The proof of what I did... is in those glasses that I had taken off before entering this room. He didn't want to accept any of this.
----But what's wrong with this?
I killed her, is that wrong?
It is about the cycle of life, the survival of the fittest, the food chain. Eat or be eaten. That is what it is all about.
No...
This is, completely wrong----!
Bad... bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, very bad.
So... what, I am, me.
─... B... ad...
That...
it is...
─... B... ad...
That is simply because...
─I'm saying, it's wrong...
It is due to something simpler.
The sad and hopeful statement.
False accusation.
It is a lie to say that I did not kill her.
That is where I understand again the gravity of all the things that happen right now.
I am afraid of what I just did.
─No...! No no no no no...! She was a stranger, she had no idea who she was...! She was just a random person who was passing by on the street... nothing more!
Do you understand now? Didn't you think everything was too weird after all, Shiki?!
She is someone I did not know, I just looked at her on the street, I would have no reason to kill her just for that!
She didn't do... anything to me...!
Me...!
----You must promise me that, Shiki.
----Never. Never. For nothing in the world. If you love me... please, Shiki. Never cut or inconsiderately cross those lines or points you are looking at.
A-ah...
Aoko-san...
I... I...!
That's how it is...
Me. Just me.
Shiki Tohno... wanted to kill that girl.
That is what she wanted to do at the time.
But the inside of my head was so muddy that at no point was I able to articulate the right words.
Tears begin to flow from my eyes, along with the urge to vomit.
─Uh... uhhhh, uh!
I couldn't resist it long.
This is how my stomach turns and the contents of my stomach rise up my throat, inevitably burning everything in its path.
─Ah, ah, agh, ahhhhhh!
My sight turns red.
It's there.
That without letting go of the knife in my hands...
─Ahhhhhhhhh!
I run with all my might. Not caring in the slightest being seen, or that I should have hidden the body before I left.
As I ran, the memories of all the years I spent with Aoko-san and Touko-san... go through my head.
My mind fills with thoughts about the two of them. And from two of my friends, Shirou-kun and Ryougi-san...
"Shiki-kun, happy birthday!"
"Thank you, Shiki"
"Hey Shiki, let's all watch TV together"
"Mm. You do well, Shiki-kun, you still need to keep practicing"
"You are amazing, Shiki!"
"Thanks for all the help, Tohno-san"
"Shiki-san, thank you for everything"
"Shiki-kun, you are a good boy"
"I'm sure Shiki will use his ability for good. That's why I'm not worried about staying with you."
"Shiki... seriously... thank you for being born..."
I just want to run away.
I'm sorry, Aoko-san, Touko-san.
I'm sorry too, Akiha. Kohaku-san and Hisui-san.
I am unable... to return to your side...
─Guh... burgh...!
The rest of my stomach juices finish going up my throat. I released the food and gastric juices that I did not release the last time I threw up. All while I cry.
─Hah... ah, hah... kuh...
There is nothing left in my stomach.
Gasp of exhaustion that warranted vomiting. But even so, my body forces me to keep throwing up. As if I wanted to get rid of everything that happened and thus be able to return to my normal life.
But that's stupid, if not impossible.
I can no longer... no, I can no longer...
I definitely can't go back...!
I don't have a place to call home right now!
I broke the promise I made to Aoko-san, I also broke the rules that were set for me regarding the use of my ability!
I became a murderer!
I killed a person... someone I did not know, nor will I know. An innocent girl who had nothing to do with me. As easy as breathing, I cut off her life like it was nothing.
Aoko-san and Touko-san would hate me if I go back... that's the last thing I want. I never asked to do this. I was not in my right mind, I did it all on simple impulse.
─Ah, ah, guh... uh, uh... gah...
I keep crying.
My body fell to the ground like a pile of garbage as I continue to shed these tears.
Seriously...
----Why?
What prompted me to kill her?
Why did I feel this way?
What was it that motivated me to kill her, as if she disarmed a lifeless doll?
I can't find the explanation for that...
My mind is too clouded to be able to organize all my ideas safely. I'm not going to get anywhere even if I thought about it for years.
Tears keep flowing, and stomach acid does too.
Like a lifeless vessel, I am sprawled on the ground, holding the bloodstained knife just like my hands. I am still able to feel the freshness in the liquid.
...
Shiki Tohno---- will die right here.
I can't go on living.
Now that I have finally managed to stop vomiting. And my mind is clear enough, it's time to take action.
There is no forgiveness for me anymore.
I killed that person.
If Aoko-san, Touko-san, Akiha, Kohaku-san or Hisui-san realized my sin, she would have a deep hatred towards me, that I trampled on the life of a stranger as if it were insignificant.
I don't want to live with the weight of that death...
They would all condemn me and one day I would have to pay for my sin. But I don't want anyone around me to find out about it. I can't let anyone know. If they knew, everything would fall apart.
Therefore.
The best I can do is die here.
Limiting the number of victims to two is the best I can do. To make sure I do everything right... I take my glasses off again and look at my own chest.
There is a point there. If I go through that, I will die instantly.
My hands tremble with cold and fear as I hold the weapon that will end my life.
─... just, it will hurt... a little...
Yes.
It is a small price to pay.
There is no way I can feel the same as that girl! I can't pay enough for the suffering he must have felt! There is no price for that!
Even if my hands are shaking or if the tears do not stop pouring out of my eyes... I am determined to kill myself.
Now I am able to understand it.
I wanted her. Just looking at her, she turned me on.
The moment I cut her limbs like butter, it was so exciting that I almost ejaculated.
On the other hand, there are those eyes too.
I've known for a long time that they would cut any surface like nothing if I ran a sharp object over it. He even knew what happened when it was used on normal people.
----I really am a person who can easily kill anything...
I forgot that detail a while ago. In the midst of everyday life, it was that he had completely forgotten it.
It had been so long since I used [Mystic Eyes of Death Perception] for the last time, that I couldn't remember how easy it was to end someone's life just by using it.
─... I'm sorry, Aoko-san...
----Very sorry. Very much.
I couldn't even keep a simple promise as never to take my glasses off.
Knife in hand, I think for a little longer before executing my death.
I don't care about myself...
The people around that girl, what she aspired to, and that person's life until then. Everything was destroyed by me. A stranger.
But it doesn't matter what happens.
My opinion will never matter.
Since no matter what I do, I don't deserve forgiveness.
...
I hear the sound of the rain, coming from somewhere.
But I am stunned.
Still stunned. So much so that I have not been able to kill myself.
I could not do it.
I have to pay in life what I did to that girl...
It's hard for me just to breathe. The sensation of pain is spread around my entire throat.
It hurts a lot.
─Au... ch...
My body temperature keeps decreasing. The static sound of the rain surrounds my surroundings and that makes me unable to think rationally.
There's no way I can stay alive like this.
If I
just
I die
here...
No, no... we go back to the same...
Many people will mourn my death... all the years of good experiences that I have lived, all those that I have known, each one of them is going to feel bad about my death.
Shiki Tohno is someone who has made good impressions on the people around her. I was a good person.
I was until today.
If I hadn't killed that girl... I could have continued with my normal life, maybe helping Ciel and Noel a little with their chores, cooking with Kohaku, while talking to Akiha.
At school I would spend it talking to Arihiko and Yumizuka. I would get involved in funny situations with them...
But above all...
I could have been happy living with Aoko-san and Touko-san. He would keep smiling next to them. Without any problem.
Only it's impossible for me to go back to that...
For that very reason.
I wouldn't mind dying here. Shiki Tohno has to pay.
Only in the midst of my heavy spirits...
─Tohno... -kun...?
Suddenly.
In the midst of so much static.
For the first time all night, my name is spoken.
─...
Silently, I lift my head.
There. With a red umbrella.
Ciel-senpai is standing. A feeling of melancholy attacks me. Accompanied by a complex sense of denial.
I may already be hallucinating... so I want to hold onto this hope. As small and insignificant as it is... I extend my hand to Senpai...
And she, with a smile on her face, takes my hand.
Feeling for the first time in a long time, in what felt like decades of suffering, the tears that keep coming out of my eyes increase even more.
─Senpai... you are, you are... Ciel-senpai... the, true Ciel...?
─What is it, Tohno-kun? Why are you here at this hour? You should know that the curfew has already started, a student should not be here.
She speaks to me with a motherly voice. Just hearing her voice... is enough to heal my heart a bit.
She dropped the knife that was in my other hand, and as if it was the last time I will see this person, I hug her.
I cling to Senpai like a child to her mother.
Starting to cry like a little child, too...
─I'm... horrible...! Ah, gah... agh...
─Hey-! Tohno...! -kun... I see.
Senpai pushed me away for a moment, but she only went to crouch down. The instant Ciel-senpai dropped her umbrella, she hugged me tightly.
─Yeah, yeah... you can keep crying, Tohno-kun. Whatever you've done, it's fine. I can see that it wasn't of my own free will, so rest easy, Tohno-kun.
She begins to comfort me. Not caring at all getting soaked in the rain.
What it provokes, for obvious reasons. That I clung even tighter to her.
I know that she is not my Senpai, but she still does not worry me.
I've known Ciel for a long time. For that reason, it is that receiving the warmth of a person that I know is enough so that the guilt inside me, is alleviated.
Even if it's a little bit.