May 28
Dear diary;
When did people start saying "Never say never"? Was it after the first betrayal? The first time they contradicted their own words?
I can't believe it, I just can't believe it. I broke up with my last boyfriend because he was trying to force me to go physical, and now this happens!?!?!
Yesterday started off normally enough. I finished emptying out my dorm room and shipped my things home so I wouldn't have to worry about them. My dormmate had invited me to a graduation party that was being held for the whole class last night, so I was planning on making the trip home today.
When we got to the hotel where the party was being held, I offered to be the designated driver for our group again, but they turned me down in favor of the usual DD. I still made it clear I wasn't going to be drinking a lot, since our usual DD has a hard time resisting alcohol and will often drink too much even if they are supposed to drive. (And yet every time I offer to take it they turn me down. Why?)
Anyway, the party was a lot of fun. I'm glad I made sure to eat ahead of time, because the only actual "food" there was a few bowls of cherry tomatoes and what must have been fifty different bags of chips. (Plus the alcohol, and one or two jugs of store bought punch.) I danced with a few guys (why let that jerk ruin my fun?) and spent a lot of time chatting with friends that I will probably never talk to again.
The party was starting to wind down when my dormmate's boyfriend came over to talk. That should have been my first clue. I've kept on friendly terms with him--I mean, he's my dormmate's boyfriend, no need to make things difficult for myself--but even then we aren't close enough for him to be looking for me when his girlfriend was closer.
Well, hindsight's twenty/twenty. He poured a cup for me from one of the jugs of punch, and then we spent an awkward several minutes exchanging small talk. He asked me what I was going to do when I got home, I asked if they were planning to go home immediately or spend some private time first. (I mean, not much I can do if other people decide to go physical in their relationship.)
I started feeling dizzy around when he said that they had decided to break up, something about long distance relationships that I couldn't hear clearly. I tried to focus, but gave it up as a lost cause after a few minutes and started trying to find my best friend in the still far-too-thick crowd. I WAS planning to spend last night at her house, since she lived close to campus and hadn't needed to stay in the dorms.
At this point the honey-and-lemon-scented-soap jerk of a poor excuse for a boyfriend (I need to tell my dormmate she dodged a bullet when she agreed to break up with him) made a production of noticing my condition and insisted on "helping" me. Since I wasn't feeling confident I could walk straight, I told him to tell my best friend that I wasn't feeling well and would wait until she was ready to leave and then help me down to the hotel lobby.
I was starting to feel uncomfortable by the time he got back. He put his arm around my waist as he helped me out of the conference room we used for the party and we started walking down the hallway. I didn't realize until the elevator dinged that he had led me in the opposite direction of the lobby.
By then, my thoughts felt like they were moving through molasses and it took me the entire elevator ride before I worked out the idea that if we were on an elevator, then we were heading towards a room instead of the lobby. It took another ten or so minutes while we walked down the hallway to figure out that if we were heading towards a room, then I should probably stop cooperating with him and find somewhere to hide.
Of course, since my thoughts could have been called glacial at best at that point, I didn't think it odd at all to go knock on the first door I saw after turning the corner. Why it opened I'm not exactly sure. What I know is that whatever I saw on the other side (I can't even remember what, I was so out of it) made me think "Oh, it's an aphrodisiac, not a sleeping drug."
The next thing I can clearly remember is waking up this morning. By the time I had calmed down and started thinking through what I could remember of last night, I realized I had missed my ride home. I called Bea (my best friend) to let her know I'd be at her house as soon as possible since I had left what few things I hadn't packed with her, and started collecting my things from around the room where they had apparently gotten scattered last night.
I made sure I got a good look at his face--if I ever run into him again I want to be able to recognize him--and took a quick picture just in case. Then I wrote him a quick note for whenever he woke up.
I went to call a cab, but I realized right before I left the room that I'd left everything except my phone at Bea's--meaning I had no money on me. I backtracked, found his wallet, pulled a couple of twenties out, and left a note at the bottom of the letter I'd already written.
It should be fine, he had several new, high-level cards on him. Plus, I gave him an email to contact me with.
I made it a point not to give him my name. No need to give someone who might not even care information against me. To be fair I didn't check the name on his cards. If he contacts me, we can work our way to that point.
He can also figure it out for himself, if he wants to. It's not like I'm some kind of computer whiz who can block hackers from tracking my IP address, or remotely erase any security footage the hotel might have caught of me. Maybe my parents might know one, but I think I'll leave that method of investigation open. If he's willing to go to that much effort, then last night meant something serious for him. It'll be up to him to convince me it can mean more than maybe single motherhood for me.
Oh, shoooooooooooooooooooortbread, guosim shrewbread how am I supposed to tell my Mom what happened?!?!?!??!!