How is it possible to fit in when you are the piece of copper that stands out in a priceless perfect set of diamonds?
How do you pretend that you are not the freak? That you don't know that people are whispering behind your back? That maids laugh and mock you every chance they get.
Well the answer is simple.
You can't.
I know this better than anyone. I was that worthless piece of metal. I was the disgrace. I was the one that stood out everywhere I went. The one whose own father didn't want anything to do with her. I was the half-breed.
You may ask how and why?
18 nearly 19 years ago, I was conceived out of a union between a Latina maid and a rich millionaire. I always wondered why my mother Esther-Maria was so stupid to have ever fallen for the most known trap to man.
It was a typical rich man story; she was in love with her boss, they slept together and promised love to each other. Maybe he promised to leave his wife and marry her. I don't know but one thing for sure was, he was a rake.
He took advantage of her vulnerability. And that was how I was conceived. Of course, upon finding out the news of his upcoming child he was furious. This situation would forever destroy and change his life and taint his reputation.
His wife was furious, his children were furious, his parents were furious and his in-laws were furious. And that fury was refocused onto me. I was the unwanted. I was the child of the child of tramp. The maid Esther-Maria, was accused of being a home wrecker.
A slut, a tramp, practically every name in the book and then some. I knew this because certain people continue to use these words on her. Not with the same intensity but people do whisper it under their breath. I guess some people would never change.
My 'father' was a rake but he could not turn his back on his responsibility so easily. Up to now I don't understand why.
Why he would even agree to keep me or my mother in his mansion.
Nevertheless, he put up with my mother. He continued to let her live in the mansion as a maid. The man would never acknowledge me as his own. He stayed clear away from me.
The man would never even give my mother extra money to look after his own child. She looked after me out of the expenses of her job. lived in the quarters with the rest of the employees. I was just a regular girl except with a stigma.
A stigma that I did not even earn. It became my birthright and I never stood a chance. Everything was set against me. His family was against me except his wife.
loved that woman. It's weird to say that about your stepmother because everyone expects the other woman to be an enemy but she, she was different. She was an angel. She was sweet and kind. She never ever was rude to my mother. She helped me at times, bringing me clothes and toys and books.
Like I said she was a real angel. She even gave me pocket money.
But it's sad to say that the rest of the family wasn't like her.
They weren't even a quarter as nice as her. They were vicious as they were cruel. Take my father, for instance, he ignored my very existence. He never looked at me. And my half-brothers and sisters teased me mercilessly and it was their life's goal to make mine disastrous. I went to the same prestigious school as they did, thanks to my stepmother, but it was at the cost of suicide.
I kid you not, there were times when I wanted to commit suicide. They made my life a living hell. The bullying, the name calling, destruction of my school work, pouring food and urine and dog excretes on me, putting terrifying animals in my locker, the list goes on and on.
Every single day I was terrified to go to school. Each day I tried my best to avoid them but it was useless, they practically owned the school. I always came home with some new bruise or being emotionally scarred. Yet no one ever knew that I was related to them. That would be too embarrassing for their reputation and pride. So, to everyone else, I was just an easy prey.
You know how people say grandparents are so nice? Well, that's a huge lie, at least for me. My grandparents hated me.
To them, I was a huge mistake. I was referred to as the 'maids daughter' or simply 'the error.
And I think they really believed their own lie that I was just a regular girl who had no association with the Timmons. On the good days that I was recognized, I was the girl that had tried to destroy their family. And I was undeserving of the oh so powerful name.
Right now, my eighteenth birthday had come and gone with no big deal. It was supposed to be one of the biggest days in a girls life. But if you're not a Timmons it is not. I think my father banned me from even having a small party. He wanted me to suffer. Because of me, he had lost respect from his brothers and sisters and wife and children.
Most of the people in the outside world did not know about me. Thanks to the iron clad document he forced my mother to sign. It was never to be mentioned that he was my father. In exchange, he would give my mother employment. Make no mistake he was powerful and rich enough to make or break someone. My mother stood no chance. And let's face it she was not the defiant type.
For my birthday my mother gave me a beautiful necklace that had been passed on in her family. At times I think she blamed herself for everything that I had and was going through. But I couldn't really put the blame her on her.
Okay, that's not true. I did blame her a little bit. This would never have happened if she did not go after a married man!
Her excuse was that she had fallen in love with him. That was the stupidest thing that I ever heard. This was not a fairy-tale.
This was life!
I guess my life was not that bad. I mean there were a couple of the maids that were nice to me. They sang happy birthday to me in Spanish and they baked me a small cupcake.
But my biggest birthday gift was when my boyfriend of three months took me out to dinner. His name was Collins Dwight. I met him when I bumped into him while I was helping my mother take the trash out. He was so sweet about the whole thing. He helped me up and we ended up talking for hours. I think he came to visit one of the employees for I had never seen him before. But after a few hours, I found him to be very intelligent.
He was about five years older than me but it didn't seem to matter. I was matured enough. Months passed and he asked me to be his girlfriend. I started to meet up with him at the park and we would go out for dessert. Of course, I had to keep this a secret.
He was the reason why I looked forward to each day. He was tall blond and muscular. He had dark green eyes. He was attentive and funny and had a wicked sense of humor. We clicked instantly. He was my first real friend.
On my eighteenth birthday, I gave him my greatest treasure.
My virginity. It felt so right. He was like me, a regular Joe. He was at university studying architecture and business. He was that smart. It was great to have a friend let alone a boyfriend.
Because for so long I had neither. And for so long I had lied to myself I didn't need either one but the truth was I did. I spoke to him every day on the phone. He always complained about the amount of pain he was in from school. I always giggled and told him to suck it up. We talked about everything even marriage.
But it had been a couple of weeks since I spoke to Collins in a while. He always texted me quickly to tell me he was busy and whatnot. I thought it best to let it go. But I needed to talk to him soon. I had something important to tell him. I was lying on my bed thinking of him when there was a knock on my door. It was my mother.
"Sweetie they are short on help could you please come and help" she asked. She looked tired and she was aging. I could see the exhaustion on her.
Being the good daughter I was, I picked my lazy butt up and shook away my dizziness and went to the kitchen. I was never invited to these dinners. The last time I ventured by accident, grandmother Timmons grabbed me by the ear and threw me out. It was an accident and I was tricked by Morgan and Judy into going into that room. They laughed themselves silly.
Safe to say I made myself invisible when things like parties and functions came around. Tess who was in charge of the staff asked me to carry a tray of shrimp inside. I dreaded it. I didn't want to be seen. But nevertheless, I picked it up and headed to the living room. I set the tray down quickly and was about to back away when I saw Dwight. He was talking with Morgan my older brother and Zion my younger brother.
What was he doing here? And what was he doing with my brothers? I thought he was at school. He finally looked my way and caught my eye. He looked at me and signaled with his head that we should meet outside.
Inodded. No one had noticed me yet. If they did then they were ignoring me as usual. I sneaked out and I met him in the garden, he was standing by the fountain waiting. He heard my footsteps and turned to face me.
I threw myself at him. It was weird that he did not hug me back. Usually, he would be swinging me around, kissing me senseless.
Untangling myself |looked at him. He seemed to be smiling. I smiled back but I had so many questions. For starters, what he was doing with Morgan? He was just a regular guy. And the Timmons did not mix with regular guys.
"Collins, where have you been? What are you doing here? I-"
He cut me short by placing a kiss on my lips. That shut me up real quick.
"Shh darling at the right time all shall be explained" he said with a smile. I leaned my head on his broad shoulders.
" I have to tell you something" whispering to him. I knew that I had to tell him.
"Okay"
Taking a deep breath "I'm pregnant" I whispered to him.
"What?" He looked at me like I had gone mad.
"How?"
"Do you really want to know?" I asked him sarcastically.
Taking a deep breath "How far along?"
"About six weeks. I took three tests" I really had. I have been freaking out when I took the first one.
I had to make sure. He stepped away from me. It stung a little bit.
"Well, this complicates things" when he turned back to me. He just smiled a weird looking smile and then he walked back inside without sparing me another glance or saying another word. What was going on, what was he talking about? Was he angry at me? Would he take responsibility?
I supposed I would soon find out. It was official my life sucked. I was pregnant and the father has gone AWOL. I had not spoken to him since the party. That was two weeks ago. I tried calling and texting. But it was all useless. I had told no one except for him. I was a little scared. I was more scared of what will happen when my family found out. I wondered and dreaded what they would do.
I didn't have to wait long. My presence was demanded upstairs. | looked in the mirror. No one could tell that I was pregnant. At least not yet. My tummy was still fairly flat and was wearing an oversized sweater.