Days flew by in this darkened room. I can't seem to remember how long I've been lying in this bed. I played around with my bracelet as I became more and more restless. I haven't taken my medicine in quite a while. To be honest, I have never felt better. For once, I have energy, and I don't feel sick or weak. But I know that if I want to continue being alive, I have to take the medicine. I just never understood how a medicine made to make me better makes me feel like shit. I'll take the pill when Usynlig comes back in here.
She visits me quite frequently. She'll come in to bring me food, snacks, clothes, and new books to read. Ones I didn't know even existed. They contained some pretty advanced magic but didn't take long before I finished all of them. I think she's afraid I'll fall into a dark place if she doesn't keep me busy.
But right now, I needed a change in scenery.
I sighed heavily, forcing myself to sit up. Today I chose to wear longer leather-like pants with a white flowy shirt. I've given up on trying to keep this curly mane of mine under control. To keep it out of my face, I tied it up into a frizzy ponytail. I looked out the window and watched the orange light fill the room. The lady left wooden crutches for me by the bed. Judging by the rough edges, which appeared to have been carved with a knife, I'd say these were handmade. My legs are still not completely healed. The pain isn't as bad as before, but it still makes it difficult to walk. I used the crutches to help me wobble up onto my feet. I used deep, controlled breaths to block out the pain. I carefully swung the crutches and made my way to the door.
"Usynlig?" I entered the hall.
My eyes widened as I looked around. It was bigger than I thought.
"Hello?" I looked down the hall towards the main room. I noticed the orange light brightening the whole space.
After what felt like hours of me struggling to use the crutches and get past the pain throbbing in my legs, I finally made it to the main room. It was empty, and the door was left open. The scent of herbs and incense filled the area. Through the open door, the hint of copper blew into the room. I could faintly hear her humming a song to herself. I limped to the door and saw her salting several pieces of meat. She changed into a light brown dress that had a hood and sleeves she could roll up. The bottom of the dress had two long slits that went up to her waist. She wore long brown ribbed pants that hugged her thighs tightly. She was knelt down on the ground with a bucket of salt and a tray of meat displayed in front of her.
"Hey." I sat down on a stump near the door.
"Look who's up and about. How are you today?" She seemed more cheery than before.
"Bored. I had to get out of that room." I watched her massage the salt and other herbs onto the meat.
"Well, I'm happy to see you out here, and you came just in time." She cleaned off her hands.
"For what?"
"Well, I'm running low on salt. I will need your help making some more." She stood up with the tray and took it inside.
I looked down at my bracelet, remembering about the pills.
"Can I have a cup of water, please?"
"No problem."
I thought about following her, but it literally took me a century to make it this far.
"Here you go." She came back outside with a small brown satchel around her shoulders as she handed me the cup.
"Thank you." I took off my bracelet and tapped out two pills.
I figured it'd be okay since I've gone a good few weeks without it.
"What that?"
"It's medicine my mom made for me. She put it in a bracelet so I can always have it on hand." I placed the bracelet back on my wrist.
She stared at it for a while, making me feel uncomfortable.
"So, um, you make your own salt?"
"What? Oh y-yeah, yes, of course, I do. I'm not made of money. Plus, this way, I can stock up on a lot of it with no money spent."
"I guess that is reasonable." I shifted on the stump.
"Are you ready?" She wrapped a cloak around herself, holding another one in her hand.
"With the condition I'm in, I don't see me being of any use to you." I touched my bruised legs.
"You don't have to worry about that. Oh, and eat this." She handed me a little round black ball. It was the size of a bullet.
I tossed it into my mouth and bit into it.
"Uarghk! What is this?" The bitter taste assaulted my tongue.
"It's a medicine that will help with the pain." She handed me a mint leaf to combat the bitter taste.
"Okay, now follow me." She helped me stand up, throwing the other cloak onto me.
I followed her to the side of the cabin. Right on the wall was a giant sigil circle carved into the wood. The detail was astonishing. Her sigil was in the form of a circle with three other smaller circles inside it that interlocked with two squares. Between each shape, words were inscribed and decorated in the very center. I couldn't help but reach out and touch it.
"Pretty nice, huh?" She stood back.
"I've only seen one in pictures, but usually they are smaller. But this, this is like a piece of art."
"It took a while to make it, but I figured this way was easier than having to draw it each time I wanted to go somewhere."
"How do you activate it?"
"Like this." She took a little knife and jabbed the tip of her finger.
She touched the center and spoke an incantation in danish. A blue light appeared where her finger was pressed against the wood, slowly etching its way throughout the sigil's design. A light flashed, and the scent of the sea blew into my face. I didn't even realize that a smile crept its way across my lips as I watched this beautiful performance take place.
"It's okay. You can enter it now." She signaled me to go.
I stepped in feeling like I just entered another world. Birds sang as they flew in the pale blue sky. The waves from the ocean crashed no more than five feet in front of us. I stumbled a bit, forgetting I was no longer on solid ground.
"Careful." Usynlig held me up.
"It'll be a bit tricky walking that way. Let's go around and onto those rocks over there." She pointed to a hill of large boulders that flattened out at the top, creating a large walkway that stretched into the ocean.
I nodded, eagerly wanting to be closer to the water. The way the salted air danced with my hair and filled my lungs brought a feeling of comfort I thought I'd never get back. Only a week ago, my life was ripped into shreds right before my eyes. This new sense of bliss felt wrong. Like it should be bitter, cutting away at my tongue as I consumed it, but it was sweet. Which only made my guilt worse.
"Hey," She stopped to look at me.
"Sometimes, it's good to get out of your own head. I don't know about you, but it can get a little chaotic in here." She gestured at her temple.
"Yeah, I know what you mean."
"I find that doing small tasks like this helps. It's productive and useful."
I followed her up the pathway of rocks. They were a bit slippery, so I made sure to watch my step. Usynlig stopped a few times to help me up the ones that had a steep ledge.
"I notice that you do your magic rituals quite fast." My chest ached, and it was hard to catch my breath.
The pain medication she gave me worked a bit earlier, but now my legs throbbed as I pushed them to keep going. I haven't done any physical activity in a while. My body was not prepared for this journey. I was starting to feel weak again as my head spun.
"I do what is called chaos magic. It's a less complex method that requires fewer tools than ceremonial magic. But it is equally as powerful."
"Yeah, I uh, I've read a couple of books on it." I was sweating profusely, and the wood from the crutches started to dig into my skin.
"In one, it states that it is believed that everyone creates their own world and that once you mastered handling the unlimited power of your unconscious mind, you will achieve your desired outcome."
"Correct! But do you know why many can't handle this kind of magic?" She helped me get over a large boulder.
"Because they lack discipline?"
"Not exactly. Not a lot of people like chaos. Most crave structure and stability, so they find it better to be a ceremonial witch. Through the lens of a chaos sorcerer, the universe itself is chaos. So the caster needs to drum up some chaos in their inner spirit and project that outwards. It will only be effective once the sorcerer is in a gnostic state."
"Gnostic?"
"It's an altered state of consciousness that can be achieved through dance, meditation, or intense physical effort. Only then can you access your unconscious mind, which doesn't follow the same rules as your conscious mind." She jumped up on rocks like they were just little pebbles on the street.
"It's not restricted by reasoning, worries, doubts, or negativity. Being in the state of gnosis unlocks a whole new world of possibilities. Anything is possible."
"But the books mom had they always said that you must call upon the Corners to cast a circle of protection before any spell. So who do chaos casters call?"
"Well, no one. Though we may borrow from the energies around us, we do not need or depend on a higher figure like a god to perform a spell. It's more about having faith in yourself. Not in a spirit, a god, or a deity. Your belief is your tool." She looked up at the sky as she spoke. A smile lifted at the corners of her mouth.
"Faith in yourself? I assume it's harder to do that than just saying it, huh?" I laughed to myself.
Not sure if that is the practice for me.
I kept looking back, wondering if it was too late to quit and go back to my dark little room, regretting every decision I've made today.
"It is hard, but it's worth it. The feeling of being whole on your own, knowing there are no limitations but the ones you place in front of you." She looked back at me.
"If you placed it there, you can move it." She turned around and continued climbing up the rocks.
It was like she could sense I was ready to give up.
I took a deep breath and slapped my cheeks. This is nothing. Dad used to run across states with mom and me on his back. Even when he was injured, he never stopped. He didn't let the pain overpower him. If he could do that, then I can walk up some damn rocks.
I pushed the pain aside and made my way up the structure. I swung those crutches and braced my feet for the landing. Once we reached the top, I was unbelievably relieved.
"We are almost there." She ran out in front of me, still completely dry and relaxed while I was drenched with sweat.
I was the only one dying here.
We walked on the pathway until the water was deep and the sand beneath the waves was not visible.
"Here is good." She reached into her satchel, going elbow deep into it to pull out a large metal container. It was big enough to be a tub for me.
"What the hell was that?" My eyes widened in awe.
"It's my space bag. I keep everything in it."
"But how did that, come out of that?"
"It's simple spatial magic. In here is a dimensional storage where I can fill it with anything. It stores my things in a fold of dimension or space, and I'm able to rematerialize it at will. I just visualize what I need," She closed her eyes, reaching back into the bag.
"And voila!" She pulled out a chair, placing it in front of me.
The chair was smaller than a regular one. The light brown wood twisted and bent together to make the armrest and the backing for the chair.
"I wanna learn that one. It can come in handy." I gladly took a seat.
My hand ran over a symbol that was etched into the armrest. I recognized it as meaning water.
"But um, how do you plan on getting the water in this large tin?"
There was no way to reach down into the water from here. I was curious about how she was going to pull this one off.
"Oh, little one." She laughed, humming as her hands danced along with the blowing wind.
Little orbs of light swirled around her fingers. Her melody was soft yet powerful. You could feel the surge of energy radiating from her. She stepped closer to the edge of the walkway, moving her hand over the crashing waves.
"Magic has changed over the years. It is not only practiced in one way or the other. Many things are possible if you believe it to be so." She crouched down and tapped the water.
As she stood up, a large mass of seawater followed her. Floating above her palm as though it were made of air. I have never witnessed magic like this before. It was incredible. She effortlessly placed the seawater into the tin, filling it to the brim.
"The only rule that hasn't changed is the one about the offering. Since we do gather most of our energy from the elements around us, it is important to always bring a gift for them as gratitude. Those who do not offer anything in return are only asking for trouble." She took a crystal out of her satchel and placed it in the ocean.
"What gift will you give today?" I shifted in my seat.
"It's a crystal that will protect and purify the water here." She stretched the opening of her satchel like it was nothing, having it engulf the entire tin filled with water.
"Have you ever created your own sigil?"
"Not really. I drew up a few but, they never worked." I shrugged.
"I have a few more tins to fill. While I do that, start thinking about what your sigil will look like. The power of the sigil lies in its ability to bypass the conscious mind to implant your desire into the unconscious one. You have to create it with an intention in mind. Ask yourself, what do you want your magic to be used for?"
I have never thought of why. I was always drawn to it. I just wanted to learn it and have something I could do with mom.
I watched the waves meet the sea as they crashed and roared against the rocks. Hoping maybe they could help me find my reason for being a witch. What intention should I put into my sigil? I tried to look inside myself and find what I should do, but nothing came to mind. I asked myself what I would like in the future? And I got back for a reply was silence. The silence pissed me off.
Was there nothing I look forward to doing? I felt hopelessly lost. I am only seven years old, so how am I supposed to know who I am? I'm part werewolf, part witch. But I'm unfamiliar with both sides. I wanted to know my purpose for being alive, for being born.
There has to be more to this life than just surviving.
"Why did you bring me here? It's clear that you didn't need me." I looked at her, confused.
"Because, if you can make up here on half-healed fractured legs, what else could you do?" She smiled, approaching me.
"I know you're capable of so much more. You just have to believe in it too." She bopped my nose.
I looked down at my legs, running my hand across the bruises. I didn't know they were fractured. If I had, I wouldn't have agreed to come. But maybe this was a part of her plan. It's like that story my dad would read to me. It was a book about a blind boy called "The Luckiest Kid." He was considered the luckiest kid because he would always escape any crazy situation he got into unscathed. Dad told me that the reason he was able to do all these amazing things was because he couldn't see the obstacles in front of him. So to the boy, there was nothing in his way to stop him from pushing forward.
Usynlig bopped my nose again, bringing me out of my head.
"Even though it hurt and made you want to quit, you didn't. You made it through that. And in time, you'll do the same with your trauma." She held out her hand.
"Come on little one, there is salt to be made."
I hesitated for a moment. It was like the scene from my dream. But this time, it was real. I can't say that I trust her yet, but I do want to learn from her. There are many things she could show me. So for right now, I'll place my life in her hands until I have the strength to hold it within my own.
I grabbed her hand, and she yanked me up to my feet.
"We have a long day ahead of us." She patted my shoulder before walking back down the walkway.
"Wait, what about your chair?" I quickly tucked the crouches under my arm, limping my way to her.
She stared at it fondly as a small, saddened smile appeared on her face.
"Leave it. It never belonged to me anyway." She continued walking.
I glanced back, noticing a quote engraved on the back.
When the sun can finally love the moon, we shall meet again beneath their cast.
Hmm, I wonder what that means?
Could it be from a past lover of hers?
If she's leaving it behind, then she must be over it. Or maybe, she's running from it.
After another grueling trip down those rocks, we made it back to the cabin. On the other side of the home, she built a stove. We scooped the water from the tin buckets into a large metal pot that hung above the fire. As the water evaporated, salt began to form around and inside the pot. She had me scoop out the salt and place it in another pan next to me. Afterward, we placed the pan with the wet salt above the fire, making sure to observe it closely so that it doesn't burn. Once completely dried, we used a stone bowl and a pestle to ground the salt into smaller grains. By the time we finished, she had twenty-three giant glass jars of salt. The morning sky turned dark orange and pink, with pale yellow clouds dusted over it.
"I don't mean to sound like I'm complaining, but I'm tired and hungry." I placed the crutches by the door before throwing myself down on the bench by the entrance, holding my stomach.
"I'll prepare us some lunch." She chuckled.
"I know I've said it before, but you do have quite a matured attitude. Does it come from your father's side?" I watched her move around the kitchen.
"No. My parents, they were always so full of life, unlike me. And my father had a smile that never failed to show up in any situation. He was more of the goofy, optimistic kind." I smiled to myself.
"I tried so hard to be like him. I wore his smile and acted out my version of his character. I saw how it pleased mom to see me being all giggly and happy like a child should be. So I kept doing it." I leaned against the wall.
Even when they looked death in the face, they still managed to smile at me one last time.
I couldn't even do the same for them.
"I loved my mom, but my dad was the one who always saw me. He knew who I was and never expected me to be any different. Mom never directly said anything to me, but I knew." I sighed heavily.
She set a plate with bread and different cheeses and grapes on the table. I used the wall to help me stand before limping to her.
"You can never truly trust a smile though. They are like bandages. Just because they cover the wounds doesn't mean they are not there." She winked at me, sitting across the table to eat.
We ate and chatted about the different types of spells that require salt as a tool. She mentioned how she keeps her sigils charged and ready to go. That since they are usually near a source of water, crystals, or salt, that she doesn't have to worry too much about maintaining their charge.
Suddenly, the crystal that hung around her neck by a piece of twin flashed twice. She quickly stood up, looking towards the door as her smile fell.
"What's wrong?" My heart pounded in my chest.
"Nothing you need to worry about." She wore a smile, leaving the table to rummage through a cabinet.
She came back holding a pouch.
"I need you to wear this."
"What's in it?" I examined the small bag.
"It's a blend I made for you to help hide your wolf scent. Wear it around your neck and keep it tucked away in your shirt. If anyone asks, your name is Lille-en, okay?"
I nodded, doing as instructed. I'm not sure what's happening, but I'll just play along. I'll keep quiet and try not to draw too much attention to myself.
She walked to the door, and I quickly stood up to follow. I snatched a knife I saw on the table, tucking it in the bandage near my ankle as I grabbed my crutches.
"Just stay by my side and follow my lead." Her tone was serious.
Knock!
Knock!
Knock!
The feet of these unwanted guests gathered at the door, along with the foul stench of death. Murmuring came from the other side, alerting me that the group consisted of only men. Against us two, I'm sure they can overpower us.
I looked up at Usynlig, feeling a bit uneasy by how calm she was.
I hope she knows what she's doing.