Riley is out of my life, it's been a week since she said we needed a break. From what I was told by her mother, she moved away. I knew it was because of me, she was heartbroken and I never meant to hurt her. But my feelings for Kassie never went away. I've had hurt two beautiful women and I regret it deeply. There's nothing I can do, I've tried apologizing for my mistakes to the both of them and the both of them want nothing to do with me.
Never did I imagine that I could ever break a woman's heart, but I did it twice. My friends haven't even spoken to me lately, and I know it's because they really liked Kassie and even Riley, now they think I'm a jerk. Maybe I don't deserve forgiveness? Maybe I should just stay single and alone? Wouldn't it be better that way? My life was great with Kassie and I screwed that up and then everything that happened with Riley.
Before she left town, Riley sent a text...
Riley: "I will always love you Clay, but it hurts right now. Please no that I can't see u right now , it would be too much to handle. I no u love her, so if it's what u want, then fight for her."
And that was the last thing she wrote to me. I wanted to text her back but it's for the best. I hope she will find someone who will love her just as much as I did. She deserves it! Doesn't Kassie deserve it too? Doesn't she deserve to be in love? From what I've seen, she's been single and hasn't been with anyone lately. So maybe I could try and get her back? But how? She hates my guts so much, she never wants to talk to me. I've messed up so bad, and it's starting to kill me.
When i was at the mall last time and I saw her, I wanted to tell her how much I've missed her and that I still love her. Knowing her she would've gotten mad and told me off. So I kept all that to myself, and now I feel like it's the right thing to say to her. As much as I hate to admit it, Kassie was my true love and not Riley. Don't get me wrong, I loved Riley very much and she was amazing and sweet, it just wasn't the same. And no it wasn't fair to her that I still loved Kassie and it wasn't fair that I tried so hard to stay with Riley when all I could think of was Kassie. Before I could tell Riley all this, she found out all on her own and she was smart to leave. She didn't want to see me anymore and I don't blame her what so ever. I still care about her and love her, but she better off with out me. I'll always remember the good times the two of us had.
Kassie was going to be at work today, and I just had to see her again. I know not to stop by the apartment because if Hannah's home, I'd be in trouble. So I got my keys and got into my car and drove over to the mall. When I arrived I noticed her car was there, that piece of junk car. There were a few times I told her to just sell it and get a new one, but she's had the car for years and she told me she couldn't give it up.
She's always been stubborn. That's one the reasons why I fell in love with her.
As soon as I saw her my heart started beating fast. This was it... I had to tell her how I felt. Even if she tells me she hates me, at least I know and hopefully can move on with my life. But I'll never meet anyone quite like Kassie ever again. And that's what I'm afraid of. Because deep down I want her to feel the same way and have her tell me she still loves me.