Wednesday
Straight after class Jungkook and I had locked ourselves up in the studio together so that we could try and get the song finished. We'd made a lot of headway despite only having worked on it for a day. I stole glances at him when I thought he wouldn't notice, I just couldn't get that image of him out of my head. How could this seemingly innocent and shy Jungkook be the same person I saw fight Dae-Sung off me, or be hauled up in a secret basement honing lethal knife skills.
"Jia? Are you spacing out again?" His voice pulled me back. "No, sorry. What were you saying?" I quickly shook my head but he rolled his eyes, sighed and leaned back in his chair.
"What's wrong?" He questioned. It felt forced like he didn't want to be asking in the first place. But, as his eyes laid heavy on me awaiting a reply I thought it was time I stopped beating around the bush with him.
"Jungkook. Look, I don't know why you're treating me so differently these days, I have no idea what I did but- It hurts. I know you won't tell me, it's complicated or whatever. Sure." Jungkook remains silent as he listens.
I went on "But, it's not like you aren't doing your fair share of reckless things. This whole gang business for starters, not to mention I saw you in the basement-" His eyes went wide at the mention of the underground room.
"What we're you even doing down there? Why can't you just mind your own business?" I could sense the anger in his voice escalating. I tried to interject but it was too late.
"You know what. None of this was EVEN supposed to happen. You weren't supposed to find out about ANY of this" he'd leaned forward, eyes laid heavily on me, his words picking me apart. "You were supposed to go about your daily life living in ignorant bliss. Far, far away from all of this bullshit" Jungkook stopped himself. My lip trembled.
Every word that he yelled at me chipped away a piece of that wall I'd put up. The one I'd used to hold in the rising waters of a creek, but, as the dam cracked and the water started to burst through I fell to pieces.
Why was he so good at tearing me down?
"You have no idea how I feel! You don't think I want the same thing?! But it's too late. It's too late…" I breathed heavily, his wide-eyed gaze held mine. "I already had all of that taken away when I was…"
Tears spilt.
Who was I trying to fool?
I was broken.
But, I don't want to feel this way.
Not anymore.
"Jungkook. Please teach me how to fight too. I want to protect myself" I tried to stay strong but my words left my lips in trembles. I was a mess.
Jungkook broke into a pained look. He let out a ragged breath then in one swift movement snatched me into his arms and held me so tight that I nearly couldn't breathe.
He spoke softly. "Learning how to fight has got to be the most reckless thing you've done yet. Are you crazy?" his arms were so tight around me, all I could do was sob into his chest.
"But… maybe you're right. I tried protecting you by keeping you out of it. That didn't work… I'm sorry. I fucked up" he took a small shaky breath.
"As much as I don't want to do this… I will. For you."
It had been so long since we were this close but it was all too familiar, the light musky scent of his, lulling me further into his hold on me. I felt him push my hair back in long soothing strokes, all my troubles washing away with each touch.
I missed him…
"Sorry. I'm okay now" I said, voice muffled by his jumper. Jungkook slowly let go of my head just enough for me to look up at him.
"But… There's one thing… If we do this, you can't tell the others. We might be able to tell them later but, we made an agreement that we wouldn't involve you unless it was necessary. So… This probably won't go down well if the others found out" Jungkook looked slightly troubled.
I gave a small nod. "Okay. I won't tell anyone."
I wiped my cheeks with the back of my sleeve. He loosened his grip around me and let go so I carefully sat back down in my chair and took a few deep breaths to recompose myself.
"Let's work on the song another time. I think that's enough for today" Kook gave a small sigh before leaning over the computer. He started saving the files and turning it off.
"Mm. I've got to get back anyway. I have a shift tonight" I mumbled. There's no way I could concentrate on it now anyway. Not after that whirlwind of emotions. I still felt a bit shaken up.
"How's it going? It's a bit different from your last job…" Kook glanced over at me before standing up and grabbing his bag.
"I like my job now" I got up too. I remembered him saying he'd followed me around for a while.
It made me wonder how long he'd known about my job but hadn't said anything. Given, at the time even if he wanted to confront me he couldn't have. Not with everything he was also trying to hide from me.
"Want me to walk you home?" He asked softly. I gave a small nod and we left the campus together. It was mostly silence between us until we got back. It was hard to know whether his attitude towards me had changed much, but, he'd agreed to teach me how to protect myself. I guess it was a step in the right direction, maybe we'd be able to patch things up between us along the way.
"Alright, I'll uh, see you later Noona" Jungkook stood awkwardly before me as we reached the front of the club. "Yeah, thanks for today" I mumbled. Unsure of what to make of this awkward feeling between us.
It felt a little nostalgic.
Kookie gave a small smile before turning on his heels and leaving. Although it wasn't much it meant a lot to me.
On my way back upstairs I ran into Joon and Supreme boi. Joon told me he wanted me down at the general bar tonight and the Supreme boi was playing a DJ set so to expect it to be a bit busier. I stayed and had a short chat with them before heading up to get ready.
As I reached the little cosy living space that I now called home I noticed something on the table that wasn't there when I'd left this morning. It was a packet of strawberries and on top was a little sticket note. As I inspected it closer I saw it was from Yoongi;
Dropped by earlier but you weren't home. Thought you might like these, don't forget to take a good rest now and again. Jia fighting ~
Yoongi ٩(^‿^)۶♡
A wave of tingles washed over as I skimmed his handwriting.
I was left speechless.
How was he so sweet?
I took one of the strawberries and popped it in my mouth, is this what being spoilt by Yoongi feels like? I took the note with me back to my room and carefully put it away somewhere safe. It felt a bit more normal now, being here. I had to admit, living where you work was so much easier. It was safe and comfortable and I was surrounded by people that cared about me.
I went down to the bar and got busy. Two other guys were working with me tonight, they introduced themselves as Yu-Hae and Koh-Hae. Funnily enough, they were twins, the main difference being Yu had black hair and Koh had blonde. We hit it off seamlessly when we realised we were all the same age too. They were both tall, perhaps somewhere between Yoonkooks height. But, their attitudes were quite confident and kind. I could tell instantly that they were going to be co-workers I could rely on if need be.
The doors opened and the night began. Joon was right, the floor was more packed than usual but for the most part, keeping up wasn't overly hard. The music was loud but I think I'd gotten used to it, either that or I'd learnt to lip read. I'd just finished cracking open a beer and handed it over the bar when I noticed a blonde head of hair in the crowd. As the person blocking him moved to reveal Jimin, it hit hard that he wasn't alone.
He was holding a girls hand, moving together with the rhythm of the music. It was that brunette girl from class.
I couldn't believe my eyes.
I thought he wasn't interested but the way they were giggling and whispering to each other plainly said otherwise. It was hard to push aside but I did my best to just focus on serving drinks. My eyes kept wondering to where they were, I'd catch glimpses of them throughout the night. It hurt to watch.
I bid Yu and Koh thanks and good night as they headed off after we closed. I went upstairs to turn in but as I climbed up the stairs I saw Joon sitting at the table. He looked up from the book he'd been reading towards me.
"Welcome home, how was work?" He chuckled. I broke into a small smile at the sight of him just so casually seated there. "Good, how about yours?" I replied.
"Better now that you're here" Joon turned and spread his legs slightly, patting at his thigh as though calling me to come and join him. "I'm guessing it's your turn to keep me safe tonight?" I carefully went over and sat between his legs and laid against him.
"Yeah, finally got a chance to relax so I wanted to spend it with you. Want to read with me for a little while?" Joon peered down at me.
"That sounds nice" I gave a small nod.
Joon opened up the book in hand and held it so we could both read from our cuddled up position. I felt the rise and fall of his chest against me as he breathed. It lulled me peacefully as we got lost in the book together.
"Jia, did you want to go to bed?" I felt a small shake. I must have dozed off for a bit. "Yeah, sorry, I was just so relaxed" I mumbled, rubbing my eyes. Joon helped me up so I got changed into some pyjamas and we snuggled up in the sheets. I rested my head on Joon's arm and closed my eyes.
This was the first time we'd been alone together in so long. It felt like a good time to bring it up some things that I just couldn't help but wonder about.
"I know you guys are up to some shady things" I mumbled, anticipation running through me as I awaited his response.
"Why do you think that?" His voice was low and laced with sleepiness.
"It's obvious, all the weird gangsters that come by. The way you're always discussing things in secret. Yoongi dealing drugs. Jin shooting people" I buried my face into the crook of his shoulder as I spoke. There were a lot of tell-tale signs, this much was true.
"I know. I'm sorry. Just put up with it a little longer please.." I felt Joon push my back, closer into his warmth.
"It's not that. Let me help you" I replied. I knew there was no way he'd go for that.. not after what Kookie told me earlier. But, I wanted to try anyway. I wanted to move on. Find a direction.
Was this the way forward?
"It's better that you don't get involved, Jia. I don't want anything else happening to you. It's too dangerous." The sturdy underlying tone as he spoke told me all I needed to know. It was probably unlikely he would change his mind. I'd heard it before, it was the tone in his voice that said I'm not wavering on this one.
"Fine… I'll leave it alone for now but, I've made up my mind. You're all going out of your way to look out for me… working here like this- It just doesn't feel like I'm doing enough" I let out a small sigh. Joon continued to rub my back soothingly, it was making it hard for me to stay awake.
"Just forget it for now and get some sleep baby girl" the words he spoke dripped in sweetness. Baby girl. I hadn't heard that in a while.