"I understand you are angry. But Diane, Collins was not the one who gave me the money. It was Eric. I don't even think that Collins knew about it"
"It doesn't matter mom. Nothing does. This was just the ammunition that they needed. And worse still, my own mother was the one who gave it to them.
And my children could be taken away from me" grunting in frustration she continued to pull her hair. "Whatever happens it doesn't matter, because the almighty Eric Timmons will always always be on his precious godson's side."
"I will go on the stand. I will tell the whole story" ideas racing through her mind. She had to come up with something.
"It doesn't matter. It just doesn't. This is just another instance of you pushing me back in life. Whenever, I think that my life couldn't get any worse something comes up. And 90 percent of the time it is in the form of my very own mother." Speaking more to herself than Esther.
"Diane" she gasped aloud in pain. She was clutching her chest in pain. She knew this day was coming. It was only a matter of time. The day that she delivered Diane, she cried. But it was not just tears of joy, but tears of fear and shame for when her daughter discovered how she was conceived and who her mother really was. She feared on seeing the shame and disgust in her eyes.
"No. I am sorry mom but I have been holding this in for so long." Deciding that it was time to tell her mother what she had been holding back all the years. She thought that she had forgiven her mom and had let everything go. But this current situation was bringing back memories and resentment.
"Since the day I could talk and comprehend I knew that I was unwanted. The looks I received from workers and my own half-siblings. As to the bullying I received from them, I was suicidal. Do you know the amount of beatings and suffering I received because of their hatred for you?" tears spilling down her cheeks.
"Diane" Esther called tearfully. She knew of the pain and she had spent nights praying for Jesus and God to change the situation.
"No mom, just listen. They would beat me. Seven times, they shoved me in a locker and left me there all day till night fell. If
it wasn't because of the night janitor hearing my screams I would have died. And you know the sad part those were the least cruel things they did to me. And that was just at school.
At the Timmons mansion I was treated worse. Even his parents spat on me a couple of times." chuckling dryly at the memory.
"And when I thought that I caught a break in the form of a handsome and caring man. But he turned out to be an asshole who caused me nothing but heartache and emotional
pain."
Esther started openly weeping at the pain that her daughter had to go through.
Yet Diane wasn't done there. She went for the knockout punch. "But the worst pain and shame was knowing that I turned exactly like you. A scarlet dressed woman."
"Diane. Forgive me. Please. I am begging you" Esther pleaded.
"But honestly, the pain I am feeling right now is nothing compared to the past. The insults, every sarcastic remark, every one their slaps is etched in my soul. But nothing compares to what you have done. Because of you, my mother, it hurts a thousand times more."
"Mi hija, mi pequeña Marie Diane, perdóname. No sabía lo que haba" Esther continued to cry and plead. (My daughter, my little Marie Diane, forgive me - I didn't know what I was doing.)
But Diane wasn't finished. "I am done with you pulling my family through the mud. Something has to give."
"What can I do to atone for my sins? Tell me and I will do it.
Please" ready to do anything.
Sighing and taking a deep breath. She shook her head. "You can start by leaving. I don't want to see you right now. And keep away from the kids until I figure this crap out"
"Diane no no no no. I beg of you. Anything but that. You need me. I can help. I can support you" she pleaded. She couldn't bear to be separated from her daughter. Not now. She needed her. They needed each other.
Diane thought about it for a minute, then shook her head. "No mom. The truth is, I don't need you. And it is better that you leave. And soon. Because the way I am feeling I wish I were not your daughter. You mess up people's life. Your actions don't just affect my life but George, Fifa and the boys." walking backwards.
"Diane. Diane please." Esther called.
"Please I am begging you mom. Go before I say something we would both regret" grabbing her bag and escaping to her room. She needed to before the real fireworks started.
Esther remained downstairs sobbing uncontrollably. Why did she always ruin every person she meets her life. She was like a scarlet letter. Her entire life was filled with shame and guilt.
She was like a friend that everyone hated and didn't want to be around. She brought disgrace everywhere she went. No one should be around her. She would most likely drag their names through the mud. It wasn't fair.
What she wouldn't give to go back 29 years ago and not make the same mistake. Not meet Eric Timmons and his empty promises. She was young and in desperate need of money.
Then Eric betrayed her, after seducing her and abandoning her knowing full well that she had a child on the way. She was getting herself wound up just remembering what she had to go through. Carrying Diane was not easy. Three times she nearly lost her pregnancy. One time Eric's mother pushed her on the hard tiles. And Eric did nothing. How could a father abandon his own child like that?
She was the woman in the Scarlet Letter of the 1850 fictional romance. Ironically, she only came to know of the book when her fellow maid gave to her as a backhanded insult.
Nevertheless, it was exactly true of her. She was the woman who conceived a daughter through an affair and since that day struggling to create a new life of repentance and dignity.
She was hurling curses at the Timmons and the Dwights and asking God why he had abandoned her when he should be punishing Eric. It wasn't fair. Why should her daughter be punished when people Eric continued to destroy everything around him? Look at all the harm that he and Collins had done. They should be the ones on the road to hell! Along with her, if God deemed it to be so.
A thought came to her, if she hadn't been susceptible to that man's seduction she wouldn't have been forced to go down this path. But as quickly as the thought came it was quickly gone because in her heart and soul she knew that she would never regret her daughter.
"Esther" a soft voice called to her whilst laying a comforting hand on her.
Quickly drying her eyes. "George. Don't mind me. I am just being stupid." Trying to laugh it off.
"She doesn't mean it. Whatever she said she doesn't mean it.
She is just in shock" George tried to comfort her.
"Did you hear?" she asked quietly.
He shook her head. "No. I was keeping the kids busy" George replied assuring her.
"They didn't hear anything right??" she asked hastily. She couldn't bear the thought of her grandsons finding out about her sins. She couldn't face them if they knew.
"No. The theater is sound proof. I built it that way so I could kidnap beautiful young women such as yourself" he lightly joked.
She smiled up at him. That was a lesson she had learnt a very long time ago. To not let people see past her façade. Wasn't it what the song by Queen said, 'My make-up maybe flaking but my smile still went on'
"The kids are engrossed in a movie and I just wanted to come up and check on you two." in a gentle voice.
"Well, that is good. I have to get going" breathing out loud and getting up to leave.