The outside world was tiresome. Staying at the circle was even more tiresome, with ancient rituals that seemed to further his studies near non-existing, and old hags that wanted to know everything about him, to deem him suitable enough for their daughters.
Or their nieces.
Or random girls, they had met once or twice.
As the months passed, it became laughably clear that the sole reason to bring Nite here was to find him a wife. While his mother had never outright said that, many other elders in the circle didn't hide the fact, that they tried to set him up with just about any single woman they could find.
Courtship was tiresome. Even meeting the girls, getting to know them, was tiresome in itself. At least they seemed to care as little about him as he did them, he thought, as yet another date went down as forgettable at best.
,,What's wrong with you?'' his mother asked one night. ,,All these beautiful, smart, skilled young women are at your fingertips, and then you decide to be this troubling? The elders tell me all sorts of things you ask them about. How their tails work or if they have ever manifested something unnatural. Why do you do that?'' she sighed tiredly. ,,I will not allow you to date Fae, if that is your plan!''
,,Ew, no,'' he grimaced. ,,I'm not interested in Fae,'' he said truthfully.
,,Then what is the matter with you?'' she sighed. He didn't think it was the best moment to reveal what was on his mind, and as he spent more time with his mother, he didn't think such time would ever come.
After his and Seymore's relation had started, he felt that they both saw his mother in a different light. Seymore was a little more afraid of her now than before, and Nite had a better understanding of why the troll had been so fearful about revealing their relationship. It was blatantly obvious that she indeed wouldn't have been thrilled, to say the least.
,,I'm just not ready to… get married…'' he said slowly, trying to focus on the book in his hands, but his eyes didn't move across the page.
,,Don't be silly. Everyone else is. Why wouldn't you be?'' she said dismissively. This made him shut the book firmly, looking defyingly up at his mother.
,,Yerh, I wonder why, auntie? I've lived my whole life as a secret, finally being able to socialize, and you have offered me next to none social skills to deal with this part of the world? I wonder why I'm not laying flat down, awaiting for the next woman to hide me away and boss me around, only pretending to care about me and my interests,'' he hissed, standing up to walk off.
,,Nite!'' she yelled after him, but he didn't slow down. ,,I just want what's best for you!''
,,No!'' he yelled back. ,,You want to get rid of me! And be my fucking guest,'' he yelled, surely waking up the whole cave in the process, but he didn't care. He walked out before his mother had another chance to try to soothe him, or to make it worse, for all he knew.
He had no interest in Fae, but as far as comradery went, she was the closest thing he had to a friend here. Fae wasn't a friend either, but more like an ally, he thought to himself. He couldn't downright blame his mother, or Irene, for that matter, if they thought a blooming romance was going on, but nothing was further from the truth.
Fae used him to vent her frustrations with the circle. In return, he got a lot of inside knowledge on this broken sister society. He was well aware how a circle was supposed to function, but with the reveal that his mother had withheld almost the entirety of her life, so came the reveal that Irene did the same, and it wouldn't surprise him the slightest if the other elders did as well. He rarely told Fae of anything about his mother, even if she asked him an awful lot about it, not trusting her with such information.
Irene knew about Fae's mark, and while she was far from thrilled, as long as the pretty doll kept it hidden and didn't merge further with it, she wouldn't mention it. Not even for her sisters at the circle. If she had told them anything, his mother would probably not had let him be this close to Fae in the first place. Irene didn't question why or how Fae had gotten her mark, and while the doll herself didn't seem curious in her mother's lack of interest, Nite assumed that Irene's magic wasn't solely from the circle itself, either.
He didn't know if it was the age gap, or just the simple fact that it was Irene's daughter, but his mother hated when he hung out with Fae. He guessed, in her mind, every moment not spend trying to find himself a wife, was wasted.
He found that just like Seymore, Fae didn't age the same as humans. If anything, Fae wouldn't age at all. She had been 20 at the time of the accident, and she would probably never age from there on, unless she rid herself from the doll entirely. That was why she had wanted the forbidden magic from the start, but to this point, it hadn't helped her achieve her goal. Ridding herself of the doll could be fatal, especially since she had been connected to it for over 100 years, but if anything could help her, it would be the eternity mark on her forearm.
,,I heard shouting,'' a soft voice said behind him. He knew it was Fae, just from her footsteps. She always walked very quietly, in a way no one else did around here.
,,Leave me alone,'' he grunted, but he knew she wouldn't. She sat down beside him on the cliffside, looking at the dark, looming sky above them.
,,Is your aunt after you again, for not dating the right kind of woman?'' she teased.
,,I don't want to talk about it,'' he groaned, letting himself fall back onto the ground. She laid beside him, quietly, for a while. ,,She's so annoying!'' he finally said.
,,I thought you didn't want to talk about it,'' she smirked. He hated how smug she could be. ,,I sometimes wonder, if Alki or Aydan would catch your interest more? I guess it doesn't really matter, because Alki's already betrothed, and Aydan is probably more feminine than many of the girls here,'' she chuckled.
,,That's not it. It's not like I'm oozing masculine energy myself,'' he sighed, already annoyed by her playful teasing. She liked to do this, and he guessed she somehow saw him as her gay best friend, but he didn't like the notion. ,,My aunt wouldn't be thrilled either if I ran away with them. Despite that, I can't imagine they would be into me, either,'' he groaned, looking at himself.
,,So which of them would you choose?'' she asked curiously.
,,Neither,'' he said harshly.
,,Oh come on, Nite! You're no fun!'' she chuckled. ,,If I had to choose between them, I would choose Alki. I don't like that Aydan has longer hair than I,'' she admitted.
,,I don't like either of them,'' he repeated. She was silent for a while, before she looked over at him.
,,What about the girls, then? If you had to choose,'' she smirked. He groaned and rolled onto his side, away from her, dirtying his clothes, which would undeniably annoy his mother. ,,It's okay if you say it's me. I don't mind,'' she teased.
,,I don't like you. I tolerate you,'' he bit back, making her chuckle again.
,,I think that's why I keep hanging out with you. No one really talks down to me, like that. You don't really act like I'm anything special, which I am, by the way,'' she smirked.
,,Sure you are,'' he scoffed, rolling onto his back again. ,,What about you? Which girl would you choose?'' he said challenging.
,,Well, I'm not into girls,'' she shrugged. ,,Can I choose you?'' she said playfully.
,,I'm not a girl,'' he scolded her. ,,Honestly, you always act so weirdly around me,'' he mumbled, closing his eyes.
,,I've never met anyone quite like you,'' she said giggly. ,,And honestly, I find this way too fun to just leave you be. Wouldn't you have chosen me, if you had to? I'm sure your aunt would be less upset about this, than with your boyfriend, down there.''
,,I'm not so sure about that,'' he admitted. ,,Are you proposing to me?'' he then asked, looking slightly over at the blond girl.
,,No, not the slightest,'' she giggled. ,,But if I had to get married to someone within the circle, I think we would make a good team, at least. Think of the chaos we could spread, across the realms!'' she said excitedly.
,,I don't want chaos,'' he sighed. ,,I want a revolution.''
,,That's the same,'' she said dismissively. ,,You know, you need to relax a little around all the moral you've got going there, if you'll ever have your dark mark,'' she said sternly.
,,It's funny,'' he said quietly, ,,all my life, my mother told me I had no morals, and now I have too much. Life really is strange…'' he said, looking up at the sky.
,,Have you ever told anyone about your plans? Did your mother even know?'' she asked.
,,No… And neither does my aunt. I've… sparingly told him about it, a little, but… Not that much… And I've not talked that much with him about black magic, either. I knew he wouldn't like that,'' he said slowly.
,,Well, not many people would accept that,'' she shrugged. ,,… You never talk much about him,'' she noted. ,,What kind of person was it, that fascinates you this much?'' she asked quietly.
,,… He is very kind. Despite how much heartbreak he has had, I do believe he wanted the best for me… Although he didn't always show it…'' he sighed.
,,Boring,'' she smiled. ,,Come on, Nite. What species was he? Was he hot? Did you ever kiss?'' she asked chipperly, annoying the small man even more.
,,You're so mean,'' he complained. ,,… I think he was absolutely beautiful,'' he finally said, closing his eyes to remember Seymore's gentle features. ,,And we've kissed. Just about everywhere, when my mother wasn't home. I think I miss that the most,'' he said, feeling his heart clench and his stomach hurt, at the mere thought about the troll's warm embrace.
,,Ooh, I didn't think you've kissed,'' she said, still in a light tone, but he could somehow feel the underlining disappointment. ,,What species? Something we don't have up here?'' she asked.
,,… He's a troll. Tall for Vaihines standards,'' he said slowly. ,,A misfit in his village.'' She didn't answer at first but seemed utterly confused at the statement. Trolls weren't known to be beautiful, either in Aenamo or Vaihines, and he knew that. But Seymore was beautiful, to him, at least. And he couldn't imagine that some people hadn't at least found him attractive when he was younger, even if the Center Isles had much different standards than the ones in the West. Seymore was so different from what trolls found attractive, that he back then had tried to morph into something that would be considered attractive for other standards, kind of ending in a middle ground.
,,I guess I understand now why you're not really into anyone here, then,'' she shrugged. ,,Does Vaihines see beauty differently?'' she asked softly, almost hopeful.
,,No,'' he said, not knowing if this was correct or not. ,,But I do.'' He could feel her eyes on him, but he kept staring up at the black, endless sky. There were so few stars up here. That was one of the few privileges that Vaihines had, he thought to himself.
,,You do know you have to give him up, so there's space in your heart for whatever kind of demon that uses the half-moon, right?'' she asked quietly. When he didn't respond, she sighed. ,,You're a weird, little fella, Nite Greenlight. I'm offering you the easiest way to complete your goal. Think of it, two with black magic can go further than one!'' she said dreamingly.
,,I don't want to work with you,'' he simply said.
,,You will, at some point,'' she smiled cockily. ,,When I get an opportunity… You'll see… I'll flee this circle and Fae will be gone. Maybe I'll create my own circle, full of these misfits that took the route of black magic?'' she wondered to herself.
,,I don't want to join a circle. Not this, not any,'' he said sternly.
,,You're such a loner,'' she sighed.
,,I'm not, I just… I want to do this, myself. Our ideals are far from compatible. I want peace, you want havoc,'' he said, sitting up again. His clothes felt dirty and itchy, and he missed his grey sweater. ,,All my life… I trained to, what I believed, was taking over my mother's studies. And now I realize… I was never to do that. She never intended me to do that. She wanted to throw me away, to here,'' he said, feeling his anger blossom. ,,And now I'm being married off as soon as I can! This is my purpose! You cannot take that from me!'' he said, his voice louder than he intended.
,,Relax, Nite, calm down!'' she said, trying not to cause a scene so the elders would get out of the cave for them. ,,Okay, okay! Have it your way! I understand, I just want to help,'' she tried.
,,But why do you want that?'' he asked, warningly calmly. ,,What is it you and your mother are after?'' he asked, startling the girl behind him. But Fae didn't hesitate to tell him, as he had expected. She had loyalty to none.
,,You've said it yourself,'' she said quietly. ,,The circle is broken. They keep it up, but it's only skin deep. My mother… she wants to know why Willa's magic is so much stronger than hers because it's definitely not coming from the circle alone,'' she told him. ,,I was to befriend you, to find out, if I could. But I don't care about that. I have fun with this,'' she smiled, still staring up at the sky.
,,You see me as a toy,'' he scoffed, making her laugh. It was a weird sound. Like someone so beautiful and delicate shouldn't be able to make that kind of sound, so full of energy and power.
,,I do,'' she chuckled. ,,It fascinates me that you don't care about status or anything all the other younglings care about. I'm a powerful friend to have, but you speak to me as if I bore you,'' she said.
,,You do,'' he said.
,,But not as much as the others,'' she said, finally sitting up herself. Neither her hair nor her clothes were dirtied by laying down on the ground.
,,You're right,'' he sighed. He felt her hands on his shoulder, as she sat closer to him. She was cold, but that wasn't why her hands didn't feel pleasant. He just simply… felt nothing.
He had wondered for a while, at night while he was drifting off to sleep, why it all felt so magical and magnetic with Seymore. Regardless of how open his mind was when he went into his dates with other younglings, he never felt the same spark, as he had done even that very night Seymore moved into the basement chamber, gently placing his hand on his shoulder, mindlessly thanking and trusting him.
But he felt nothing with Fae. He rarely questioned if he was into girls or not, but maybe this was just one case. Maybe he just wasn't attracted to girls? But he didn't feel anything with the other young men, either.
He felt… broken…
,,Have you ever kissed a girl?'' she asked suddenly. He shook his head but didn't look at her. ,,Don't you want to?'' she teased.
,,No,'' he simply said.
,,So you are gay!'' she insisted triumphantly.
,,I am not! Stop pretending that the whole world has to be attracted to you,'' he sneered.
,,I wouldn't be able to sit like this with Alki, without him at least doubting his betrothing. Not even Aydan, I think,'' she said, placing herself behind him, her hands around his shoulders and her knees at his hips. He could feel her breasts press against his back. ,,Aren't this fascinating, too?'' she whispered into his ear.
,,… Yes and no,'' he admitted, not moving much. ,,I don't… like that you touch me. I know it's you. Not because you're a woman, but because I know the coldness of your hands or the perfume you wear,'' he explained. ,,Does it still excite me? Yes, in some kind of way, no reason to deny that. But that doesn't really change anything. I haven't been… intimate with my… friend, for well over a year now. Of course, my body misses that. But this isn't like that. It doesn't feel safe, like it did with him,'' he said quietly.
,,Wait, did you sleep with him?'' she chuckled nervously. ,,I thought… I didn't know that you…'' she tried.
,,Why does it matter anyway?'' he said, rolling his eyes.
,,It doesn't, but… I don't know… It surprised me. I mean, most around your age have had some experience, but… You didn't strike me as that bold,'' she tried, still sitting so close to him. It annoyed him.
,,There's nothing bold about it. It was nice and beneficial, for both. I learned a lot. And… I can only hope that it got his mind off all his other troubles, at least for a while,'' he said quietly. Her hands crept around him, hugging him from behind, making him squirm by surprise. She chuckled but didn't release her grip on him.
,,Let me guess, then: You were the girl in that relationship?'' she giggled.
,,That's not how it works!'' he sneered. ,,There's no girl in such context!''
,,No, no, I know that, but I just can't imagine you… being the dominant person in this context with a troll,'' she said, trying to steady her laughter. ,,Trolls are big. You like big things, don't you?'' she said, the giggle still in the back of her throat.
,,Shut up!'' he yelled, forcing himself out of her grip and standing up too hastily, almost tripping over his own feet. ,,It's not funny! You act like someone who has never even cared for anyone!'' he spat out, walking away from her.
,,Hey!'' she yelled after him, following as soon as she got on her feet. ,,I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you mad,'' she tried, easily catching up to him, even in her overly frilly dress. ,,But you're right… I rarely care about anyone… I didn't do that before I got my mark, either, but… Nowadays, it's even rarer,'' she said quietly. He finally stopped, but didn't turn around to look at her. ,,I'm jealous and concerned,'' she said.
,,What for?'' he asked, crossing his arms. The air suddenly felt chilly out here, which it normally didn't.
,,… I'm concerned because… in some way, I want you to succeed in your goal. Maybe I just like the thought about just some kid, with powers no one else understands, finally taking a stand and doing something with all of this. Maybe I just hope you'll distract everyone, so I can make my own sort of revolution, who knows? But I'm concerned you'll never get there because you're so fixated on someone, who in the end didn't even come with you,'' she said. ,,And I'm… I'm jealous that you have someone like that… It's not like I never liked anyone, before, but… No one would care about me if I wasn't a little, pretty, smart doll,'' she said, her voice almost quivering.
,,The only reason I want anything to change, is because of him. If I lose track of that… then, I have no goals… I have no morals, I'm empty inside… I have no purpose without him…'' he said quietly, still not turning around. ,,Why would you want that? Love is awful! It's more consuming than any demon could ever be!'' he shouted, finally moving to look at the pale girl again.
,,But isn't it nice to have someone to hold you and tell you everything will be alright? Someone you trust and that doesn't require you to be anyone besides… yourself…?'' she asked slowly. She almost looked hopeful, as if she wanted to feel like that herself again at some point.
He remembered the first time he had ever felt, that being Nite was enough. Seymore didn't need him to be strong or smart, he didn't even need him to be kind and gracious. He didn't need anything. Even in the beginning, where Nite would rarely answer him when they talked, and he would walk off when he became tired of their conversation, Seymore didn't treat him differently. The only reason he ever avoided Nite, was because he was afraid to hurt him when he got too excited, and rarely because he himself made him upset.
Fae was right. He wanted that back more than anything else. Even more than that book, but he simply wasn't strong enough to admit that… It would be way easier to get the book back, it felt like, than trying to pursue the troll, risking breaking his heart again.
He didn't answer her, as she waited for any sort of reaction. He just began to walk back to the cave, past her and past the entrance, listening closely to her footsteps behind him, the only sound the cave produced as they walked further inside.
,,I don't get you. Isn't that why people are together?'' she asked behind him.
,,I don't know,'' he said coldly. ,,I don't know anything about love. I don't want love, I don't need it. I just want him,'' he said, walking faster by the minute. ,,And I'll get him, I'm tired of playing around like this!''
Fae kept trying to catch up to him, kept trying to talk with him, but Nite was too furious all of a sudden to hear what she said. When they went into the cave, they surely woke up a lot of people, but he didn't care about that either. He went into his and his mother's area, waking her up while he threw his stuff together in his bag.
,,What are you doing?'' she asked tiredly, still half asleep.
,,I'm going home,'' he said, not looking at her when she got up, and not stopping when she tried to grip his arm.
,,Don't be foolish. You have no idea where home even is,'' she said, rolling her eyes, but he didn't slow down.
,,Then give me the coordinates,'' he said, shutting the bag tightly.
,,Nite, slow down. You're not leaving this place. I have to be here for close to a year, I can't go with you, and I'll not allow you to go off by yourself,'' she said sternly.
,,Give me the coordinates,'' he sneered again, finally looking up at her. ,,Or, I can just go. I can go, and you can be free of me, as you want to!'' he said, feeling his heart race.
,,That's not what I want! I want you to be safe! Nothing would be safer for you than to be within the circle,'' she argued loudly. This was undoubtedly heard throughout the cave, but he didn't care.
,,I want to go home, and either you give me the coordinates or I'll find them myself!'' he hissed. She was about to yell at him again, when she noticed the gathering of her sisters, making sure they were alright. This seemed to calm her, just a tad. ,,I don't belong here. Let me go. I'll be back another time, I promise to do better another time, but I'm not ready. I've studied my whole life for something that wasn't this,'' he said, his voice shaking slightly. For the first time ever, it seemed to resonate with something deep within his mother, and she finally nodded.
,,… Very well,'' she said, manifesting a pen and paper out of thin air. ,,I'll make Seymore know that you're on your way. He'll contact me if you're not home in three days. Don't waste your time, go straight home. These are your directions,'' she said, handing him the paper. ,,I won't be back for some time, Nite. Continue to study at home,'' she nodded, as he finally left the room they were in, maneuvering between all the gathered people.
He didn't answer anyone's questions, he just left, walking the long way to the cave entrance yet again. The air felt colder, this time. It was later, and he didn't know how cold it would get, but this would be better for him, surely. His steps were shaky, and the adrenalin pumped through him, his heartbeat drowning out all other thoughts he had. He was alone. He was free!
,,Wait!'' he heard behind him. He stopped, but he didn't need to look to know it was Fae again.
,,What?'' he sneered, tightening his grip on his bag.
,,… Seymore is a troll name, isn't it?'' she asked, startling him shortly.
,,Not a very common one…'' he tried. ,,And so what? Many people have servants, some of them are probably trolls,'' he argued.
,,… You're lying,'' she simply said. ,,You said your lover was at your home. The place you were born!'' she said, her voice confused and shallow.
,,He's not my lover,'' Nite argued.
,,That's not the point here!'' she screamed. ,,What kind of fiendish things are your aunt doing? You're not who you say you are, are you?'' she asked, a little less erratic this time.
,,Why do you care?'' he asked. ,,Is it to please your mother with information? Or do you just need the latest gossip?''
,,Neither,'' she admitted.
,,Then what?'' he asked, turning around to look at her again. This Fae contrasted so much with the one, from when he had first met her. Her hair was unkempt and wild, and her make-up was running. Why did she cry? It startled him to see the big, black orbs in so much pain and confusion.
,,I don't know,'' she admitted. ,,You make me feel better. Like you understand me. You don't care about anything I've been trained for, not how pretty I am, or how well I do. You don't even care if I'm nice to you… normally…'' she said slowly, echoing words he had thought himself when he began talking with Seymore.
,,Don't get all sappy with me,'' he said, a little harder than he meant. ,,I want to go home. I want to fix things with my… my friend…'' he said again.
,,Don't,'' she pleaded. ,,Stay here. Go through with your goals. I can help you get another book on black magic,'' she tried, her hands shaking as she held them out, as if she tried not to reach out at all.
,,I don't want another book,'' he said coldly. ,,I want that book.''
,,Then stay because of me. Don't fool me, you don't hate me. We would be so good at redesigning the world. We could do anything,'' she said instead.
,,… Why do you care, Fae? Don't tell me you've fallen for me, that's absurd. I'm not stupid. I know how I look, I know I'm not the bachelor you would choose,'' he scoffed. Everything about her movements was so wrong, so off from the Fae he knew…
,,I would say the same thing, before I met you,'' she said. ,,And no… I don't love you, but I hate the thought of you… being with him, and I… I don't even know him…'' she simply said. Nite recognized the feelings but didn't budge from his position, not even when Fae got closer. ,,Why do you have to choose love, when it would be so easy for you to achieve all your goals, if you just choose to stay?'' she asked, standing in front of him again.
,,… Because I'm selfish,'' he simply said. ,,I don't want to choose. I want both. I don't want you, Fae. I don't want the life that is here. I don't trust you!'' he sneered, yanking his arm away when she tried to grab him.
,,How can you resist this? What kind of broken boy are you?'' she yelled back, her voice nothing as he had ever heard from her before.
,,Because your beauty is only skin-deep, and everyone can see through you. You're empty and hollow on the inside, just like a doll!'' he growled, regretting the statement the moment he had said it. ,,… I… don't get it, Fae… You get to pick on me, all the time, and be rude and unspeakable about me and my friend, and now you can't handle that I leave? Nothing makes sense to me. Nothing about this is easy.''
,,… Fine, then leave,'' she said, walking backward. ,,But mark my words, Nite Greenlight; You'll not be able to get into that book, without giving that troll of yours up,'' she hissed.
Her ego was hurt, that was clear, even to Nite, but something lingered in her words. He knew it held some truth, and he wondered what part of her humanity she had given up, to gain the mark on her forearm. In the end, that was why he could never fully trust her.
,,What if I was in love with you?'' she asked, as he began to leave again. ,,Would you then stay?''
,,No,'' he said quietly, still walking.
,,Trolls don't have any magic. What do you even want with him?'' she cried out.
He didn't answer. He didn't know the answer. All his mother and the other elders prepared him for, was how to further himself, his magic, his abilities. Seymore wasn't like that. He didn't want anything in particular from Seymore. He wanted all of him.
Her words lingered in him, as he went further away. Why she would agree to this, was unbeknownst to him, but it dawned on him why she seemed so upset and out of character; it wasn't her pulling the strings. He never understood why Irene was so interested in his mother's powers, but clearly, it was worth it for her to submit her daughter to this façade of a farewell. He wondered how much of their prior conversations had really been Irene speaking, and not Fae herself.
Fae didn't follow him. Irene clearly couldn't stretch the strings any longer. For the first time, he was left alone in the whole, wide world. He thought about escaping, but he had no means to provide for himself right now. He just quietly went the route he hoped was the right until he finally got to the gateway, the transport system powered by magic, easily connecting islands throughout the realms.
Not every gateway would carry you everywhere you wanted, but if an island didn't have a gateway, it would have a boat, flying across the endless sky to carry you to otherwise unreachable destinations. He had read enough about all of this and studied his mother quietly on their travel to know how to get home fairly easily, even if the travel would take a lot of time.
This gave him time to think. His mother wouldn't be back for almost a year. That was a lot of time, but never enough. Would he have time to crack the code about how to get back the book and manage to get back together with Seymore? Probably not.
He arrived at a doc that would take him further on his travel, looking through his bag to kill some time while he waited. He had some books with him, but he had read them all, by now. Still, it was better to recite studies than to just waste his time, looking at the scenery.
Or so he thought, because as he looked through them, he felt something familiar, something soothing. When he retreated his hand to look at the culprit, he wasn't even surprised to see the book his mother had hidden so long ago.
Why it was here, wasn't important. The book would find its owner, and his mother had been careless to not take it with her, even if she suspected they would travel together. But the book didn't come alone. There was a slip of paper with it.
'Till we meet again' was written with beautiful, curved letters. They looked like his mother's writing, but that couldn't be right. Could it? More likely it was Fae that, for some reason and by whatever means, had gotten the book and passed it further to him, without him ever noticing.
Whatever the case was, he uninterested tapped the front cover, running his long fingers across the half-moon, making it sparkle delightfully in the moonlight. He tried, as often before, to open it, expecting it to not budge at all…
… but it did…
As if the pages were glued together, they slowly pulled apart, filling the air with dust and whispers that sounded like dying souls. His hands were quivering as the book finally laid flatly open in his lap, filling his heart with excitement and fear, making his eyes watery and irritated. He blinked, furiously trying to focus on the pages, but when he finally did, he saw… nothing.
The pages were blank, which probably wouldn't have surprised him if he wasn't so emotional to begin with. He looked furiously through the pages but found nothing. At first, he thought it was a fake, but the book kept whispering to him, silently promising him all sorts of things in a language, he couldn't decipher yet. They seemed alluring, all knowingly, and despite his growing doubt, genuine.
,,What is this?'' he mumbled angrily, scrolling through the pages yet again. ,,Give me your secrets!'' he demanded, slamming the book shut anew.
But he was further now, he thought, as his anger settled. He was inside the book.
Nite wasn't stupid, he hid the book at any given chance there was for other people to see it. But as soon as he was alone or on a break, he tried to pry away from bystanders' gazes, to unlock whatever secrets the book still withheld from him.
He should have asked Fae more about the process, but at the same time, he knew it probably wouldn't be the same for both of them. Her mark was different from the one on the book cover, and despite not knowing every single demon, he knew their source for black magic would be different. How different, he couldn't tell, but maybe different enough that Fae's experience wouldn't have helped him, anyway.
,,… What can I do for you?'' he whispered to the book. He wasn't far from home, already on Mokar, but as the land was almost barren, he had no trouble just walking with the book out in broad daylight like this. ,,Help me, to help you,'' he whispered.
Tell me… Help me…
The whispers took form. Maybe they had changed direction, changed the language, or maybe he was possessed to understand them, but he stopped suddenly as he realized, just how close he was. This would maybe be his last chance to back off? Was he sure he wouldn't give up on himself, just to gain a little more power?
Desire… Your desire… You told me, before…
,,Yes,'' he said, his voice trembling. ,,Many times. In many languages,'' he stammered.
Tongue… I do not always understand the words you speak… You say one, but it is false… Your desire… Tell me again…
,,I want to recreate Aenamo,'' he spoke, as clearly as he could.
No… That is the desire you tell yourself, you tell others… Do not tell me… Tell me your DESIRE…!
The book's pages turned themselves, almost angrily as the whispers weren't just that anymore. He fell to the ground but didn't dare to throw the mad book away, as he felt his heartbeat quicken.
What was his desire? Was Seymore his desire? Was ruling his desire? While he knew he wasn't some pure-hearted kid, who wanted to free the world of oppression just because it was the right thing to do, he did think his desires were rather noble…
… Or, the desire he told himself that was the reasoning for gaining this power, at least. His excuse as to why playing with black magic was fine. He didn't want to free anything, he wanted to create order. He wanted to have control. He wanted…
,,… I want revenge,'' he whispered, as he realized it himself.
Yes… Yes! Tell me your desire… Tell me whom dared to cross you, Nite Greenlight, firstborn on Mokar…
,,My mother,'' he said, trying not to flinch as the book mentioned his name. ,,I don't care why she did what she did. She has made my life a living hell, and I'll have her pay for that!'' he whispered darkly.
Good, good… Tell me more, about more, of more…
,,Fae…'' he said, a little less angry than before, a little more wary. He felt as if his hatred got sucked into the book, and by all means, that was probably just the case. But he had to remain focused. ,,Fae, and the circle, and that living hell that it was,'' he concluded.
More, I need MORE to feed…
,,… The whole world will pay. I'll change the world. Not because it's the right thing to do, but because I want it. Because I want that as my destiny,'' he whispered. ,,And they'll see… They'll all see…''
Oh, but you forget one in your 'all', do you not? I need them…
He knew the book meant Seymore. The book wanted all of Aenamo, every last person who could have ever harmed him, in any way, for any reason. But in contrast to his mother and Fae, that neither understood him or really wanted to despite what they said, or the world who had failed him without even knowing it themselves, Seymore did everything from a place of concern.
Concern for himself and his safety, but he knew, deep down, if he really thought about it, that Seymore had wanted to protect him, in some sense. While he didn't agree with how he had done it, he knew Seymore wanted what was best for Nite, something that was better than the troll himself.
,,I want to make him pay myself,'' Nite said coldly. ,,He is mine. He will be mine, I deserve him,'' he said, as clearly as he could. The book was silent for a while, for long enough to make Nite wonder if it had lost interest in him, but then it shook violently.
I see the love in your heart…
,,I don't want love,'' he said dismissively. ,,I don't need love.''
Then give him to me… I will make him regret ever doubting you…
,,… I will make you a deal, demon of the half-moon,'' he said quietly. ,,You can have me. You can act through me, if, and only if I get the full control over the troll,'' he said sternly.
No good… Mortal hearts are weak… Love is strong…
,,He doesn't love me,'' he said quietly, feeling his heart sink at the words. ,,Don't fear him. Fear me. I will be fierce, I will use your power wisely. The souls that fall will be yours, and the world created will be mine,'' he insisted.
If I lend my power to a mortal, I will not share its focus with a troll…
,,Maybe,'' Nite said, visibly irritated by now, ,,you're just too weak to fight love!'' he shouted, throwing the book away, regretting it instantly. He clumsily picked it up again, the paper muddy by the soil, and the whispers gone. ,,Dammit!'' he yelled frustrated, closing the book again.
… I am a demon of desire… Do you think love scares me, you are wrong…
The book was still closed in his hands, but he could feel it talk as if it was in his limbs themselves. He felt a slight chill, as the half-moon glowed on the cover, first in a soft, purple glow, and then in a much deeper, richer purple, pulsating through the mark on the cover.
It felt… warm… familiar… But not in a way, like things were with Seymore… It was like he saw everything, once again, as if he had forgotten it…
Very well, son of Mokar… I will grant your wish, but I will take your very being as a token… You will get power, the power you seek, to do whatever you DESIRE… But I will make sure your deeds are known…
He didn't get to react, before the bright glow of the book overwhelmed him, covering the forest with a weird, purple light. He fell back, covering his eyes as the whispers intensified, screaming in his head, taunting him, and promising things he could never achieve without them.
When he felt the soul-crushing pain run through his veins, he couldn't help but to scream, pleading to make it stop, pleading for someone to help, but no one came. He had never felt pain like this, not even when his magic was out of control. No matter how hard he breathed, no air filled his lungs, and his eyes burned with no tears to wet them at all.
Had the half-moon demon tricked him? Had he been too naïve? Was he given his life away for granted? He wondered if this was what burning for eternity would feel like, or if anything could feel worse than this, but he doubted it.
,,I see,'' a voice said, much clearer now, no whispers and no talking in tongues. ,,Have you ever wondered, Nite Greenlight, from where you came? I see your mother told you truths, although only halves. She never said from where you came. You never asked her.'' The voice was soothing. Familiar, but he couldn't recall he had ever heard it before. The pain vanished as the being spoke, but he didn't dare to open his eyes.
,,It doesn't matter,'' he said quietly. ,,I'm not interested in my father. Whatever reasons he had, he left me with her,'' he said, feeling the tears stream down his cheeks.
,,You're stubborn, that's how you'll survive. That's how you'll achieve your goals, sweet child. That's why I grant you my powers,'' it said. ,,Do you ever wonder from where I came? Do you ever wonder why I would choose you?''
,,No,'' he said, feeling stings of pains run through his body again. ,,You're gonna tell me… that I'm special, or something?'' he asked, feeling too drained to even talk. The voice laughed, filling the forest with sounds he didn't like.
,,Play your cards right, and you'll get to know,'' it said, almost playfully. Nite felt the sweat drip from his face, the blackness from his closed eyes turning white and distorted.
,,I don't need to know,'' he said tiredly. ,,I'm not interested in stories, I'm interested in actions,'' he said, feeling his body shake. ,,Either end me or get it over with, you lazy demon!'' he sneered, falling flat on the ground, feeling his consciousness run out. He heard the piercing laughter, as his body finally demanded him to rest…
… You will know, Nite Greenlight… One day, this will all make sense…
… It was dark when he woke up. His head ached and his whole body felt sore, but he still managed to get up again. Besides the pain, he didn't feel any different. When he looked at his wrists, there was no mark.
He doubted for a moment that it had even happened, but how could he have had such a vivid dream? Could he really be so stressed out and overworked? He would hate if that was the case.
The book was gone, as if it had never existed. And if this had all been a dream, maybe it hadn't even been in his bag to begin with. The note was gone as well, erasing all traces of his vividly, feverish experience.
Walking back to the castle felt a little easier than he remembered. He thought it was because he had had some rest, but even he knew it didn't make sense. If the only power the demon had granted him was greater physical stamina, he would be downright furious.
He didn't feel particularly excited when he looked at the castle, but not as dreadful as he had thought so, either. Mostly, he felt sore, but not tired. He had looked forward to sleeping in his own bed, of all things, but now that thought seemed far gone.
The castle was empty. He didn't know what time it was, but by all means, Seymore could be asleep. He had no clue for how long he had actually traveled, or how long he had slept in the forest for that matter, but he knew he couldn't have much time left before his mother would pester the troll of his whereabouts.
He couldn't help but peek into the basement chamber, but the troll wasn't there. He hadn't left the castle, because his sparse belongings were still there, but he guessed he was up late, for some reason. He threw his bags in his own room but didn't plan to stay, as he walked down the hallway to his study chamber. Maybe he could figure out what had happened with the Demon of Desire?
,,You're back,'' he heard behind him, the familiar voice cutting through his endless void of thoughts. It hit him harder than he had expected, as if the troll's words hurt his very soul. ,,That's good… I was getting worried… Your mother said it wouldn't take more than three days, but you probably would be home before that…'' he yawned, as Nite's back still was turned towards him. He feared even looking at him.
,,Why are you up now? Isn't it late?'' he asked, warningly softly. Seymore seemed to notice this because he spoke a little more concerned this time:
,,… I haven't slept since I received the letter. It was sent with urgent delivery. And I… It might not seem like it, but I was worried, why you would leave in the middle of the night, like that,'' he said slowly.
,,I see,'' he said, trying to steady his heart. He couldn't remember it felt like this to talk with the troll. His knees felt weak, but not because he was flustered, more like if his soul was in an uproar. ,,You… You can go to sleep now… I'll read a little…'' he tried, but stumbled when he tried to move forward.
,,Are you alright? I can… uhm, I'll assist you, sir, if you need me to. Have you eaten anything since you left your mother?'' he asked, moving closer to the smaller man. Nite couldn't remember. Had he eaten anything? He had been so engulfed in that book, that he barely had noticed anything around him.
,,I… I don't know…'' he admitted, grabbing onto the wall. He heard the troll's feet quickly approach as he supported him from behind, so the young man wouldn't fall.
,,Forgive me, I know I shouldn't… grab you, like this, but…'' he said, but Nite couldn't hear anything. The pain ran through his body yet again, making him jitter and flinch unbearably.
He jolted himself loose from the troll's hands, turning around to finally look at him again. Another sharp jolt ran through him, but then it vanished, as weirdly as it had come.
To his surprise, Seymore looked at him as if he had seen a ghost. First confused, then horrified, before he fell backward onto the floor, scooting away from the young man while he stammered and whaled. At first, he thought the troll felt the pain too, but that didn't make much sense. He didn't look like he was in pain. He looked terrified.
,,What is it?'' Nite said, more confused than anything. It took the troll some trials to form any cohesive sentence, as tears dwelled in his eyes, making the sorcerer forget all about his pain and soreness.
,,Y-your eyes… Your face! W-what did you do?!'' he stammered, scooting further away. Nite didn't understand what he meant and only managed to remember to make a mirror, as Seymore kept blabbering about his eyes.
,,What do you mean?'' he said, looking into the mirror, seeing the same, mahogany orbs as he was used to. ,,My eyes doesn't…'' But then he looked at his forehead, and everything made sense again.
,,W-why is there a half-moon on y-your forehead?'' he stammered, holding around himself, rocking slightly. Nite had never seen Seymore more afraid of anything magic-related than this, and he could barely blame him, after all the trouble he had gone through to get it.
,,It worked,'' he whispered, a glimpse of excitement across his face. ,,It worked!'' he said again, smiling at the troll.
,,… Why are your eyes red, Nite?'' he croaked, making the sorcerer confused again. He looked back into the mirror, but his eyes were still the same.
,,They're not?'' he said confused. ,,They're brown. Sure, they have a red tint, but they're not… red…'' he said confused, as he kept looking into the mirror.
This explained why it had hurt to speak with Seymore. To touch Seymore. To just be around Seymore. The Demon of Desire was jealous, he thought with a smirk, and it wanted to know exactly what kind of person a mortal would give away his security for like this. Having his dark mark on his forehead would be a death sentence, should he ever get caught by the Protectors of Aenamo.
,,Why do you look so afraid, troll?'' he asked, smirking down at the older man as he cast the mirror aside. Seymore tried to hide himself behind his big hands, like a child afraid of thunder, but Nite just quietly walked towards him, humming lightly as he did so.
,,Nite, please, I'm sorry, but please, don't hurt me, please leave me,'' he said all too fast but flinched as the footsteps stopped in front of him.
,,I'm not going to hurt you, troll,'' he said calmly, curiously, even. He leaned down, gently touching the top of the troll's head at first. He was shaking. He wondered if Seymore felt the pain as he himself did? Then he firmly grabbed around his chin, guiding him to look at him again. ,,What's the matter? It's just me. Relax, as I said, I won't hurt you,'' he smirked, revealing his broken tooth as he did so, but it didn't seem to calm the troll.
,,Please, leave me…'' he said again, his amber eyes almost shaking as he did so. ,,I'm sorry, Nite. I'm really, really sorry… Please, tell me what to do, please don't hurt me…'' he pleaded, sitting as frozen while Nite stared down at the troll.
,,You're not very good at listening, now, are you?'' he asked, almost bored. ,,Look at me, will you? Get your ass up,'' he snarled, releasing his grip in the troll as he stood up. Seymore was still shaking, his hands folded in front of him, holding himself tightly to not run away or upset the small man further. ,,Good. Look at me. What are you so afraid of?'' he smirked.
,,… You did it, didn't you? The… The mark on that book… It's… glowing… I… Why are your eyes red, Nite?'' he whispered worriedly.
,,They're not!'' he insisted, making the troll shudder even more. ,,You're asking the wrong questions, troll. Ask what I want,'' he smiled, trying to calm himself down. Seymore looked confused at him and hesitated far too long. ,,I said,'' he continued, tracing his fingers across the scared troll's face before he pulled his ear down to make them at the same eye level, ,,ask me what I want.''
,,… What do you want?'' he asked shakenly, frozen to the place he stood, unable to flee.
,,I want what I always wanted. I want you,'' he said, yanking the bigger man closer to himself. ,,But let me make it simple enough for you,'' he said, not letting the troll interrupt him. ,,I want you on your knees in my study chamber in fifteen minutes, or I want you out of my sight for good,'' he whispered darkly.
While Nite never really could read people, and rarely was sure if his interpretation of them was truthful or not, he knew Seymore very well. Even this long after, and in a state of fear and panic, he could still see the amber eyes shift and darken at the thought of indulging in this 'forbidden' behavior again. And while this wasn't exactly what he had wanted, he would live with this, making the troll remember just what he could have gotten, hadn't he been so cowardly in the past.
,,I don't… understand, Nite… What happened with the…'' he tried, but Nite cut him off, placing his leg between the troll's as he pressed against him, feeling the broad body react instantly.
,,Doesn't matter,'' he said, pulling in the ear again, making the troll whine. ,,Come on, you're a good troll, aren't you? No need to make me impatient, now, is there?'' he said, sickeningly sweetly.
,,I am… scared…'' he whispered, his gaze trying to avoid Nite's. ,,I know… I know I messed up, I understand that you're mad at me, and if… If this is what you want, I don't… I'm just… so scared…'' he whimpered, the tears back in his eyes.
,,Don't be,'' he said, almost gently. ,,I won't hurt you.''
,,… But why not?'' he croaked, finally looking directly into Nite's big, deep-set eyes. He felt a slight sting, but nothing like the pain before. ,,I don't get why you're not… furious, with me…''
,,Oh, but I am,'' he simply said, making the troll shudder again by his words. ,,But I don't need magic to make you feel exactly as I felt,'' he whispered, finally releasing his grip in the troll's ear. ,,I'm gracious, troll. I give you a choice. You've made it very clear that I can't order you to do this, so if you're in my study chamber in due time, I expect that you're fine with my arrangements?'' he said quietly, smiling as the troll nodded. ,,Good. Go write to my mother. I don't care if you mention this. She'll not be home for a while,'' he smiled satisfied, moving towards the big, heavy door of the study chamber, as Seymore shook and tried to collect himself.
,,Aye,'' he said, before running off. Nite wondered if he would join him in the study chamber, or if fifteen minutes was enough time to calm himself down again. While he would never be exactly sure, it had really felt like it did back then, when Seymore was horny and trying his hardest to wait for the small man to decide if he wanted to play or not.
Like how his eyes would get a little darker, more half-lidded, and intense. How his breath would be a little shallower, he would smell a little sweater…
While Nite sat down on his throne, his body more than reacting to pleasant memories, he felt the pulsating desire to make Seymore feel everything he had felt himself throughout the months they've been fooling around. All the confusion, all the heartache… all the love, he wasn't able to get…
He wanted Seymore to be on his knees, begging for every part of him, from his body to his love. He wanted him to regret every time he had said no, every time he had insisted that he didn't want a lover, because Nite knew he was a liar.
While he didn't know if he still felt any of that, he knew he could make him feel all that again…
He wondered what Seymore had meant with his eyes, but mostly, he sat and admired the half-moon on his forehead while the minutes felt like hours. It wasn't ideal for a dark mark to be placed on the forehead, but he would take it. If this was how he would gain power, without sacrificing the troll, he would gladly take it.
Minutes passed. Seconds ran out. He knew the fifteen minutes were up and prepared himself on the slight disappointment that Seymore hadn't turned up. But could he really blame him? His fear had clearly outweighed his lust and regret, he thought…
… And then, the door opened…