When I got back to my place, I noticed that it was quiet. Riley must've been out with Tamara. So I went into my room, where thoughts of Kassie came flooding back. There were nights where she wanted to spend the night, so I always had her take the left side of the bed and I would take the right. And some nights I would watch her sleep and saw how peaceful she looked. Now I sleep on the left side.
Kassie changed her number, so I couldn't call her and it felt wrong to just go to her apartment and talk to her. Hannah would be there, and I know that Hannah hates me. After I broke up with Kassie, Hannah came by and started screaming and the neighbors almost called the cops. I told them that everything was okay and that I could handle it. Who knew that a girl who was five feet exactly could be so terrifying? Nothing scares me, but that definitely did. I told Hannah that there was a lot of things i had to get through, but she just kept on yelling, not letting me explain.
I sat on the left side of the bed, take off my boots and then head into the kitchen. Kassie and I had our very first fight in here and it was over something so stupid. For some reason she couldn't get over the fact that my stove was gas and how she hated gas stoves and was afraid of them. "You're being ridiculous, it's not going to kill you!" "How do you know?" Were we actually arguing over a gas stove? I had to tell her to relax and she got mad even more, never tell a woman to relax. To get her to shut up, I kissed her and right after we were fine. About three months ago my stove started acting up, so I had to let the landlord know and he replaced it a couple weeks later with an electric stove. Kassie would love that.
Why does she keep doing that? She's in my mind 24/7 and I can't seem to stop. I'm with Riley now, and I am happy with her, but it's just not the same. And I feel like a total jerk thinking of it that way, but it's not the same. Before I could even push the thought of Kassie aside, I remember the night ... that night where I said I loved her and we went into the bedroom and....
"Clay are you home?" Riley called out. My memory of Kassie and I was gone, "Yeah I'm in the room." I said. She walked in and sat on the left side, I made a face when she did though, I never have her be on the left side for one reason, and of course that reason would be Kassie. "Move over." I said it as nicely as I could. "Sit right here." She patted the right side. I picked her up very slightly and put her on the right side. "Why did you do that for?" She asked, "No reason." I lied. "So, was she there?" I knew she was going to ask me that. "Nope!" I lied again. She looked right at me, she made a face this time. She pursed her lips and then looked away. "If you do see her again, I don't want you talking to her." "Wait, what? Why not?" She looked at me as if I were stupid, I know why she doesn't want me to.
"Clay, you clearly still have feelings." True. "Riley.." I couldn't think of anything to say. "Don't you?" She asked. I didn't say anything, my silence was the answer.
Riley got up off the bed and walked out into the kitchen, I followed. "Clay, why?" She looked upset and sad, I couldn't look at her. "Answer me!" Now she was getting angry. "I don't know?" She scoffed, "That's such bulls-" "Its true, Riley. I don't know?" I said cutting her off. For some reason I felt responsible for everyone's misfortune and their hurt feelings. Actually I am responsible for all of this. For making Kassie hating me and her not wanting to speak to me ever again, for Hannah yelling at me to defend Kassie and now Riley because I was breaking her heart. "Riley, please.." I begged. "I love you!" Did I? Of course I did! I mean I have to.
Before I knew it she was in my arms, we embraced for a moment. She looked up at me, with a sad smile. "Clayton, I'm sorry." But before I could say anything, "We need to take some time away from each other." And she went over to the door, looked over at me and she walked out. That was it, I knew she didn't want me to be in love with Kassie and I was trying so hard for her. Riley understood me and understood the things I went through, but with Kassie...
I wanted to go after Riley, but I decided to just let it be for right now and give her some time. And I knew I had to give Kassie some time as well.