Saturday
My memory's are distorted. I could've sworn I had the most bone-chilling dream last night, but, as I sat up in a bed that wasn't mine, as I gazed over Jungkook's sleeping form at the end of that bed my fears were confirmed.
It was real.
No it wasn't, block it out.
I stare at Jungkook. His breaths are light, his hair is softly swept to the side. The bow of his upper lip rests just above his perfect pearly white front teeth. I slowly reached out to move a piece of hair that had fallen astray but as I got closer his hand snapped up and caught my wrist tightly in his grip. It hurts.
"Kook" I gasped, shaken by his sudden reaction. He blinked a couple times before realizing and letting go. "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." He mumbled, abruptly sitting up and running his hands through his hair to push it out of his face.
I held my wrist in my lap and rubbed at where it stung slightly. I didn't even know where to start. What to say. The air between us was thick.
"I thought you were mad at me" I whispered. Out of everything I don't know why this was the first thing to come to mind, but it did.
"It's complicated" Jungkook looked straight ahead at the wooden boards that was the wall.
"Then please explain it to me" I stared at him. He leaned down, elbows rested on his knees, head tilted as he gazed at me.
"Why'd you break your promise?" The words he spoke ached in my chest.
"I…" didn't know how to answer that. It's not like I'd asked for any of this to happen.
"You could've died last night Jia. So much for not being reckless. Did you know DaeSung is a drug lord? The job as a hostess I can understand, you needed money, I can live with that, but him, of all the people for you to get involved with-" He pressed. I could feel the anger building in his voice.
"I didn't kno-" I stuttered. But he didn't even wait for me to answer. Each word he spoke was breaking me down, slowly but surely.
"It could've ended much worse than it did. And, If it wasn't for that random Ajushi following you around I wouldn't have even known about any of it." He let out a deep sigh, dropping is face into his hand and scrunching at his temples.
"You're right. This is my fault…" I sat there. Numb. When it all gets shoved at you like that, how can you deny it. There were times when you just can't run and hide. Pretend like everything is fine.
"Jia, That's not what I mean-" Jungkook went wide eyed, his anger vanished. But it was too late. He'd already said it all. I felt small drips hit the back of my hands from where they lay in my lap. Small trembles ran through me, I didn't want to cry but I was.
"Please- Please don't cry" Slowly, he slid closer and lent forward. I just sat there, mind vacant as his arms wrapped around me. So gentle it was as though he was handling fragile goods, as thought I'd break any moment if he wasn't careful enough.
"Who's the Ajushi you mentioned?" I asked. Silence.
"No, Never mind. It's not important" Kook let out a small sigh. His hand settling atop my head.
"Tell me. Don't sit here and blame me for everything and not even tell me what is going on" My voice still no more than a whisper. More silence.
"Fine. Not long ago, I noticed that old guy from the BBQ street stall following you around so I pulled him up and threatened him. I thought he was just a perv but, turned out he was trying to look out for you. He told me he'd saw some other shady guys tailing you and was watching them to make sure you were alright" he took a moment and breathed.
I felt dumbstruck. I remembered the Ajushi he was talking about… He'd been following me? No, wait, he was following someone else following me?
It didn't make any sense. For a moment the room was so quiet.
"Who were they?" I questioned.
"DaeSungs men. I followed him around for a while. It didn't hit until I saw you at that club, rising sun, with him. He and the rest of Big Bang own it." The cogs in my head started turning to replace that empty feeling.
Had it been DaeSungs men that broke in to my apartment? I pulled away from Jungkook slowly to look up at him.
"So, your saying… he had men follow me?" I questioned again.
"Yeah" Jungkook replied bluntly. But… there was still a lot that I didn't understand.
Jungkook stared at me plainly. It only confused me more. His attitude contradicted his actions. Why save me, follow me around, comfort me but not speak to me.
"Why were you even following me to begin with? I thought you were mad at me?" I pressed on, but Jungkook just made that annoyed expression again.
"Im not mad I said it's complicated" he huffed.
"I feel like my heads going to explode" I buried my face in my hands and rubbed my head.
"That's why I said not to worry about it" Jungkook's attitude was just something else right now.
"I want to strangle you" I mumbled.
"You can try" he replied.
I looked up at him, jaw slack. The audacity. I was just about to fire off at him but at that moment an echoed barrage of footsteps came thudding up the stairs. Jimin and Tae stood panting for a moment before laying eyes on me as they reached the top.
"Jia, Are you okay?" Jimin ran over first and smothered me in his arms, basically shoving Kook out of the way as he did so.
"I'm still alive so…" I didn't mean to come off sarcastic but I was still a little worked up over the way Kookie was acting.
"I was so worried about you, me and Tae ran over as soon as we heard what happened" Jimin's voice muffled into my hair, still tightly gripping me. From over his shoulder I saw Tae and Jungkook exchange blank stares. Then Tae took a seat on the bed beside Kookie and looked at me.
"I've got some stuff I need to take care of. I'll leave her to you guys" Jungkook stood up, glanced back at me once more and then left.
I wanted to say more to him, I wanted more answers but I guess I'd have to drop it for now. Jimin pulled away, his eyes wide with worry as he looked at me.
"Are you hurt anywhere? Do you need anything?" Tae scooted closer as he asked. I still felt out of sorts but I wouldn't mind a shower, not to mention under the blanket I was still wearing a dress that was ripped apart. I wanted to rid myself of any reminders from that horrific night.
"Maybe a shower and a change of clothes… A coffee too" I bit at my lip. "Okay. Well, Yoongi and Hobi Hyungie is at your apartment right now clearing it out. They're going to bring all your stuff here so as soon as they gets back we can do that" Jimin explained.
"Wait, slow down. What?" I stammered. "Huh? Oh… You're probably still in shock… Sorry, I should have explained better…" Jimin spoke softly. "Well… It would be dangerous for you to go back there so, we thought it would be better for you to stay here for a while where we can keep you safe…" As Jimin elaborated it started to dawn on me. The gravity of the situation. He was right, I hadn't thought about it.
"Okay, so you're saying I can't go home and that I need to stay here? Wait, where am I again?" I repeated to him what I had managed to understand.
"Yeah, Ah. We're above the hip hop club Joon manages. Secret society. There's a few spare rooms here on the top floor" Jimin went on.
"We only just started fitting this space out with furniture so it's still a bit bare" Tae added. As I took a moment to look around it rang true. There was a small fridge beside a couple counters and a sink. Like a very small and sorry excuse of a kitchen in the corner to the left. The bed that I was on was a double and took up most of the space in the room. And to the right there was a desk and a small bookcase. Leaving the stairs to the far right corner of the room. It definitely seemed like it was put together without any real thought.
I noticed a door on the wall in front of me to the left. "What's down there?" I questioned as I pointed at it.
"There's a hallway that leads to a few more rooms and a bathroom" Tae replied. It gave me the impression this space above the club was like a little headquarters or something.
Before I could ask anything else I heard the sounds of footsteps again. It was Hoseok. He had a box full of things in hand and seemed short of breath.
"Hey, Yoongi Hyung could use a hand carrying Jia's stuff up here. Mind helping out?" He asked as he walked over and set the box on the desk. "Sure" Tae got up and went downstairs.
"I'll be back, I'm just going to help get your things." Jimin kissed my head before getting up and following after Tae.
"Hobi" I looked over to him, he turned around. "This should never have happened to you. Just hang tight baby girl. Let us sort out your things first and we'll talk after. Is that alright?" I couldn't read him at all. He wasn't his usually chirpy self but he wasn't sad either. I'd noticed that about Hoseok, there were times he masked his true emotions well.
"Okay. Is there anything I can do?" I asked. "No, no, I thought you'd probably want a shower so I brought up some clothes and your shower things first" Hobi nodded his head over towards the box on the desk.
"Thankyou.. Alright.. I might clean myself up first then" I slowly pulled back the blanket and went to stand up. Hoseok's tight expression cracked, a glimpse of something, perhaps pain, guilt? Worry? I didn't know.
I slowly swung my legs over the edge of the bed to stand up but I was still weak, a sharp pain shot through my body. There was an ache between my thighs. I try to stand up, maybe that wasn't such a good idea.
"Whoa, whoa, hold up. Take it easy" Hoseok quickly reaches out to catch me before I fell face forward on the floorboards. I'd face planted right into his chest instead. He smelt good.
"Sorry, god I feel so stupid right now" It was embarrassing. I felt ashamed. I didn't want pity. I didn't want them to look at me with those 'I feel so sorry for you' eyes.
"No. Don't. None of this is your fault. Your not stupid. Your strong and brave. And if it's alright with you, let me help you to the bathroom" I could tell he was trying to not be too dramatic about it which I appreciated. I let Hoseok help me over to the bathroom which was down the hallway.
He brought my entire box and set it down on the sink counter and shut the door behind him, leaving me in my own privacy. I could hear muffled voices of the boys carrying things up the stairs and the sound of furniture being moved around.
The bathroom was small but it had both a bath and a shower so I decided to fill the tub instead. I lay there in the mirk of the water, inspecting the marks and bruises on my body.
Yet again, move evidence that nightmares weren't only the product of dreams. After I finished soaking I felt slightly more relaxed, I'd regained some strength and managed to get dressed.
I opened up the bathroom door and slowly walked down the hall, I could hear talking coming from one of the rooms to the right. I poked my head past the door frame to see what all the commotion was about. The bed that had been in the main room had been moved along with the desk and bookcase. Jimin, Tae and Hoseok who had been packing clothes away into the wardrobe and setting up the room noticed me.
"We're nearly done with your room, Yoongi and Jin Hyung are cooking dinner" Jimin gave a sweet smile, hanging the dress he held in his hand before coming over to me.
"Guys… I.. I.." I could barely string two words together, they had literally set up a bedroom for me. I small lump formed in my chest but I swallowed it back.
"C'mon, just relax. Joonie Hyung went to grab you a coffee, he should be back any minute" Jimin steered me by the shoulders back into the main room. Yoongi glanced over as we entered, he put down the knife he was holding and moved over to pull out the floor chair that was tucked into the floor table that now was where the bed had been.
"Hey, how spicy do you want your Topokki? I know you like it spicy but just wanted to check" he asked plainly, as though this was all normal.
Jimin held my hands as I took a seat on the floor chair and I felt Yoongi carefully push my in so I was tucked in nice and snug at the table.
"Um, super spicy please" I answered, Jimin had pulled my sushi blanket from somewhere and tucked it over my legs.
"Sure. Super spicy it is" Yoongi gave a small smile before going back over to the counter. "I'll be back soon. Just going to finish setting up your room" Jimin pat my head and left.
My eyes fell onto Jin who had his back to me at the counter, he was cooking beside Yoongi.
Faint flashes of him holding something metal crossed my mind, the bang, the thud on the floor, the sea of red.
Why was he here? Did he know the others?
Was this his Idol group? No… surely not.. That would just be to freakishly coincidental…
I snapped out of it at the sound of those stairs again. Joon appeared, his hands absolutely full with maybe 7 or so Iced Coffees.
He spotted me, struggled to put the coffees down on the table and then pulled up a chair beside me. "Namjoon-Ah. Your back" Yoongi came over and took one of the Iced Americanos. "Yeah. How long until dinners ready?" He asked.
For the first time Jin had turned around and glanced at me before responding to Joon. "About 10 minutes. Someone want to tell the kids?".
The kids? So… he was a part of their group? My mind flashes back to the time I'd run in to him at uni. He'd said he was taking lunch to his groups Maknae… Did he mean Jungkook?
"Yeah. I'll go" Yoongi stepped out for a moment to go let the others know. Joon's gaze shifted to me. "Hey, heard you haven't had your morning fix yet" He said as he grabbed one of the Iced Coffees and slid it over to me.
My head was still swirling with confusion but I shoved my thoughts aside.
"Thanks Joon. I really needed this" I took it from him and just held it in my hand.
I was conflicted. Confused. But grateful, everything they were doing, it made me want to cry. The collision of emotions swirled inside me and I couldn't slow them down. Did I even want to ask? To stir the dust that had seemingly just settled ? No.
"Jia. I think it's best for you to stay here for a while. After I learnt about the situation I think it's too dangerous for you to go back. That goes for work too." Joon spoke openly with me. I slowly took a sip of my coffee and nodded.
"Okay. I feel bad though. You guys are struggling too. Can I really just stay here?" I hesitate.
"Hm. You can work in the bar downstairs, or help us out here at the club. Then you'd be contributing and you can stay here as long as you want" Joon ran his hand across his lips as he looked at me. His suggestion seemed fair…
"Okay. If that's alright with you… I'd be happy with that arrangement". The door opened and the rest of the boys filed in and took their seats at the table. Tae at the end, beside my left. Jimin next to Tae and across from me. Hoseok beside Joon.
They started talking amongst themselves but I zoned out. There was too much happening and I still felt low on energy. Hoseok helped Yoongi and Jin transfer the dishes to the table and hand out cutlery. Yoongi sat down beside Jimin and Jin at the other end.
I ate the Topokki Joon had served me silently. It was so spicy, like heaven in my mouth but it collided with my lack of appetite. I felt Tae slip his hand into mine from under the table. I gave it a small squeeze which put a tiny smile to his face.
After dinner Tae and Jimin cleaned up. Joon, Hoseok and Yoongi left, mentioning that they had a set to do downstairs tonight. I had no idea where Jungkook even was, I hadn't seen him since this morning so I was left sitting across the table from Jin.
"Jia" He called my name. I looked over to him from where he sat.
"Yes?". What was he about to say? I watched as he lent an arm on the table and bit at his lip slightly before speaking.
"You might've already put it together but, just in case you weren't sure, this is my Idol group". I gave a small nod, unsure of what to say. So I told him the truth.
"I don't even know where to begin with all this" I admitted. Jin's eyes glazed over lightly, it felt like he was about to tell me something important. It was strange because I wasn't used to seeing his so serious.
"Then just listen and let me explain. I'd known for a while that you were close with my group. They always talked about you so I put two and two together. They, on the other hand had no idea. Not until last night, that is." All I could do as Jin spoke was try and put the pieces together as he divulged details.
"Last night, after you left with DaeSung I followed you. Knowing that guys history, how deeply he is involved in their company's shady business, there was no way I was just going to let you go off on your own with him". This was the second time. First Kook and now Jin.
"Knowing his history? Why does everyone seem to already know he's some kind of criminal except for me? And, not to mention…. The security…." The last part left my mouth in barely a whisper, as though if I were to say it out loud that it would be true.
"My group said they'd kept you in the dark about a lot of it. Half of them didn't even know you worked at that hostess club" Jin let out a small sigh before continuing "All in all, I suppose Dae learned that you knew us, he might've suspected you were spying on him for us." Jin's words hit me hard. "You're all gangsters too?" I felt like slapping myself in the face. "What the fuck".
"I guess. Yoongi mentioned you saw him dropping off some stuff to a hostess club. I'd have thought you'd put it together by now" Jin hummed.
"Dropping off a bit of coke and-" I stopped myself for a moment. Could I say it? No. "And what happened last night are very different things…". Was I wrong?
"They are. I'm sorry I scared you. I just didn't want to take any chances. I didn't want you to get hurt. Or worse" Jin's words held traces of bitterness. Was he wrong?
I took a moment to digest.
Dae saw Yoongi come to my work and thought I was a spy? Was it enough to warrant such suspicions?
No… But, if Dae's men broke in to my apartment and saw Yoongi come afterwards that would explain it. Seeing Yoongi once and then twice when dropping drugs to me would raise questions in their minds. Not to mention they wouldn't want drugs from other sources so close to their territory.
And, if Jungkook was already following Dae's men he might've seen a lot of this go down.
The more I tried to understand the more my head started to hurt. Regardless of all of this, Jin and Jungkook had come to save me.
Surely I'd be dead if it wasn't for that.
"Thankyou. For saving my life. Honestly, it wasn't looking good for me before you and Jungkook came. I know that. I guess- I'm just still trying to process everything" I laid my head down on the table and closed my weary eyes.
I heard the scrape of a chair followed by the sounds of that staircase. I assumed Jin had left. I heard Tae call my name.
"Yeah?" I replied, face still down on the table.
"Jiminie and I were thinking of staying here with you tonight instead of going back to the dorms. We get if you want to be alone so we'll just sleep out here. Is that okay?" I heard the scuffle of chairs against the wood, raised my head to see my best friends sitting across from me. Hesitant but worried. I could see it in their eyes.
"I love you both so much. Thankyou for staying with for me" As soon as the words left my lips I felt rolls of water down my cheeks. I hadn't meant to cry, it just kept tricking down. The drops landing with soft pads on the blanket.
"You must be exhausted, did you want to go to bed?" Jimin shifted instantly, getting to his feet and coming around the table to me and kneeling down at my side.
"Please, yeah. I'm so tired." I whimpered. Jimin picked me up in his arms and Tae followed behind as we made our way to my new room.
Jimin laid me down gently in the middle of the bed and laid down too. I curled up into him. A faint light filled the room, Tae had turned on the dim lights before crawling in next to me on the other side.
"Those are my lights from my place" I mumbled into Jimin's chest.
"Yeah, they're so pretty. Hoseok and Yoongi did a good job of getting all your things here" Listening to Tae's voice as he spoke was so soothing. Despite this room, this place, this situation being upside down from what I'd believed my life to be, the people who were next to me weren't. They had been there from the beginning. They'd stuck with me through so much. Even now, even though I'd lost everything I hadn't lost them. I can keep going.