The game began with the two blonde and brunette girls from earlier. They had been giggling and throwing back shots, making everyone who played drink to their own enjoyment. Meanwhile, I had been quiet the entire game. Mostly because I was far too shy to do anything besides take a sip out of the red cup Will had given me earlier tonight.
Playing this game seemed quite unfair to a person who had barely done anything besides read books and go to classes, so everything they had said so far never applied to my past-years activities. But I was not one to complain about that.
One example was when Mike had said if any of us had ever had a one-night stand and got caught while 'doing the dirty', as he had put it. To this, everyone had taken their shot except for Will and I.
Another example was when Myra had said if any of us had ever cheated on an exam to pass a class. Everyone took their shot, but once again, the only exceptions were Will and I.
While everyone else got drunk, I sat in the little space of the couch and kept my head down, only listening to what was being said and smiled at the way Will was laughing and playing along with everyone else.
However, while everyone had been playing, my eyes kept wandering off to the other side of the room where Aiden and the girl he walked in with, were in their own little bubble of enjoyment. He had been making her laugh for the past ten minutes, and during those ten minutes, he had been kissing her neck, kissing her mouth and the girl would return the gesture, teasing him, pulling back his bottom lip with her teeth and doing other things that – I was surprised to discover – no one seemed to care about.
There were even times where he would be kissing her and glancing at me while doing so, and then a big smirk would play on his lips like a broken record once I turned away, as if I wasn't embarrassed to have been caught looking at them in the first place.
"Okay, my turn!" The blonde stopped parting from Aiden's side. "Never have I ever..." She thought for a moment, then looked back at her make out partner with a grin. "Never have I ever had sex in the library."
Everyone laughed. I just plainly stared with shock.
Everyone seemed to drink; Myra, Lars, the two girls, the blonde whose name I still didn't know and Aiden. Will and I looked at each other briefly before anyone could notice the judgment on our faces and shared a chuckle between ourselves.
"Who's next?" Mike slightly slurred toward the group. "Emma... was it?"
I raise my head from staring at my hands on my lap and look at Mike who was sprawled over his side of the couch.
"Yes?"
"You haven't touched your shot yet. Go on, give us one!" He urged me, and he took the bottle to his lips.
"I'm not sure... I don't really know what I would say..." I muttered, sheepishly.
"I don't think she's up to it." Aiden spoke up and lent forward over his knees looking smug. "I doubt she's brave enough to play with us big kids anyway."
I looked at him with a glare, one he returned with an obnoxious smile.
"Don't be an ass, Aiden." Myra jerked her head at him.
"I'm being honest, Myra. Mike even said she hadn't touched her shot the whole game. She's too much of a goodie-two-shoes to play this game." He looked over my small frame and scoffed. "See?"
I sat up straight, annoyed by his assumptions of me no matter how true they might have been.
"I have no problem in playing with a 'big kid' like you, Aiden." I said, simply. "I'm just relieved to see that while you're here, playing this game in which you are taking much participation of your own, you're not letting your education get in the way of your ignorance."
Everyone began to giggle and laugh and make shocked noises to add to the humor my sentence had caused, meanwhile Aiden's satisfaction from just seconds ago, was replaced by a strong scowl as he set his jaw.
"What are you going to do about that, Aiden?" Mike mocked him from the couch, his eyes flicking between the two of us.
"I say we play the damn game," He said through clenched teeth and took a shot from his glass. "Mind if I go first?"
Everyone nodded in agreement. Then, Aiden turned and looked at me as if in the middle of a thought and suddenly, began to place the smug expression back on his face.
"Never have I ever come close to fucking a janitor."
I swallowed hard so the new dryness in my throat would settle, but it didn't help at all.
I knew what he was trying to do. I knew why he was trying to do it, and not planning on letting him win, I took my shot without a thought.
The burn in my throat glided harshly down until it reached the empty pit of my stomach. I didn't expect a liquid to hurt so much, and so I found myself coughing before I regained my breath and set the glass on the table for it to be refilled.
Then, I spoke again, my words coming out quickly before anyone else could.
"Never have I ever hit someone because you were jealous of them."
Myra's eyes widened at the same time my words flew out of my mouth, and later, watched as Aiden twisted in his own irritation.
He had become restless, fidgeting and clenching his fists every chance he got, until finally, he managed to get on my last nerve.
"Never have I ever kissed somebody in this room."
My mouth parted and my eyes shot to everyone else in the room, looking for their reactions or to see if they knew what he might be talking about like I was. But all they had managed to do was watch the way Aiden and I had been one-upping one another as if they were a tennis match.
"Go on, Emma... Drink it." Aiden threatened.
I filled my shot back up with hatred, looked at everyone else doing the same, and drank it, going through that entire burning sensation all over again and coughing, as I felt my anger rise.
"And please, remind us all who it was?" Aiden was now far from the blonde. He was on the edge of his seat, eager to see my reaction and then be satisfied when he got the upper hand.
My heart began to smack against my chest in protest. The shots I had been taking only now started to take effect on my body, and with my thoughts ablaze, I searched for any answer that wasn't his name.
Will and Myra both looked at me, waiting like everyone else in this room. Every pair of eyes was watching me, including Aiden's. It was a type of pressure I had never been under, and I found myself stumbling over my own tongue while I called out a name that no one had expected.
"W-Will...!"
I furrow my brows at my answer and turn to my friend who is now wide-eyed and shocked just as much as I was. I look at him in a pleading manner to go along with it, knowing that a long, and guilty-filled apology would follow.
"Will and I... kissed by accident," I explain, fiddling with my hands nervously.
There was a single minute of silence that drowned out every thought in my head while I kept pleading with Will with my eyes.
If people knew that Aiden and I had kissed... I didn't even allow myself to think beyond that point.
"Yeah... we did." Will sounded unsure at first, but one look at me and his voice hardened. "We... we were walking and we bumped into each other. Sometimes, you know, you're caught at a bad angle and it just... happened." He shrugged it off.
I let out a long-held breath and mouth a thank you to Will once everyone had moved on from us.
But one person was still sitting in the room that hadn't moved on and instead, had grown angrier. The line between his eyebrows had creased alongside his glare and I was glad when he didn't say anything else on that topic.
However... Unfortunately, he did on others...
"I'd like to go again," Aiden calls out to the group.
"Aiden, you've done plenty already. Give someone else a go." Myra looked at me, telling me with just her eyes that she was trying to, somewhat, save me from what was going to happen next.
"Just one more..." He teased the group and stood up, walking over to me. He didn't say a single thing, he only picked up my shot glass, refilled it with the bottle of vodka, and sat back down on the opposite couch as if he already knew that what he would say next would make me drink. "Never have I ever been abandoned by a father."
The room dropped into silence immediately. So silent in fact, I could have sworn I heard every other sound outside this stupid, dammed room.
"W-what?"
Please, don't do this... Not in front of everyone... please... My subconscious begged to whatever Gods might exist.
"Never have I ever been abandoned by a father." He repeats again, slower this time so it hurt that much more. "But more specifically, left you, Emma, because he didn't want you." He leant forward again. "Perhaps you are just too stupid to realize that no one has ever wanted you."
Briefly, I heard someone gasp, someone else choke on their drink and Myra say something to Aiden. But I didn't hear it. I couldn't hear anything as I stood up. Between my anger, frustration and almost every other feeling I was going through in that moment, a tear had formed and sat where soon it would fall.
My fists scrunched up into tight white balls as I walked past Will to reach the couch where Aiden had been so comfortably sitting. I grab the bottle of vodka that was placed on the coffee table and hold it near my waist.
"You cold bastard." The words flow out with bitterness, past my trembling lip. "You wanted to see me drink? Fine, I'll drink!" I bring the stiff bottle to my lips, ignoring every other person in this room. "You want to see me get drunk? Done! Because apparently, this is all a game to you! You want to put on a show for all your little friends? Go ahead! But you had no right to bring up my father!" I slam down the bottle and notice the way Aiden's eyes had gone dark with what appeared to look like guilt or, maybe, shame. Either way, I was probably wrong. "I hope you had fun..."
I gave Aiden one last look and shoved the bottle to his chest before walking out of the room and slamming the door behind me.
He wanted me to play a game he knew well enough I would lose.
Thinking about that, I grunt in frustration and push past the obsessive amount of people blocking the front door even though my name was being called in the distance. I ignored it, I didn't want to turn around and explain anything to anyone.
When I finally made it outside, the cold air rushed to my face and blew away the loose strands of hair. I hugged myself wishing I had worn a jacket while the tears in my eyes finally dropped. I began walking to Will's car, not exactly sure what I would do after that.
"Emma! Wait!" Will's voice got louder behind me and knowing it was him, I slowed my pace to let him catch up.
"I shouldn't have come tonight..." I shake my head, the tears slowly disappearing. "I am so stupid for thinking a party of all things, would be anything other than a tragedy for my self-esteem." I half laughed.
"You are not stupid, okay?" He tried to smile. "And this isn't a tragedy for your self-esteem." He couldn't help but laugh at that part. "Besides, whatever happened in there, it's my fault... I thought a night out with your friends would be fun and instead, it turned out to be... well... not."
I sighed and wiped at my eyes with a chuckle.
"I'm sorry Aiden brought up your father. And for what he said afterwards. He's just too big of an ass to realize what something like that actually feels like. I swear if I see that piece of arrogant snot again-"
"Will?" I raise my head to look at those comfortable blue eyes of his, interrupting his rant with a little laugh.
"Yeah?" He grins.
"Are you still up for that late-night coffee idea?"
Will grinned even wider and nodded his head.
"Absolutely. Though, we're going to have to take a cab because we are too drunk to drive." He rubbed the back of his neck and led us both down the street with another laugh.
This is when a deeper voice, rough and garbled came from behind us. I turned around to see Aiden pacing towards us with his thick and heavy boots thumping on the concrete. Yet, I ignored him. I didn't want to talk to him.
"Emma!" He grunted, sounding a lot closer than what he was just mere seconds ago. "Emma!" He shouts louder. "For fucks sake stop!"
I tugged Will by the arm because I could feel him hesitate to keep walking and ignore Aiden, but he didn't manage to find the willpower not to. Instead, he yanked his arm away from me and faced Aiden with a murderous stare. I stopped walking and looked at him, pleading with him once more to just follow me and get me home. He didn't.
"Leave her alone ass-hat! Don't you think you've said enough?"
It made me feel a little better than Will cared enough to defend me, but still, this was ridiculous and didn't deserve any more time.
"I need to talk to her." Aiden stood over William.
"No, you don't!" Will pushed him backwards to create some distance. "You don't care about her! You'll use her just like you did with the other girls and you'll break her! So leave her be! Go back to the blonde you were having so much fun with and leave Emma out of whatever is going on between you two!"
"There is nothing going on between the two of us! I just want to talk! Now, move!" Aiden tried to step aside and get to me, trying his best not to lose his calm.
Will shook his head and blocked Aiden's way.
"No." He stood firm. "I'm not leaving her alone with you."
"This is not about you!" Aiden ran a hand through his loose curls. "It will only be a moment," He glanced at me with his dark eyes and a sorry expression, then met back with Will's stare. "Please," He added.
"No," He insisted.
Looking at the way the black-haired boy was now narrowing his eyes and taking a step toward Will, I stepped in between the two of them. I didn't doubt that if I didn't, Will would have ended up in a similar state to what Elijah was in a few days ago.
"Will..." I smiled weakly. "Go. I'll meet you at your car, okay?"
He huffed and looked at me as if he was asking, "Are you sure?"
"I'll be fine. Give us two minutes." It didn't convince him that I would be fine, knowing Aiden I wasn't sure myself.
Once Will had turned the corner and was no longer in view, I turned to Aiden and instantly, I found myself wanting to slap him across the face.
"What the hell is your problem?" I conformed myself with just yelling at him. "You already got the reaction you wanted from me just by bringing up my father! What more could you possibly want from me?"
"I want to talk!"
"For what?! To ask me more questions about my personal life so can expose them in a stupid drinking game?" I yell at him more, the alcohol really starting to take a toll on my behaviour. "I bet you would want to hear all about it! Well. Let's start off with my mother!"
"Emma stop-"
"No! You wanted to know, didn't you? Or, is having to take care of my alcoholic mother just not interesting enough for you?" I furrowed my brows deeply. "Well, what is it then, Aiden? Tell me so I can give you what you want to hear and you'll get off on your ego! Isn't that what it takes for you to leave me the hell alone?"
He stood there... silently dumbfounded by everything I had said.
"I'm not the problem here, Emma." He gave me a once over, "You are."
I scoffed. "You are unbelievable!" I pull my hands through my hair in despair. "And what exactly is my problem, then? Because I remember you enjoyed all my problems when you kissed me the other day!"
"You kissed me! I was drunk and you took advantage of it!"
"I did not take 'advantage' of you! You kissed me back!"
"You really think I would kiss you back?" He shook his head and pressed his lips together, emphasizing on the 'you' part. "If you believe that, you are terribly mistaken, Emma."
I held up a brave face for as long as I could because I wasn't about to show him any more of the tears he caused. I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of seeing the hurt he does. I would die before I showed them to him again.
I'm sorry if I'm not perfect, I'm sorry if I don't dress like every other girl in school, begging to be seen and admired by men from afar. But that is just not who I am and I will be dammed if I ever change that for anyone.
"I really thought you... I just- I thought..."
"You what, Emma!?"
My chin trembled and I looked away to hide the red of my face that the tears had colored.
"Nothing..." I push past him. "Have a good night, Jerk."
"You can't go home like that." He holds on to my arm, and like every other time he's done so, I yank it away. "It's your first time being drunk, you'll throw up. Or worse, you'll pass out. You could hurt yourself. Emma!" He said, and I continued to ignore him while I headed down the sidewalk, folding my arms to keep as warm as I could through the cold breeze.
Down a little further I started to make out the colors of Will's white car. He was leaning against it, talking to someone on the phone when I stood next to him and smiled. The corners of his lips tugged up slightly as he ended the call and slid his phone into the back pocket of his jeans.
"Are you okay?" He raised his brows in worry.
"Yeah... I'm just sorry he managed to ruin your night too. And, back at the party, when I said I kissed you..." I pressed my lips together in embarrassment. "I'm really, really sorry about that."
"Don't apologize, it took me by surprise but I guess it's okay." He shrugged, laughing it off. "And about Aiden, that was never your fault. He can be really difficult and I just... I don't want him to hurt you like he does everyone else. You don't deserve that. I know I can't tell you what to do, but as a friend, I want you to know that you should be careful around him." His eyes crinkle with his newfound smile. "I don't know what everything back there was about and I doubt you want to talk about it right now, so," He nudges my arm. "Are you still up for that coffee or should I drop you off at home?"
"Home is good."
Will nodded and after a few minutes of waiting, a bright yellow cab pulled into the curb and waited for us to get in. As soon as I met the seat I felt a wave of relief wash over me. Going home and getting some sleep felt like the only thing I needed right about now.
For my first time being intoxicated, it was going quite well. I hadn't thrown up yet or done any of the stereotypical cringe-worthy things I saw in movies when people got drunk, so I took that as a good sign and watched as the streetlights led us to my apartment.
Will had opened my door and helped me out of the car and up the stairs.
"For drinking so much, you don't appear at all drunk." I cackled in his direction.
"Well. Unlike you, this isn't my first time being drunk. I have a bigger tolerance to alcohol. Now let's get you inside before you fall and die." He laughed some more
We continued up the staircase until we reached my apartment door. Will fetched out the keys from the little bag I had brought and had thrown his head back in even more laughter when he found I had brought a book to a party.
Once he had calmed himself, he opened the door and pushed it open.
"Thank you for putting up with everything tonight. And getting me home and for the whole kiss thing." I told him.
"What are friends for?" He smiled and steadied me through the door. "Now get some sleep. You're lucky it's the weekend. You'll have plenty to handle tomorrow."
***
After shutting the door behind me, I had sunk behind it, sitting on the floor and taking a deep breath to let my thoughts wander around. It was much needed since I entered the apartment. I could feel the unsettling feeling of throwing up sitting in my throat, patiently waiting for the right time to bring it all up.
And surely, after a while of sitting down and concentrating on my breathing, my stomach twisted and turned, advising me that running to the bathroom, was a good idea.
I dropped to the floor on both knees and stuck my head above the toilet. It was like a wave had thrown my body into the ocean and its force had led me to repeat it over and over again – even when I thought nothing more could possibly be thrown up.
I held my own hair back from my face as I continued to hurl everything out for a long while later. Until, finally, my stomach decided it was satisfied. But the new headache that had spurted only grew bigger, pounding harder and harder before I finally passed out on the cold bathroom tiles all alone.
I had no idea how much time had gone by since then. Although, that didn't seem to matter now since someone was picking me up. Muffled voices floated comfortably in the air, forming words I couldn't quite make out no matter how hard I tried.
"You are really stubborn, you know that?"