Today is my first day of school. I don't know what I will do or what I shouldn't do, but some scary feelings are growing inside of me. What if I won't get any friends and end up sitting in a corner like my other previous school? Ahhh, this is all getting tough. I don't want to go. It is scary. It gives me creepy vibes.
"Ayla, come down fast. Dad is all ready to drop you at your school." Mom called out.
Now, this is making me even more nervous.
"Ayla, did you hear?" she again called out for me.
"Yes, mom coming. Wait a minute", I said while running down toward the downstairs. As I came down, I saw mom doing my brother's tie.
"Mom, what is this?" I asked.
"What?" she questioned me instead as if she didn't know what she was doing?
"Mom, didn't you just call me saying dad is already and I'm the one making more delay? Then what is this? You are still tying his tie." I raised my voice a bit.
"Why are you shouting suddenly? Isn't it just a necktie? It will be finished in the second. Stop overreacting." She said while she continued grooming him. I wish I could say it again, but if I do, she will instead shout at me, saying it is all my fault. I better stay silent.
I waited outside with dad.
"Are you still angry?" he asked, making me look away.
"What if I'm?" I asked.
"Nothing as I can't do anything to make you feel better but all I can say you too know better even if he is the older one still he always finishes his work late that is why your mom always makes him ready so that we can go on time." He said as if he was trying to calm me down.
"I am not saying that. I'm saying if he is not ready then why does she call me in a hurry when she knows too this is the first day of school and we almost came here in the middle of august and the course already went half. Didn't she know how nervous I'm already?" I asked, which made dad silent too. Meanwhile, my brother came while still struggling with his necktie.
"Jace, come quickly", dad called out his name while we both ran toward the car.
"Look, we are again going to be late for you", I said, glaring at him.
"As if you never get late", he taunts me instead.
"Ok, let's see who will get ready first from tomorrow. And if you again failed to get ready first, then I'm sure I will go alone with dad and you are going to come later on walking. Got it?" I said.
"Yeah, got it." He said while dad kept driving toward our school.
I have no one how far our school is, but before I could take a quick nap; I stood in front of the school, not knowing where to go next.
"You know where my classroom is?" I asked my brother.
"How would I know? Even if I know it would be my class, not yours, so find it on your own." He said and left while I was still standing near the door. I kept getting scared which almost made my legs tremble, but still, I tried to extend my legs when I felt a hand on my shoulder.
"Ahh", I almost shouted.
"Whoa you have such a loud voice", the other person replied in a scared tone.
"Oh sorry", I said while bowing.
"Sorry to scare you too, but I found your face new, so I came to ask. Are you a newcomer?" she asked.
"Oh yes, we transferred here recently, so I have to take admission in the middle of the month," I said while I had an awkward smile on my face. I'm terrible at talking with people. How did I talk to this new girl so much? If it were me in my old school, then I would have fainted if someone could ask me one question.
"Ayla, you are doing great now. You only have to ask her where your classroom is. Got it?" I told myself.
"Hey new girl, where did you lose yourself?" she asked me, snapping myself out of my thoughts.
"Oh sorry", I again said.
"Stop saying sorry and tell me which class are you in?" she asked.
"I'm in 8th standard", I said while a bright smile pop out from her lips.
"Whoa, what a coincidence. We are in the same class. Come with me. I will show you the way to class." She said while I followed her like a doll. I've always been like this. Whenever I am never able to speak or I am too scared, I behave like this. And to be honest I'm like this every time as I'm too scared to say something. I'm too scared to talk. I'm too scared to ask. Or I'm just too scared to express myself. I don't know what the real reason I became like this is. I don't know the real reason when all of this started.
I don't know a single thing.
While I was thinking about all this, I ended up standing in front of a place which I had never seen.
"Hey, we reached", she said and went inside while I'm standing in front of the entire class without knowing what to do, but again I ended up going after her like a dog.
"Huh! Why are you following me? Do you need something?" she asked.
"I don't know where to sit. All I could see was everyone was paired up with a partner, so…." I stopped.
"Oh, you can sit with me", she said, making me bring a bright smile to my face. I could proudly say I have a friend now that is to be on my first day of school.
"Thank you", I said and sat beside her.
I kept wondering what to say next when a tall guy entered the classroom, making me skip's heartbeat. I don't know what to do next. I don't know what to say next. My brain cells again went blank as if some error occurred in my brain making me realize I must be losing my mind the moment I lay my eyes on him. I felt as if I'm having a shock circuit inside my head.
I didn't think about anyone but kept looking at his shining face while he kept smiling, talking with his friends continuously.
"Hey, what are you looking at?" someone asked me, but my mind isn't in a state to respond to the question.
"Hey"
"Hey"
"Oh yeah, did you say something?" I finally said.
"Yeah, what is your name?" the other girl asked me.
"Ayla White, what about yours?" I asked.
"Freya Stewart", she said with a bright smile, making me again believe in friendship. I'm glad I can finally believe I could have a friend. A good life is what I could finally lead. I can finally have a normal relationship like others with friends, lovers and maybe with family too.
I was thinking when I heard my side bench mate saying something.
"Hey, who's that girl?"
"How could I know?"
"How could you not know when you came with her?"
"Or should I have to leave her there alone? She is already scared enough."
"But look, she is already stealing glances toward Aaron."
They were talking about me when I stopped moving. I felt uncomfortable. I felt as if someone was choking so deep on my neck, making me unable to breathe. My hands were freezing even if it was not the cold season. I kept sweating even if it was not too hot.
"Hey, stop talking. She must have heard what you said." One of them said, making me smile awkwardly.
Time somehow passed, and I survived on my first day of school. I walked alone again toward the main gate when I saw Jace coming with his friends. Somehow it made me feel awkward. He is having fun. His friends were curling their hands around his neck.
"You finished your class?" my brother asked while I felt my cheeks were getting cold.
"Hey, Ayla, you crying?" he asked, but my ear could hear nothing.
"Ayla, are you sick?"
"Should I call dad to come soon and pick us up early?" he kept saying but I could not respond.
I could hear him asking things nonstop, but all I could feel were my tears that kept running down my cheeks, making my heart ache more and more. It is not stopping. It didn't stop even for a minute until I saw dad running from the entrance and holding me tightly. I could feel my eyes closing and everything kept turning dark in front of me.
It's scary.
Someone save me.
It is hurting me a lot.
Dad, please hold on to me.
Dad, I'm dying.