May 29, 1943
Dear Journal,
Hester and Hans have received notice to report to the Germans I am very worried. I am told they are to deported to the east for work. I went to over yesterday they were packing. "Where do you think you are going" I asked puzzled. "I rather not know Adie, but I hope it will be alright." she said we hugged. I pray for them Maria is a mess she is devastated. We are also worried about receiving summons to the Germans. Why should we have to leave? or work for them. Who knows what are in those camps, I have heard rumors about gas, shootings and forced labor but who knows what is true,
We are walking into this with uncertainty, walking in with nothing just rumors. They left to who knows were and their fate we will not hope. Gerrit says we should go into hiding but where? who can hide us? and for how long?
The war is still going on slowly the allies have not made much progress. The Germans did surrendered Stalingrad, so things on the eastern front seem not so dire. I went over to Gerrit's and Verena's this afternoon and we talked.
"Hey Adie, how are things" Verena asked as she lead me to the sofa. "Hester was taken away to the east" I murmured "Oh did you receive anything from the Germans?" I shook my head "No Mama and Papa are worried though, Maria is hysterical. She is worried about Hes and the baby. A baby could not work for them what are they to do with children". Verena didn't answer she looked away looking sullen. "What" I said to her "nothing" she muttered. Gerrit then came in and kissed me "Don't worry all will be alright he told me" I smiled though I did not believe him. We walked back to my apartment.
In war news a few months ago the Germans surrendered at Stalingrad, I hope the Russians can run them out of there. Hopefully we will be liberated soon I don't know how much longer we can take this really.
June 29, 1943
Dear Journal,
We have still heard nothing of Hester and Maria is still very upset about it. Yesterday morning I woke up and found Mama and Maria in the living room discussing Hester. "You have heard bout the gassing Sarah. What if Hester and Maggie, Hans what if they have been sent to their deaths". She asked Mama she shook her head "I am not sure but we must have hope Maria." she scoffed then "What is hope anymore, They took Linus away, now Hester. Then they'll try to take Flora away from me no."
Mama held onto Maria's shoulder and comforting her when I entered the living room.They both looked at me with sorrow "Hi Maria, how are things?" I asked even though I knew they were not good she smiled "Doing my best. Flora and Bekah are across the hall. Can you check up on them?" I nodded Azzie was playing with some blocks I gave him a little kiss on the head and left. When I opened the door I heard Bekah and Flora chatter. "Hi girls" I offered a smile and sat among them "What are you discussing?" I asked. "Our futures" Rebekah chimed in. "Well what do you want to do then?" I asked both Flora smiled "I want to be a nurse and get married and have children" I smiled and then Bekah added hers "I would like to move to Palestine and be a journalist there"
"That sounds good girls" I said they continued to chatter then Mama came in "Come on girls, back to the apartment". I followed Mama and Rebekah back to our apartment. I was in my room when Bekah came in and asked "Do you think Hester is okay?" she asked. I hesitated "Honestly I don't think so. But I hope she is." Bekah nodded "Flora thinks she is not but Maria is very concerned." I nodded " she loves her daughter naturally I think so. Mama would be the same." We then went to sleep.
July 30, 1943
Dear Journal,
Today I went to Gerrit and Verena's he was off today so we spent some time listening to war news in the Basement. I was happy to hear of the allies invading Sicily and now Mussolini has been overthrown. I am hopefully that Italy will move over to the Allies side, as we listened Gerrit smiled "finally they got that bastard" I laughed at him even during difficult times he can always can make me smile.
He then walked me home and came into my apartment. Him and my father were chatting while Bekah and I were in our bedroom talking when I overheard him "Have you considered going into hiding?" Gerrit asked Papa " yes but even if we can Azzie is only 3 people most likely won't want him. He could be noisy and we could be found."
From what I could see Gerrit nodded "I understand but I could help. I have connections friends that could help you" Papa became silent 'I don't know how Sarah will feel about it. I think maybe things will get better we have to remain hopeful" the conversation then ended and Gerrit gave me kiss and left. I was thinking for hours should we go into hiding? wouldn't it be better? we would not have to be deported. I then went into Papa's room he was sitting on the bed Mama was in the kitchen he was quiet. "Papa don't you think that we should go into hiding. You know what happened to Hester don't you think.." he cut me off "Adara not right now" and he walked away Bekah asked me what was going on but just shrugged it off and went to our room. I couldn't sleep hence why I am writing what are we going to do?
August 15, 1943
Dear Journal,
Last night we were arrested in our apartment, we were in the living room when we heard men screaming in German for us to put are hands up. The men from the Gestapo came around and rounded us up in the living room. Papa was asking them in German "Was ist los" the men announced that we were under arrest we told to pack some things in a suitcase. Then two others came in with Maria and Flora and Maria was crying and Flora was pale. After a while we were taken to a truck and taken to Headquarters and put in a jail cell together. Mama and Papa were quite pale and little Azzie was crying very much. Bekah and Flora huddled together scared and I stood speechless. I do't know what is happening and I am very scared what are they going to do to us?
August 21, 1943
Dear Journal,
We were taken to the train station in town "Where are we going Mama" Flora asked Maria frightened "I don't know" Maria muttered. We were then forced onto a train with other Jews and the train began it was a while before we made it to our destination. They were guards and dogs and people lined up . The guards yelled "Raus" out in German we got off the train Mama held Azzie and Papa held onto my hand and to Bekah's and he said in Hebrew "we must stay together girls". Maria held onto Flora's hand with utter terror. She didn't want to be separated from Flora they already took away Hester from her.
The people in that were next to the guards climbed on the train and gathered luggage left behind and we stood waiting further instructions from the guards.We were then taken to some barracks and we placed our lugagge there life here is very strange. The first night I tried to get to sleep it was hard because I didn't know what we would face in the morning. In the morning a women near us told me "Make your beds" Mama nodded at her and we straightened them out. We then made our way outside it is called "roll call" and we lined up and then guards inspected, and let go to work Rebekah and Flora were sent off to a school here I thought that was strange school here in a camp?
I was sent to the Kitchen to work were I met a girl my age named Elise de Vries. We were peeling patotoes there is a rule we are not allowed to talk but we whispered. "I'm Adara" I told her she smiled "Elise, I am from Amsterdam, were you from" she asked "Rotterdam originally Munich" we keep working noticing the guard he then left "How long have you been here?"
"two months, my parents were here too but they were deported" she frowned "were to?" she dhrugged "the east I am not sure. They have a list of people to deport every Monday then the next day they go on cattle cars to wherever". I became frightened what was to come going to the east gas chambers? what.
At the end of the day we wrote letters I wrote to Gerrit
Dear Gerrit,
I miss you very much, we have been arrested and are now at a camp called Westerbork. It is noot so bad as I thought Mama, Papa, Maria, Bekah, Azzie and Flora are all well. We miss you and Verena very much. I don't know what to happen to us but just so you know I love you.
Yours,
Adie
After I finished I went to sleep hoping that we would not go to the east anytime soon.
September 1, 1943
Dear Journal,
We have been here for several weeks, Westerbork is very much its own little town.They have a cinema here, and there own hospital even a sort of nursery for children. Azzie goes there every day while Mama and Papa work in the hospital barracks. I as you know work in the Kitchen and Flora and Bekah go off to a sort of school. Maria can't work now she is sick I am not sure what it is but I know Flora worries over her very much so. She has lost much weight, the food here is not very good and mostly she gives her share to Flora. Doesn't she need some for her self? and a few days ago she went to the hospital barracks and she has not been seen since.
I have been always dreading Monday and Tuesday for the deportation list and watching these people be loaded onto the cattle cars to some unknown destination. On Monday I was very distressed when Elise came to me "I am on the list I leave tomorrow" she cried and I hugged her we have become very good friends. "I am so sorry" I said guilty even though I was glad to learn that mine and my families were not on there I felt for her. I then watched the next day as we met towards the cars "Good luck to you Adie, be brave" she told me and then she got on the cattle car and it went away. I spent the rest of the day working then went to listen to some music at the hall with Flora and Bekah they were very happy to see the orchestra playing but my mind was on Elise the whole time. Then it was over and we returned to our barracks and went to sleep.
September 19, 1943
Dear Journal,
The week after Elise's departure I continued to work but then Monday came around. I we then heard that all of us were on the deportation list to the east. I cried and Bekah tried to comfort me "It is probably just to a camp like this it won't be so bad" she told me hugging me. It had little effect on me. Mama and Papa were frightened but we silent on the matter we gathered our stuff Tuesday and waited near some cattle cars. We then grabbed our things and boarded. The car was very crowded. Maria wasn't feeling well and mother had to help her onto the car. Maria was so thin from her illness and very weak but she clung to Flora. We huddled together in a corner. We were packed like sardines with 15 others in this car locked with no food and no water just a bucket to relieve ourselves. During the 2nd night with no food or water we fell asleep we were starving. The next morning I heard cries "Mama, mama" I immediately opened my eyes and looked around it wasn't Bekah it was Flora holding Maria into her lap "Wake up, Mama!" papa went over to Maria and Flora. Mama stood and held both Bekah and I back she was clutching Azzie who was crying. "she's gone Flora" he told her and Flora burst into tears and cried out for her mother. I was very shocked at what happened eventually we were able to get Flora over to us and she fell asleep next to Bekah. In the morning the car suddenly came to a halt. We heard barking and yelling. Finally our truck was opened and a S.S man screamed "Out out out" we all jumped out Mama holding Azzie desperately Bekah and Flora followed then I.
The man then yelled "Women and children line up over here, men over here" I was next to Papa I kissed him and he said "go to your mother" I joined Mama, Flora and Bekah in the line. I looked and saw men with hallowed faces with wagons unloading the luggage in the car into the wagons. A man was then came by looking over others and pointing to the left and right. Then man came and looked at Mama and pointed to the left she then kissed us quickly and told us she loved us and went. The man pointed me to the right and I went I was joined by Flora and Bekah. We lead to a building and a man at a desk "name?" he asked me "Adara Kleinman" I told him and so on with Bekah and Flora. We were lead into a room and told to undress I was very frightened and there were S.S women yelling at us. Then we were taken to a room with benches and women with shears. The women then said "Who is first come on lets go" she rushed after a few moments a girl our age stepped up and sat the women behind began shaving her hair I went next. Bekah and Flora went after we sitting naked while our hair was being shaved mostly you could hear cries. I was myself while I was shaved a young girl couldn't be more than 18 froze in the line when it came her turn. She couldn't move and she was frightened the S.S women then snapped "Bewege den schmutzigen Juden" she yelled in German then whipped the girl. I stared in utter surprise. After we were disinfected and given prison uniforms like the others stripped like Pajamas. We were then led to a table with prisoners and tattooed A-658993. I cried as the needle was jabbed into my skin Flora was as well but Bekah looked on staring into space and I wondered what was she thinking?
September 29, 1943
Dear Journal,
We were lead to barracks after being tattooed and registered, we lay in bed. I shared a top bunk with Bekah and Flora. When Bekah asked "When will we see Mama and Azzie again Adie?" she asked and a women in the bottom bunk asked Bekah "Were they sent to the left?" she nodded "You see that fire child the chimney, that is your Mama's funeral" Bekah burst into tears and I asked the women "What do you mean funeral our Mother and brother yes were sent to the right". She sighed "If they were sent to the right they were gassed and are now being burned" tears streamed from my eyes and I watched the chimney and uttered under my breath radish for Mama and Azzie. It was heartbreaking to watch Bekah cry, Flora was motionless. I hugged her and said "they are in heaven watching over us. We will be okay we will get through this we must survive" I told her. She didn't respond and we drifted into slumber. It was earlier in the morning we a women known as a kapo came in and yelled "Up up" we went to the washing house and relieved ourselves the toilet was just a hole in the ground and I was disgusted.We were given some type of drink either coffee or some herbal tea and a piece of bread that looked inedible. We then stood in lines after eating roll call. When we were counted and dismissed hours later a kapo took myself, Flora and Bekah to our new work detail. "You and your sister worked as seamstresses yes" I nodded "Yes in Rotterdam" .
"You will work as seamstresses " and we were taken in and approached by a women "I am Janina welcome" she smiled she was a thin women with grey eyes and dark reddish-brown hair. "What do you do here?" Flora asked "mostly mending sometimes we make things for the guards". So we started mending military uniforms and I sat next to Janina "Where are you from?" she asked I uttered "Munich originally but I lived for three years in Rotterdam" she smiled "My mama was born there" and I questioned her "Where are you from" she sighed "Radom, Lived there with my Mama and papa, and my three brothers Janik, Israel and Chaim" she said sadly "were are they" she frowned "Papa died in the ghetto, Mama, Israel and Chaim went to the gas chambers and Janik I have no idea where he is" "What about you" she asked.
"My father I have no idea my mama and brother were sent to the gas chambers I have my sister Rebekah here" "Who is the other girl?" "That is Flora she is the sister of my best friend, her mother died on the way here"
"What happened to you best friend" she asked "She was arrested in May we don't know what happened to her" "What is her name?" I frowned "Hester Gerber her maiden name is Schedler her husband's name is Hans and her daughter's name is Margaret". "Do you know were she was sent to?" she asked "Westerbork after that I have no idea"
"How long have you been here?'" "Since July" We continued to sew then we went back and were summoned to roll call and after we were issued some watery soup and some tea. We then went back to the barracks and slept hoping that tomorrow would be better.
November 19, 1943
Dear Journal,
November brought the brutal Polish winter we continued to work in the sewing quarters with Janina and we met other girls there one named Henrietta a Dutch Jew from Leiden, Sara, a Czech Jew from Ostrava. Sara took to Flora and Bekah while Janina, Henrietta and I became our own group. Friendship in a place like this very much helps you. I have seen many awful things in my time here, a women in our barracks was pregnant and gave birth with help from all of us in the barracks. The women's name was Ruth she was Polish she had a boy. We hid the boy she called Benjamin in the barracks he cried and was discovered they were shot in front of us. Not to mention the bodies i have seen, the feeling of hunger is absolutely horrid and the work is long and hard we work for 12 hours a day. I just hope that it gets better because it is getting to Bekah I think.