Why am I doing this again?
Oh, that's right! Because for some insane reason I want to make a good impression on Theo. I have no clue why this matters to me so much but I want him to like me. I want us to be friends. A small voice in the back of my mind whispers that I want to be his friend because I don't want his dislike of me to affect how Dastan sees me but I ignore it and focus on doing my makeup.
I have once again allowed myself to be roped into spending the weekend socializing when I'd much rather be alone with my seemingly permanent migraine. I've actually gotten so used to the pain that I barely notice it, it's gone from a sharp skull-cracking pain to a dull ache. I'm not sure if that's a good thing but it's what we're doing today and I can't be bring myself to care anymore. My nightmares have made a spectacular return, only this time I remembered what I'd dreamt when I woke up which I was excited about… For all of two minutes. Before I realized that it was an absolute mess of images, none of which I could even begin to attempt to decipher. So, essentially, I'm left in a lot of pain and nothing to show for it. Maybe that's why I've dedicated most of my afternoon to getting ready. I spend an exorbitant amount of time blending out eyeshadow to create the perfect smoky look on my eyes that I saw in a YouTube video and decided to recreate. I've redone it twice now, I think this might be the one that sticks. It honestly isn't that bad. Although, I'm definitely done trying to do my makeup, I leave the rest of my face plain and smear on some shiny pink lip gloss. I've left my hair down today, not really in the mood for pulling it back into a ponytail with the way my head hurts.
So, that means I'm done stalling in the bathroom and now I actually have to go get dressed. I'm a little nervous about going out to a club with Dastan and Theo, granted Emma and Connor are coming too but I can't help but feel like this is déjà vu. The last time we went to a club together it hadn't ended well, the night had started great but we'd ended up with Dastan nearly killing someone's and having a panic attack on the sidewalk. That was the first time Connor had given me the look that I've become all too familiar with in the last few weeks. I've come to think of it as his passive aggressive smile. There isn't anything inherently wrong or upsetting about the look but I know it's not genuine when he smiles at me like that and he might think I'm oblivious but I know he only does it when something bothers him. The fact that he only seems to do it when Dastan and I are close to each other hasn't escaped my attention. Plus, he's been avoiding me. After our first date, we'd been seeing a lot of each other and then that incident at Delirium happened and I went from seeing him every other night to a few nights a week.
At first, I wrote it off because I'd been helping take care of Zia not too long after that and I figured that's why he hadn't been coming around as often and I spent most of my nights at his place them anyway. But then things went back to normal and he'd still been distant and even more so since my birthday. That's probably the other reason I said yes to tonight; it's m last ditch effort to get Connor to stop being weird and actually talk to me about whatever his issue is. It's also why I'm pulling out the big guns, I've picked the perfect dress to match my carefully selected makeup look, and it's all part of my master plan to get Connor to stop looking at me like he knows something I don't.
I fling open my closet door and find the dress I'm looking for easy enough. It's tucked away with a small selection of gowns I keep for events that I'm forced to attend for work. Coincidentally, it's right next to the flowing red dress I wore on our first disaster date. This one however, definitely can't be classified as a gown, for a few reason. First being that there's barely enough material to equate a dress let alone a gown and the second is that it's far less conservative than the formal gowns I wear for work event. It's a deep black silk slip dress with barely there straps. The material is a little looser over my chest allowing for a few folds in the fabric just below the straight cut neckline but then it stretches tight over my hips and thighs. I slip it on and then add a necklace with a sparkly crescent moon pendant that sits in the hollow of my throat with a garter chain on my right thigh and strappy silver heels to match.
Finishing up the buckle around my ankle I stand in front of the mirror just as Emma comes into my bedroom. How does she always do that so silently? She stops just inside the room, her mouth opens slightly and her eyes widen a fraction, she's forgone her glasses today in favor of contacts. They're clear but I know she's wearing them by the way she blinks, she's never been comfortable in contact lenses. The fact that she's even worn them is surprising. Looks like we both had similar thoughts about dressing up, wonder what's her motive.
"Is there a reason you're dressed like you want to give Haider a heart attack?" she asks after a moment of looking me up and down. She waltzes into my room and plops down on the bed, leaning back on her hands and watching me at my dresser. I fiddle uncomfortably for a moment, looking at my reflection before turning to her.
"Is it too much?" I reach up and scratch my nose before remembering I have on makeup and the tip of my nose has been highlighted with a shiny holographic powder I don't want to disturb. I drop my hands as if they've burned me and toy with the hem of my dress instead.
She gives me another quick once over and then shrugs indifferently, "That depends I on what exactly you're trying to achieve here." At that she makes a gesture at my attire.
I huff a breathy sigh, "I don't know, honestly, I just thought… it doesn't matter it's silly." I turn away from her and grab a bottle of perfume on my dresser, applying it liberally to my wrists and throat as she watches from her spot on the bed.
"What's silly?"
Of course she's not going to just let it go. This is Emma we're talking about once she catches a scent she's relentless. I grab my purse and head out of my room, making sure she doesn't see my face, "Nothing, forget it."
She follows me out to the living room where I'm hunting for my cellphone. "Is this about Dastan?"
The questions is so out of left field I stop on the middle of the living room, holding up a throw pillow. "What? No!" I exclaim, instantaneously. " Why would you think that?"
"Because, you know…" here she makes a circular gesture with her hand near her head, and somehow I know she's referring to the kiss. The one I've been doing my hardest not to think about since it happened.
"No, I don't know but just so we're clear here it's about Connor." I say angrily tossing the pillow back on the couch. Where the hell is my phone?
She approaches me slowly, the way you would a cornered bear and offers me a flat black rectangle; my phone. "You do know he's already sleeping with you, there's no need to try that hard right?" she informs, her tone is gentle though as if she's afraid of upsetting me more.
"Barely," I grumble under my breath. That gets her attention.
"Trouble in paradise?" she raises a brow at me but her expression is nothing short of mischievous.
"He's hardly spoken to me all week and he's been making excuses about why he can't see me for almost a month now." If sounds whiny even to me and I clear my throat before doing one final check that I have everything I need inside my purse.
"Maybe he really is busy, I'm sure it's got nothing to do with you." Her voice is consolatory, she feels bad for me. I don't want to see the pity in her expression so turn to the door.
"Whatever, we should go. They're probably already at the club by now." When I look back at her I make sure my expression is completely void of any emotion. My smile painted in perfect detail. Her eyes tell me she doesn't buy it for a moment. I honestly don't know why this affects me so much. Connor and I agreed we weren't dating. If he doesn't want to spend time with me I shouldn't care, he isn't my boyfriend, and yet I can't help but feel like I've done something wrong. "You look really pretty by the way." I add as an afterthought while passing out into the hallway. She smiles and does a little twirl in her pink dress before following me out of the apartment. We get an Uber and I spend the entire drive to the upper east side obsessing over whether or not tonight will go to shit. I fiddle with the hem of my dress, knotting my fingers on the slippery fabric and creating little undetectable wrinkles. Twice, Emma slaps my hands away from the dress and gives me her stern mom look to tell me to stop fidgeting. I shouldn't be nervous and I don't know why it feels like so much is riding on tonight. I just hope I haven't royally screwed up with Connor, I actually like him and I want us to work. It's only then that I realize I've started thinking of him and I as an us. Well shit, so much for not wanting a relationship.