By the time I'm driving Theo home after dinner I feel happier than I've been in a long time. Him showing up at my parents house was unexpected to say the least, last I spoke to him he'd been partying it up in London after graduation. We'd spoken about how psyched he was to start working at his family's multimillion dollar enterprise. They'd promised him a position for completing his business degree and Theo's been stoked about taking over the company for as long as I can remember. He always goes on about all the changes he plans to make once he's in charge, how he's going to make it greener and all the plans he has to restructure. I've never quite understood it but I figured as long as he was happy, that was good enough for me. That's why I'm finding the fact that he's here right now a little difficult to believe.
"So you wanna tell me why you're really here?" I ask after we've been sitting in silence for twenty minutes, stuck in traffic on our way to Theo's hotel smack in the middle of the city because of course he had to go pick the fanciest hotel that's literally over an hours drive away with New York traffic. He looks over at me and the surprised expression on his face is so phoney I have to hold back an eye roll.
"I don't know what you mean," his voice is steady, almost too steady. It lacks any sort of emotion and that's how I know he's lying. "Can't I just visit my best friend?" he asks affecting that innocent tone I've heard so many times before; the one that means he's anything but innocent.
"Sure you can, but if you think for even one second that I bought that bullshit you fed my parents about taking a gap year you don't know me at all." I shoot back, in no mood to beat about the bush with him, Something's wrong and he doesn't want to tell me. That in itself is a red flag; Theo's never been shy about sharing all of the gritty details of his life with me. The fact that he's being this tight-lipped is unsettling.
"No chance of getting out of this one, is there?" He questions hesitantly, scratching at his forehead and squeezing his eyes shut as if he can force his mind to stop working that way. I'm familiar with the expression, I used to see it about once every week when I lived in London and saw him in a regular basis. It's sort of a staple that Theo's mind works a mile a minute.
"Nope." I say popping the 'p' and trying to offer him my most reassuring smile. I've never been good at emotionally charged conversations but I've always tried to be there for Theo because he doesn't have many people he can be himself with. His family are all terrible people and most of his friends are acquainted through said awful family, safe to say there are slim pickings when it comes to people he can trust.
"I got kicked out," He says in one hurried breath and my head snaps in his direction before I remember I'm behind the wheel and I need to watch the road. Thankfully, we're not going anywhere any time soon because of this traffic. "They can't disinherit me without people asking questions so, I still have my trust fund but they definitely don't want me around anymore. I haven't spoken to either of them in weeks or after my father basically told me I was dead to him."
"What happened?"
"Remember that garden party we went to the other week?" he asks. I remember it, he'd called in a state about having to dress like a "hetronormative buffoon," his words not mine, and I'd tried to put him in a better mood.
"The one where you dressed like a royal ass in a polo shirt?" I ask, reciting his description of the attire he'd been required to wear to the event. I'll never understand English high society but from what I've seen of Theo's experience with it, it sucks. Always uptight and way too posh in a stuffy sort of way, the exact opposite of Theo.
"That's the one." He taps his nose; in a 'you got it' gesture. "Well, I might have snuck off with a very delicious waiter. And my father may or may not have caught us in a compromising position in a broom cupboard."
"Shit." That's not good. Theo's dad is probably the most homophobic person I've ever met. This is unfortunate because Theo is probably the least straight person I've ever met. "Theo, man, I'm so sorry." I say, my tone conveying all the regret and guilt I feel because I wasn't there to help him when it happened. I scrub a hand over my face and try to keep my eyes on the road. It's hard, not being able to protect him from all this, I feel responsible for him. Since the day we met, he and I have been looking out for each other but when it comes to his family I always feel so helpless. There's nothing I could do to keep them from hurting him and as much as I knew this was inevitable, I still hate that I couldn't do more.
We sit in silence for a little while, the gravity of Theo's situation setting around us in the small cab of my dad's SUV. His family's cut him off, he's officially alone in the world, he might still have their financial support but this means that he won't be allowed to take his spot as eventual CEO. All of his plans for the future are swirling down the drain and there's nothing I can do to stop it. "Yes, well, now I'm running away from the consequences of my actions because I can't face my parents." His voice slices through the silence, it's soft but there's a sharp edge of bitterness to it. I'm unfamiliar with that tone on Theo. He's always been the most easy-going person I know, nothing ever gets to him and now he sounds so jaded, I hate it.
"I don't blame you. I'd run too." I offer consolingly. It's the least I can do to provide comfort with my words, attempt to let him know that it's alright to feel this way and I'll be here for him no matter what he chooses to do.
"Yes, I'm quite aware of your stance on running sweetheart." He says sarcastically. The little shit. When I look over at him, he's smirking at me and I can't help but chuckle. He's so annoying and I want to be mad but I can't. Just like how I couldn't be mad after that little stunt he pulled with Kiera earlier which could've gone really badly. He's just lucky I missed him too much to be angry at him.
"Oh, don't start."
"I haven't even said anything, have I?" Smart-ass, he's always got to have an answer for everything doesn't he?
"I know what you're thinking." I shoot back, with a roll of my eyes. I missed this. This easy camaraderie, the companionship of having someone who knows me so entirely. Yes, I love Emma and Kiera and they'll always be my best friends but my relationship with Theo is different; he doesn't expect me to be the person I was growing up, he just accepts me as I am now.
"Really?" his skeptical tone fills the car; he raises one perfectly manicured brow at me. "Because I'm thinking that you and Kiera sure looked rather cozy tonight." There's an insinuation in his voice I don't much care for. I haven't told him about everything that went down between Kiera and I, and by that I mean the kiss, because I know he'll obsess over it and blow it out of proportion in a way that only he could but from the tone of his voice he might know that there's more going on here.
"We have a truce." I try to explain without giving away too much detail. The last thing I need is Theo catching on that there's some juicy detail I'm leaving out and following the trail like the bloodhound he is when it comes to gossip.
"Oh, of course how silly of me!" He exclaims in the most put on voice of surprise I've ever heard. The way he says it has me instantly on guard for the moment the other shoe drops. I'm not nearly dumb enough to believe that he's going to just let this go. "And that truce involves flirting and mentally undressing each other at the dinner table in front of your parents, does it?"
"We didn't do that." I defend myself, knowing full well we absolutely did. I can't help that stuff when it comes to Kiera. We've always been that way and even when I hated the sight of her I still thought she was the most beautiful creature I'd ever laid eyes on. There's nothing for it, it's just the way it is. But Theo will never understand that, so instead I say; "We're just friends."
"No we're friends," he argues without missing a beat. "And if you looked at me the way you were looking at her all night I'd spontaneously combust." He raises his eyebrows at me as if that makes his point. I need to get him off this topic. When it comes to Kiera I'm already confused enough as it is. It's ridiculous how much I want her and yet no one knows better than me how terrible of an idea that is.
"Are you jealous?" I ask with a smirk, hoping to distract him. I put on my most charming expression and it works, his smile is instant.
The right corner of his mouth tilts slightly higher and his eyes gleam playfully in the dim light of the cab. This is an expression I'm used to seeing on him. "Yes."
"Don't worry Theo," I say, reaching over to pinch at his cheek. He seats my hand away, "You're my only girl." I wink at him and catch the mocking eye roll he tries to hide by turning to look out the window. Crisis averted for now but I can't keep distracting him.
Theo's the most observant person I know and he's especially good at reading me. It's only a matter of time before he catches on that Kiera and I crossed a line I don't think I can come back from. I was so sure after that day that we could be friends, that I could hurt the past and we could both move on with our lives. For a short while after I'd kissed her everything made a weird sort of sense. Of course I was attracted to her, she's beautiful, and of course I'd have a lot of untapped emotions about our past relationship because she was my best friend and I was hurt but for a moment there I was convinced I could get past it. Then Connor had showed up with his fancy diamond necklace, calling her babe and touching her like she was made specifically for his hands and that feeling in my gut returned.
The feeling like I was going to be sick hit also like I wanted to lock her away in a place where only I could see her. I knew I was flirting with her today, she clearly didn't notice and she obviously felt guilty about flirting back right in front of Connor. It sucks but it looks like I'm going to have to lock down everything I'm feeling and do what I promised I would; be her friend. The thought is nauseating. I don't want to be her friend, I want to kiss her until the memory of Connor is burned from her mind. I'm in such deep, unending