I went on a trip, headed for Narita this morning. During the train ride, I slept for a while and then ate what Shiki prepared for me for the journey. An excellent tamagoyaki with white rice, 10/10.
I started living with Shiki eight years ago, since he wholeheartedly asked me to. Back then I thought it was just the selfishness of a little boy, but over time, I was able to see the admiration he had for me.
Since Sojuurou Shizuki, there has been no one who has such an interest in the things I do. For this reason, it seemed to me that it was absolutely necessary to take care of a child that I did not even know.
It wasn't his kindness or his dedication that made me grow fond of Shiki, but rather the fact that he undoubtedly admires me. Although in recent months he has learned too much from my older sister and I am forgetting more and more about the sweet little boy who followed my words to the letter without questioning me or calling me "third class witch". That kind of thing makes me sad.
Although I am his tutor, he was the one who took part in household activities like cleaning and cooking. I like to help him, but it's not like I can do much either, I spent most of the years of my life learning magic, so it's not like I'm very good at those things, especially cooking, I'm terrible.
Shiki takes care of all those annoying things without complaining or complaining. Rather, he criticizes me when I try to offer him a helping hand, but he still receives it with a smile.
He will be the first to complain if I do something wrong, but he does it because he appreciates me enough to do it. Shiki is a good person and all that, but he is sometimes too cruel to me. I hate that.
I didn't take Shiki's tutoring to have someone yell at me all the time, but just like how Shiki scolds me, he also pampers me too much. As much as he would be the first to complain about me, I also know that I am the first person to consider taking a course of action.
"If I have to make the decision to do something that hurts Aoko-san, I will definitely do the opposite of what they ask me" ─. It was Shiki's words.
That's how much he pampers me. Even knowing that I am someone he must respect, Shiki speaks to me as if we are equals. Perhaps it is because I transmitted my ideal to him. The one to value all forms of life regardless of the damage they do to you. Just as my sister harvested Shiki Ryougi, I harvested Shiki Tohno in the same way, so as not to let him turn into a monster because of the ability he possesses.
I like Shiki. Like my apprentice, above all.
All the years of memories that I share with Shiki have been wonderful. Every moment recorded in my memory, I remember it perfectly. So much I appreciate it.
Shiki is someone irreplaceable to me. If the same thing happened to him as Sojuurou, I don't know what he would do.
I still have some contempt for my sister for that. But it was only thanks to Shiki that we managed to resolve our differences.
Above all.
He is incomprehensible to me.
With everything I've talked about Shiki, for some strange reason... when I mention Touko and Shiki in the same scene, I have an ugly feeling.
"What is... this?" ─. I wonder in a murmur, bringing my hand to my chest.
My heart beats softly. But even that softness causes me pain that I don't remember feeling.
It is not physical, but psychological.
Hm, am I under the influence of some unknown magic... or something like that?
Wait, don't be silly Aoko, that's stupid even coming from me. The only option left to explain this is...
Jealousy.
...
I regret having come to that conclusion, why would I be jealous in the first place? I don't think... of Shiki that way. He's just my apprentice, so far! Nothing more than that!
Dammit.
I hate having such a volatile mind prone to these things.
I want to see Shiki to ask him in person. He may be able to give me an answer to this whole dilemma.