April 29, 1942
Dear Journal,
There is a new order we must wear the star of David. We received them and must always have them on a jackets and clothes. Yesterday I left for work and I was walking, I had the star on and everybody would look then avert there eyes from me. Some gave me a dirty look and screamed "Vuile Jood" at me I wanted to cry. I reached home and saw Gerrit. "What happened Adie" he asked me I responded "I was called a dirty Jew, and people were staring at me, some looked away". I cried Gerrit took me in his arms and I was relieved. He spent some time and returned to his home. My parents have been very distraught this month, we were forced to put our money into a designated banks by the Germans.
I feel simply outraged about this we have no rights anymore,and we have to walk around with the star of David on our Jackets. Not only are we being identified but now we are easily being ridiculed on the streets now. Father has also lost his job at the clinic, and works at a friend's store.Mama has been very stressed, Bekah also very worried. She doesn't leave the apartment except to visit Flora a crossed the hall and when she does go out she is frightened especially that she has to wear the star now.
Today I went to see Hester, I knocked on the door and she promptly answered. "Hello, Adie I got good news, you are not going to believe." I looked at her puzzled "Where's Hans, and what news" she giggled "Oh he is at work, and the news we are going to have a baby." she smiled and we hugged "Oh Hes, I am so happy for you, when will it be born". We sat "oh I think most likely sometime in October."
After the news we started talking of the new regulations, Hes told me " I hate that we have to wear the star, it is like a target on our backs". I agreed "I know I get nothing but dirty looks and names like dirty Jew and such" I uttered.
"It makes me not want to leave the apartment, and I worry over Hans, Flora and Mama" she voiced " Flora and your mama are well, I worry to especially about Bekah she is so scared."
After talking I left Hes' and returned home and read, to get this mess out of my mind.
May 31, 1942
Dear Journal,
We have been forced to hand in our bicycles and our radio. Rebekah is pretty upset, she loves hearing the BBC. Now we cannot get much news of allies.However we go to Gerrit's for the news of war. Today I got on the streetcar and got to Gerrit's house in 20 minutes. I knocked and Verena answered "Hey Adie, Gerrit is not home, he's working" I smiled.
"Actually I came here to listen to the radio with you" answered she ushered me into the house and we both listened to the radio. We talked of the shooting of Heydrich.
"Well it is about time we got someone got a Nazis, do you think he'll die" she asked I responded "I don't know, if he does it will mean more trouble, even though I'd like nothing more" I sighed "I surely wish the big push would happen already." Verena hissed "Oh it will happen, those Nazis can't win and they never will". I smiled to that Verena always knew how to make me feel better. She is the friend that I live closets to since Hester married she lives quite far off from us and her mind is occupied with the baby on the way. "What do you think Hes will have" Verena inquired " I think honestly a girl, she has no brother and Maria had many sisters" I laughed "yes I think so too" Verena muttered.
"I know she is scared for herself and Hans, with a baby coming and the conditions" Verena nodded we talk a lot and I left for home, when I returned Mama met me at the door she said panicked "I need you take care of your brother he is ill and I have to go a cross the hall to Maria's for a bit" I nodded and went to my parents room to see Azzie in his bed he screamed "Ad" he drooled "Hi Azzie, your not feeling good today" I asked he nodded and I picked up a book and read to him until he fell asleep.
June 29, 1942
Dear Journal,
Heydrich died earlier this month and in retaliation a whole village in Czechoslovakia was destroyed I was disgusted.The rebels I hear have also been killed, here at home things are dire. Rebekah has recently been working with me at Mrs. van Dam's and she is quite miserable at not being able to go to school anymore which I don't blame her.
I am also concerned for Verena lately, I have no idea what is going on but I know its not good. She keeps mostly to herself but won't tell me what. I recently went over to listen to the BBC with Bekah and Flora. We all got together in the room and she and I were discussing how the rations have been very poor. "Well Adie if you need better food I can help you out. Just let me know" she said and I asked "How can you get better rations, unless you can get it off the black market and how would you get it?" she smiled mischievously "I have my ways, so does Gerrit"
I worry over them both if they are caught who knows what would happen to them. Gerrit came in shortly after that and I followed him to the kitchen "Do you and Verena have connections to the black market." he nodded "Do you know what will happen if you are caught"
"Yes Adie, and it is worth it, Verena begged to be apart of it. We are helping people, please understand" he muttered softly. I nodded and we joined the rest in the living room. "How is Hes Flora" she turned her attention to "Very well, the baby will be here soon. I am so excited I can hardly believe, I do hope for a girl" Flora muttered gleefully. "I hope so too, she is the first of our group to be happy and settled". We left after that walking since we can no longer use the streetcars anymore.
Flora asked me "Adie, will you be able to get me a job at Mrs. van Dam's I would like to help Mama and Hester and Hans if I need to". I nodded "Yes Flora it can be arranged"
July 31, 1942
Dear Journal,
Many people have been going missing. Hans tells me that a cousin of his in Amsterdam had received summons to report the authorities. Apparently to work in a labor camp in Germany. We are all on the edge and Hans says the cousin left and hasn't been heard from since. I frightens me that I or my family and friends can just disappear like that. What are we to the Germans? and don't they have enough people to work for them? I know that they use a lot of Polish people as forced labor but now Dutch people this is quite odd to me. If it is happening in Amsterdam in no time will it affect Rotterdam. I hope none of us get the summons.
Yesterday I walked in the Park with Gerrit when he told me the truth. "Well remember Adie how you asked how Verena got involved with the black market" I nodded he continued. "Well, we joined a group to help people a sort of resistance, you can say"
"Gerrit aren't you worried, do you know the dangers. Also how can you let Verena in this" I hissed to him, he answered back "Verena wants to help people, we can't stand back and let the Germans do what they want. Trust me in this.''
"Okay, just be careful" I whispered he then kissed me I just hope everything will be alright".
October 30, 1942
Dear Journal,
Maria knocked on the door frantically, I answered. She rushed in Flora in tow "Adie, Sarah, Dr. Kleinman the baby". Mother rushed in asked Bekah to watch Azriel and we threw on our clothes and rushed out of the apartment. We made in there in due time and Maria called out to Hans "Hans, were here" Hans was pale and rushed us in father followed Maria to the bedroom.
I heard Hester's screams and followed with Mama to the room "Flora stay with Hans okay" she nodded. Hester saw me and screamed "It hurts so bad Adie!" I held her hand "It will be alright Hes, soon you'll have a baby." I smiled she was squeezing my hand until I could feel pins and needles. Papa uttered '' Okay Hes,the baby is coming just push".
She screamed and papa told her "one more" and she did the baby came covered in the mess it was. Papa handed the baby to Mama and joyfully said to Hester "You have a healthy daughter Hester congrats." I kissed Hester on the forehead and gleefully told her "I will go tell Hans" she smiled"Thanks" the baby was crying and Mama cleaned her handing her to Hester. I went out to the small living room to Flora and Hans. "Congrats guys, its a girl. Hans Hester wants you" I smiled and Maria, Father and Mama left the room to give them privacy. Flora grunted "When can I see my niece" I muttered "Just a minute Flora, we are giving some privacy for a moment. Don't worry you will get to hold her" she smiled "Yes I will, do you mind if I hold her first Adie." I nodded "Of course Flora go ahead''.
Hans came out of the bedroom "You guys can come now" myself, Maria and Flora entered Hester proudly holding her new daughter "Can I hold her now" Flora bellowed Hester nodded and handed the baby to her "Watch the head" and she held her with no help. "So what's her name Hes" Flora asked. Hester smiled and looked at me "Her name is Margaret Adara Gerber" she uttered proudly "After me Hes" she nodded "your my best friend Adie of course" she smiled. "I wish your father was here to met his granddaughter" Maria cried.
"Me to" Hester muttered sadly, Flora smiled " she is so cute Margaret, can I call her Margo or Maggie" Flora asked Hester said then "I think she is more of a Maggie" Flora nodded " I agree". Flora then asked "Your turn Adie" and I took the baby she cried and then I rocked her "she is so sweet".
Later that day Verena and Gerrit came and met the baby. I swear Maggie was so fascinated by Gerrit and he was just entranced with her. "She is a beauty Hes congrats" he chimed she smiled. Verena then came in "My turn Gerrit you have had her enough hand her to Aunt Verena" Gerrit let her take Maggie "Hi Mags" Verena cooed to her.
We all laughed then Verena mischievously grinned and uttered "So when Gerrit are you going to give me a nephew or niece. Or marry for that matter." Gerrit's face went red and I also blushed only Verena I swear. "Well..well" Gerrit stuttered bless Flora for she saved us "Don't you think I could feed her Hester"
"Yes" Hester then gave Flora a bottle and we all focused more on Maggie the rest of our time there.
November 15, 1942
Dear Journal,
Today I visited Hester and Maggie, the little one is now 2 weeks old and she is a darling. She is truly beautiful she has Hester's brown hair and Hans' brown eyes. I knocked at the door and I got there around 10 am.
"Good morning Hes, How are things? I asked her nonchalantly, she appeared frightened. "Hans' father has been arrested, no one knows why" she shook I led her to the sofa. Little Maggie was asleep in the bassinet nearby. We sat "Now tell me, what happened" I patted her shoulder she gasped " I am not sure all I know is the Gestapo came in last night. They arrested him there and Hans is down there now trying to get him out".
"Do you think that he will be able to?" I asked she shook her head. "I don't think so, they might send him away. So many people have been disappearing Adie its frightening." I nodded "I know" Maggie then woke up I picked her up and handed her to Hester.
"So how are things?" she asked trying to change the subject I obl;iged her "Not much is happening, Gerrit has told me something shocking". She nodded "Yes, he is a part of the resistance" she responded.
"What you knew" I hissed, she nodded "Verena told me, she was over here a couple of weeks ago" she confessed "I didn't tell you it wasn't my secret. I didn't want to put them in danger" I moved over closer to her "I understand. It was better that he told me. It scares me him to be in danger." she nodded " I know Adie, I hope Hans gets back soon."
We waited a hour Hans arrived "Any news" Hester asked. Hans nodded "They are not releasing him, I must find money. Maybe we can bribe them". Hester handed over some money to him they had been saving I gave him some. "Thank you" he whispered. I nodded, he then left.
I returned home and shared the news with the family. They were also on edge about it as well as I. Finally we got word Hans' father had been released from Gestapo Headquarters and we were relieved. But I knew if they didn't have that cash he would have been sent to a work camp in Germany.
December 23, 1942
Dear Journal,
We have just celebrated Hanukkah and it was truly a bright spot in this tough year. We had a big dinner this time at the Jansen's and they were very sweet.
In the war news the fighting in Africa seems dire and we have heard something awful on the BBC. I was over at the Jansen's with Gerrit and Verena in the living room when they started to talk of the camps. It horrible women and children gassed to death. I don't understand does this mean he wants to annihilate the Jews of Europe?
I couldn't listen to it anymore Gerrit shut it off then came over to comfort me I couldn't say anything.