(I know in sign language they don't often use full sentences or the same grammar as in typical English sentence work. However, for the flow of this story, I'll fill in the gaps)
Li Ming - POV
It's hard to believe it's been three years since I moved to America with Heart. He was close to starting his final year and loving every second whilst I have a great job that I love too.
At first, I struggled, my English wasn't great to begin with. Then learning how to be a bartender hadn't been as easy as I'd expected. At first, I had to clean tables and mop the floor. It took almost a year before I was allowed behind the bar.
Learning all the drink names and the different cocktails had proved challenging, especially at the first bar I worked at. However, the next place, my mentor, Bryan, was amazing. He taught me everything, including tricks to wow the drunken crowd. He made it easier for me to remember.
When we first arrived, Heart wanted to live in the dorms at school. I hadn't liked it but he'd lived without others like him to talk to for so long I couldn't complain.
I'd moved into a small one-bed apartment. It wasn't in the best of neighbourhoods but it was close enough to him and the rent was affordable. I did have to study part-time, but it was mainly English, and a food science course, which I finished last year.
Our schedules made it hard to see each other as often as I did in Thailand. I worked most evenings and he had class during the day. I had the odd day off but it didn't work out well with his timetable, especially when he had to study.
In the beginning, I decided to visit him during his lunch. Heart had made a few new friends and he happily introduced me as his boyfriend. They were polite and went slower whilst talking to me, but I still couldn't keep up when they talked to each other.
Heart had said it was an adjustment to go from Thai sign language to American. His tutors had been helpful and he'd picked it up quickly. He'd taught me too, I didn't get it as fast as he did but well enough.
I stopped visiting him during lunch, his friends never seemed happy to see me after the first few times. Heart even asked me to stop, as he would be studying during lunch anyway. I pretended I believed him but I knew it was a lie to spare me.
I first worked in this little dive bar, near my apartment. It wasn't a great place, fights broke out almost every night, drunken idiots looking down on you for cleaning up but it helped pay the rent.
When I was finally allowed behind the bar I felt more out of place. The bartenders weren't friendly and often laughed whilst looking and pointing at me. They thought I didn't understand them but I did.
Then on one of my nights off, Heart had to study, so I'd gone for a walk. I found myself near his university. There was a small bar called 'Silence & Spirits' which looked ok. When I went inside I was awed.
For one, it was clean and for another, the music was low and finally most people inside were signing to each other. Heart had mentioned that there was a bar for the deaf near his school.
As I walked to work I smiled as I remembered that night.
---
'Hi, I'm Bryan, what can I get you?'
I smiled at him as I took my seat and looked around blushing.
'I'm not deaf, could I have a beer, any you got, please,' I signed back showing him my ID.
His raised eyebrows had me raising one of mine. Before I could ask, Bryan went to get my drink before coming back.
'You sign well for a hearie, you have a deaf family?' he asked.
I smiled and shook my head before taking a swig of the beer. It was cold and refreshing.
'No, deaf boyfriend. I started to learn when I met him.'
Bryan smiled and gave me a nod of understanding.
'We get a few hearie's in but they don't know how to sign. They just want to have the experience of coming to a deaf bar,' he laughed. 'Then they don't come back, or if they do it's only a few more times. They even complain about the silence. We had to start playing music, just to appease them.'
'I wondered why there was music, once I realised. My boyfriend told me about this place but I'd forgotten the name.'
'Oh does he come here? What's his name?' he asked.
'Heart,' I signed back with a blush. 'He's Thai like me and a student at the university.'
Bryan thought for a moment and then I could see the moment the light went on.
'Oh yeah! Heart, I know him. He's been here a lot. He usually comes in around lunchtime with his friends, they're in almost every day.'
My heart sank. Around lunchtime with his friends? He said he had to study. I guess now I really knew he'd lied to me.
'Sorry, did you not know?' Bryan asked, reading my face.
I shook my head and took a longer drink of my beer. He tapped my arm before moving off to serve someone else. After he'd served the newcomers he came back to me.
'So why are you here tonight without him?' he asked.
I sighed, 'He said he has to study, his exams are coming up. It's my night off so I decided to go for a walk. I didn't plan on coming here.'
'Ah ok, where do you work?' he asked before picking up a glass to clean.
'Tony's bar, I tend the bar there,'
'You a bartender?' he asked, very interested.
I nodded and finished the rest of the beer before he handed me another.
'I know Tony's, it's a bit of a dump. Do you like working there?'
I shook my head and sighed.
'No not really, I came from Thailand to work and study. I was meant to be studying bartending, but they had me cleaning and mopping. I've been there over a year and I've only just got behind the bar.'
'They at least train you, right?'
Again I shook my head and he looked pissed off.
'I've got no choice though, can't really afford to quit and no one will hire an inexperienced bartender.'
Bryan gave me a once over that had me feeling a little like prey but he then held a finger up and disappeared. I sighed as I looked around the place. Everyone had someone and I was there alone.
He came back about five minutes later with an older woman, she looked pretty as she smiled at me.
'This is Betty, she owns the place. I told her about you and she wanted to meet you,' he beamed, proud of something.
'Why?' I asked.
'Well,' she signed. 'Bryan tells me you're training to be a bartender and you don't like the place you are at now. He also said you could sign even though you aren't deaf.'
I didn't want to get my hopes up but I could feel where this was headed.
'Yeah, my boyfriend's deaf, he told me about this place.'
'Well, we are actually looking for a trainee bartender but it's hard to find ones who are deaf or know sign language or are even comfortable in a deaf bar. Most aren't, I have a good feeling you're just who we've been looking for.'
'Really? Are you for real?'
She gave a silent laugh that reminded me of Heart.
"So, how about it?' Bryan asked.
'Yeah, of course. Thank you!'
---
That was just a few months ago now. It had been a bit daunting at first. Bryan's way of teaching me was almost like throwing me in the deep end with no training.
Also, a lot of the customers were jerks since I wasn't deaf. They didn't like a hearie working in their deaf club. Bryan set them straight though. I have no idea how but they stopped making comments, none that I could see anyway.
I'd worked mainly in the evenings again, but Bryan was great to work with. Even the other people who worked there welcomed me like family. It reminded me of my uncle's shop.
Things between me and Heart hadn't changed or improved. I'd barely seen him these past few months. All he seemed to do was study in his dorm room.
I shook my head as I walked into work. There was no point worrying over that right now. I'd asked Betty about working in the afternoon, and today was my first shift.
Hopefully, working during the day could mean Heart and I could spend some time together. We've been together for just under two years and now we rarely see each other.
I was hoping that I could convince him to move out of his dorm at the end of the year so we could live together. I missed him.
The few times a month we'd meet up he always seemed distracted. Plus he always had to get back to his dorm, and he would say my place was too far for him to sleep over.
'Hey Ming!' Bryan signed with a smile. 'You ok?'
I guess my face must have shown how I was feeling. With a small smile, I waved him off and went into the back.
'Come sit down,' Bryan ordered and took a seat next to Betty at one of the tables.
The bar wasn't open yet so we were alone.
'What's wrong?' Bryan asked.
'Nothing,' I insisted.
'Come on Ming, we can tell something's wrong, just tell us,' Betty patted my arm.
I sighed and rubbed my face.
'It's nothing really, just missing my boyfriend I guess.'
They both shared a look that I couldn't interpret. I wanted to ask but decided I probably didn't want to know.
'Anyway, shouldn't we be getting to work,' I teased.
---
A few hours went by and the shift was uneventful. It wasn't as busy during the day, people mainly came in to eat but I didn't mind, it was peaceful.
I was talking to some customers at the bar when Bryan rushed over to me.
'Shit!' he signed.
He was looking towards the door so I followed his gaze. Heart walked in with a guy I didn't know, he wasn't one of his friends I'd met before. I watched as they went to sit in one of the booths without even glancing at the bar.
'Do you know who he is with?' Bryan asked me and I shook my head.
'He's been in with him a few times recently. You seriously don't know? What do you guys do when you get together? Just fuck each other's brains out!' he quipped.
His laughter stopped when he noticed the look on my face.
'We've barely spent any time together and when we do, he's distracted and he has to rush back. I don't even know if he remembers he's dating me,' I whined.
We watched as they laughed and talked, too fast for me to follow. It caused a sick feeling to settle in my stomach. When the guy reached over to touch Heart's hand I wanted to punch him, and Heart for not moving it away.
'Why not go over and take their order?' he asked.
I shook my head and turned back to a new customer at the bar. If Heart wanted to ignore me then I'll just ignore him back.
-------
Heart - POV
'Did you manage to finish that essay for Professor Nielson?' Damon asked as he reached a hand out towards mine.
I nodded and beamed. Everyone else groaned about his class and assignments, they all said he was one of the toughest teachers but I liked him.
Damon's hand was still on mine so I moved so he had to let go and moved his hand back. Damon was new to my course. He'd switched from another class supposedly for fighting with the teacher.
For some reason most, if not all my teachers paired him with me, mainly to catch him up but I was starting to think he had something to do with it. He'd been coming on to me for a while now. Despite me telling him I had a boyfriend.
'Yeah, it wasn't as hard as others were making out, what about you?'
Damon rolled his eyes and huffed. Just then the waiter came and almost threw the menus down on the table. He looked almost hostile towards me and Damon but I had no idea why.
'What do you want?' he asked with a glare.
'Erm … the cheeseburger please with a coke,' I said.
'I'll have the same,' Damon added, oblivious to the waiter's attitude.
I watched him walk away confused. Normally they were always friendly here, it's one of the reasons why I liked coming.
Damon grabbed my attention back and smiled.
'So what you doing after this?' he asked.
'I need to call Li Ming, we've not been able to chat recently. He's been working and I had to study for my finals. Now that they are over we should be able to hang out more,' I told him.
Damon's smile fell at the mention of Li Ming. It always did when I mentioned him.
'Why bother, he's most likely working again. You said he works every evening at a bar right? He could be busy flirting with some hot guy.'
I didn't like what he was implying, mainly because it voiced my worries. We spent less and less time together and he worked at a bar with lots of good-looking people. I doubted he was still happy with me like he'd been in Thailand. Especially since I had very little time for him.
My dorm had a strict curfew which meant I couldn't stay late with Li Ming and his place was too far away to stay over when I had an early class. Like Damon said, he worked most evenings and when he was free I usually had a project due.
'Li Ming wouldn't do that,' I told him, trying to look convincing.
I must not have managed it since he smirked at me and nodded. Our food came then and we ate but I could feel his gaze on me. It was unnerving but he hadn't done anything horrible so I was reluctant to complain.
I knew he liked me but all he'd done was flirt a little, as long as I never joined in it was ok, right?
When we finished we both went to the bar to pay. Bryan, the bartender, served us but he didn't smile at me like he usually did, which I found odd.
'Everything ok?' I asked him when he finally looked at me.
Bryan nodded with a scowl at Damon, who was too busy checking his phone to notice. That was another thing I didn't like, he was very self-centred at times. Rarely looked at people unless they were someone he wanted or had something he wanted.
Bryan jerked his head behind him and my eyes widened at what I saw. Li Ming, walked out of the back room carrying a crate of something.
'What's he doing here?' I thought.
I stared as he moved behind the bar and started filling the shelves. By the twitch in his jaw, I knew, he knew I was there and he was trying hard not to look at me.
Without a word, I moved around Damon and headed for him. His back was to me so I banged on the table, but he ignored me. I banged harder. I could see his shoulder rise as if he was taking a deep breath before he stood and turned to me.
'What are you doing here?' I asked.
'Working,' he signed back, his face showing no emotion.
'Since when have you worked here? Why didn't you tell me?' I demanded.
'When could I have told you?' he responded by sending a look towards Damon. 'You've been busy studying.'
My heart dropped as I saw a flash of hurt cross his face before he looked back at me.
'You're studying, right? You best get back to it, he's waiting.'
With that, he turned and went into the back. I tried calling his name but he didn't stop. A hand gripped my arm and I wanted to growl at him. Damon was looking at me and the closing door.
'Who was that?' he asked.
I pulled my arm away and went back to Bryan. He was wiping down the bar but I knew he'd been watching. Damon stopped me before I could get to him. I guess he didn't like being ignored.
'Hey, I asked you a question,' he demanded.
'I'm sorry Damon, but I need to sort something out. I'll see you in class.'
I pulled myself away again and continued towards Bryan.
'How long has Li Ming worked here?' I asked him.
'A few months, he usually worked in the evening but he asked to switch to the lunchtime shift so he could have his evenings free," he explained.
'Why didn't he tell me he was working here? I thought he was still at that other place,' I asked.
'My guess is he wanted to tell you but you were always busy and from what he says you guys don't communicate much.'
Bryan left me then and I sighed. He was right, it had been weeks since we'd even seen each other properly and when he messaged I usually forgot to respond.
I sat at the bar for a few hours watching him. He smiled and talked happily with the customers but he didn't come near me. Bryan took pity on me and eventually brought me a beer.
'Don't you have class?' he asked and I shook my head.
'No, my classes are done now. Finals are over, I'm good until my final year starts in a few months.'
I glanced back at Li Ming and sighed.
'He's mad at me isn't he?' I asked Bryan.
He looked at him too and smiled.
'No, he's not mad, hurt yes, but not mad.'
'Why did he start working here?' I asked again.
Bryan smiled at me, 'He came in one day, I was impressed with how well he signed. He told me about you and how you two didn't get to spend time together. When he told me he was a trainee bartender, and that he hated where he worked, I talked with Betty and she offered him a job here.'
'He hated his job before?' I asked.
Damn! I really didn't know anything, did I? He must have been miserable this past year and all I've done is neglect him. After everything he has done for me, I've done nothing for him.
'What time does he finish?' I asked one last question.
Bryan looked at his watch and smiled.
'He can finish now,' he said before walking off towards him.
Li Ming nodded at him and went into the back. I waited anxiously for him to come back out. After a few minutes, I started to think he'd slipped through the back to avoid me but eventually, he came out with his bag.
I could tell he was going to walk straight past me but I stood in his way.
'Li Ming!' I spoke his name.
He stopped trying to get past me but still avoided my eyes.
'Please!' I spoke again.
I saw him take a deep breath before he looked at me.
'Let's talk somewhere else,' he signed and I nodded.
We walked outside and I wanted to groan. Damon was leaning against his flashy car waiting. Had he been there all this time?
'You finished with whatever you were doing?' he signed to me completely ignoring Li Ming.
Li Ming glanced at me and turned to walk away. I called his name again but like before he continued walking. I went to follow him but Damon stopped me.
'Damon, I don't have time for this,' I told him, trying to sidestep him.
'Why not? Who is that loser?' he asked with a sneer on his face.
'He's not a loser, he's my boyfriend!' I told him.
Damon started to laugh and I glared at him.
'That's your boyfriend? No wonder you were craving attention from me, he looks like he couldn't satisfy you even if he tried.'
I stared at him with my eyes wide and my mouth wide open.
'Craving attention? What the hell do you mean?' I asked.
'Oh come on Heart, ever since I joined your class you've been spending all your time with me. Giving me those looks that tell me you want me,' he smirked. 'It's cute you're playing hard to get but you don't need to play with me. I want you too, just leave him alone and come with me.'
Damon opened his car door as I stood there dumbfounded. I eventually managed to compose myself.
'Are you crazy? The only reason I've spent time with you was because the professors asked me to. You joined halfway through the year so they asked me to catch you up. The rest of the time, you just showed up and wouldn't leave. I've not been playing a game with you!' I snapped.
It was his turn to stare at me with his mouth open.
'I told you I have a boyfriend, I never said I was unhappy with him. I've never wanted you or even thought about leaving Li Ming. I love him. Now because of you, he thinks gods know what. Leave me alone! Even if I didn't have him, I still wouldn't want someone like you!'
I turned and ran, leaving Damon where he was. A horrible thought raced through my mind as I took the subway to his place. What if he'd moved? I didn't know about his job, what else didn't I know?
My heart raced as I rushed around people, I hoped I'd see him ahead of me but he wasn't there. That fear he'd moved grew bigger. When I finally arrived at his building and raced to his apartment it was almost gripping my throat.
There have only been a few times in my life when I've hated being deaf. First, was when I lost my hearing, the second was when Ma hid me away like she was embarrassed and finally, right now.
I couldn't hear if anyone was on the other side as I knocked. All I could do was wait anxiously and repeatedly knock, hoping Li Ming would answer the door.
'Li Ming!' I called out as I knocked for the fourth time.
I could see movement under the door, so I knew someone was in. Since they weren't opening the door I could only guess that it was him. Otherwise, they would be shouting at me to fuck off!
Slowly the door creaked open, and Li Ming's haunted eyes glanced at me before lowering back down. Where was my confident boyfriend who fought my mother to give me my independence back? Had I done this to him?
------
Li Ming POV
The banging continued. I hadn't expected him to follow me so soon. I thought, maybe, I would get a text message later on. That guy he was with was most likely laughing with Heart about how pathetic I looked compared to him.
The car that he was leaning against, reeked of money, so did his clothes and you could tell he spent hours in the gym. Why wouldn't Heart want a boyfriend like him? Instead of some scrawny trainee bartender who didn't want to go to college.
Eventually, I went to the door. I was worried he would knock it down if he kept banging or my neighbours could complain about the racket. As soon as I opened the door he pushed his way in. I sighed as I shut the door after him.
'I'm sorry,' he said instantly.
'What are you sorry for?' I asked.
He grabbed my hand and pulled me to the small sofa in my shoebox apartment. I had no choice but to sit down and look at him.
'I'm sorry,' he repeated.
'You keep saying that, do you even know why I'm upset?'
'I've neglected you, abandoned you. I didn't mean to, school was just hectic and I really did have to study. I didn't even know you hated your job before and had gotten that one.'
I shook my head. Tears started to form in the corner of my eyes but I pushed them back.
'No Heart! Yes, that was shitty of you but I understood you had to study. I'm upset because you've lied to me. You didn't even stand up for me around your friends and I feel like you've gotten a new life and have made no attempt to add me to it!'
Heart looked heartbroken but I was on a roll.
'I'm also upset that you've been hanging around with that guy more than you hang out with me. Going to lunch with him, letting him touch you and not pulling away! Does he know you have a boyfriend? Have you even bothered to tell him? Did you enjoy his attention that much to care about me?'
'No!' he insisted. 'I told him repeatedly, he just wouldn't listen. The teachers told me to catch him up when he transferred halfway through the year. Once he was caught up he would show up wherever I was, and wouldn't leave me alone!'
My anger deflated but only a little. Heart moved up to me and had a serious look on his face.
'What about with your friends? I know they didn't like having me around, you started telling me you were studying during lunch. Then Bryan tells me you've been into the bar for lunch with your friends almost every day. Are you embarrassed by me?
My heart thudded as I waited for the answer. It has been playing on my mind and growing stronger ever since.
'No Ming! I've never been embarrassed by you. Not ever!'
'Then why? Why push me away?'
Heart sighed.
'I was studying at first, but ….'
'but your friends didn't like me,' I finished for him.
'It's not that they didn't. They couldn't understand why I was with you. Hearie, they called you. I tried to explain but they wouldn't listen. I became angry when they made comments about you. So they said if you stopped coming around they would stop saying anything.'
'So you lied to me?'
'I thought I was protecting you, like you did with me with my mum! You stood up to her and made her see what she'd been doing was wrong. I didn't want you to feel bad or know what they were saying.'
My heart flinched as I remembered that day when he finally was able to confront his mum. Then when I'd gone and talked to her, I'd been scared about her reaction. She could have banned me from ever seeing him.
'Heart,' I signed before stroking his cheek. 'That's not protecting me, that's hiding me. Just like your mum did. She couldn't handle the fact her son was deaf. So she hid you away … and you did the same.'
'You hid me away from your friends because I didn't fit into your new fancy world.'
Heart's face held a lot of emotions as he processed what I'd just said. His eyes widened and became a little watery when realisation hit.
'Oh my god! You're right! I did exactly what my mom did! I'm so sorry!'
He wrapped his arms around my neck and squeezed me tight. I didn't want to hug him, didn't want to forgive him but being in his arms felt so good. I'd missed him!
Eventually, he pulled back, a determined look on his face.
'I'm sorry Li Ming,' he spoke as loudly as he could.
Heart didn't speak often, but when he did his voice would always make my dick jerk. I should have felt embarrassed about it but he was my boyfriend.
However, despite how long we'd been together, we'd never done anything more than make out. As soon as we got to America, we barely saw each other.
Heart stood up and pulled me with him. I thought he was going to make a grand gesture and drag me to his friends but instead, he detoured towards my bedroom.
My eyes widened as he pulled his t-shirt off and went for his jeans. I stopped his hands and made him look at me.
'What are you doing?' I asked.
'I … I want to show you what you mean to me,' he said with a blush. 'I know we haven't done …. we haven't … you know. So I want to show you how much I love you.'
'Put your t-shirt back on Heart,' I told him as I picked it up.
Heart's face fell and I could see tears starting to form in his eyes.
'I've lost you, haven't I?'
His eyes dropped from mine before I could say anything. He turned to leave but I stopped him, forcing him to look at me.
'You haven't lost me Heart, and I want to … I do, of course I do but …'
'But?' he asked.
'But I don't want our first time to be because of a fight.'
Heart looked relieved and blushed.
'I'm sorry,' he signed again. 'I don't know what I was thinking.'
We sat in silence, we blushed and laughed until Heart's phone buzzed, breaking the moment. He looked at the message and sighed.
'It's John, he's inviting me to the bar for a drink.'
I sighed to myself and pulled back.
'You should go then, I'll see you another time,' I insisted.
He grabbed my hand and smirked. He looked just like he had that night when he insisted we take a drink of his dad's alcohol, and when he asked for me to let him drive my scooter.
'Get dressed,' he insisted.
---
An hour later, we walked into Silence & Spirits hand in hand. We walked up to his friends and their faces fell the moment they saw me.
'Why?' they asked.
'Why what?' Heart asked innocently.
They glared at him as we sat down. Soon, they started signing rapidly, too fast for me to follow. Heart tried to keep me in the conversation but his friends were making it harder for him.
Eventually, I told Heart I was going to get a drink. Bryan had one waiting for me as I approached.
'You two ok?' he asked.
I sighed and shrugged.
'Want me to do anything?'
I smiled at him and shook my head. He smiled and it suddenly grew wider. Bryan was staring behind me so I turned.
Heart suddenly stood angrily staring down at his friends. I quickly made my way to him.
'You guys have no idea what you are on about! Not every 'hearie' is a bad person.'
'Heart, what's wrong?' I asked when he noticed me.
'They think you're beneath me because you can hear!'
I glared at them and they smirked back. They signed quickly but it was obvious I couldn't follow them.
'Enough!' Heart stopped them. 'You have no idea what Heart has done for me.'
He turned and smiled at me before turning back to them.
'Before I met him, I was a secret hidden away by my mother, my family. When I lost my hearing I lost my freedom too. My mum was embarrassed by me. Li Ming did something no one in my family had done. He learned to talk my way. Not forcing me to talk his way.'
They looked at me and I smirked back at them.
'He took me outside, showed me a place where I could speak to others who were deaf and even stood up to my mum. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for him. I hate self-entitled and judgy people like you.'
'Just because he isn't like us it doesn't mean that he doesn't belong with me. I love him and he loves me. We are happy together. That's all that matters.'
The guy he'd been sitting with earlier stood up and smirked. I could tell he was signing slower on purpose, so I could follow what he was saying.
'Come on Heart, we're not judging him. We're your friends and want just what's best for you. He's a broke bartender in a shitty apartment. I've known people like him. You are naive and innocent, like you said, you were hidden away. People like him approach people like you for one thing only … money.'
'I bet he convinced your family to bring you both here under the guise of wanting to help you. He still accepted their money, but he's wasted it all and has no choice but to latch onto you so your family will give him some more money, if not now then later. Wake up Heart, he's using you!'
We stared at him with an open mouth. He then glanced at his friends. They at least looked a little uncomfortable.
'Is this what you all think?' he asked.
They all shared a glance and that was enough for Heart. It hurt me to think they'd judged us and then made Heart think I wasn't good enough for him. I gripped his shoulder as I could see him shaking. He smiled at me and then turned back to them.
'If you all think that then you are all idiots and pathetic. Li Ming came here on a work and study plan. My parents didn't pay for anything for him, his mother and uncle helped him come here. He's worked and studied at the same time, something none of you know about. He's been there for me, and because of all of you I almost lost him.'
Heart kissed me and smiled.
'You can all fuck off! I don't need you! Come on Ming, let's go.'
I smirked at them as we left, hand in hand. He gripped my hand as we made our way back to mine. I could tell he was hurt.
Once we were back home, I pulled him to me and wrapped my arms tightly around his waist. He hesitated for a moment before wrapping his arms around my neck. I could feel him shake against me and knew he was crying.
I let him cry, allowing him to take the time to process everything. Once he'd calmed down, he pulled back and gave me a sad smile.
'I'm sorry,' he mouthed.
I smiled and wiped his tears away. Without thinking I gently placed a kiss on his lips. He managed a brighter smile so I kissed him again.
First on his lips, then his cheek, his nose, his forehead and anywhere else on his face. Soon he was laughing and trying to push me away. I ended with another kiss on his lips and stayed there.
Heart kissed me back and his grip on me tightened. I pulled back and he had that determined look again.
'Heart?' I asked.
----
Heart POV
My stomach flitted with nerves as I gripped his hands and again led him to his room. This time he didn't stop me when I started to undress.
'Are you sure?' he asked.
I unfastened my jeans and then pulled him into me. Even though he was still clothed he felt so good against me.
'I'm not doing this because I want to prove something to you. I want this because I don't want to wait anymore.'
He nodded but I could tell he was just as nervous as I was. Slowly, I finished undressing until I was only in my boxers. Li Ming was still dressed. I raised an eyebrow at him and smirked when he rushed to undress, almost tripping.
We stood facing each other, our chests rising and falling rapidly. As we stared, my eyes scanned his body. I have seen him bare-chested before but never up close. He'd bulked up with his job lifting crates.
As I reached his underwear I could see it was like a tent. I noticed his eyes rolling down my body so I followed his gaze and when I looked at mine, I was equally as hard.
'Heart,' he asked one last time.
Instead of answering I stepped forward, wrapped an arm around him pulling us closer and I captured his lips with mine. He didn't hesitate to respond. Soon we were chest to chest. The heat of his skin against mine was like nothing I'd ever felt before.
Li Ming pulled me towards his bed and pushed me down. I landed with a thud, and he stood smirking at me.
'Very funny,' I pouted.
His smile grew wider as he climbed up the bed and kissed me again. I could feel his hands on me, slow and shaking. I knew mine was equally as bad. Neither of us really knew what to do.
I jerked when his hands crazed over my chest, before travelling further down. Li Ming didn't waste time he pushed his hand under my boxers and gripped my length.
Tentatively, he stroked me as his tongue fought with mine. My body was on fire and I couldn't help the sudden jerks of my hips. I knew I was close, but it was too soon.
Li Ming pulled his mouth off mine to watch me. I gripped his wrist and moaned. His eyes clouded and I must have voiced my moan. I knew he liked it.
'I'm close,' I managed to sign.
"Don't you dare, I'm only just getting warmed up," he growled, as he stopped.
I glared at him before my eyes widened. He'd moved down my body and his face was now close to my cock. The glint in his eyes when he winked told me what he was going to do but I wasn't prepared for what had happened.
His warm mouth enveloped my head and I bucked up into him. I could feel his gaze on me and I couldn't hold back. I tapped his arm to let him know but he didn't let up. I came inside his mouth and couldn't stop jerking.
Li Ming carried on licking my cock like it was an ice lolly before he came up for air and placed a hand under his mouth. I watched, panting, as my cum dripped out of his mouth.
Once my body recovered I grabbed his arms and twisted us around so he was the one lying on his bed and I was hovering over him.
I kissed him, tasting myself under his tongue before moving down his body. I kissed and licked a path and pulled his underwear down along the way. His cock jerked under me and I was eager to know what it tasted like.
Slowly, with a hand on his chest, I kissed the tip. I could feel his chest rumble with his moans. Emboldened by his response I licked a trail down his shaft and around his balls. His thighs jerked next to my shoulders.
Li Ming ran his fingers through my hair as I eventually wrapped my lips around his shaft and sucked. I knew I wasn't very good at this but from what I could feel from his chest he was enjoying it.
Eventually, he pulled my hair which forced me to pull my mouth off of his cock. His hot cum pulse out of his tip and spurted up his chest.
'Fuck!' he signed.
I grabbed his boxers and wiped down his chest before throwing it on the floor. Then I did what I loved, I laid down next to him with my hand on his chest.
'That was amazing!' he, eventually, signed.
'We didn't do much, only jerked each other off,' I answered back.
'I can fix that.'
He smirked at me before moving so he was once again hovering over me. I raised my eyebrows at him in question. However, instead of answering, he pushed his hips into mine and I gasped.
He was hard again, and so was I. Li Ming's smirk grew wider. I could feel his legs move in between mine and butterflies started to flutter in my stomach. My legs were pushed up by his and soon they were wrapped around his waist.
Li Ming reached into his bedside table and pulled out a small box and a bottle. I eyed it wearily as he sat back and opened the bottle.
'When did you get that?' I asked dark thoughts flitting through my mind.
'Bryan gave it to me as a joke gift when I first started working there. We'd talked about you and how we hadn't spent much time together. So he'd joked about our sex life. I must have been obvious because he could tell we hadn't done anything,' he explained.
I nodded but then bit my lip as I watched him pour some of the clear liquid onto his fingers. It was cold and strange as he moved his fingers around my hole.
'Relax,' he signed with the other hand.
I tried to do as he said but it was strange. It felt odd to have one of his fingers inserted inside me. I could feel a sort of push and pull as he moved it slowly in and out.
As he continued, whilst stroking my cock, a strange sort of pleasure started to build up. My chest was heaving as electricity started to spike around my body.
Then I felt him add another finger, mimicking the same motion as before. I felt full and empty at the same time.
'Li Ming, I … I …'
I had no idea what I was asking for or what I needed. When he moved his fingers out, I moved up onto my elbows ready to growl at him but then I stopped. I watched as he opened a condom, rolled it onto his erection before adding some more of the gel.
I stiffened a little when I felt his tip at my entrance.
'Relax,' he told me again.
I took a deep breath and tried my best to relax. Eventually, he started rocking back and forth against me. The feeling was strange but soon it wasn't enough.
'Please Li Ming,' I begged.
He pushed a little harder and finally entered me. His head passed my ring and I gasped and shuddered. Slowly, he pushed back and forth edging further and further inside me until he was balls deep.
'You're so tight! Yet you feel so good!' he told me.
'You feel good inside me, please, I need you to move!'
That was all the incentive he needed. Li Ming reached down and kissed me as his hips started to move faster against mine. His cock pushed against something inside me that sent shocks of pleasure down to my toes and back again.
He moved us so that I was now sitting on top of him. His hands gripped my hips as he moved me against him. My knees hugged against his side but they started to cramp.
I moved my legs so that I was in a crouching position. This gave Li Ming better access to move under me whilst I lifted and lowered myself to meet his thrusts.
Li Ming gripped my cock and started to pump me in time with his movements.
'Li Ming!' I called out as my orgasm took me again.
He grabbed my hand and placed it at his throat as he called out my name before slamming against me.
I fell on top of him and panted. He stroked my back before turning us back over. I flinched as he pulled out and pouted when he got up.
However, my pout soon turned into a beaming smile as he came back with a washcloth and gently cleaned me before slipping into bed next to me.
I instantly wrapped myself around him and drifted off into the best sleep I've had in ages. It reminded me of when we slept beside each other at my house.
----
The next morning I woke up alone. I grabbed some of his clothes to wear and went to find him. He was sitting on the sofa looking deep in thought.
I stared at him for a moment as the sun from the open curtains hit his face. I've always thought he was handsome but at that moment he looked breathtaking.
Eventually, I walked over wrapped my arms around him from behind and kissed his lips. His hand then patted the space next to him and I hurried myself down, almost sitting on his knee.
'You ok?' I asked.
He smiled and nodded. I blushed as he gripped my hand and brought it to his lips. His smile turned into a smirk as he looked down and saw how he was affecting me.
'You ok?' he asked me.
I smiled and nodded too. I was better than ok. Last night was one of the best nights of my life. He'd been so good and made me feel things I had no clue about. Suddenly, a horrible thought entered my mind.
Li Ming had been so controlled and knew exactly what to do. How did he know all of that? Was that not his first time as well? I thought it had been.
'What are you thinking so hard about?' he asked with a chuckle.
'Well … last night …. you …'
I didn't know how to ask. How do you ask your boyfriend how he knew how to fuck your brains out?
'What about last night? Didn't you enjoy it?'
'Oh I did,' I rushed to say with a blush. 'It's just that … well I thought it was your first time too but … but you seemed so experienced.'
'Did I?' he smirked, making me blush harder.
Li Ming laughed and I couldn't help but smile. His whole face lit up when he smiled. Eventually, he stopped laughing and gripped my hands in his.
'It was my first time too,' he explained before blushing. 'I'd done a bit of research a while ago. My uncle talked about how first times can be, so I wanted to be prepared to make it good for you.'
My blush increased at the thought of Li Ming talking about sex with his uncle.
'What did you look at?' I asked, curiosity getting the better of me.
'Searched on the internet for advice on first-time gay sex, most were helpful plus I watched a few porn videos too.'
I nodded, accepting that answer. It sounded sensible, I'd been thinking he'd asked his uncle all of it or only watched porn.
'So ….' I started after neither of us had moved for a while.
Li Ming quirked an eyebrow.
'Are we ok?' I asked, needing to know the answer.
'Of course we are,' he smiled. 'Just don't lie to me anymore, ok?'
I nodded and beamed at him.
'I promise, I won't. I have one year left and then we can go back to Thailand together.'
He nodded but looked serious.
'Do you not want to go back? Isn't that what we planned to do all along?'
He nodded but still had that serious look on his face.
'Of course, I want to go back, I miss my uncle and friends. I just ….' he trailed off.
'What?' I urged.
'Well, I know in your final year you'll get busier which means we won't get to see each other much again. I've been wanting to ask you if you want to live together. That way we can still be together when you're busy.'
'But your place is too far from the university. I'd have to wake up early to get there for class and I'd arrive home late if I have a late class.'
Li Ming smiled as if he had a plan.
'Bryan has a small place to rent near the university, in fact, it's almost right next to it. When I was talking to him he'd mentioned it but I said I would talk to you first. It's a small one-bedroom apartment with a good kitchen and lounge area. It works for classes for you and work for me.'
I nodded, liking the sound of it.
'So what do you say?' he asked after I still hadn't responded.
'I say … let's do it! Let's live together!'