didn't exist. Finally he knew what the spirit of Christmas meant, and he enjoyed the company of his friends and family, oh and the angel got his wings.
When the movie was over, I went into the bathroom to take a quick shower. I let the water fall on me, I closed my eyes and thought of him... again!
He was so beautiful and so sweet, he really knew how to make me feel better about myself. The day he asked me out I was so nervous. Clay came over to my parents house, because I was living there at the time. My mom was so excited to meet him, my dad not so much.
"Please don't embarrass me." I begged my mom and dad. "Oh, we won't! We promise!" My mom reassured me, but knowing them, they would embarrass me anyway. As soon as he got to the house, my mom brought him over to the kitchen table and showed him my baby pictures. I was mortified but he looked over at me and smiled that beautiful smile and I forgotten what was happening. My parents finally let him go so we could go on our date. "I am so sorry about them." I smiled weakly, he was holding my hand and I remember how much bigger his hand was than mine, it was comfortable. Clayton smiled, "It's okay. They seem really nice." He took my hand and kissed it, I felt like I was going to melt.
Everything was going great between the two of us, I didn't even see the break up coming. I don't know where it even came from? There were no warning signs, it just happened. We were going to the annual Christmas party at the Holiday Inn. Everyone was going to be there, the mayor was going to make an announcement, everyone was dancing and having a good time. Clayton and I were dancing, and he held me so tight and I closed my eyes, feeling the music and I swayed along with him. It was such a perfect night. We were together for such a long time at this point, I thought maybe he would've proposed to me? Clearly that wasn't the case.
Once he reached my building, he turned off the car. He looked straight ahead, the silence was deafening. I touched him arm, like I did a thousand times before, but nothing. "Clay?" I looked at him, but he wasn't saying anything. "Everything okay?" Finally he looked at me, he had a small smile that didn't even reach his eyes.
Clayton reached over to open the passenger door, I've told him to get it fixed but he never did. The freaking door was always getting stuck. Not one word from him at all. No kiss good night, nothing! Still at that point I didn't think we were going to break up. I got out of the car and walked up the stairs. My phone dinged,
Clay: "I'm sorry!"
Me: "For what?"
Clay: "I love u, but I can't do this anymore"
I looked back at his car, he was looking at his phone and not me. I walked back over to his car. "What do you mean you can't do this anymore?" He finally got out of his car, "Kassie," "Don't you dare!" My voice was cracking and he looked like he was in pain. "What do you mean, Clay?" Why was this happening? It was freaking Christmas Night, everything was fine all day. That morning I stopped by my parents to open presents and had dinner, Clay came by to pick me up and everything seemed fine. "Kassie, I want you to be happy." "I am! I am happy with you."
That was it though, he told me that he needed some time. And he took all this time, to figure things out. We haven't talked since then, and I haven't seen him around. And maybe it's better that way, because if I see him I know we'll enough that my heart will break.
I turned off the shower and dried off, got into some pjs and got into bed. There was no way I was going to go to sleep right away. There was a lot on my mind. Like the job, and whether I should take the promotion, and more thoughts of Clayton. Christmas was just a few weeks away, and I've never been so stressed out like this. My phone began ringing, I looked at the caller id, Hannah.
"Hello?"
"Hey, so I'm going to be here for the rest of the night. We're short staffed."
"Okay! I'll see ya in the morning then."
"Yeah. Night!"
"Night"
I hung up and stayed awake.