The next couple of weeks were hectic, at best. While Seymore tried to push away the notion that the Madam soon would arrive home, it was hard when Nite was so stressed all the time. He barely left the troll's side these days, but he couldn't fully commit to be social or engage in conversation, either. When he left in the evenings to study, he would come back to his room way too late at night, sleeping restlessly and whimpering in his sleep.
Seymore did his best, trying to let the sorcerer sleep in and just sit with him when he had time for that, no words necessary, but it didn't seem to soothe him as it would have in the past. The troll would still knock on the study chambers heavy doors in the evening, trying to convince the sorcerer to go to bed with him, and while he did go with Seymore, he would always get up again not long after, working on whatever consumed his mind in that Godforsaken chamber.
,,You can't keep this up,'' Seymore said one day when Nite was dozing off in the hallway. He looked surprised, as if he didn't really know where he was. ,,Nite, you're hurting yourself,'' he said, his voice hurt and concerned. ,,You're so stressed, that even if we are together all the time, you're barely here,'' he said, gently cupping the small man's cheek. The young man reached up to hold the troll's hand, the ring still glittering on his finger.
,,I know, I just can't… collect my thoughts,'' he said frustrated. ,,Everything will change back, and I'll… I'll end up alone again, with my thoughts, and… I don't…'' he began, but his voice died down.
,,It'll be okay, Nite,'' he promised, leaning down to hold him tightly against his body. ,,I'll be there. I promise you'll not need to be alone, anymore,'' he whispered, gently kissing the small man's forehead.
,,You can't promise that,'' Nite said quietly. His eyes were scared and tired, making him seem much older than he really was.
,,… Let's forget about cleaning, for today,'' he said instead, lifting the small man gently. ,,How do I make you relax? I can read for you? Or we can just take it easy, for a moment, and cuddle and talk?'' he asked, his smile gentle, as he already headed down the hallway, back into the dark, rundown parts of Nite's living quarters.
,,I want to sleep, but I don't want to sleep…'' he muttered, cuddling tighter up in the troll's embrace. ,,You really… don't have to lift me, everywhere…'' he mumbled.
,,I barely think about it, anymore,'' he assured him. ,,I like carrying you around. It makes me feel strong, even if you are so light,'' he smiled.
,,… Okay,'' he said, finally smiling back at the troll.
Nite's room was dark and warm, the pillows and blankets still scattered everywhere as Seymore laid him down on the bed, before climbing in himself. The young man laid with his eyes closed, brows furrowed and clearly trying not to fall asleep. The troll stayed with him, cuddled against him underneath the blankets, and felt the sorcerer melt into the softness of the bed.
,,I thought we would at least had had until spring,'' Nite mumbled, scooting closer to the troll's embrace. ,,The last half a year has been really nice. That's not because she's not here. It's because you are,'' he said quietly. ,,And I know you say you'll still be here… And I get what you mean, but… All about this will have to stop, right?'' he asked worriedly.
,,That… was my intention,'' he admitted, caressing the small man. ,,When all of this started… Back before your mother wrote to me, I did think it was best to just… cut it off, when she came back. And while I was still very content in your company, regardless of any… sexual tension, I don't think I considered you as much of my friend, as I do now…'' he said slowly. ,,… I don't want to cut things off, either. I'm not looking forward to your mother's arrival back home, because I like being able to kiss you goodnight or to hug you when you feel upset, or just… to lay here, to cuddle and talk…'' he smiled.
,,… But… We are going to stop all that when she comes back, are we not?'' he asked concerned. Seymore shrugged, nuzzling his face against the sorcerer's.
,,I… will probably not be able to sleep with you, at night. I'll miss that,'' he said apologetically. ,,But you're still welcome to hang out with me when I cook or clean. We can probably still sneak away and kiss when your mother is occupied with her own stuff. But, on the other hand, I don't want you to feel we have to sneak around because there's something wrong with the situation… I don't want you to feel I'm ashamed of you… It's really not about that…'' he promised.
,,What about… all the other stuff?'' he said hesitantly. Seymore knew what he meant, but it was hard to put into words. In the end, it wouldn't be sex he would miss as much as kissing and sleeping together, he was aware of that. He missed the sorcerer's kisses more than the pale skin when Nite was too occupied with his studies. Nite's birthday had been under a week ago, but they hadn't had sex since then. While he wouldn't mind that, he had been much more focused on how strangely Nite had behaved ever since, and he didn't think sex would make him any less stressed.
,,… We're not very subtly with that…'' he tried, smiling nervously. ,,I mean, I'm pretty loud, too… But I would be much more concerned about hickies or bite marks…'' he said slowly. ,,I'm not that against trying to make it work. I'm not sure… it'll be as practical, but this will probably not be the last time your mother goes on a trip, either,'' he smiled. ,,This is why you're so stressed, right?'' he asked, kissing the small man's forehead.
,,Yes, partly. I still… have some studies, I want to get done before she arrives home. But mostly, I'm so frustrated, because I can't relax enough to enjoy the time, we have together…'' he said. ,,I rather sneak around, than never have you touch me again,'' he said softly.
He really wished that he could be sure enough that Willa wouldn't freak out if she found out. If she could at least just accept it, it would be easy enough for them to just keep it out of her sight. He couldn't imagine she warmly would accept him as her son-in-law, but he didn't need that, either. He just needed safety for Nite. But considering that she had made remarks about him in the past, without ever confirming with him whether it was true or not, he wasn't sure she would accept her son like this.
Seymore gently turned the small man to lay down on his back, placing himself above him, kissing his lips so longingly. He knew they had to discuss this further at some point, but right now, he wanted the small human to relax and feel that he was here, clinging to the warmth he felt inside when he looked into those big, mahogany eyes.
These eyes would haunt him for years, he knew that. No matter how things would end out to be, he couldn't deny that he was nearly just as dependent on Nite now, as he had been with Ruvaen before. He wanted to dedicate as much of himself to Nite as he had done to the pixie in the past, but he didn't dare. Above everything else, his own lonesomeness, his own desires, and his own feelings, he wanted Nite to live a happy, safe life, and he didn't believe he could give him that. Someone else out there, could, he hoped.
,,I love you,'' he growled, almost only a whisper. It didn't seem like Nite registered anything, but it was better that way. Like this, he wouldn't get his hopes up. Like this, Seymore wouldn't string him along for something they couldn't possibly be. But he couldn't deny it, anymore. He could barely hold it in and hold back.
He let his hands run underneath Nite's thick sweater, gently scraping his nails across his sides, making the small man wiggle underneath him. He loved how the sorcerer whimpered and grinded against him, hugging him tighter to his body and kissed him greedily at the same time.
Seymore's touches were gentle and longingly. Just like at Winter Solstice, he kissed him everywhere he could. The more he fell for Nite, the gentler he wanted to be. Where he before had fantasies about ramming into the small man, more than anything, he now wanted to make love with him so passionately that the world around them would disappear. He needed nothing besides those big, beautiful eyes, looking only at him, and the pale, thin lips, connecting to his own.
He never did anything without permission. He rarely asked about the things he wanted. But right now, his tongue so gently pressing against the sorcerer's, he couldn't think clearly anymore, as he began to remove his clothes, his lips still hungrily against Nite's.
,,I want you,'' he whispered against the young man's neck, opening his belt as he began to remove his pants. ,,By the stars, I want you so much.'' He felt a shiver down his spine by how helplessly dizzy he felt, as he sought the thin lips again.
,,Wait,'' he whimpered as the troll was about to reach for the lube, hoping to feel him tightly around his fingers before slipping into him. ,,I'm not… I haven't…'' he panted, feeling the troll's teeth scrape against his collarbone. ,,Give me a moment and I can go clean up…''
,,… You can use that spell, if you want. I don't know if you usually use that, or if it's uncomfortable in the long run,'' he said slowly. ,,… Or if you want me to stop,'' he added, finally reaching some sort of sense again.
,,No, no, it's fine. I just… I wouldn't use it, not here, if it… disturbed you,'' he said, reaching down to touch himself. He did it as effortlessly as the other day, before he reached for the lube himself, handing the small bottle to the troll. ,,Don't stop. I really want it. I've just been so caught up in my own head, that I haven't even noticed the lack of-,'' he began but stopped when Seymore kissed him again, gently lubing him up with his big, coarse fingers, making the small man whimper greedily again.
,,It's okay, I understand,'' he smiled, feeling hot and bothered every time he heard the slick noises the sorcerer's ass made.
,,I sometimes still forget that you… Well, normally, you don't initiate yourself,'' he moaned, moving the slightest to pull his sweater off, laying back down completely naked. ,,But you can. I don't mind. If I'm not into it, I'll tell you, don't worry,'' he panted, feeling another finger inside.
,,I'll try,'' he said, his voice raspy and dripping with horniness. There was a slight desperation in his need for closeness. He couldn't explain what so suddenly had come over him, other than he didn't want Nite to worry. He wanted all his attention, on their time right now.
Seymore made good on his promise. He fucked the sorcerer long and slowly, spending all day in bed with him afterward. He made sure to touch Nite all the places he knew he liked and made sure he was in pure ecstasy before either of them came. And when he didn't try to connect them physically, they just laid in bed and talked about all those things that made life seem easy and simple and good.
He did this a little more adamantly the other days as well. When Nite seemed so lost in his thoughts at breakfast, he just simply cleared enough space to lay the small man down on the wooden table, repeating his desperate need for closeness from the day prior. The sorcerer had seemed surprised and flustered at first, but he soon enough indulged just as much as he normally did, feeling a new form of excitement at the rather primitive way the troll manhandled him. Despite what Nite said, he liked to be lifted, he liked to be tossed around, and even if the sorcerer liked to be in control, he liked that Seymore took him without further notion.
The troll repeated this at random times throughout the days. Not always just when Nite seemed too caught up in himself or too stressed, but also simply because he sat around the troll, looking so tempting, without even knowing it himself. He would gently remove whatever book Nite was reading, before kissing him that particular gentle way, slowly getting deeper as he hummed against the thin lips, that the sorcerer soon learned would mean he wanted to feel more of him. Or he would coax him into taking a shower with him, barely be able to clean them off, before they got dirty and sweaty again.
But he knew as soon as the sorcerer wasn't into it. He didn't even have to say anything. Seymore didn't know if Nite did it on purpose, but if he only wanted to kiss, and not get more heated than that, he didn't place his arms around the troll's broad shoulders. He would put his hands on them instead, just as when he had said thank you in the past, and Seymore didn't push it further than that. Despite Nite being so fluctuating all the time, he found it easy to read his body language.
It seemed like Nite relaxed more, now. Seymore couldn't help but feel stupid for holding back all these months when Nite made it so easy for him to feel sure that he wouldn't push any set boundaries. It didn't make anything easier for the troll, if anything, he felt closer to the younger man now, than ever before. As the days crept closer, it seemed so tempting to flee, together, but to where? Willa had made it exceptionally clear that she would find Nite, wherever he escaped to, and Nite made it clear that he wouldn't be able to hold up any kind of shield to protect him from traction forever.
As the days passed by, Nite began to study in the daytime again. He went to bed earlier, stayed in bed, and slept a little longer than Seymore did, but in return, he would study while the troll cleaned. It worked out for the most part; Seymore got more done, and Nite didn't feel so guilty for not studying enough.
Seymore hadn't heard screaming or explosions from the study chamber in months. Maybe muffled sounds of anger, or maybe something breaking, but the shriek he suddenly heard made his blood run cold.
Normally, the troll would have run away from the sound, given it was most likely due to magic. But the sheer pain and volume in Nite's voice made Seymore react, dropping everything in his hands to run to the heavy chamber doors, not even hesitating before he knocked them open.
And there he was; on the floor, clutching his stomach in pain as electric sparkles flew around him, much like the day his mother had left, when he had broken the chandelier. He vaguely looked at the troll, before his gaze returned to pain and he turned away.
,,Go!'' he panted, huffing brutally, as if he couldn't catch his breath.
,,What's going on?'' he said panicked. Instead of turning away, he hurried to the sorcerer's side, kneeling beside him. He hesitantly reached out for the young man, but Nite stopped him.
,,Don't touch me! I-it's okay, Seymore! I'm just… overloaded!'' he said, voice shaking and his eyes glossy. ,,It's not you, nothing's wrong, I just don't want to hurt you, so please leave,'' he begged.
But Seymore didn't go. He sat in front of the young man instead, trying to calm his beating heart. He barely noticed the magic itself, but the pain in Nite's voice couldn't escape him.
,,What can I do?'' he said, as calmly as he could, but Nite just shook his head. ,,Will it pass by with time?'' he asked. The sorcerer nodded slowly, huffing and puffing for air. ,,… Then I'll stay…'' he said calmly.
,,No!'' he whined. ,,Aren't you afraid of me? I-it's so out of control! I can barely breathe,'' he panted, his hands clutching his head instead. ,,I'm so stressed,'' he admitted.
Nite's eyes had been closed, but they flung open when he felt the troll's hands on his shoulders. He looked confused and horrified, as he watched the older man's face twitch in pain, but only briefly before he smiled at the human in front of him.
,,It's okay,'' he assured him, moving a little closer. His grip was tight and twitching, but enough to make Nite focus on that instead. ,,You're so hard on yourself, Nite. You always scold me for working too much, but you're also working very hard. But it's okay. I'm here, right here. And I'm not afraid of you,'' he assured him, squeezing his shoulder's tightly, before moving his hands, on top of the sorcerer's, that still clutched to his head. ,,You've tried this before?'' he asked, gently running his finger across the ring. It soothed him to feel the cold metal.
,,Y-yes… My mother… My mother helps me, I can't… I can't do it myself,'' he said, closing his eyes again.
,,I want to help. How does she help you?'' he asked, but Nite shook his head again, furiously this time. His face was red and his breath shallow, his motions panicked. Whatever his mother tended to do, seemingly set him more off than calmed him down. ,,Okay… Okay… Then, listen to my voice… Can you do that?'' he asked. It took him a moment, but Nite finally nodded, looking up at the troll. ,,I'll… I'll tell you about my family… You'll have something else to focus on… Is that alright?'' he asked, smiling as the sorcerer nodded again.
Seymore's hands were numb, but it didn't matter. He had never seen Nite react this way, and no matter how frightful the sight was, paled in comparison to the fear in the young man's eyes when he asked how his mother helped him.
,,My parents met when they were young. Sweethearts from a young age. They both came from the Oatoak clan, both from pretty normal families. They got my oldest brother, Malak, when they were barely 50. That's pretty average for trolls. I've been told my mom really enjoyed motherhood when she was younger,'' he told, watching Nite carefully.
He kept talking. All those questions he never really answered. How Malak had mostly been very kind, possibly due to the big age gap between them, at nearly 30 years. How his other brothers, Jabir and Teshi, always loved to make trouble. For him, for his parents, just about everyone else than themselves. They were each other's best friends. And how his sister, Feylin, always had tried to help Seymore through his hard times in life, even when he was too stubborn to receive any help. How he often wondered how his nieces and nephews were doing. If they would have liked him like his sister once had. Feylin had partnered up with an older troll and had her first child when she was no more than 25.
,,What were your parents' names?'' Nite asked suddenly, his voice no longer breathy and pained, but his posture still crumbled altogether.
,,Ditid and Zulrea,'' he smiled, running his hands across Nite's cheeks. ,,My dad is… My dad was Ditid,'' he corrected himself, barely noticing that he had misspoken. ,,Do you feel better?'' he asked gently.
,,A little…'' he said, smiling painfully. ,,… Do your hands hurt?'' he asked, running his thumbs down the troll's numb hands.
,,Not much,'' he assured him, pulling away to try to get some blood circulating back into his arms. He didn't know how long they had sat like this, but he had talked for so long that his mouth felt dry. Maybe it was due to the fear he had felt. ,,The static stopped,'' he noticed, taking the sorcerer's long, cold hands in his own again.
,,Yerh… Thanks to you,'' he smiled, finally looking like himself again. Seymore leaned in, kissing him gently, his embrace tight around the small man.
,,No problem,'' he whispered, feeling his body shake as if he finally understood what had just happened. Nite seemingly noticed because he pulled away to look at the troll again.
,,Are you hurt?'' he asked, looking down at the troll's hands again. Slight bruises plastered the green skin, which didn't make the sorcerer seem any calmer. ,,Oh no,'' he whispered, the concern back in his eyes.
,,It's fine, Nite. If you feel better, then it's fine,'' he assured him, but he couldn't help but to notice that as the numbness vanished, the pain set in.
,,I can heal you. Please let me heal you!'' he begged, holding dearly to the troll's hands as he tried to pull them away. ,,I know that you hate it, and I-,'' he began, but Seymore cut him off.
,,You need to rest, right? If your magic overwhelms you, you shouldn't use it for a while. You need to recharge,'' he said calmly, trying to remember everything Nite had told him over the past months. He nodded begrudgingly, but still held onto the troll's hands.
,,It's just a tiny spell, Seymore. It won't hurt, I promise,'' he said, his voice quivering. ,,I hurt you. My magic hurt you,'' he said, shaking slightly. ,,I didn't mean to, I swear, I didn't mean to!'' The panic grew, as his hands shook around the troll's.
,,I know… You can heal me later. Now, you need to rest,'' he said firmly, trying to stand up, but shaking as he did so. His whole body felt weak. He hadn't noticed it as he had sat with Nite, too focused on the young man to even register the pain and stress his body felt, but now, it was hard to even stand up.
,,You don't understand,'' he whispered. ,,She'll be so mad,'' he said, his gaze wandering all around.
,,… Your mother? She's not here, Nite. She'll not know, I promise not to tell her,'' he said, trying to calm him down, but Nite just shook his head violently. It all felt so weird to him, that he would react this strongly to the thought of his mother if she usually helped him with matters like these. ,,… Tell me, what is it she does to help you calm down from this?'' he tried again, but Nite's eyes were closed and his body shook. ,,… Is she mistreating you?'' he asked, a cold chill down his spine.
,,No, no! Well, she's… It's not nice, but it's necessary, and then it all goes back to normal,'' he tried. ,,It's like… she pulls out the overloaded energy… It sounds bad but it's really common,'' he tried to assure him. Seymore sat down again, too dizzy to stand on his own, as he watched the young man in front of him.
,,… No, it's not necessary. Because, if it was… then you wouldn't feel better now, would you?'' he said gently. Nite looked at him, dumbfounded as he took in the troll's words.
,,… You're… right…'' he said slowly.
,,I don't know anything about magic, Nite. Not outside of what you've told me, and what I remember. But I know about you. I know you get stressed and overwhelmed, but I know you like to listen and learn… even when you're confused and in pain… Please come with me, let's sit together, for a while…'' he tried, gently reaching for the sorcerer's hand. The silver had faded and become darker, as a result of the magic spikes, he guessed.
,,I ruined it…'' he said, his brows furrowing. ,,I didn't mean to…'' he said, looking awkwardly up at the troll.
,,I know. It's not broken, not the slightest. Now, it just has some character,'' he smiled, trying to pull himself up again, this time, a little easier than before. Nite stood up too, just as shakenly as the troll had, still holding his hands.
,,Let me heal you, Seymore. It'll be quick, I promise. But I can't stand looking at that, knowing I did it,'' he begged. The troll's browbone furrowed, before he gently placed Nite's hands around his own, nodding as he smiled.
,,You won't let it go otherwise, will you? Then do it, but be careful, please,'' he said, looking away as he healed the big, coarse hands.
,,… It seems silly that you won't look at this, when you just saw all of that a minute ago,'' Nite said quietly. ,,I… can't believe you did that, for me…'' he said, gently squeezing the troll's hands as they stopped hurting.
,,I panicked. I didn't know what to do,'' he admitted, caressing the small man in front of him. ,,I was really scared. But, not about the magic… Not about myself… I was really scared something would happen to you,'' he said quietly. ,,Please don't work yourself up like this, Nite. I don't want to stress you, I want to help you,'' he said sincerely.
,,… It's because she's coming home soon,'' he admitted. ,,I don't know exactly when, but too soon. I… I almost planned to… escape… But… I can't… You'd be in trouble and… I don't… I don't want to leave you,'' he said beggingly. ,,But it's just really unfair that we have to go back to as things were,'' he said frustrated.
,,Things will never be, as they once were,'' he smiled gently, leading the sorcerer to sit down on the throne in the study chamber. He had never seen Nite sit on it, and he had somewhat thought the young man would seem small and fragile, but Nite did anything but that. It oddly soothed him. ,,Regardless of how things will be… this will always be a part of me. Not a bad part, mind you. And I can only hope… that it wasn't a bad part for you, either,'' he said gently.
,,It's not,'' he promised, gesturing for Seymore to come closer. The troll didn't have to lean down that much to reach the small man's lips, as they shakenly kissed each other. They were both tired and drained, but Seymore couldn't help but feel complete when he looked into those big, dark orbs that graced his dreams at night, and his reality in the daylight.
,,Good,'' he smiled, leaning his knees against the throne to relax his body against it. ,,Despite how angry and frustrated you can get… and how hard I know you can hit… Despite how lost in your own thoughts you sometimes are… I've never been with anyone as sincere and gentle as I know you are. And I really appreciate, more than anything… that I've gotten the opportunity to get to know you, like this,'' he smiled before kissing the small man again.
,,I'm really not,'' he croaked against the green lips. His eyes seemed concerned again when he met the amber ones. ,,Everything I do… In the end, it's because I want to, or I want something out of it… I'm just really… selfish, aren't I?'' he muttered, looking down again.
He somehow knew there was some sort of truth to this. It made sense that many of the things Nite did for the troll, was to further himself in some way; Do nice things for him, so he would gain nice things back, or explore things Seymore liked, to gain his trust.
But he didn't believe that was all Nite was. Maybe because he didn't want to? Maybe because it seemed unlikely for him, that this confused, young man, should be so manipulative that he had planned all this from the very start. If anything, Nite had latched on to him, as one of the few good things around him, clutching to the hope for escape to a reality very far from what he had lived before.
,,We're all a little selfish,'' Seymore said instead, placing his arms on either side of the small man. ,,But I think you're pretty great,'' he smiled, leaning in again. Their kiss was long, making his tired mind awake anew. He had wanted to fuck him on his throne for so long, but he wasn't sure this was the right move. His body still felt sore by the whole ordeal.
Nite clung to his back, slightly whimpering against the troll's lips. He could feel how the small man grinded against him, already seemingly hard, making the troll a little bolder. A little less cautious. His mind slipping, as he rather roughly pushed against the sorcerer, only pulling his lips from his to kiss and bite his neck instead.
,,Can you… slow down, a little?'' Nite panted, still grinding against him as the troll lifted the sorcerer's thick sweater, his tongue circling around his nipple. ,,Seymore, please listen…'' he whined, jittering as the troll's hands grabbed him, as if he didn't hear or register what was going on around him. ,,Will you stop already?'' he whined, hiding his face in his hands, as the troll finally pulled away, looking confused at the small man in front of him.
,,I'm sorry…'' he whispered, viciously shaking his head. ,,I don't know what came over me…'' he said slowly as his gaze never left the man in front of him. Nite seemed flustered and confused, but not in that way where he still wanted to be touched and kissed.
,,It's okay,'' he assured him, but Seymore kept shaking his head.
,,No it's not. I'm sorry, Nite, I didn't mean to push you. I thought I read you right,'' he said, feeling his body cool.
,,You… You did, I mean… I am hard… It feels nice,'' he assured him. ,,I'm just… I'm tired and sore… I panicked, I didn't mean to yell,'' he said, trying to get the troll to come closer, but he didn't dare.
,,This is what I meant,'' he said, creating distance between himself and the throne. ,,This is why I need space or want to create distance between us, this is why I'm afraid to hurt you, I didn't listen,'' he said, still shaking his head. His knees felt weak. He had been too engulfed in the small man for far too long to hold back.
,,Hey,'' the sorcerer said gently, standing up as he came closer to the scared troll. ,,Seymore, you just helped me. Calm down, you did stop, see? You've never hurt me, and now you're all scared when nothing happened,'' he tried, gently taking the troll's hands. ,,And normally I wouldn't mind you all over me. You must know that, by now. Even if you've been very direct the last couple of days, you've always respected my boundaries, even when I haven't said a thing,'' he said.
,,I'm sorry,'' he whispered again, leaning down to rest his tired, confused head on top of Nite's.
,,You work yourself pretty hard, too. I don't mean cooking and cleaning alone. You've taken very good care of me, too. Don't beat yourself up over this,'' he said, trying to smile. ,,Do you… need a little space from me? To collect yourself, I mean?'' he asked slowly.
,,No, I don't want to,'' he whispered, slowly putting his arms around the small man. ,,I want to know that you're alright. With your magic, with… with this… I need to know you're safe… But I don't feel like I'm safe, right now…'' he said, his body shaking again.
,,You're heavy,'' he noted, as the troll slowly stood up again. ,,I mean… I'm still a little dizzy, from all that…'' he tried as he took the troll's hand, guiding him out of the room.
,,I know, I'm sorry…'' he said, following the small man into his bed-chamber. Seymore stopped in the hallway, looking into the dusk room, wondering if this was wise or not.
,,It's okay, Seymore. The bed is big. You don't have to cuddle up against me if you don't want to,'' he said, taking his shoes off before he laid down.
,,It's not that I don't want to,'' he said, slowly approaching. ,,Why doesn't it bother you more, that I… nearly did something, you didn't want me to?'' he said, sitting down beside the small man.
,,Because you stopped,'' he said, blinking confused. ,,… And because we're both worked up. About lots of things. You just saved me a lot of pain, and you just willingly told me a lot about your family and your past. You're very tired, and… you want me to think about something else… You want to think about something else, too… I don't blame you for not taking a hint, because I did want it, until I didn't… And when I didn't… you stopped,'' he said, tiredly rubbing his eyes.
,,But it took me too long,'' he insisted. Nite shrugged, looking at the ring on his finger.
,,Yerh, maybe. But, I don't feel any discomfort about you now. And I don't feel any less safe with you,'' he said, gently rubbing the dark metal. They were quiet for a while, only their breaths filling the room with sound. ,,Don't you ever just… want to flee?'' he asked instead, changing the topic again.
,,I already did that, once,'' he said, laying down beside the small man. They were placed with the heads in different directions, but their faces were still right beside each other. ,,You really thought about escaping? Now?'' he asked slowly.
,,I know, it was stupid. That's what set me off,'' he admitted. ,,I want you to come with me,'' he said, looking up at the ceiling.
,,She'll find us,'' he said. ,,… Your mother is definitely not the woman I've thought she was, but she has always been rather kind to me, Nite. She doesn't need to, as I'm only her servant. Sure, I could have a nicer living space or better clothes, but I'm rather well paid, and she doesn't scold me for not being fast enough at cleaning. In the West, that's rather luxurious,'' he said. ,,I'm not… dissatisfied here. Even if I went with you… I don't know if I could get another job… I have savings, but we can't survive off of them for forever,'' he explained.
,,I have savings as well,'' Nite shrugged. ,,I could get a job?'' he suggested, making the troll snicker. ,,It's not funny,'' he scoffed.
,,I'm sorry,'' he said gently. ,,It's just… such a wild thought,'' he said dreamingly. ,,… Do you hate your mother?'' he asked instead. Nite was silent for a time before he spoke again:
,,No. I don't… see eye to eye, with her. And I prefer this, that we don't live together, but… She also helps me, mostly with my studies, so I'm not… too upset… But I also feel very weird about everything… Well, somehow, it makes sense why she treats me like a bother or a failure, if she… if she didn't really want me…'' he said slowly. ,,… Do you hate your parents?'' he asked, looking slightly over at the troll.
,,… No. I've sometimes wished I could be the son they hoped for, but… I can't. And with time… I actually think that's alright,'' he smiled. ,,I would never go back, willingly… and it doesn't look like I can, either, but… I don't hate them…'' he said gently. ,,Is your mother mistreating you?'' he asked again, a slight concern in the amber eyes.
,,In some sense, she probably is. Isolation has done nothing good for me, and she has never given any indication of trying to understand me, but she's not hurting me, if that's what you're afraid of. The things she does to calm me down when my magic is out of control, are painful, but so is the state itself. She isn't punishing me when I don't progress in my studies, she's simply just…''
,,… Disappointed,'' he finished, knowing the feeling all too well. ,,I know that feeling,'' he said, remembering why he had connected so surprisingly well with Nite in the beginning. Now, he had fallen for him, and it all seemed so far away. The silence fell again, as Seymore just laid and gazed upon the small man by his side. Wondering how he would wiggle both of them, unharmed, out of this situation.
,,Why did you react so strongly about… not stopping quickly enough? Isn't stopping good enough?'' he asked, his eyes fixated on the ceiling. Seymore had wondered when he would ask, but he still didn't feel ready to talk about matters like these.
,,… Let me tell you about trolls, Nite,'' he said gently, looking at the ceiling as well, before he closed his heavy eyelids. ,,Trolls are pretty rough when they mate, you know that, already. When I arrived to the Center Isles, I've only ever been with troll women, that was all I knew off. I was… a young man, looking for love. Sure, I didn't mind hooking up with girls, but I hoped… I hoped to find a girlfriend,'' he said, clutching his shirt in his hands.
Nite didn't say anything, but he didn't dare to look to his side. Maybe the young man had fallen asleep, but if not, he probably wondered why the troll didn't continue at this point.
,,… I was always very forceful. It didn't occur to me that I was doing anything wrong before I made a girl cry,'' he said, his voice quivering. ,,I had always wondered why none of my dates led to anything more, but at that moment, it occurred to me why. I couldn't apologize enough. I felt so disgusting. She wasn't really mad at me, she said, but I understood why she wouldn't go out with me again. Truth be told, I could barely look her in the eyes, after what I've done.''
,,… Are you afraid that you'll rape me?'' he asked, more confused than concerned.
,,… Yes,'' he said, covering his face with his arm. ,,It wasn't the same problem with men. Probably because I didn't top. My former lover tried to tame me, to the best of his abilities. And it has worked, for the most part, but sometimes, my mind still slips, and I still fear that I'm too forceful with you,'' he whispered.
,,Normally you're not,'' he assured him, gently removing the troll's arm. ,,… I'm afraid to hurt you, too. Not like this, but… I've never felt so horrified as when I saw your hands today… knowing that I did it… And I can only imagine what happened, back then, with your face…'' he said gently, sitting slightly up to run his fingers across the scars on Seymore's face. ,,I already know trolls are rough. You've told me, I've seen it, but… I've read about trolls even before we ever… did anything,'' he said, his face heating slightly.
,,I know you read about trolls, but… their mating habits, too?'' he asked surprised.
,,… Do you remember that book you looked through, right before you… touched me, for the first time?'' he asked awkwardly as the troll slowly nodded. ,,You said you couldn't read it, and I believe you, because it's written in elvish. But that's a book about anatomy and things about sexual tendencies. I was… curious, because I… I got a lot of ideas after I'd seen you half-naked, but I don't really have any books on 'How to court a troll','' he explained, looking as flustered as ever.
,,That makes sense,'' he said, gently caressing the man in front of him. ,,… What was written about trolls, then? I'm curious,'' he admitted, turning around to lay on his side.
,,Well, it said that trolls are pretty big and pretty rough. I didn't really think that… two men could have sex, so I might have glossed over that part,'' he shrugged. ,,When you began to… finger me, I revisited that book,'' he said.
,,… Where you scared? About our first time?'' he asked gently. Nite turned around as well, shaking his head slightly.
,,No… You're not as rough as other trolls are described to be. Even if you slip up, sometimes… And really, I normally don't mind when you're a little rougher,'' he said, chuckling as he did so. ,,I think our fears are similar. Even if the source of them is different,'' he said, his voice soft and melodic. But even if he spoke in that weird, dreamingly soft voice he normally had when he talked with himself, Seymore knew he talked to him. He felt a strange rush of sentimentality that he had somewhat crossed a barrier, being so much in Nite's space that he almost was a part of him.
Seymore leaned in to kiss the sorcerer again, but he hesitated before he got to close the space between them. Nite didn't; he leaned forward as he normally would, chuckling as it wasn't as easy to kiss like this as when they faced the same way. It was catchy, his laughter, and Seymore felt his former fears melt away again.
,,You're pretty great at kissing, when you're not upside down,'' Nite chuckled, leaning in again. The touch was light and airy, making the troll hum gently against the pale lips.
,,You're not bad yourself,'' he smiled, sitting up to move beside the sorcerer, so they both faced the same direction. ,,You're a quick learner,'' he said, kissing him again, much easier, this time.
,,Yerh, I know,'' he said confidently. ,,I don't have much of a reference point… But, I think you're a pretty great teacher,'' he said. Seymore gently caressed the small man in front of him, looking down at his healed hands.
,,Do you feel a little better?'' he asked instead.
,,Just tired,'' he said, nodding slightly. ,,I really didn't think I would get so overworked. It hasn't been like this since my mother left. I thought I had better control now,'' he said, slightly disappointed in himself, it seemed. ,,I… I'm very grateful, that you helped me,'' he said, hugging the troll's broad body with his thin arms. ,,I really am…'' he whispered.
,,You're welcome, Nite,'' he said quietly. The sorcerer dozed off, and as he awoke anew, it was as it had never happened.
As the days went by, Willa delayed her return. First by a couple of days, then another week. February turned to March, and soon enough, the frozen winter wonderland outside the castle melted away and left the place wet and muddy instead. Mokar rarely got green and flowery, not even in the aspiring spring.
Some days, Seymore almost forgot that the Madam would soon return home. He made sure Nite ate and got some sleep, and he desperately tried to get him to slow down his studies.
But Nite was as possessed when it came to this. He wasn't sure why. Truthfully, maybe he just had an obsessive personality, he hadn't really known him or his habits before he moved into this part of the castle. But it still seemed unlikely that this was just normal studying.
He couldn't pry too much, though. The sorcerer seemed to get more irritated, the more he asked about it, which didn't seem like him at all. Nite had always wanted Seymore to like magic and loved to talk and explain all sorts of things related to magic. But not this. The only thing he knew about it, was that the book wouldn't budge.
It had been weeks after Nite's incident, and as the sorcerer hadn't mentioned it since, Seymore did neither. The troll wasn't as forward with his lust after the small man anymore and mostly waited for Nite to make a move. They still slept together at night, and the troll tried to soothe him to the best of his abilities.
But then he heard the bloodcurdling scream again. He was even further away from the study chamber this time, but the scream rung in the old castle walls, as he ran through corridors and down stairs to get to the pained sorcerer. But as he hastily opened up the doors, the sight that met him surprised more than frightened him.
Nite seemed to be in just as much pain as last time, but he wasn't alone. Above him stood the Madam, her hand weightlessly above the young man on the floor, as vaguely colored particles left his body, into her hand. Willa looked back at the troll, just as surprised to see him, as he was her, but his surprise soon faded and became worried again, when Nite looked up at him, his eyes exhausted and apologetic.
,,I wouldn't have thought-,'' she began, but Seymore interrupted her before she could finish her sentence.
,,Please stop, I can help him. It… It doesn't have to be like this,'' he said, kneeling by the sorcerer's side and completely ignoring Willa.
,,Help him?'' she scoffed. ,,You cannot help him without pulling the magic out, silly troll,'' she said, her voice suddenly stern.
,,But I've done that,'' he insisted, gently holding the sorcerer's hands. He wouldn't admit it, but Nite already looked like he felt better, the sparkles fading tremendously.
,,Really? Because as far as I'm concerned, it only looks like it settled for a moment. When did you help him?'' she said, removing her hand as Nite tiredly got up on his feet. He hadn't been able to do that as easily last time. Seymore still kneeled, looking flustered around.
,,… Some weeks ago,'' he said quietly. Nite hid his hands in his pockets, swaying slightly as he gestured for Seymore to stand again.
,,Exactly,'' she said sternly. ,,Go to your room, get some rest. We'll talk later,'' she said, as gently as she could, looking at her son. Nite nodded, and without a word, he left the room anew. It felt deafening quiet all of a sudden, and the otherwise familiar room seemed looming. ,,I… I didn't mean to sound so stern, Seymore. If you've helped him calm down from this, then I'm very grateful. But it's very necessary to get the magic out, and I don't… expect you to understand,'' she said slowly, rubbing her temples tiredly.
,,But it's hurting him,'' he croaked, feeling small even if he looked down at the woman in front of him. She was about to speak again when she suddenly noticed something; the glimpse of the earrings.
,,When did you get earrings?'' she asked, completely ignoring their prior conversation. ,,Did he give them to you?'' His blood ran cold at the sheer look in her eyes, her otherwise warm eyes turning dark and cold as if she hated the mere thought. He had never thought of the consequences if he still wore them when she got home, and now it was all but too late.
,,Ma'am, that's not important right now…'' he tried, but she wouldn't budge. She held out her hand, expecting him to hand his precious earrings over, it seemed.
,,I need to see them, Seymore,'' she said, sternly awaiting.
,,These were a gift,'' he insisted. His knees felt week, even though he had barely helped Nite with his outburst. If it was due to the demand in the Madam's voice, or the slight look of panic in her eyes, he couldn't tell.
,,I need to know these aren't hexed, Seymore! You behave strangely, to say the least! Running towards the boy, when he acts like this, defying my orders!'' she said, stepping closer with her hand still expectantly waiting for him to hand her the earrings.
,,They are not!'' he argued, stepping back, but he tripped. He feared she would notice the rune, as he himself had, but he didn't know if she could even read runes. He didn't know what she would think of it, if she could. ,,I'll take them off, but these are mine!'' he insisted, clumsily fidgeting with them, as he tried to put them away into his pocket, but the Madam was too quick and snatched them from him.
,,If they aren't hexed, you can get them back. I won't break them, I promise,'' she said, looking down at the dainty, detailed jewelry in her hands. ,,… Why in Am's name would he give you earrings?'' she asked confused.
,,… I asked for them,'' he said hastily, though this didn't seem less confusing for the sorceress. ,,As… a way to connect with him, and his… magic…'' he said slowly. ,,I'm aware they are made with magic, Ma'am. But they aren't hexed. He has been nothing but kind to me, to the best of his abilities, I promise,'' he tried, but Willa scoffed again.
,,What's gotten into you?'' she asked again. ,,You seem so… different…'' she noted, as he stood up again. ,,Has he been troublesome?'' she asked, looking down at the metal in her hand. His heart skipped a beat, as she rolled the helix piece between her fingers, inspecting the charm.
,,He hasn't,'' he promised. ,,I… I did as you told me to… I've been there for him, keeping him occupied, so he wouldn't try to escape… to the best of my abilities…'' he said slowly, looking down at his bare feet. The Madam was quiet for a while, not really paying much attention to his words, it seemed.
,,… Something's wrong with this,'' she said, making the troll look concerned anew. But it wasn't the helix piece she held, anymore; it was the moon. ,,I can't… quite figure out what he did, but… there seem to be… something on this… For how long have you worn these?'' she asked without looking at him.
,,… About two months,'' he told her, eyeing the earrings anew. He had speculated that Nite had somewhat put a spell on the earrings, but if he had; had it worked? He couldn't tell. He didn't feel any different right now than he had done before he removed the earrings.
,,Then it's probably worn off,'' she shrugged, handing him back the earrings. ,,I told you to be careful,'' she said, almost disappointed.
,,I'm aware,'' he said, looking down at the so beautifully crafted metal. ,,Ma'am, I still have so many questions, about the young Master…'' he said, finally looking back at the woman in front of him.
,,Don't speak so loudly!'' she hushed him, looking out the study chambers heavy doors, still open from when Nite had left the room. ,,… He doesn't know, does he?'' she asked.
,,No,'' he lied, not flinching the slightest. ,,Willa, where does Nite come from? I've been… in the presence of him for over half a year. He is… confused and emotional, but he is not the monster you portray him as,'' he said beggingly.
,,You barely know him,'' she said apologetically. ,,… I cannot tell you much about him. He is… my own flesh and blood, if that's your concern. But he is much more than that, and I don't think it will help you sleep at night, to know the exact origin of Nite,'' she said slowly. ,,All you have to know is, that he is very powerful. He has the potential to be, if not the most, then one of the most powerful sorcerers all of the realms of Aenamo has ever seen. But I'm afraid that won't happen,'' she said.
,,Why not?'' he croaked, feeling his mouth dry.
,,Because he has a taste for disaster. A character flaw, that deems him unable to socialize normally. Don't tell me that I've isolated him for too long, because that's not it. I've brought people to the castle when he was younger, in the hopes of him learning how to act around people. Neither you nor he will remember, because… I've wiped your memories… It was the safest,'' she said apologetically, as Seymore's eyes grew angry at the notion. ,,I set my foot down, when he scarred your face. No visitors have been here since. The other maids and servants had long been gone by then. But you… wouldn't leave. Not even after that,'' she noted.
Seymore remembered vaguely how apologetic Willa had been that day. How adamantly she wanted to heal him, and how persistent she had tried to convince him to leave the castle like the rest. But Seymore couldn't leave. He had had nowhere else to go, and besides, she had had no one else than him, even if he only cleaned and cooked.
,,I've seen none of that in your absence,'' he said as calmly as he could. She was quiet for a while before she turned around to leave the study chamber.
,,Then you have something he wants. And I promise you, nothing good comes from that,'' she said as she left.
Although he felt dizzy and confused, he still shakenly walked down the hallway, entering the sorcerer's bed chambers without even knocking. Looking back, it could have been horrible if Willa had been there to check up on Nite, but luckily, she wasn't. It looked like Nite had somewhat expected it to be her, but he didn't seem displeased with the familiar sight of the troll.
,,Are you alright?'' Seymore asked, closing the door behind him as Nite stood up. He nodded, looking embarrassed and confused before it occurred to him; the earrings didn't plaster the troll's ears anymore.
,,She took them?'' he whined, yanking down in the troll's long ears without even noticing. ,,Oh, I shouldn't do that,'' he said, letting go of the ears as Seymore began to chuckle. It didn't hurt him, as much as it surprised him.
,,She did,'' he said, weighing his words carefully. ,,… She said… you had done something to them…'' he said slowly. Nite's eyes flickered, but he didn't deny it. ,,Did you do something to them?'' he asked, carefully handing the sorcerer his prized possession. The young man looked down upon the jewelry, carefully running his fingers across them.
,,Yes,'' he finally said.
,,Why?'' he asked, feeling the word sting surprisingly. ,,What did you do?'' Nite handed the earrings back to Seymore, but the troll didn't take them.
,,I know what you think,'' he said, more persistently trying to hand the earrings back, but Seymore took a step back instead. ,,It's not a love spell. Why would I want you to love me for pretend? Sure, maybe you would just… get used to it, with time, but much more likely, you would wake up one day, questioning why the fuck you were here, with me,'' he scoffed, putting the earrings into his pocket instead.
,,If not a love spell… Then, what did you do?'' he asked.
,,… It's a blessing. That's why she couldn't figure out what it was. Or maybe because I did it wrong, and it wore off, who knows,'' he shrugged. ,,I put a protective blessing on your earrings. Because, as long as you wore them, you were supposed to be… safe… to feel good. I know I don't always do that, for you, but… I hoped it could soothe you, somehow,'' he said, fidgeting with his fingers.
,,Why wouldn't you… tell me such stuff?'' he asked, sitting down on the desk behind him.
,,Would you had worn them, then? You looked so… proud and content when you wore them. Like truly happy. It was a side I would have never guessed you had… Dressing up, all pretty, in jewelry like that… That was everything I could have ever wanted… and I just wanted to protect that smile, for a little while,'' he said quietly. ,,You're such a weird troll, Seymore. I love that about you, because, I'm a weird human. I didn't want my mother to taint your view of those earrings. Because now she has also tainted how happy you looked when you wore them,'' he said, fumbling over his words.
,,That's not true,'' he said sternly, surprising the small man with his tone. ,,This is not a matter of what she has done or said. This is a matter of you not telling me when you fidget with things like this, despite that you must know that it would upset me!'' he said, his voice getting louder. ,,Why bless them, anyway? Why do you need to put magic into everything?'' he asked.
,,Because that's all I am!'' he yelled back. ,,That's all I ever cared about, and all that's ever worked for me!'' he said through gritted teeth, sitting on the chair in front of the desk. They both sat in silence, as their breaths steadied, calming down each on their own.
,,… I… Can I still have the earrings?'' he finally asked, stretching out his hand. Nite nodded, before he gave them back, cautiously watching as Seymore put them on again.
,,… Are you mad at me?'' he asked, his gaze not leaving the troll, although Seymore tried to avoid the stern, mahogany eyes.
,,No. But I am upset,'' he said quietly, looking down at his hands.
,,Why is magic okay sometimes, but not all the time?'' he asked calmly, cocking his head to the side. ,,You got used to the bubbles, you don't mind some emergency magic when the mood is set, you permitted me to turn back time and you have even helped me through the most painful and scary part of my magic… But a blessing? To keep you safe? That's too much?'' he asked confused. His tone was demeaning, but Seymore tried to push that aside. ,,I can't protect you in any kind of way, without magic. Sure, you might not need protection. You might not want it, either. But I am selfish. You're important to me, Seymore, and I want, with teeth and claws, to protect you, whether you want me to or not,'' he said sternly, standing up and walking the few steps up to the troll.
As Seymore sat on the desk, sloshing over to rest his elbows on his knees, Nite was about the same height as he. He gently touched the troll's face, guiding him so he could look into those amber eyes that he adored so much. His eyes weren't hard, anymore, but filled with concern and embarrassment. The long fingers that graced the green skin were cold as ever, but the touch felt warm and familiar.
,,I don't know,'' Seymore said, his voice raspy and apologetic. ,,I don't know why some magic feels bad, and some are okay. I don't like magic, Nite. I am scared of magic. I never become numb to the fear I feel, and believe me, I want to…'' he said, feeling his throat tighten, surprising the small man in front of him. ,,Magic is a concept I don't understand. I don't like to be surprised by it. I would have worn the earrings, even if you had told me. I would have believed you if you told me it wasn't a love spell. Please, don't make me regret that I believe in you,'' he said quietly.
Nite's smile was sad, barely even being a smile. He leaned forward, not to kiss the troll, but to rest his undoubtedly tired head on his, sighing lightly as he did so. His hands were still around the troll's cheeks, gently rubbing Seymore with his thumbs.
,,You know…'' the sorcerer said slowly, closing his eyes in regret. ,,… Maybe the problem is me. Maybe I don't believe in you. Maybe because… I'm so afraid of losing you? Even though I know you aren't mine, but… I'm also terrible curious and I want you to see how beautiful magic is…'' he whispered.
,,Hey now,'' he said, as Nite didn't open his eyes again. ,,Don't be afraid. I'm here, Nite,'' he said quietly.
,,Yes, but… Everything will be so different now, won't it? I keep fearing she'll suddenly just knock on my door, questioning why you're here…'' he said quietly.
,,Well, I'm here because I'm checking up on my friend, who has been very stressed lately,'' he smiled. When Nite finally did open his eyes again, he couldn't help but lean forward, kissing the small man, sweet and gentle.
,,Do you kiss all your friends so passionately?'' he smirked when he pulled away.
,,No,'' Seymore smiled, leaning in again. His lips lingered a little longer on the paler ones, savoring the moment for as long as he could. ,,Only my dearest friend.''