January 31, 1940
Dear Journal,
Packing and Packing is all we have been doing this month. Father announced to us we were leaving Germany this month. Things have been very different since the outbreak of war a few months ago.Father has sold much of our values and furniture left in our small apartment. We all packed our belongings and left the apartment to together in the dark of the night. It took many days for our travels and we feared the police were going to catch us poor Azriel being only a couple of months old was wrapped up in mama's arms most of the trip. We didn't get to say goodbye to our friends. Before we left we went to the Schedler's home and Maria, Hester and Flora walked out with 3 suitcases with them. "Where are we going papa" Rebekah asked constantly father never answered.Father handed us documents which I clearly understood were forged, and we got on the train. All 7 of us sat near each other scared and speechless. We took off from Munich after the police checked our papers and we proceeded.We reached Aachen,then the border with again the papers were checked and we passed into the Netherlands. Papa then told me " I have decided for us and the Schedler's to go to The Netherlands its a good country. It is known for being neutral in the first war. We will be safe here, here it won't matter if your a jew or not.We are going to Rotterdam to live will be happy I promise Addie." I looked out the window and imagined my new life here what was it going to be like?
February 26, 1940
Dear Journal,
It is has been somewhat difficult here, we made to Rotterdam and we found 2 apartments; one for us and one for the Schedler's. Hester, Flora, I and Rebekah have been hard a work to learn the Dutch language and we have all enrolled in the local Montessori school not far from our apartments.Father has found work in a small clinic and I believe he is so happy to be practicing medicine once again. Mother is even delighted she loves decorated our apartment and helping Maria with hers. Our apartment is small only 2 bedrooms, but the rent is decent. Mother, father occupy one room with Azi and Rebekah and I the other room. The Schedler's apartment is the same one for Maria and the other for Flora and Hester.
The other day Hester and I were walking down to the Bakery with Flora and Bekah walking a little behind us. We all were talking doing our best to speak Dutch, we entered the bakery to buy the bread, Bekah got ahead of us and asked the baker in Dutch "Alstublieft, meneer, mogen we één brood". He gave Bekah the bread and I gave her the money to pay, I was surpirised but I always knew that Bekah was smarter than me and was quicker to learn. I told her "Nice job, Bekah your dutch is good I need more help I guess". We all laughed and walked back to our apartments and Hester started to talk " Don't you think Addie, that Gerrit Jansen is cute" and I agreed. Gerrit was a year older than us he had black hair and dark blue eyes he was cutest boy in the school. Hester and I had both became friends with his sister who is our age her name is Verena Jansen and she looks nothing like Gerrit. She has blonde hair and green eyes. She became good friends with us and we have spent time with her and her brother. School is great it is nice to meet others and not to feel discriminated against. This country is wonderful, I miss Munich somewhat, but I hope we have a bright future here.
March 18, 1940
Dear Journal,
We have been spending more time with Verena, she is very sweet. Yesterday I received my first kiss, Gerrit after school asked to see me home he carried my books. "See you tomorrow" I said as I reached our apartment steps. He grinned and kissed me there. I haven't told anyone except Hester, and she was happy for me. A lot has been going on with the war in the passing months, father is very worried that Italy might enter on the Axis' side, I hope not. Many people said the war maybe a year or a few months, but it has been dragging on.We hope for the best, we just recently had Flora's birthday which was the 14th she got many presents and she invited all her friends from the Montessori school I am happy to see both Flora and Bekah having so many friends, I myself have Hester and Verena. Azriel has been growing much he is 7 months old almost, he is already crawling and he has beautiful chestnut eyes and dark brown hair.Azzie is a darling, father is doing well at the clinic and Mama is happy with staying in the apartment taking care of the baby. Bekah is very happy with school and her new friends. Who knew we'd be so happy here, then back in Munich we didn't have much of a life we were just surviving day to day.
May 19, 1940
Dear Journal,
We have been invaded, nine days ago. We woke to sirens. Bekah woke up frightened and crying "Addie, what is that siren for?" she asked with a frightened glance towards me. I walked carefully over to the our window and opened it planes I could see what is this? I asked myself. Papa and Mama came in with Azzie on her hip crying. Papa was pale "We are being invaded, the Germans are here.?'' Over the next few days we were stuck in the apartment, not allowed to leave I have't got to see Gerrit or Verena. Just Maria, Flora and Hester occasionally come in quickly. We can here the fighting from the streets, cries, bullets and such. Rotterdam was bombed, we could hear blasts, all we did was stay inside and pray for the Dutch army to get the better of the Germans. On the 16th we left the apartment and went outside the Dutch surrender and now we under the Nazis hold again. I looked out the streets that for a few months I have called paradise, a brand new start. Instead it lie in ruins, houses bombed and in crumbles and weeping children and people left homeless. We all cried Hester was devastated "Why, Why' she cried into my shoulder I held her and said "I don't know Hes, I don't have an answer" and I looked up to Papa and asked "What do we do Papa?" he shook his head again and again "I don't know Adara". We have been in a daze we returned to the School. Everyone was talking of the invasion and the after affects Gerrit and I talked. He looked up at me "What happened to you during the invasion." he asked I looked up and said "We stayed in the apartment, we never left Gerrit, I was speechless when I saw the aftermath. The crumbled ruins of buildings, children weeping, I don't understand what do you think that their going to do to us what they did to the Polish."He nodded "Maybe not as severe, but I feel something like it."The teacher Mr. de Jong called attention of our class and the lesson went on. I couldn't understand but I just hoped that occupation would not be bad. There is just one month left until our examinations, then summer the next term will be my last. I have no idea what I should do after school, perhaps a secretary in office or even at Papa's clinic. Bekah is doing very well, I know she is very anxious over the occupation she will be 12 in September. What kind of girlhood is she going to have? I have no idea.
I know this Gerrit's last year at the Montessori, we walked home to together and I asked him "What are your plans after school ends." He muttered softly to me "I going to work with my father in the bank." I felt relief he wasn't leaving Rotterdam, he led me to the apartment and we kissed. Then I went in.
July 1, 1940
Dear Journal,
Italy has joined the war, they are aligned with Axis powers. It is utterly wretched if you ask me. Father and mother were horrified by this development and mother weeped considerably over it. Father stood at the table speechless and pale, a few minutes later he mumbled "Oh when will this war end". I thought it over many times said to myself "Yes, when will this bloody war end? When we can go back to our lives?" I went to bed that night weeping myself I just felt utterly hopeless what would happen to us if the Germans won? but then I checked myself, no matter if it takes months, weeks or years the British will win.
France has been conquered by the Germans and they have surrendered to the Germans and Italians another blow to us. Gerrit and I have been going steady officially since June, mother and father are fond of him very well. The other night we went to the theater and had a great time, but we did get a few horrid stares.A blonde women with black eyes behind us screamed towards Gerrit "How can you go out with that filth, why go out with a nice Aryan girl." Gerrit became quite angry, I have never seen him so furious before. He screamed at the women to be quiet and we walked back to my apartment were he joined us for dinner. We did not speak of what happened,mostly Mama and Papa spoke. Azriel was squealing and mumbling non coherent words.I helped Mama with the dishes and she asked me plainly "How was your night Addie." whispered to her softly so as everyone would not hear me, "a women confronted Gerrit, and asked why was he going out with filth instead of a nice Aryan girl." Mama became quiet she looked out the window and glared out and muttered ''Do not listen to such rubbish dear, she most likely made herself look utterly ridiculous." I agreed.This morning I woke up to this beautiful summer day, it is very hot out. But today we are going to the beach. Hester, Flora, Bekah, myself, Gerrit and Verena will be joining us so we should get some relief stuffing heat.
Evening 10pm
We had a wonderful time today, we walked to the beach myself and Gerrit holding hands with Hester on my side chatting away. Bekah, Flora behind and Verena on her brother's side. Bekah mostly spoke of going back to school "aren't you glad Addie, this is your last year after this you can do whatever you please." I nodded "Yes but I have no idea what I will be doing." I muttered while trying not to look at Gerrit. We made it to the beach and changed into our swim clothes and swam we had a great time and Gerrit and myself went off with each other for a walk. I haven't had this great of a time in a few months. I couldn't remember the last time I went to the beach when we live in Munich. Must been at least years, well I am off to bed night.
August 29, 1940
Dear Journal
The Germans have attacked Britain, we heard about it on the BBC. It is truly horrid I feel for the British in times like this we all suffer.So many are being killed and the buildings being destroyed, it reminds me so much of when we were bombed here in May.Yesterday Liverpool was attacked as well, things have home have been a little hectic. Mama has been somewhat ill with a severe cold and it has also been spreading about the house. Bekah has also been struck by it and she is bitterly upset to be confined to our room, she was to go to have dinner with Mr. and Mrs. Jansen. I am quite nervous of it, the dinner is tonight and asked Hester to accompany us in Rebekah's place. Bekah was excited to met them, she truly likes Gerrit and is happy that we are together. I am quite relieved that it won't just be and Gerrit and that the girls will be there in case I make some mistake or some awkward situation occurs. I have been also concerned about how they feel about there son courting a Jewish girl. Gerrit has told me often that his parents do not care one little bit, but it still gets to me. What if they are concerned that courting me would put their son at risk? Well wish me luck.
Same day 11pm
I was running around my room, trying on a bunch of dresses purple, green or the white. Hester was in the room sitting on my bed shouted "Just pick one Addie, it is simple it is not that hard" I rolled my eyes at her and continued laying out the two green and purple I was wearing the white. When I glanced at Bekah who was still in bed at Papa's orders and I asked "Bekah, what do you think seriously Hester won't give an opinion." Hester then announced "or what does it matter Addie, seriously its just a dinner" I ignored Hester's declaration and glanced back at Bekah. She smiled at me and said solemnly "I think Adara, that the green one is better than the white one and the purple is too much, no offense". I grabbed the green and thanked her I am glad she made the decision and I didn't have to. Hester then scoffed at me and I changed quickly to the green, and Gerrit rang the doorbell at six. Papa answered then called out "Adara and Hester".
We then joined him and we began walking to Gerrit's. He noticed my nervousness and tried his best to reassure me "All will be well Addie" he whispered to me. We reached the house and Gerrit's mother answered the door, "Hello I am Emily, you must be Adara." She said looking at me with a grin I thanked her and we made our way to the dining room. "This is my husband Johannes and you know Verena, let us sit" We all sat at the dining room table Johannes siting at the head across from Emily and Hester and Verena on each of my side with Gerrit right across.It was mostly awkward at first but we started having a conversation, they asked about my life in Germany. Also about my schooling and parents and Bekah nothing about me being Jewish it was a great relief I know that I worried for nothing. We left and Gerrit walked me home with Hes walking by my side. "I told you so" Gerrit smiled devilishly "Yes, you were right now enough" I laughed Hester then said to me "didn't I tell you as well Addie" she grinned "I guess I had nothing to fear Hes." "No kidding" she remarked sarcastically while rolling her eyes. We said goodbye to Gerrit and enter the building to our apartment, Hes crashed for the night and we feel asleep.
September 26, 1940
Dear Journal
The war news is very good, the British were forced back in North Africa by the Italians. Germany has complete control of France as well it is very discouraging. Things at home are somewhat calm, we have been learning to live with the Germans for the last 4 months. Gerrit has started is job at the Bank and his father Johannes says he is doing fairly well. I have started my final year of school.It has been very good so far but I do find Arithmetic rather trying, Hester is doing well , she is so happy this is the last year. Rebekah has just turned 12 and she is happy with school. Her and Flora and their new friend Jansje went to the Cinema to celebrate. She is the the funniest thing, Gerrit and I have haven't been able to spend much time together but we see each other every few nights. Since he now works at the bank he is usually busy until dinner hour but last night he visited the apartment. I haven't seen then in 2 days and we kissed when I let him in, I blushed after I noticed that Papa had see this. We all ate dinner and then papa asked Gerrit "How are things at the bank Gerrit, have you getting on well." Father asked Gerrit he then smile and answered "Very well, I am catching on fast" and he stayed until 9 and left for home.
Hester also has a new beau, is name is Hans Gerber, he is our age and he is new to the school as he moved here from Amsterdam. He is a dear is also German like us well he was born in Bonn and came to the Netherlands in 1933. So he is Dutch he says, Hester is over the moon over this and we both go to the Cinema with Gerrit and Hans. We also taking music lessons with Verena and it is very trying. Well I going to be as the french say Au Revoir.
December 29, 1940
Dear Journal,
We have celebrated Hanukkah, it was very first here. We had the Jansen's and the Schedler's over, along with Hans. I received necklace from Papa, Mama and Azzie who is now walking. A pair of shoes from the Schedler's, a bag from the Jansen's. A book of poetry from Gerrit, it is The Lady of the Lake by Walter Scott. It is my favorite as he knows and we had a good dinner, I also got a little brooch from Rebekah. We were all laughing and joking. The war news over the last while has been dreadful. There has been some bombing in Germany by the British and we've been hoping America will join the war, but father says this isn't very likely. But I am hopeful they will join the allies soon. Other than Hanukkah I had dinner with the Jansen's on Christmas and it was very pleasant even though I don't celebrate it I got Gerrit a present a record. Yesterday was horrible we woke to a terrible commotion in our building. It was the Gestapo and they arrested a man in our building our neighbor Mr. Farkas is wife was devastated he has three little girls Wilhelmina age 2, Greta, 4 and Gertrude she is 9. I really do feel for her and now she is alone with the girls I have babysat them often but yesterday I offered to take them while she went down to the station, he is not back and there sending him away to some place I have no idea I hope its not like Dachau.Well I must go as its dinner time I write again in 1941. I wonder what the new year will bring?