February 2, 1939
Dear Journal,
Things have been not much calmer since the beginning of this year. just a few days ago Hitler did a speech saying war would mean the end of Jewry. What have we done to make him hate us so? Mama has been a little under the weather recently, father says it is the flu. Bekah has also taken ill with it and it is really awful. Father brings home what he can and treats her at home. He won't even take them into his office. He is fearful that the police will come in and take them away or be arrested. We are not allowed away from home, if we must play outside it must be in the apartment grounds. We are not allowed to visit friends, we only leave for school and outings with father. When I complained of this to mother while she was in bed all she could say was "Your father is protecting us listen to him" Constantly she repeated that to me. Today I was bored but then Hester knocked at the door. "Hey Hester, How are you." She looked up and muttered quickly "fine, come quickly something is happening around the corner." She grabbed me by the arm with a tight grip and pulled me down the street with her I was wondering what was going on "What What" I shouted she said nothing just pulled me aside the building wall and put a finger on her mouth telling me to shush and look. We peeked there was a man uniform screaming " schmutziger Jude"
He was elderly man about in his late 60's or early seventies. He had gray hair and was wearing a black hat and coat and had a beard. The man I recognized to probably be in the S.S grabbed the man and took his knife he cut of his beard a few other S.S men joined in. Kicking and beating the man "I am sorry, I am sorry" the man cried out. Hester had a frightened look of terror on her face she was pale. Then the one man pulled out a gun and fired five times. The man spoke no more, the men all laughed and walked away. Blood seeped into the sidewalk. People walked causally by the man's body as had nothing occurred. They didn't see this man as a murdered man just a animal dead on the sidewalk it disgusted me. I was crying and so was Hester we ran in terror back to the apartment up the stairs into my home. We ran into my room, Bekah was there. I asked her "What is wrong" she muttered softly "I was just looking to borrow your fountain pen, you weren't here I didn't think you would mind. What is the matter." She looked at my tear stained face. "A man was shot around the corner we saw it with our own eyes." she cringed her face was pale "Oh'' she said with a shaky voice and we laid on my bed and talked of other things.
February 27, 1939
Dear Journal,
Today mother told us the news we are to have a new sibling this year. She sat us down and told both Rebekah and I we are both really excited. I asked mother what she prefer "Well, I love both you girls, but I love to have a boy this time for your father." she smiled and Rebekah said rolling her eyes "I'd prefer a girl still." Well I don't really care boy or girl. I hope its healthy of course but I worry how this child will grow up in today in Germany. Will he or she suffer what we are today it could get worse or better who knows. They baby is due sometime in August father says. He is overjoyed since his last child was born 10 years before its quite exciting. Then again there will be quite an age difference between us then again Rebekah is 5 years younger and we are close as two peas.
Also father hasn't been working as doctor since November. He was practicing helping fellow Jews with illnesses and he was paid under the table. But his license was taken away in July. Father decided to stop in November after the Kristallnacht. I am just learning of this now, he didn't want us girls to worry. So now the Nazis have conscript him and he works in a factory 20 minutes away. He said it is a armaments factory.
March 29, 1939
Dear Journal,
This month has been really rough for me. Last week I was walking home from school which is 2 miles away. When I saw three boys with swastikas wrapped around their arms.I got kind of frightened, but I looked away from them. Minding my own business when I heard "grab her" from behind me. The black haired boy grabbed me and threw me to the ground. While the shorter boy grabbed my backpack and dumped its contents on the floor.He grabbed the little money I had into his pockets.The brunette yelled "How much Erich" the shorter one muttered "5 Reinmarks" then he grunted "nothing worth much just school books otherwise " the blonde smiled an evil smile at me. "Let's teach this Jew a lesson, Rudolf, hold her down.Erich kick her". Then they started beating me after the one big held me down the other kicked and punched me the blonde stood and watched.He then shouted "Enough, let's go" and they dropped me to the ground and took off. I laid there for a few minutes and stood up. Nothing broken my face hurt though and my abdomen.I ran home as fast as I could.I slammed the door behind me and ran to my room.Mother appeared in my room "What's wrong, oh Adara" she cried she saw my face my bruises and my black eye. She left the room and got a cold compress for my eye she cried "what has happened, who did this to you." She stared into my eyes."Three boys, on my way home attacked me and took my money".Father came home and checked me out.He said I was fine just badly bruised, mother and father went to their rooms.I heard them arguing mother shrieked "It is not safe". Father muttered softly "Its going to be okay, we will be fine." Rebekah entered my room " Are you okay" she muttered softly. " I think so" I added she climbed into my bed. "I am scared Adara" she told me.I look into her eyes and said "We will be okay , Bekah" and we drifted off to sleep.
April 18,1939
Dear Journal
Today I saw Hester, she knocked loudly on the door. I opened it she was pale, I led her in and she sat on the sofa. "Father has been arrested" she muttered. Tears escaped from her eyes I asked her "What happened Hes". She looked up at me and said "They barged in and attacked him, he kept asking why, mother panicked. They just took him away." she paused for breath "Mother says they think he's a communist." I shook my head this is ridiculous Mr. Schedler never spoke about communism I never once even remembering him speak about polictics. "So were is he?" I questioned, she said "in Jail , mother tried to bribe them to let him out but they won't". She wailed I wrapped my arms around her. Embracing her I kept saying "It will be okay, your father is strong". I did not know if it would be alright. I had feared this would happen to father, but to happen to Mr. Schedler it was shocking. What will she do? She looked up "Mama, told me to come and get your father." I told her that father was at the factory but she should stay until he returned. Father was home at around 5:00. He walked into the door and looked puzzled.
"Hester, why are you here" he asked I told father "Mr. Schedler has been arrested."He was silent and father left the apartment with Hester I wanted to come but he told me firmly to stay put and to not answer the door. I wanted to know what was going on ? was Mr. Schedler coming back? what was father going to do? I had no Idea. Mother was worried but she told us everything will be fine. Rebekah and Mama went to bed around 9;00 I waited for father on the sofa in our living room I drifted off to sleep. Father was home at 11:30.
April 30, 1939
Dear Journal,
Father did come back but he didn't have good news. Hester's father was sent to some sort of prison type camp.The guards wanted money to release him but Hester's family doesn't have that amount of money they asked for.I heard father speaking of a place called Dachau "I am sure they sent him there" I heard father whisper to mother. She quietly said "I hope they can get him out." I was very confused so I left the apartment without permission and walked to Hester's keeping my head low not looking at passerby. I entered her house and saw Mrs. Schedler sitting quietly staring into space her eyes were red. She had been crying, inside my heart broke for her. She didn't notice me so I continued on to Hester and her sister Flora's room. Hester was reading when I entered, she looked up she was pale. Her eyes were baggy I asked "Where is Flora" Hester sighed "In the attic, she likes to be there makes her feel safe. I don't even think we Jews know what that is anymore." I sat on the bed questioned her "any news?" a tear fell from her eye "No nothing" I am disappointed and sad for her. We then talk of others things, school and such and compositions really the only things we can really hold on to.
June 19,1939
Dear Journal,
Hester is heartbroken.At the end of last month, a man named Dieter Geller had called on Mrs. Schedler. He said he was imprisoned in the Camp Dachau and was able to get out. According to Hester he never said if he was released nor escaped. Anyway he worked there with a man named Linus Schedler, he had spoken that he had a wife named Maria and two daughters named Hester and Flora. That they became good friends. He had come to inform them of that Mr. Schedler had died. In mid May, of exhaustion he said. Hester is numb she is sad Mrs. Schedler is just torn apart and I feel deeply for them.Mrs. Schedler doesn't have anyone to turn to as her family lives in Berlin. Mother and father have been helping them. The other night I was sleeping and Hester snuck in. I was startled and asked "Has something happened " I said in a fearful voice. She shook her head "No, I just wanted to talk." I asked her "About what Hester?" she looked deeply into my eyes ''Do you think Germany will get better". I sighed "I don't know Hester, I hope so"
We both fell asleep in the morning she was not in my bed. I left my bedroom and saw Hester and Rebekah sitting together ''Good morning Hes and Bekah". I smiled "Morning'' Rebekah muttered tired still. Hester said "Good morning, well I am going to head back home" I nodded to her then she left. Bekah sat on the sofa reading and father was in the kitchen reading the newspaper. "Morning papa" he muttered "Good morning'' I started making breakfast for all of us since Mama was sleeping as she had been having a very difficult pregnancy. I started cooking I asked to father ''any interesting news". He looked up and uttered ''yes, it is announced the Winter Olympics are to be in Italy and summer in London.'' he went back to reading the paper when Mama entered the room she was very tired and she sat next to papa. "Only a few more months" she muttered. "Yes, and we still have no names picked'' father sighed, Bekah came in and said ''Well why can't we just come up with one together, I'll go and get grandma.'' Grandma joined in and we all discussed names for our new family member.Grandma said ''I really like Azriel for a boy, that be good" mother and father looked at each other father spoke "Well we have the boy's name then". Bekah then muttered "Hana or Esther would be good for the girls'' she said mother smiled "I like Hana, Frank to like it." father nodded '' Hana Kleinman, yes that's great and Azriel if its a boy." We all smiled at each other, we were excited to welcome the soon to be member to our family.
August 30, 1939
Dear Journal,
I could hear moaning in my parents room. I ran and entered the room there was mama and father was helping her "The baby is coming wake your grandmother and boil some water and get some blankets." I stood there frightened mama was moaning in pain I don't think she even noticed me. "Now Adara" he screamed I ran to my grandmother's room and woke her up she went to help my father while I boiled some water and brought some blankets. Rebekah came out while waited in the hall. "Is the baby coming?" She muttered "yes, it will be here soon" I smiled. She looked scared " is mama going to okay" she asked with a sense of alarm I went over and stroked her brown hair and muttered "she'll be alright, papa is taking care of her". Oma came rushing out with a big huge smile she embraced us both and announced "Its a beautiful baby boy, girls you have a little brother" . I smiled I wanted to be a boy for mama and papa. She smiled at us and said "Now go meet your brother " we both entered the room. Mama was sitting up holding a small baby, father was beside her his eyes looking down at his son and a big smile. We both sat on the edge of the bed, mama said looking up at us and said cheerfully "girls meet your new brother Azriel Michael Kleinman, Adara you want to hold him" I nodded and she handed him to me, I never held a baby but I got the hang of it. Bekah said "He is so cute,look at his little hands."
Then there was a knock at the door, Granny went to answer it she was a little nervous, we always were on edge these days. But then she came back to the room it was Hester, I smiled and greeted her "Hey Hes, meet my new brother Azriel." She smiled and came closer, she held his finger and he curled them around hers. "He is adorable aren't you baby, can I hold him?" Mama nodded and I handed Azriel to her, she held him and rocked him he fell to sleep. I thought to myself "Wow, Hester had a magic touch to babies."
We had been in adoring this little boy for the last 3 days. He is the sweetest baby I have ever seen and he has the most beautiful green eyes just like Mama. Both I and Rebekah have father's brown eyes.His hair was blonde but I wondered would it change in the coming months to Mama's Auburn or father's brown. We were all happy discussing the future and hopes for this new life that had come to this earth.
September 4, 1939
Dear Journal,
I am very heartbroken over the last few days events. 3 days our military forces entered into Poland, and now Britain and France have declared war on Germany, that was just announced yesterday.Now Europe is in tatters of war once again, when the on the radio it was announced the invasion in Poland Father was sitting at the kitchen table with Azriel and Mama. Father turned pale and look at mother and uttered "this is not good, not good at all." Mother also said ''Why Frank, I am sure British will put a stop to this." Father said "I believe darling that war is unavoidable now for the British." I stood there shocked. Today I woke up to the news now we knew that Europe was involved with another war. Rebekah's 11th birthday is today and we all feel gloomy over the events of the new war. She cried "Why are we at war'' she asked me I said "I am not sure Bekah something I heard on the radio that Poles attacked us or something" I said rather unsure. Bekah looked up and me and bellowed "I think those are lies, Hitler just wants all of Europe, he got Austria and part of Czechoslovakia why Poland?"
I shrugged my shoulders and sighed "I have no idea I do not understand''. I left the room and I wanted to make her feel better after all it is her birthday I said to myself. So I went to the Kitchen and made up a small cake with what ingredients we had left. I surprised her in her room and said "HAPPY BIRTHDAY BEKAH" I yelled at the top of my lungs. She smiled at me then looked down at the cake. "Can we have it now" she squealed I nodded and I went to the kitchen to get some silverware mother and father I told them about the cake and they joined in. We all grandma, mama, father, Bekah and I ate the cake talking happily about the past. Everyone has gone to bed now and I am in my room writing to you. I am glad I could make today better for Bekah. But I am very scared of the war what will we do? What is Hitler planning? This has been in my thoughts all day. Grandma doesn't think this war will last long she thinks in a few months it will be over. But something in me wants to believe that I hope it will end in a few months but I feel it will be a long while before peace.
October 31, 1939
Dear Journal,
Poland is has fallen, I read the newspapers last month 27th of September Warsaw fell to us. They have according to papers have annexed part of Poland to us, and the other part to the Soviets. Father pays attention to the newspapers and reads much of the news in Poland. Many have lost their lives and I feel for the Polish people many have died. Over the last months Azriel has grown very much he is my parent's pride and joy. Hester has been over many times since his birth and she loves to help care for him she brings her sister Flora often and her and Bekah have gotten real close recently.
Today we spent much of our time outside our apartment with myself, Bekah and Flora, we decided to go to the bakery, which has been taken over by a new business owner since the baker was killed. We entered and immediately I felt the shopkeeper's eyes darted towards us. I know that father forbids us by wondering around outside the apartment grounds but it is very boring to be there constantly. I looked towards the girls and asked "What shall we get girls?" we all agreed on a simple loaf of bread that we could share for lunch. I was the one to approach the shopkeeper and he glared at us and screamed "I do not not sell anything to dirty Jews!" I was appalled yes I had been used to this treatment but I was never refused service.
"Why not" I screamed back but the large man grabbed me by the arm and pushed me out the door then pushed the girls out as well. Bekah was crying and so was Flora Hester and I were just dumbfounded. Father was right we should have stayed on the grounds. He was very dispointed with what we did but comforted us. I spent the rest of the night caring for Azriel and Bekah as mother and father were attending to grandma. Father told us earlier that week that she had pneumonia. I prayed that it would go away soon.
Mother nursed her and Bekah occasionally helped, one night in middle of this month mother and father went to go and get grandma more medicine. I was watching grandma sitting in a chair by her bed. Bekah and Azriel were asleep, her breathing was very shallow and I thought she was sleeping. But she opened her eyes and looked around the room and saw me she muttered softly "Adara, my child your still awake?" I came closer to her and smiled ''yes gran, I am here father and mama went to get more medicine." she shook her head "No medicine will cure me child, I am dying." I shed a few tears and muttered softly "grandma, you must no say such a thing you will soon be better believe me."
Even I knew she was badly sick and most likely would die soon, father wasn't hopeful. "Do something for me child, promise me something''. She caressed my cheek lovingly I said "yes granny". She looked up her eyes with tears in them and she muttered "I need you be strong for your parents and for your brother and sister, they need you. Stay strong and take care of them, and don't let anyone bring you down, be strong." her breathing slowed and she coughed a little. I nodded and weeped "I promise grandma." she smiled up at me "that's my girl..." she breathing stopped and her eyes closed softly and a smile appeared on her face. Grandma died, mother and father returned after that devastated and we had a small funeral within those days. She was laid beside grandpa, and we just went on with our days. We did not know what to do or what tomorrow would bring.
December 31, 1939
Dear Journal,
It was been very hard since grandma past away. We have been just scraping by but we overjoyed by Hanukkah. Which brought happiness into our home even for a short time. We did not have much this year but we had enough. Maria, Hester and Flora came to our apartment for the celebration. We all sat at the dinner table and exchanged gifts I received a cardigan from Maria, a fountain pen from Hester and Flora, blanket from mama and father and a jacket from Rebekah and Azriel. We had a good dinner discussing the events of the recent months.
"I hope this blasted war does not go on far too long''. said Maria father and mother looked at each other and father "It might end maybe by the summer hopefully, I am rather eager to get over these rations and such.". "I agree very much Frank, but I don't think it will end then. I heard that on some radio channel I think it was the BBC." father laughed "Maria, remember the BBC is British and illegal for us to listen to." she muttered back to papa "Oh have they done forbade us enough." We all laughed at her and carried on eating.