,,Wake up.'' Gentle whispers as hands were shaking him, greeted his tired mind as he slowly woke up. He couldn't remember when he had last been woken up like this. It felt like a distant memory or a dream, but when he finally opened his eyes, it was all but that.
Nite didn't look scared, but he didn't look excited, either. He smiled vaguely when the troll finally yawned, stretched his body, and sat up.
,,What's the matter, Nite?'' he asked gently, not bothering with covering himself. The sorcerer wore his usually long, grey sweater. He moved a little closer to the troll, almost fidgety.
,,Nothing. I just miss you,'' he said quietly. Seymore was about to say that they saw each other every day, but he knew that wasn't what he meant. He knew that he, like himself, missed sleeping together, vanishing into weird nooks of the castle to kiss and their long talks at night, until the sun would rise again. He missed eating with him, showering with him, and he had all but too late noticed all the intimate, everyday stuff they did, he had otherwise reserved for lovers of the past.
While Seymore had insisted he never wanted to be in a relationship again, living with someone like this, he couldn't deny he missed just that now, when he looked at the man, as he so often had before.
,,I miss you too,'' he said, gently moving so the small man could climb on top of him, holding his light body dearly. ,,Let me show you just how much I do so,'' he whispered, kissing the sorcerer sweetly.
They still kissed each other, even after the Madam's return, but not as frequent, and not as greedily, as Nite seemed to want now. They talked every day, but mostly when Willa was occupied by her own things, or around dinner, where she would eat alone, anyway. Although it wasn't the same as before her return, it wasn't the same as before her travels, either, and Seymore, for once, didn't feel as lonely. He could only hope Nite didn't either.
,,I want you,'' the young man muttered against the troll's lips. ,,I need you,'' he insisted when Seymore slowed down his motions.
,,Then we have to be very quiet,'' he whispered, smiling as Nite eagerly began to stand up, tugging in the troll's long arms. ,, Where are we going? I thought you wanted to-,'' he chuckled but got cut off when Nite guided him out of the basement chamber.
,,I don't want to do it here. At least I can close my door. And don't worry, I'll be quiet, I just really want to feel you again…'' he whispered, slowly opening his door, before puffing the troll inside.
Nite's room was lit up, for once. Not by much, but he had definitely prepared the room beforehand. The bed was made and small, fairy-like crystals made the room seem comfortable and sparkly.
He knew Nite didn't care about setting a mood. But he was aware that Nite knew that he himself did. While Seymore didn't need much sweet-talking, or the right place and time to get intimate, he liked the effort, just like with the earrings that still plastered his ears so beautifully.
,,What would you have done, if I had said no?'' he chuckled, gently getting pushed down onto the bed by the small man. Nite was direct and needy and had no time to play the troll's games. ,,Slow down, Nite, I'm not going anywhere,'' he smiled, feeling the long, slender hands around the waist of his pants.
,,Oh shush it. Didn't you say we had to be quiet?'' he smirked, not hesitating to lick the troll's soft cock. It didn't stay like that for long, when the sorcerer so persistently licked and slurped on it, his eyes never leaving the troll's.
,,You're noisy, even when you suck me off,'' he panted, hungrily licking his lips. ,,You're very playful today. You don't want me to touch you, too?'' he asked, rather gently as he caressed the small man sitting between his legs.
,,I want you to touch me with this,'' he smirked, spitting and sucking as the troll grew bigger and harder in his mouth. ,,You're dripping a lot today. You seem pretty calm, but this is very eager,'' he teased, greedily sucking him off again.
,,I haven't come for, what, weeks now?'' he said, slowly grinding against the open, hot mouth.
,,Really?'' he said, finally releasing the troll before he stood up, stripping out of his sweater in one fluent motion that made Seymore's skin tingle. ,,And why could that be?'' he said, seductively straddling the older man, gently leaning his thin body against the troll's broad one.
,,I… don't like the thought of not being able to close my door, when I touch myself…'' he said slowly, feeling the sorcerer place himself with the troll's aching cock between his ass cheeks. ,,And all my free time during the day, I've spent with you… And I much rather chat with you, than flee to the bathroom to masturbate…'' he said, his mind clouded by the young man's playful smile.
,,Is that so? No wonder why you drip so much, then,'' he chuckled lightly, grinding against the hard cock. ,,I've masturbated. Quite a lot, actually. Thinking about you…'' he panted, slowly feeling the troll push against the tight, slick entrance. ,,But it still doesn't feel as nice, as when you touch me… as when you're inside me… You don't kiss me as greedily as you used to… You're not in my bed when I want you to be…'' he whined, slowly moving his hips as his ass got stretched. Seymore could feel himself slip further in with every thrust. ,,But you're still as beautiful as ever, and I want you so much when I see you around during daytime,'' he whimpered.
Seymore leaned forward to give him exactly what he wanted; greedy kisses in his bed, his cock already halfway into the small, slightly whimpering man. He wanted to push much further, but he feared it would make the sorcerer noisier, and he was already all too aware that they weren't exactly sneaky about things.
He didn't know how well-isolated Nite's room was. In hindsight, he could probably have soundproofed the room with magic, but that was too late to think about now. He wasn't sure if the Madam would be able to hear anything unless she went down the hallways at this exact minute, but why would she do that, in the middle of the night?
Still, he didn't feel safe about his choice of nightly activity. It felt much safer to kiss Nite so deeply to drown out most of the moans, than to let him talk while he rode the troll so passionately.
But Nite still whined and whimpered against the troll's thin lips, making him shudder by the mere sound of the small man on top of him. He adored it like this, with Nite on top of him and the sorcerer controlling the speed and depths, even if Nite mostly seemed to be so caught up in his pleasure, that he didn't have much control at all at this point.
,,We're too noisy,'' the troll chuckled, pulling away slightly from the hungry lips.
,,I don't care,'' he whined, hiding his face against the troll's shoulder. ,,It feels like forever since we did this, and you feel so damn good inside of me…'' he whimpered, grinding his hips against the troll's heavy cock.
,,It feels amazing, Nite, but it's hard to keep quiet when you sound so inviting,'' he panted, holding the small man's hips in place, to guide him a little gentler against him.
,,You want me to stop being inviting?'' he smirked, his fingers caressing the troll's muscly arms. ,,You're being gentle, so I won't moan too much? Or because you prefer that?'' he said, biting his lip to keep his voice down.
Truth be told, Seymore really wanted to pin the small man down and fuck him a little less gently. Make him whimper into the mattress. Make him come and make up for the time they hadn't been together. But he didn't know if he could keep himself in place enough to not leave marks on the fair skin if he got too carried away.
,,I want to be on top,'' the troll panted, lifting the small man and throwing him down on the bed. Even if it surprised Nite, he didn't shriek, but he did look confused when Seymore turned him over on his stomach, positioning him for easier access.
,,You're not very discreet yourself,'' Nite mocked, as he placed a hand between his legs, slightly lifting his awaiting ass. ,,Make good use of it, when you're treating me so roughly,'' he smirked, his voice quivering and seductive.
,,Oh, believe me, I'll make up for the time I haven't been able to pound your ass,'' he panted, putting one foot onto the bed, while the other still was on the floor. He lined himself up, gliding into the small ass rather easily, as Nite was already warm and shaking. The troll leaned down, whispering into the sorcerer's ear: ,,You better find something to bite down on, because I'm not intending to stop for a while and I'm not intending to be gentle either,'' he groaned, pushing further into the man underneath him.
Nite whimpered before he grabbed a pillow to hide his face in. Seymore made good on his promise and kept slowly pressing further into him. He wanted Nite to remember, to feel, that even though things had changed, he didn't desire him any less. He could do that in many ways, but he knew that Nite would remember this tomorrow, to let it linger in his body.
,,If you at any point want me to stop, hold up your hand. If you want me to slow down, shake your head,'' the troll whispered, grabbing tightly around the small man's waist, as he buried himself into his greedy ass. Nite's whimpers could be heard through the pillow, but not as loudly as he otherwise was.
Although not as rough as he would have been with a troll, Seymore didn't hold back as much as he normally did. He used his heavy body to pin the small man to the bed, thrusting hard into him so the pale body shuddered every time he did so. His nails scraped the sorcerer's ass, leaving red claw marks he knew no one else but him would notice. Most of the time, Nite wiggled and whimpered underneath him, but he would every once in a while try to bounce back on the big cock inside him before he felt another, hard thrust against his prostate that made him lose focus again.
,,How can you be so tight and at the same time suck me in so deep?'' the troll muttered quietly, spreading the small man out to thrust deeper. ,,You're doing 'aight?'' he groaned, slowing down just enough so the sorcerer could nod before he continued the deep, hard thrusts. ,,Good, good… Damn, I'm glad you woke me up…'' he panted, firmly grabbing the pale cheeks, fondling him hardly.
He hadn't tried to push all the way in, since Nite's birthday. As Nite had learned that the goal was achievable and he had succeeded, he had been less insistent since then, but now, Seymore wanted to feel just that again. The sorcerer moaned a lot louder as he did so, but he didn't shake his head or hold his hand up.
,,By the stars, you were right… This is the fucking best,'' he groaned, sneaking his hands underneath the sorcerer's chest, to firmly pinch the hardened nipples. He could see Nite's shoulder's shake, but he wasn't sure if he touched himself, or if it was just due to the intensity. Regardless, he could still hear through the pillow how much he moaned.
He had tried to slow down at first, being so deeply into the sorcerer, but it was hard for him to do so. He felt the intense need for breeding him just as roughly as Nite claimed to be able to handle creep up on him, his mind feeling clouded and all but too horny at this point.
Was it because they hadn't had sex in weeks, that made him so desperate, so rough, or just the fact that if he couldn't mark him in any noticeable way, that he wanted Nite to feel it in his body, for days to come? Maybe because he wanted Nite to come back, waking him up at night, while he simply couldn't resist the troll. Or maybe just because he was greedy himself, and the need was too strong.
Then he felt the familiar clenching throughout the young man's body, but he was surprisingly quiet, for a change. Seymore slowed down, afraid the small man needed air, but Nite moved to look up at him, his face flushed and eyes glossy.
,,W-why are you slowing down?'' he whined, holding a hand over his mouth when the troll pushed all the way inside again. ,,T-this is so good, Seymore. D-don't stop…'' he begged before he buried his head in the pillow again.
,,I just wanted to make sure you were okay,'' he promised, gently scraping the small man's chest, further down to his stomach, which undoubtedly was covered in cum, making him whimper slightly himself. ,,You're shaking,'' he noted.
,,That's because my ass is getting pounded so good…'' he whined, only looking up for a second before he hid his face again. ,,I wanna come more…'' he drooled, letting his hands down between his legs again. ,,It's so much better, like this… I just want y-you to make me come over and over,'' he whimpered, rocking his hips against the troll, to the best of his abilities.
,,Such a greedy little slut,'' he growled, licking his lips as he kept going deep and hard. If Nite came again, he wasn't sure he could help but tip over himself, but until then, he wanted to enjoy every moment that he was his alone. ,,I wonder what would make you want me to slow down? How much would you be able to handle?'' he growled lowly, hugging the small man against his body, as his hips thrusted faster and harder.
This surprised Nite, so much that he unwillingly lifted his head to shriek, but before he could do so, Seymore firmly put his hand over his mouth. He shushed him without slowing down the slightest, looking proudly at the sorcerer as his eyes rolled back into his skull, his mouth wet and damp against the palm of his hand.
,,You're so damn sexy,'' he panted, forcing himself not to bite down on the human's neck. ,,You like it like this? On your hands and knees, being manhandled so roughly?'' he grunted, trying to hold back his own whimpers as Nite nodded to the best of his abilities.
He didn't pull out as much, anymore. He kept fucking him in deep, short thrust, using his weight to almost force himself into him, but as far as he knew, Nite wasn't displeased by this. If anything, he seemed totally lost in his own ecstasy, just as far gone as Seymore felt himself.
,,I wanna come…'' the troll whispered, almost beggingly. ,,But I want to feel you tighten around me again…'' he whimpered, his grip still tight around the thin body, before his hand snuck down between the sorcerer's legs. He was still hard and sticky, covered in his own cum from earlier. The scent lingered and made him even less careful. The troll finally removed his hand from the small man's mouth, making him gasp and whine a little louder than the troll liked, although the sound itself was music to his ears.
,,I-it's really good, Seymore…'' he whimpered. ,,It's so weird that I h-have to be quiet today… I want to tell you h-how fucking good it i-is… You're so rough… I want it rough!'' he whined, feeling the troll turn his head around so he could kiss him again. It was both to shush him, but mostly because he missed the thin, quivering lips, that greedily, helplessly, wanted for them to connect.
,,I wanna make you my little bitch,'' he growled against the swollen lips, he couldn't help but to bite down on. ,,I want to be your man,'' he growled, feeling himself tip over, much before he normally would have. His grip around the sorcerer's hard cock got tighter, and the surprised young man felt the unbearably hard, deep thrusts, as the troll bit down on his own free hand to not groan too loudly.
,,Fuck yes!'' Nite moaned, feeling the troll throw him further down on the mattress, making sure his face was burrowed into the pillow, as he kept thrusting and coming to what seemed like forever. He couldn't remember the last time his orgasm had felt so overwhelming, and he could hardly keep his raspy voice under control. But it became even harder when he felt the familiar tightening again, hearing Nite much more clearly this time, as he let the orgasm run through him. ,,Seymore…'' he whined, his body shaking as the troll kept fucking him, even after his orgasm had run out.
,,You feel so good,'' he whimpered against the small man's back, his grip not as tight, and his motions slowing down ever so slightly. He still didn't pull out, but he could feel himself soften up, so it would only be a matter of time.
Nite turned to look at the troll again, his face redder than ever, and his gaze tired and happy. Seymore gently leaned down to kiss him again, the soft touches contrasting how rough he had been just moments before. The sorcerer felt small and weak in his arms, as if he melted into the touch and Seymore's strong arms, that held him so dearly.
,,Fuck that was good…'' Nite hummed against the green lips. ,,I'll be so damn sore tomorrow…'' he chuckled, pushing himself against Seymore's warm body.
,,I'm sorry,'' the troll smiled, gently trying to reposition himself, slipping out of the small man as carefully as he could. Nite whined slightly, but let himself fall onto the bed as Seymore climbed into it.
,,Don't apologize! Silly troll,'' he said, still chuckling. ,,It was really good. It would almost be worth waiting weeks for if this is how you treat me when you haven't been touched for a while… if it wasn't for the fact that the sex already is pretty damn good,'' he said, weakly pushing himself further into the bed. Seymore smiled and wrapped the small man in his blankets, but Nite sat up again as he noticed Seymore didn't wrap himself up. ,,Don't tell me you're not going to sleep here,'' he said sternly.
,,… It wouldn't be very wise…'' he began, but Nite just rolled his eyes at this.
,,Nothing about this is wise, Seymore! Come on, sleep here, get up early, she'll never notice it,'' he promised. ,,I miss sleeping with you. I miss waking up with you. You always used to get up beforehand, but it all seems so weird and far away now…'' he said slowly.
Seymore was about to protest, but he could hardly do so when Nite looked so small in the big bed. He couldn't remember he had ever just left after they had had sex. As far as he could remember, they had always slept together afterward, and he didn't really want to change that.
He didn't say anything, he just smiled and moved to cover himself with the blankets as well, making the small man by his side sigh happily. The smell of sex still lingered in the air, but it was hard to think about showering and changing bedsheets when his body and mind felt so tired, all of a sudden.
Nite gently curled their fingers together, cuddling against the green, damp skin, seemingly very satisfied with the situation. Seymore was about to drift off when he noticed something as he caressed the cold, long hands.
,,… You're not wearing the ring anymore?'' he asked quietly. Nite had almost drifted off to sleep himself but jerked slightly at the question. When he opened his eyes, he looked flustered at the troll.
,,I was afraid… that she would ask questions… I thought you would like me to… keep a low profile…'' he said slowly, fumbling slightly with the words.
And normally, Seymore would. He had even considered it when he gave Nite the ring to begin with, how he should tell him he probably shouldn't wear it when his mother got back home. And while he had meant it when he said it wasn't an engagement ring, he suddenly felt rejected, even if Nite's words made sense.
,,You're probably right,'' he mumbled, smiling softly to the sorcerer, trying to brush away the small man's fears. ,,… But I will miss the sight of it…'' he admitted, kissing the small man slowly, trying to collect himself again.
As Nite fell asleep, the lights he had created with magic faded one after one. Nite's room had never felt so dark before, and Seymore suddenly didn't feel as tired, anymore.
He had known for a while that he liked Nite. He had known for a while, that he probably loved him, which made it all the more heartbreaking not to be able to tell him that himself.
But what could he offer the young man, regarding a relationship? It would never be enough for Nite, just to be lovers. He would always push for more. It scared him to think, that even if Seymore felt so out of control, Nite was ready to do or say just about anything to get what he wanted. Whatever dreams he once had had with Ruvaen, could, potentially, be just about to happen, if he said the right things.
Seymore wasn't sure he wanted that, anymore. He wasn't sure about anything, anymore, but he was pretty sure that he was much more into Nite than what he had thought before, just by the sheer feeling of loss and hurt that had run through him when Nite didn't wear his ring.
Days felt weird and hazy now, compared to how they had been before. He had always known that he wasn't quite happy with how his life had been before the Madam's trip, but he had always thought he was content with how things were. Now, he could barely remember the last time he had been truly happy before he and Nite had started hanging around each other.
The Madam hadn't questioned that he didn't want to move back into his old room. For the most part, she seemed confused over his and Nite's interactions but didn't bother asking about it. Maybe she talked with her son about it, although it was unlikely, he thought.
But one day, as Seymore brought Willa her lunch to her room, she stopped him when he was about to take his leave. She seemed concerned, as she asked him to sit down.
,,Is everything alright, Ma'am? Have I missed something in my work?'' he asked slowly.
,,No, Seymore, everything regarding that, is fine,'' she said, turning her back to the troll as if she wasn't sure how to continue. ,,… I am once again worried about my son…'' she said hesitantly. ,,He is acting… differently, but I can't quite explain why,'' she said.
Seymore didn't answer at first. He wasn't sure if she just wanted to vent her frustrations, or if she wished for his advice, but regardless, Seymore knew she wouldn't like whatever answer he would come up with. Nite did act differently, not only because he was a teenager with hormones, but because he was heartbroken to not have the troll all to himself, anymore.
,,He is a teenager, Ma'am. He is going through a lot of changes, all the time,'' he tried cautiously.
,,I don't think that's just it…'' she said slowly, finally turning around again. ,,The two of you got pretty close, while I was away. I… didn't expect that, actually. That's why I'm asking you, because maybe you know something, I don't. I begin to ask myself if I am wrong about his intentions… But… It's hard to explain…'' she mumbled.
,,What is it he does, that worries you?'' he asked. She hesitated for another moment before she spoke:
,,I'm afraid he's sneaking out of the castle, even if I know it's impossible,'' she whispered. ,,I would know if he left the ground around the castle.''
,,He hasn't tried to escape while you were away,'' the troll promised. Not as far as he knew of, anyway. The only time he had mentioned running away by himself, had been the time his magic had overwhelmed him. Otherwise, it had always been with Seymore by his side when he had imagined his escape.
,,Are you sure? I think… I think he has met someone?'' she said, looking nervously at Seymore. He could feel his heart skip a beat, and he prayed to the stars that he didn't look as horrified as he felt, but as Willa didn't seem to notice anything weird about him, his heart slowly began to pound again. ,,It doesn't seem likely, but… his mind is just somewhere completely else, and if I didn't know any better… I would say he was in love,'' she said. Despite the obvious, it didn't look like she even considered Seymore to be the culprit of the sorcerer's fascination.
,,… He… hasn't mentioned anything,'' he said, trying his best not to seem suspicious. He felt trapped. How would he explain this, when Nite couldn't possibly meet up with anybody? A mysterious pen-pal? A fictive crush? He had known it was a risk, that Willa at any time could get a hint about them, but he had never expected that he would be the one she came to. He had always thought it would be Nite she would pry it out of. And had it just been that, he wouldn't have batted an eye if Nite told on him, but now? He couldn't lie to Willa, not like this. But then it hit him, distractions never had to mean attraction, not for Nite. ,,I think I know what could cause him trouble,'' he said, not thinking clearly, speaking a little too fast. This, the Madam seemed to notice. ,,Has he mentioned the book?'' he asked.
,,What book?'' she asked, confused by the change of topic.
Seymore knew, even before he did so, that he shouldn't have mentioned it. Whatever was in that book, Nite wouldn't want his mother to know. If he didn't even want Seymore to know, he couldn't imagine that he wanted her to do so. He wasn't sure if the book was dangerous, or if it was some sort of embarrassing that he couldn't open it yet, but that book was his only hope for getting them both safely out of this situation. But, at what cost?
,,He has mentioned a book, a few times, that he can't seem to open,'' he said nervously. It took the Madam a moment to take in the troll's words, but then her face changed, and Seymore realized far too late how bad an idea it had been to mention.
,,What?!'' she said, far louder now. ,,Why haven't you told me this before? For how long exactly?'' she asked hastily.
,,… I'm not sure… About Winter Solstice, I think…'' he said carefully. ,,I thought it was just part of his studies…'' he tried.
,,It's definitely not!'' she said harshly. ,,If he can't open it, it's not supposed to be open! Where would he get that from?'' she asked, most likely to herself and not the troll. There was something frantic about her movements, as she paced back and forth.
,,I… didn't know if the book was dangerous or not, Ma'am… Only that it caused him great frustration… He has never mentioned anything about the book, besides the fact that he can't open it…'' he said, trying to defuse another building situation. It would be all too late to admit to what was really on Nite's mind these days, he knew that, and in any case, it wouldn't help to settle the matter with the book, either way.
,,You don't think that's suspicious?'' she asked, startling him by her tone. ,,If I know anything about my son, I'm sure he has wanted to tell you everything about magic. All kinds of magic. Don't tell me it's not suspicious, if he suddenly is not talking about something so interesting to him, as a book he can't seem to open up,'' she said, walking out of the room.
Seymore tried following her, but they didn't get far before the Madam stopped to turn around. She looked tired and apologetic, as she seemed to calm down.
,,I need to talk with my son alone,'' she said, but Seymore still followed after her, afraid of what would happen when Nite found out he had ratted him out. ,,Honestly, Seymore, I thought that you, even though you don't know much about magic, would act more mature in situations like these,'' she said tiredly. This time, Seymore did stop, finally realizing how little Willa really knew about trolls. About him, in general.
,,… But I'm not…'' he said quietly. ,,I… Trolls age differently… I'm barely an adult, even if I have lived like one for years…'' he said, feeling small and helpless, all of a sudden. As if he suddenly realized it, himself. She turned around, looking surprised at him, as if she had figured something out all of a sudden. But she didn't say anything. She just looked at the troll, who felt so small underneath her gaze. ,,… I don't mean to cause trouble for him, Ma'am. Whatever you might think, we've become pretty good friends, and I… I don't want to bring him harm. Yes, I've been worried about the book, but… Please don't tell him I've said anything…'' he begged quietly.
She walked a couple of steps closer to the troll. Seymore was still much taller than her, but he felt just as small and frightened as he would have done, had it been his own mother he stood in front of. He had never felt like this before. She had never looked at him as if he was a child, before this. She had never known how old he was, he expected, and he didn't look like a teenager, to her concern.
,,You didn't have to befriend him, Seymore. I didn't mean for you to do so,'' she said quietly, placing her hand on his head. Her fingers felt cold, just like Nite's, but different at the same time. Not familiar. Threatening. ,,I will take care of this. But he'll not be happy. It's best if you stay back… so nothing happens…'' she said, slowly looking at his scarred face.
,,… What is in that book?'' he asked, his voice small and quivering, but she shook her head.
,,Hopefully, nothing. But it's for the best you don't think about it too much… This is just how he is,'' she assured him, retreating her hand and turning around to leave him behind. She walked slowly, slower than she usually did, or maybe he was just too out of it to really understand what was happening.
,,It's black magic, isn't it?'' he asked, loud enough for her to hear, but she didn't answer. She stopped for a moment, before she went on her way, never even looking back.
He wanted to run after her. Demand to know where Nite came from, but how could he even think he had the right to do so? He wanted to go get Nite before his mother ever came for him, and run far away, but where would they even go?
Instead, he did nothing. He just stood there, for a while, knowing all too well that regardless of how Willa put it, Nite would be furious. If not at him, then at her. But most likely, she wouldn't honor his wish to not rat him out. And if she did so, he wasn't sure Nite would act so kindly.
He went to his old room, for a while. It had been empty since the day he had left, and he hadn't been in here for over half a year. It felt weird, being back, but it was the only place he could think of to hide.
The pieces of paper were still in the trash bin. He pulled them out as if he expected them to reveal something different than the last time he read them, but they didn't. It was the same letter, about his sister's everyday life, with a throw-away notion about their dad's death. He didn't miss his dad, but at this moment, so uncertain about the future, he did miss Feylin.
He could only hide for so long. As the dusk approached, he knew he should start cooking dinner soon. He left his safe, little space, and went to the main kitchen, gently chopping away in hopes to steady his nerves, but he knew as soon as he heard footsteps approach, that things were about to go downwards.
,,You told her?!'' He heard Nite before he saw him, only turning around when the small man angrily entered the room, pulling in his arm to get him to pay attention to him.
,,… Yes.'' There was no point in denying it. He knew exactly what Nite meant, and he couldn't possibly talk his way out of this.
,,How could you?!'' he screamed, pacing back and forth, muttering curses underneath his breath. ,,You knew I didn't want her to know about this!'' he said, his eyes hard and hurt.
,,Let me explain-,'' he tried, but Nite cut him off.
,,No need!'' he scoffed, getting awfully close to the troll again. ,,I know why you did it! Because it's more important for you to save your own sorry ass, than to protect me!'' he hissed between his teeth.
,,That's not true! This is to protect you!'' he protested, but Nite shook his head.
,,No, this is to protect you. You don't want her to know about… this, fine! Maybe because you fear how she will react, but mostly because you're afraid to be thrown out! I know she sees you as an adult. I know she has no interest or respect for other species. I know why you're afraid she'll kick you out, but that you're willing to throw me off the island like this, I don't get. You've said I'm important to you, but I mean so little to you that you were willing to go this far!'' he spat out. ,,You disgust me!'' he muttered, turning around, breathing shallowly.
,,What's in that book, Nite?'' he asked, his voice quivering again. ,,Why is that book so important? What is it you think it'll do for you?''
,,This is about you, not the book!'' he said, turning to face the troll again. ,,I'm sick and tired of your games, Seymore! You keep all these secrets and hardships to yourself, saying it's none of my business, but you expect me to tell you everything?! I've told you everything, besides what's in that book. That's mine, just like you insist all your trauma is!'' he said, furiously grabbing the kitchen counter, his knuckles turning white. ,,You knew that was important to me! How could you?''
Seymore didn't answer, he just closed his eyes for a moment. Nite was right. Willa portrayed perfectly all of his fears when she looked at him, so confused about him explained such simple stuff as his age. He felt like a small boy again, the lowlife that he knew trolls was seen as, and undoubtedly the misunderstood queer kid. But mostly, he felt guilty, because Nite was right that the book had been his easy way out when Willa confronted him with something that could have uncovered his relation to her son.
,,… Because I was selfish…'' he said quietly. He said it so gently and toneless, that it almost brought Nite out of his anger, and into pure confusion, as the troll began undoing his earrings.
,,What are you doing?'' he asked, almost panicked. Seymore handed them back to the sorcerer, who took them in his confusion.
,,… I don't want them, anymore. I don't want this, anymore. You're right. I haven't been honest with you…'' he said slowly, feeling his heart sink at the look on Nite's face. ,,I never wished to cause you pain, sir, but I've done nothing but that, so far. I wish I could be what you seek, but I cannot, and I can't live like this, either,'' he said.
,,Stop that!'' he demanded, but Seymore didn't take the earrings when Nite tried to force them back into his hand. ,,I'm not your sir! You're not my servant! You're the man I lo-,'' he tried, but this time, Seymore was the one to interrupt.
,,No. You don't know me. I am, but a selfish troll. I got what I wanted, but now, things aren't as easy, they aren't as comfortable,'' he said, looking away from Nite's confused, hurt gaze. ,,You're not in love with me, you're confused and young. Too young to know what love is…'' he mumbled.
,,Don't say that!'' he begged, but Seymore refused to meet his eyes; those big, mahogany eyes, that before had been so harsh, but he alone had seen be so soft. ,,You love me! I know you do!'' he whined.
,,How do you know that?'' he asked calmly. His head felt heavy, as Nite said what he had feared since Willa's arrival home:
,,… Because… It, ahm… On the earrings… It wasn't a love spell, but… The stones glow, ever so slightly, if you…'' he began, fumbling with his words.
,,You said it was a blessing,'' he said, feeling his heart pound.
,,… It's not…'' he admitted. ,,I wanted to know that, even if you couldn't say it, you still felt it. You never noticed the stones glow, but I do, that's why I know you love me! Don't give me a sob story about that you don't, or that I don't know if I love you! That's not the point here!'' he argued, getting angry again.
,,All I hear,'' Seymore said, finally looking back at the small man, ,,is that you lied to me again. So, tell me, sir: What is in that book?'' he said, not as calm anymore.
,,It's not important,'' he said spitefully.
,,Is it black magic?'' he asked, as Nite turned his gaze away. ,,Is it?'' he asked again, begging for an answer, but Nite didn't budge. ,,… Why would you want black magic?'' he said, feeling his heart sink.
,,I didn't,'' he mumbled. ,,It doesn't matter what kind of magic it is. I just need to be powerful. I need to change the world,'' he huffed.
,,Why do you need that?'' he asked. ,,It's never enough magic for you, is it? You'll search your whole life for something to change the world with, but it won't matter. You can't change people with magic!''
,,You changed!'' he argued back.
,,Not because of magic!'' he shouted.
,,But, the earrings-,'' he tried.
,,They were wrong!'' he yelled, making Nite take a step back. Unlike the time he had yelled at Nite after he had healed his hand, Seymore's gaze didn't soften, even if the sorcerer looked so hurt and confused. ,,They were wrong… I don't want this. I never wanted a relationship… I didn't even want sex, I was just… too weak… Too selfish… We don't love each other, Nite, we're leaching off each other… I don't want to be part of any of this, if you lie to me about magic, if you're dabbling with black magic, for who knows what reason! I'm done! I'm out,'' he said, holding up his hands in defeat.
Nite's face went through all these emotions, he knew only he had seen. The sorrow, that he felt more than anything. His anger, so wild and burning, as he could only imagine. Until his eyes landed on hatred as he looked at the man in front of him.
,,Fine. Have it your way, it's always your way. I would have given anything to make you happy, but you're too afraid all the damn time,'' he said, surprisingly calmly. ,,You always act like I'm making things hard. I'm not. Things are easy. Your heart is hard,'' he said, looking down at the earrings in his palm. ,,You won't need these, anymore, I assume. You're not mine, you never wanted to be, that's true… But these don't lie, as trolls apparently do,'' he scoffed, closing his hand firmly around the fragile pieces.
Seymore had seen Nite tuck and pull in his earrings countless times without ever destroying them, but he realized all but too late what was happening when the crushing sound of metal filled the room. When Nite opened his hand again, the earrings were merely broken pieces that he threw on the floor, never taking his eyes away from the horrified gaze of the troll.
,,Are you happy now? Are things simple enough for you, now?'' he asked, his voice cold and harsh as ever.
,,No,'' he said, looking down at the pieces at the floor, as it all settled in what was happening. He had been furious as Nite had revealed the secret about the earrings, but now, it all seemed so pointless. Nite had destroyed the earrings, but he himself had destroyed Nite.
,,Good. Then neither of us get what we want,'' he said, turning around as he left the kitchen, just as suddenly as he used to.
He wanted to run after him. Explain himself… No, he wanted to apologize… Even if he had been right, that the book was dangerous, Nite had been right, too. Seymore was selfish. He didn't want to call Nite his lover in front of the world, because he feared what would happen to himself. He had wanted to protect Nite, but he had done it in selfish ways, he couldn't make up for.
Seymore had so often dreamt about how their lives would be, if they had been a couple, to the point where he almost believed that they were. But because Seymore refused to talk about things that hurt him, he had now hurt Nite, the thing he had wanted to avoid.
He should have known that Nite would fiddle with the earrings. Although the young sorcerer held himself so gracefully and confidently, he was insecure about the whole situation, and really, who could blame him? Seymore didn't make things easy. He just wanted them to be easy. And despite the young man's own, bleeding heart, he had tried so hard to be whatever Seymore needed him to be, even if it had been for selfish reasons as well.
Nite wanted a lover. And in the end, it hardly mattered if Seymore had been his friend, his lover, or his fiancé, the only thing Nite wanted, was him, with no hesitations and no secrets. Nite wouldn't be scared of the things Seymore told him about his past. If anything, he would want to heal Seymore, in ways, not even magic itself could.
He couldn't finish making dinner, he could hardly stand on his legs. It barely faced him that Nite could, at any point, turn around and tell his mother exactly what Seymore had tried to avoid, he was much more focused on what he had just ruined himself. If he had been honest about his intentions and feelings from the start, he wouldn't have ended up like this, with the hurt in Nite's voice ringing for his inner ear.
With this, he went to the Madam's room, asking for that vacation he hadn't had around his birthday. It looked like it startled her with his sudden leave, and he couldn't help but notice how ruffled up she looked after her talk with Nite.
,,… Right now?'' she asked hesitantly.
,,Yes,'' he said, looking down at the floor. ,,An emergency has occurred in my hometown, and I need to come home. It shouldn't take long,'' he assured her. She knew he lied. He didn't even try to hide it. But as always, she didn't push him further.
,,… Very well… As always, you're free to go, Seymore. Nothing keeps you here,'' she said, rather gently. That's not true, he thought, but now the thing that had made his days a little less lonesome was gone as well. ,,… Will you be back?'' she asked, as he had drifted off into his own thoughts. When he looked at her again, her gaze was concerned, and he was reminded of why he had felt so comfortable with serving Willa for all these years. She was alone, as he himself was. But her gaze couldn't fix how much hurt he knew she had brought upon her own son for all these years.
,,Yes,'' he said quietly.
,,… I'm sorry, Seymore. I know… I know that I made things difficult with him. It was never my plan to cause you harm… I didn't know… I wasn't aware… that you were lonely, and needed a friend…'' she said quietly. ,,You came here alone, and you always seemed to want to keep it that way…''
,,… I didn't want any friends,'' he said calmly, his eyes tired and sad. ,,Neither did he. I think that's why it worked so great, for us. I am very grateful for everything you've done for me, Ma'am… but I don't think it was my best decision, choosing your loyalty over his…'' he admitted. To his surprise, Willa didn't seem mad at this.
,,It was good you did so. If he really means something to you, it was very wise to tell me about the trouble he was about to get himself into,'' she said. ,,Thank you, Seymore.'' Her words were kind, but they hurt more than she knew.
,,… What is Nite?'' he asked quietly, looking at the woman's big, scared eyes. ,,When you talk about him… You don't talk about your son… You talk about him as… As he talks about magic, in a way…'' he noted.
,,… He is magic…'' she said quietly. ,,I can't further explain that, but… He is something completely unique. That's why his existence is illegal. He can't know, because I fear it will corrupt him further. Nothing seems to be able to keep him under control, and everything seems to drive him further into this dark, uncertain path… You don't need to know how he was made… It won't bring you ease, but most importantly… It won't bring him ease…'' she said begrudgingly.
,,He is… an experiment?'' he asked slowly, but Willa wouldn't answer his questions. ,,Okay… I've asked too many questions already, I'm sorry, Ma'am… One last thing, and I'll take my leave,'' he said.
,,Yes?'' she asked, visibly exhausted by the topic.
,,Do you love your son?'' he asked. She seemed surprised by the question, but Seymore used her silence to elaborate further: ,,You act and talk like your son is not a real person. Like he is some sort of raging magic, just waiting to explode. An experiment, that you wish you rid yourself of years ago. But Nite is real. With dreams and passion and fears. He trusted me, and I made my bed… Please don't tell me I trusted you with my fears of that book, for nothing,'' he said, his voice shaking slightly.
She still didn't answer him. It shouldn't take her this long, he thought. Nite hadn't used nearly as much time when he was to answer if he hated his mother.
,,It's not a hard question,'' he said quietly.
,,It's not,'' she agreed. ,,Seymore, I don't love anyone. Not even my son. But I don't hate him, despite how I act around him. I realized too late I wasn't fit for being a mother. But I couldn't get rid of him, even if he came out as… he did…'' she said. ,, Your question is not hard, but my answer is: I don't love my son. You say you're not afraid of him, but I am, because I know what he can become, and I didn't wish to bring that upon the world.'' Seymore hesitated for a moment before it dawned on him.
,,… Is Nite made with black magic?'' She looked outside her big, bedroom window. Outside, the dusk crept closer, the spring sun only a faded memory. He wondered what Nite was doing, right now. He hadn't had any dinner, but if he knew anything about the young sorcerer, he wouldn't have been in the mood to eat anything, anyway.
,,It's getting late, Seymore. Your family emergency is waiting for you,'' she said quietly. He was about to leave, when she spoke again: ,,People tend to lose their memory, when they are away from the castle for long periods of time. Where it's located, what they'd done here. Just keep that in mind, if you wish to stay with your family for days or weeks,'' she warned him.
,,I'll keep that in mind,'' he said, leaving her room again, wandering to his chamber to collect some of his belongings for his travel. He didn't have much, but he changed into the best set of clothes he had, not much different than his normal, beige shirt and brown pants, but less torn to look at.
He still wondered if this was right. He still had time to talk with Nite, but he couldn't imagine that Nite would talk with him. Not now. Not ever. Months of building trust and friendship, if not love, were gone in a blink of an eye, it felt like. He had always feared it would end abruptly and chaotic like this, but he could never have prepared for how lost and devastated he felt, right now.
The dusk didn't make the castle seem less dark and gloomy, if anything, it looked like he would expect a castle to look like, hosting two sorcerers that fiddled with dark magic; like an evil empire, hidden in a dead forest, on a dry and dusty place like Mokar. But regardless of this, he already feared he wouldn't get back to the castle again, as he left the surrounding grounds.
He had never left the property for more than a couple of days at a time. He guessed the Madam had warned him, as it seemed uncertain that he would be back. While he doubted she knew exactly how his and Nite's relation was wired, he was aware that she knew that they had had an argument, and she seemingly knew it was to an extent where Seymore was prone to leave it all behind.
And he did greatly consider it. Although he had prided himself with the thought, that it wouldn't be as hard, breaking things off with Nite if he had never been his, the reality was different. If anything, he felt like he had wasted time, wasted potential, but most heartbreakingly, wasted Nite's trust. Nite wasn't very trusting, and he couldn't blame the young man. Now, he couldn't imagine that Nite would ever want to let anyone as close to him, as he had allowed Seymore to be.
The travel to the gateway wasn't easier in the dark. It was a rather dry and not too cold night, to his luck, but otherwise, the travel was as long and tedious as always. This was one of the many reasons why Seymore rarely went out, even when the other maids and servants had in the past. It took a couple of hours to get off the island, and it would take a couple of hours to get back to the castle. By that time, he would be too tired to even do anything, regardless of where he ended up.
When he finally arrived, the dusty board to type in your destination seemed welcoming. But although he had had lots of time to think, he was still unsure where to go. His thoughts had mostly been surrounded by Nite and what he needed to do from here, but no answers seemed good enough.
He typed in numbers he knew would take him to another village in the West. As he stepped onto the platform, he took a last glance at the surrounding forest, before he left the dry island of Mokar. When he blinked, his surroundings had changed from dark, brown colors, to green, wet forest, with an inn not far from the gateway. Not too far into the forest, mostly inhabited by dwarves. The inn had been the last place he had been, before he found the Greenlight castle, almost 17 years ago.
The sign still hung in front of the small place; Orc Inn. Despite the name, the owner hadn't been an orc back then, otherwise Seymore probably wouldn't have stayed there for long. Although Aenamo prided itself with inclusiveness in their cities and towns, villages and society as a whole, trolls and orcs rarely got along. Trolls usually had their villages on the southern isles in the West, while orcs had their towns on the northern isles instead, thus rarely living close together, besides in the larger, more interracial cities throughout the West and Aenamo as a whole.
Seymore went inside, ordered a room for the night and a bottle of beer. The taste was grim, but he needed something to take his nerves of the situation while he contemplated what to do from here. The bartender was the same as back then, a gargoyle who didn't talk much, which he was more than thankful for.
He found the same corner spot, as he had sat in back then; between the big window, beautifully framing the dark spring night outside, and the warm fireplace, lightly burning away without a care in the world. He wanted to sit here, alone, as he had done back then, but this time, there was no one who asked what the lonesome troll was doing out here, on his own, or if he needed guidance on his way further on.
But he couldn't solve this on his own. No matter what answers he came up with, they all seemed wrong. It was wishful to think that he could go back, apologize to Nite, and then go back to things like nothing had ever happened. But it was too overwhelming to think about how much his life would change, if he asked for forgiveness, proposing the idea of a real relationship with the young man. He didn't even know if he wanted that, anymore, if Nite had a growing interest in black magic.
The thought of leaving the castle all together seemed much more likely, he thought. He had all his money with him, enough for him to find some other solution, he hoped, as well as his very few belongings. But he didn't want to start over. He didn't want to have the mahogany eyes haunting him, as Ruvaen's ice-blue ones had done for years before. He didn't want to add on to his hurt and heartbreak, but he didn't want to be the cause for Nite's own trauma, either.
He finished up his beer, still looking outside the window, when a thought hit him. The only reasonable choice he had, if he wanted an outside opinion. The fear of rejection still lingered, but he hoped he wasn't wrong about getting his hopes up, when he went up to the bartender anew.
,,Do you have a payphone here, by any chance?'' he asked, and the gargoyle quietly pointed him in the direction of one. He was lucky that the inn wasn't as overcrowded and loud as it had been the last time he had been here, and that only a few drunken dwarves played cards in a faraway corner, not anywhere near the phone.
He wasn't actually sure if the number worked, but he would never know if he didn't try. As he typed it in, he wondered what kind of reaction he would get, or if it would even help him in the end. The phone rang, once, twice and thrice, but as he lowered it to hang up, he heard a 'click', and a familiar voice on the other end, making his heart pound anew.
,,Hello?'' His mouth felt dry, and he was lost for words for a moment. ,,… Anyone there?'' the voice said. He then cleared his throat, stammering through his words:
,,… It's me… It's… It's Seymore…'' he said quietly. The line was silent for a moment, and he feared she had already hung up on him, but then he noticed the quiet breathing on the other end. It was hard to hear anything over his beating heart. ,,I'm sorry for calling you this late, Feylin,'' he said.
,,Seymore?'' she asked, as if she didn't recognize his name. But then he heard her chuckle, a so comforting sound, he hadn't heard for years. ,,It is late! But it's okay, how are you, little brother?'' she said chipperly, making his throat tighten slightly.
,,I'm… Actually, I'm not doing that well…'' he admitted, feeling tears in his eyes just hearing his sister's voice. ,,I'm sorry to bother you, and it doesn't have to be this exact moment, but can we meet up? Anywhere is fine, I just need… I need some guidance and I… I'm alone…'' he said, choking on his words. The phone felt heavy in his hand, his whole body shaking, as he waited for her to say something. Anything!
,,… Where are you now?'' she asked gently.
,,On some island, called Wendurr. At Orc Inn. Don't worry, there are no orcs,'' he sniffled, chuckling slightly at the absurdity. ,,You don't have to go now. I know it's late, and your kids-,'' he tried, but she interrupted him.
,,That's not that far. Give me an hour, tops. Don't worry, Seymore, I'll be there,'' she promised him, hanging up even before he could utter a 'thank you'.
His knees felt weak and he couldn't fully grasp what he had just done. He couldn't escape from his feelings now. Whatever happened from here, he needed to be honest, and he felt far from ready for that.
He ordered a big pint of beer this time, trying his best not to drink too quickly, as he didn't want to be drunk when Feylin arrived. Seymore was a pretty light-weighted drinker after all, and he could already feel the alcohol run through him, but it didn't make him feel less anxious. If anything, he felt even dizzier now.
The time went by slowly. He was almost dozing off, when he heard the door open, and looked up to see the big figure entering the small inn. Nearly 10 feet tall, the woman awkwardly stepped into the small inn, that besides the tiny door had high ceilings, surely for trolls and orcs not to destroy the building, should they enter. She looked around, as Seymore sheepishly walked up to her, her cheeks rosy from the chilly spring night outside.
,,Seymore!'' she said warmly, leaning down to grab his shoulders. If Feylin ever had had any ill will towards her little brother, it was hard to tell, as she greeted him like she had truly missed him, only adding to his emotional state. He stood as frozen, just looking at his sister, unable to say anything. ,,What's the matter, little brother? You look distressed,'' she said concerned.
,,I haven't seen another troll in almost 20 years,'' he sniffled. ,,I can't believe… that you actually showed up,'' he said, guiding her to the far-off corner where he had located himself, before he went to order a drink for her. As most other trolls, it didn't seem to face Feylin with the big mug in front of her, that she hastily chucked down without problems.
,,Of course I did,'' she said, seemingly ignoring how emotional he seemed, although she wasn't uncaring. It was not like when Willa ignored Nite's distress, or seemingly fabricating his ill intentions. Feylin simply just listened and awaited what Seymore had to tell her, and remained calm otherwise; just as he had expected and longed for. ,,I could hardly recognize you. You look so different!'' she smiled warmly.
,,Yerh, things change in 20 years' time,'' he chuckled, combing his fingers through his invisible hair. ,,Some things never change, though,'' he shrugged, as he looked down his posture, small compared to his sister's. She chuckled before she spoke again:
,,Now, while it's so nice to see you again, Seymore, I wonder what have finally brought you to contact me?'' she asked gently.
,,It's… It's a long story…'' he began.
,,I have time,'' she smiled, and he nodded thankfully.
,,… I don't know how much… mom and dad have told you about… about everything…'' he started slowly.
,,They haven't really told me anything,'' she admitted. ,,I asked about you one day, and was informed that they had cut contact. They didn't say why, and I didn't ask. That's when I began to write you letters instead,'' she smiled.
,,Okay…'' he said, smiling nervously. ,,The matter is… The reason was… Ahm, I came home…''
,,… with your boyfriend,'' she said, startling the small troll in front of her.
,,… Aye,'' he said. ,,Did you… know?'' he asked confused.
,,I always assumed that was why they cut you off,'' she shrugged. ,,I mean, what could you have done to make them this upset, if not bringing home a man? I almost wish I'd been there,'' she chuckled, surprising her brother again. ,,Surely, I don't mind that your loved one is a man. Don't worry, brother,'' she said as she saw the distressed look on his face.
,,I'm not… I'm not gay,'' he tried, fumbling around with his thoughts. ,,I mean, ahm…''
,,It doesn't matter, to me, if you like men, or women, or both. Or whatever you like,'' she assured him. She then cleared her throat, as her eyes became a little more apologizing. ,,It must have been… really scary for you, back then. You were only in your 20's, weren't you?'' she asked and he nodded.
,,It was…'' he admitted, wondering how to continue. How much did he want his sister to know about Ruvaen? The matter was with Nite and his situation at the Greenlight castle, but his worries originated with Ruvaen.
,,Is this why you contacted me? To tell me you're with a man?'' she asked gently. ,,Are you getting married?'' she continued, too hastily for him to deny her previous question.
,,No…'' he said, looking down. ,,I'm not… with that man, anymore. It's been… an awfully long time ago…'' he said. ,,It's… It's not about him… I… I'm not used to talking about this stuff… I feel like I waste your time…'' he admitted, chuckling nervously.
,,I'll listen, Seymore. Just… start, whenever you're ready,'' she said, as patiently as she could.
Feylin had always been kind of a strange troll as well, he thought, but she was much more adaptable to their society than he had been. She had her own ideas, as she was much more patient and intuitive than anyone he had ever known in the Oatoak clan, but in the end, she still looked like a troll, and for the most part, she still behaved as a troll.
,,Okay…'' he said, taking a deep breath, still looking down. ,,After I broke things off with my former lover, I found work at a… at a castle, on a far-away island in the West. I cook, I clean, and things are… quiet, but it's alright…'' he said slowly. ,,The Madam of the castle is… a sorceress,'' he said, looking back up as his sister gasped. For the first time this evening, she looked truly shocked.
,,No way!'' she said, almost kind of excited. ,,But… Isn't that… no, no, go on, I'm sorry, I shouldn't interrupt,'' she said, making him chuckle lightly. He had missed her carefree way of viewing things.
,,It's okay,'' he smiled. ,,She doesn't use her magic a whole lot, so, it was never a problem for me,'' he said. ,,She has a son. I arrived at the castle when I was about… 24, 25, I think. He was born about a year later.''
,,… Is that who this problem is about?'' she asked gently, as Seymore paused to think things through. He nodded, observing his sister's gentle face again, looking into her big, chocolate brown eyes, deep and warm. Her skin was lighter than his own, but still green and her frizzy, dark brown hair was the same color as his had been, but unlike himself, she still had hers. People usually didn't guess that they were related, but he couldn't remember a troll he had felt more in tune with. ,,What is he? I mean, species?'' she asked.
,,He's a human,'' he said slowly. ,,It's… all really complicated. Maybe… I don't know, anymore,'' he admitted.
,,What's the matter? Is it about his age? He must be around… 16, right? It shouldn't be a problem, should it?'' she asked, confused. ,,I mean… unless his mother views you as older, but… we both know that troll's don't age like humans…'' she said confused.
,,I think… I think she's aware that I'm not in my 40's if we compare ages, but I… I think she would view it as… icky… on many levels…'' he stammered. Feylin was quiet for a while, before she smiled, as comforting as only she could.
,,Then tell me about this sorcerer you fancy so much,'' she said playfully, making his cheeks heat again.
,,I hardly know where to start…'' he said, wondering how to put his words.
,,Then, start from the beginning. I want to know everything. Well… not… everything, but, you know,'' she chuckled. He thanked the stars for Feylin's support and her uplifting spirit.
,,… I never interacted much with him, before the Madam went on a trip, starting last year. An unusually long trip, that gave me the opportunity to get… to know him…'' he said, avoiding going into details. ,,He doesn't see me as an adult,'' he said hastily. ,,And he… Well, he… found great comfort in me, I guess. But he's very young and doesn't know much about the world… So, I don't know if he… just believes that he… likes me, or if he actually does like me…'' he said slowly.
,,Hey Seymore?'' she said, gently placing her head in the palm of her hand, leaning relaxed against the table. ,,Do you like him?'' she asked. He waited for a moment, before he nodded. ,,Then… why are you here, and not with him?'' she asked, genuinely confused.
,,You don't understand,'' he stammered. ,,With the age gap and the race difference, not to speak of class difference, we're also both… men. You don't understand how I don't want him to go through life, feeling alienated and left out, just because he fell for some… troll, when he was just a young man,'' he said regretfully.
,,… But… isn't he alone, right now?'' she asked, making Seymore shiver slightly. ,,Isn't it better to be alone, together, instead of… leaving something behind, just because you're scared of what will happen?'' she asked.
,,You sound an awful lot like him…'' he mumbled.
,,He sounds very smart, then,'' she chuckled. ,,… You're afraid what his mother will say?'' she said gently, and Seymore nodded, feeling his chest pound again. ,,Not every parent are as ours, Seymore. Not every troll parent are as ours,'' she continued. ,,… There're other trolls, out there, that like the same sex as themselves. There're other trolls that like others regardless of their partners' sex… And yes, most of them leave their clans, move to faraway cities, trying to get the hang of things, but… that's because trolls are about mating and children and what not… Surely, humans aren't like that, are they?'' she wondered.
,,… I don't know…'' he admitted, but that wasn't his greatest problem right now. ,,… I had a fight with him… Not… physical, but…'' he stumbled upon his words, tearing up at the thought of Nite. Did he even feel sad, at home at the castle? Or was he just angry, shouting, and destroying his stuff? Would he miss Seymore, if he didn't ever come home? ,,I… don't know what to do… If I go back… I don't know if he will ever forgive me, and if I don't… I have to start all over again… And I don't… want…'' he said, trailing off, never finishing the thought.
,,You're so young,'' she smiled, making him look up at her again. ,,Why are you here?'' she asked, almost confused.
,,I… I need advice… I don't know if I should… go back, trying to patch things up with him, or if I should just… go…'' he admitted.
,,You don't need me to give you that answer,'' she chuckled. He felt a rush at her words, knowing that she was right, even before she spoke again. ,,You wouldn't have called me, if you didn't want me to kick your butt back to that castle, would you? You could have asked anyone, strangers, even, but you wanted me, because you knew I would want you to follow that man, didn't you? He must be very special to you, I can only imagine,'' she smiled. He felt tears drip down his cheeks, but he still smiled when he nodded.
,,… I hoped you would,'' he chuckled, wiping his eyes with his hand. ,,But that's not… my only problem,'' he admitted, taking a deep breath. ,,I… I'm not sure how much sense it will make… I hardly understand it myself… But I think his mother has used… black magic, to create him.'' This seemed to startled Feylin, just as much as he had expected.
,,Why would anyone do that?'' she croaked. Seymore shook his head.
,,I don't know. But… I think… I think something went wrong, when she did so. He is not… as other humans. And I don't mind that, actually… It's been very comforting to get to know someone, like him, but… the fight…'' he said slowly, looking down again.
,,… What was the fight about?'' she asked, a little tenser this time.
,,… I think he's trying to get into black magic as well,'' he admitted. ,,I… didn't want his mother to find out about our… relation. She knew we became friends, but I didn't want her to think it was more than that. But she became… suspicious… My only hope was to tell her about a book he was interested in, that apparently held black magic. I had a suspicion myself, but I didn't really think… that he would do that…'' he said slowly.
,,Well, that changes things…'' she said slowly, looking very concentrated at her little brother. ,,I understand a little better why you wanted an outside opinion. I know, I know, magic and trolls don't mix well. But black magic? This could be very dangerous,'' she said alarmed. Seymore was quiet for a while. He knew she was right, about everything. But he didn't feel as lost, anymore.
,,I think… I think I love him…'' he said quietly, startling his sister again. She sat quietly for a while as well, before she nodded approvingly.
,,Well, what do I really know about magic, anyway?'' she mumbled. ,,If his mother stopped him from using that book, well, then maybe there's time to save him from that path,'' she said, giving him a small smile. It was clear that she was much less comfortable with this part, than the part of them both being men.
,,But I'm so afraid of what his mother will do or say… I don't want him to feel, as I felt, back then, and the world is big, but it's… it's scary, out here,'' he admitted. She nodded, reaching over to pet her little brother's head, still relaxed and smiling.
,,The world is very scary,'' she admitted. ,,It's not the same… and I don't pretend it is, but when I married Oark, mom and dad weren't pleased, either. Because, I was very young, and he was a lot older than I. Still old enough to do so, but I guess it wouldn't have been much different to you, marrying that sorcerer of yours, had you both been human, or such,'' she shrugged. ,,But Seymore, you got to fight for the things you love. The people you love. What if he's in his room, right now, thinking just like you? You shouldn't waste a person's love for you like that, not if you feel the same way.''
,,You're right,'' he smiled, feeling awfully tired all of sudden. Guilty, almost. ,,I… I'm sorry, that it has taken me… this long, to see you again… I'm sorry that I…'' he stammered, but stopped shortly after.
,,Don't apologize. I always knew… that life wouldn't be easy for you. That's the curse of all this magic, in this world, birth defects are too frequent, but not frequent enough that it's considered normal. I've always known you were different… Not… that you liked men, as well,'' she added, as he was about to correct her. ,,I don't have all the answers, Seymore. But you're making it very difficult for yourself, when it could be very easy,'' she said, sighing lightly. He remembered those words all too well.
,,… Thank you,'' he smiled before he reached over to grab her hand. ,,I… I'm sorry about… dad…'' he suddenly said.
,,I actually thought it was about that, at first, when you called me,'' she admitted, pulling away to sit up straight again, or as straight as she could in the cramped space. ,,Dad got very sick, all of a sudden. He didn't want the doctor to get involved. Healers, he said. It was quite peaceful, actually, but when I told mom I would write to you… she asked me to say you weren't invited…'' she said slowly. ,,I… I didn't know how to put it, best. I wondered if I even should've said anything, but…'' she began.
,,I'm glad you did,'' he smiled. ,,If you hadn't… maybe I wouldn't have thought it would be… okay, to contact you, this way,'' he admitted. ,,… I didn't hate dad. I don't hate mom, either. But I… I actually don't think I would have shown up, anyway, even if… you haven't told me not to do so,'' he admitted. ,,I just… It hurts, that I didn't have the opportunity.''
,,I understand that,'' she admitted. They were quiet for a moment. Seymore wanted to say, that he would like to meet up again, maybe when things had settled with Nite. That he would like for her to meet him, but he didn't want to be too forward, in case Willa threw him out, head first. ,,Do you have anything else on your mind, little brother? While Oark is very gentle with the kids, and while most of them are asleep by now, I can only imagine how many struggles he has with the baby by now,'' she chuckled.
,,That's fine. I'm very grateful that you came here, all this way,'' he said, smiling softly. She stood up, towering well over any other critter in the inn, walking as slowly as she could towards the entrance again.
,,Write to me sometimes, will you? Or call me, I don't mind,'' she smiled. ,,I wish you luck with that sorcerer of yours,'' she said.
,,Thank you, Feylin. I will,'' he promised. He felt many emotions rush through him, as he saw his sister leave, first the inn itself, and then the island. But although he had maybe thought so, he had no interest in following her. There was nothing safe or comforting about troll villages for him anymore, but if he could, he would want to live a life, where he at some point could see Feylin again. Maybe be an uncle for all her kids? Maybe even see his brothers again, at some point.
He went to his rented room shortly after his goodbyes with his sister. The room was much bigger than he was used to, but it was empty. Now he really felt how empty everything felt without Nite. As the night passed, he was sleeping restlessly, vividly dreaming about how he would enter the castle, find Nite and make everything alright, making him almost forget all his hesitations from before.
He didn't want to live a life, which didn't have Nite in it, he thought, as he left the inn early the next morning, already on his way back to Mokar and the Greenlight castle. Nite had said similar things to him in the past, and he now felt ready and anxious for what was to come. Feylin was right, he was wasting time by not taking a leap of fate.
Nite wouldn't mock his fears. If he found anything he didn't understand, he would learn about it. Hopefully, it wasn't too late to open up to him, and he could only hope the young man wasn't so heartbroken that he couldn't heal the burn he himself had caused.
He walked into the castle, the morning light still bright, making the castle seem less ominous than it had done the day before. The halls were empty, and if he was correct, Nite would still be asleep, while Willa was in her own chamber. She would probably not expect him to be back yet, but he wanted to talk with Nite before he talked with her, announcing his return.
Seymore wasn't sure what possessed him to go into his room. If he had a feeling that something would be off with it, or if he just wanted to drop off his things, he didn't remember. But on the mattress, his eyes caught a glimpse of something that made his heart sink; the ring, he had given Nite. There was no mistaking, as he picked it up, looking confused and sad at the metal he held.
Where he just a moment before had hoped to not only reunite with the sorcerer, but also, finally, declare his love, he was once again unsure. But unlike all the other times, where he wanted to flee from his complicated feelings, he put the ring in his pocket and wandered off to the sorcerer's room. In any other case, he would never step a foot into Nite's room, hadn't it been for their relation, and he feared it wouldn't help his case any further to do so, but he couldn't wait. He knocked quietly on the door, opening it slightly.
But to his surprise, Nite was already awake, sitting on his bed, reading. He didn't look up, as if he expected the troll to come by at any given moment. Seymore stood in front of the open door for a moment, before he walked into the dark room, closing the heavy doors behind him.
,,I'm sorry for… just about everything… I'm sorry for coming by this early… I'm sorry I didn't come by yesterday instead… I'm really sorry, Nite, about…'' but he was cut off, when the small man slammed his book shut, looking furious up at him, startling the troll.
,,I don't care,'' he said, surprisingly calm, given his demeanor. ,,I'm tired of this, Seymore. I'm tired of you, picking and choosing what is right and wrong. For me. You said I don't know you, but I do. I know literature can make you smile. I know you prefer the romance genre, for some reason unknown to me. You like to cook, your favorite vegetable is asparagus, and you hate to get your hands dirty while you bake. I know you like long baths and candle lights and sitting underneath a blanket to kiss. And I know you're afraid and hurt all the time, but I don't know why. And I'm not allowed to know why,'' he said, just as a matter-of-factly, as if he had read a description of something in his book. ,,And I'm tired of that. I'm tired of trying. I'm tired of feeling rejected, if not my feelings, then… my whole being,'' he said, his breath getting shallow.
,,I know,'' he tried, gently stepping forward, but Nite moved away, further into the big bed. ,,I want to make up for it…'' he tried, but Nite shook his head.
,,I don't want that, anymore,'' he said, his voice cold as ice, making Seymore's heart sink further into his stomach. ,,I've wanted that for so long, but not anymore. You have no idea what you did yesterday. How much research went into that book! How much time I've spent trying to open that Godforsaken thing! And all that, just because she thought I was in love. Which I was! But you couldn't handle the bare thought of her, even suspecting that I was able to love someone!'' he shouted, throwing his pillow at the troll. Seymore was too surprised to even catch it.
,,Nite, I know, I know, let me change that…'' he tried, but Nite stood up, throwing yet another pillow at him.
,,No!'' he yelled, his voice quivering. ,,I can't trust you! I can't get that book back, I need that book back!'' he whined.
,,I'm sorry…'' he said quietly, trying to hold around the small man, but he was rejected again. ,,You don't need that book, Nite. You don't need black magic. I'm so sorry I ratted you out. I want to make up for it. I want you, I l-,'' but the small man cut him off again.
,,All you want is to rub yourself off against me! You can play nice all you want, I don't care! Go way! Fuck off! You're rotten inside!'' he screamed, slamming his hands against the troll's chest. His hands felt strangely weak, Seymore noticed.
,,… Yes, I am…'' he admitted, kneeling to look into the sorcerer's eyes, but he wouldn't meet his gaze. He wondered if it really was worth being selfish like this? How much hurt wouldn't he cause Nite, if he kept going like this? He couldn't fix this. ,,You'll never believe me… but I really am sorry… And I would give anything for you to smile again…'' he said gently, getting the ring up from his pocket. The metal caught the sad, mahogany eyes, but he still didn't look at Seymore. ,,… Anything… Please tell me how to fix this…'' he begged, gently placing the ring back in the sorcerer's hand.
Nite looked at the ring, carefully twisting it between his long fingers. Clearly contemplating what could make up for this? Maybe thinking about if it was worth it, wasting more time on the troll than he already had?
,,… I'm sorry, Seymore…'' he said, his voice so fragile, as he placed the ring into the troll's big, warm hands, using his own hands to close of the green ones. He finally looked up, into the amber eyes, and Seymore knew it would be the last time he had the opportunity to feel those long, cold hands against his skin, just by the way he looked at him. ,,It shouldn't take this for you to… want me… You're right, maybe I am confused… Maybe I really don't know what love is… But I know I don't want this… I'm… I'm sorry… but you have to leave my room now…'' he said, all traces of his anger faded, and the hurt so clear in his big, beautiful, mahogany eyes.
That he had ever thought Nite wasn't beautiful, was a mystery to him. All the time he had wasted, fearing things that seemed so helplessly unimportant right now, as Nite closed himself off again. Closed off from the world, closed off from him, with no hope to break that barrier again. Could he just lean a little closer, hold him a little tighter, kiss him a little more… But that wouldn't make up for the things he had done.
,,… Okay…'' he said, slowly standing up, the ring still in his hand. He stood frozen to the place for a moment, wondering what to do from here? Maybe he should just leave? But if he was about to do so, it shouldn't be his easy way out. It should be for Nite. ,,… Do you want me to leave the castle, too?'' he asked gently. Nite thought about it for a moment, before he turned around, returning to his bed and his book again.
,,No. I don't care what you do. I don't care if you stay in the basement chamber, either. If you want to run away, do so. I just… don't want you in here,'' he said, pretending to read his book, but even through the dim light, it was easy to see his eyes didn't move across the page. They were glossy and dark.
,,… As you wish,'' he said, turning around to step out of the room, he had grown so familiar to. ,,… I wish, that one day, I can make up for the harm I've done, Nite. I really am sorry… And you were right, all along. I do make things hard…'' he sighed, closing the door behind him.
Nothing had hurt more, than when Nite had uttered the words, he knew, he had so many troubles with, normally. The way he looked, the way his voice faded away, when he managed to say it. He hated that the only time the human had ever told him I'm sorry, was when Seymore had hurt him so much, that he couldn't justify keeping up their relation, and he had driven the sorcerer to the point, where he felt so helpless, so devastated, that he apologized for not welcoming Seymore back into his life, when the troll, once again, had betrayed his trust regarding his mother.
Seymore went down into the basement chamber, laid on the mattress, looking at the ring in his hand. He wondered, if he had ended up the same way if he hadn't insisted that day, that it wasn't an engagement ring. But in the end, as all his other wonders and what-if's, it didn't matter now. He had been too slow.