I came out of my house and saw Roy standing outside my door.' Did he call me up from outside my house?', I wondered.
"Roy, what is so important that you couldn't wait for tomorrow?",I asked him once I closed the door.
"Issy, I want to apologize to you for telling you to abort the child. I know I should have supported you but I was shocked myself and I didn't want to be a father yet",he said and I was surprised at his apology.
I shrugged and replied to him,"Like I said Roy, I forgive you. You don't have to dwell on this anymore. We're way past that. If you don't want to be a father,I won't force it on you and like I said, I only let you know because you had to know about it".
"So you came here just to say that?",I asked and he looked at me and replied,"Do you want to get back together with me? I'll give my name to the child and it'd be like old times".
"Give your name to 'the child' Roy? Like, are you doing me some favor now?",I asked him, irritated at his insinuation.
His 'old times' meant sex, everytime he wanted it, and if somehow I couldn't give it to him, then it would be justifiable that he get it from somewhere else, because I couldn't give it to him when he wanted it. In his words,"Men had needs and they had to be met."
If his needs were met,he would stay loyal and if not, then loyalty could not be expected and it was going to be my fault entirely,for his infidelity.
I outrightly rejected his offer and that seemed to have hurt his ego as he said,"Issy, stop giving me mixed signals. On one hand,you try to get close to my sister and her daughter deliberately to get them on your side,just to be with me and on the other hand, you try to act as if you don't even want to be with me".
I was appaled by what he was spouting. I hadn't even known that Miley and Roy were siblings until I connected the dots and had figured it out,and meeting Miley and Missy was a mere coincidence,yet here he was, accusing me of manipulating things to try and get close to him!
"Roy, what nonsense are you spouting? I didn't even know that Miley and Missy were actually your sister and niece. I don't need to try and get close to them for grabbing your attention",I retorted back.
Just what kind of nonsensical thougts were running in his mind, I wondered.
"If that is all you had to say then you can leave Roy",I told him and turned to leave as well but he held my wrist and I turned to him, anger flashing in my eyes.
"Let me go Roy,I don't want to make a scene in here",I gritted my teeth and told him. I thought that Roy had turned over a new leaf,when he took the initiative to meet with me and apologize,but how wrong was I, I thought.
"Issy, look, I'm sorry okay? What else do you want me to do? I'm not good with words, I didn't mean to make it sound like that",he said and I asked him,"Like what Roy? Like my life revolves only around you and would do anything to get back together with you?"
When he didn't say anything, I continued,"I was naiive and foolish. I thought I could change you, that the glimpse of that simple ,small town guy you showed me, would choose to love me and be contented with me, but boy was I wrong as even now, you really don't know me".
"What do you mean I don't know you Issy?",Roy said,sounding hurt but I couldn't be less bothered about his hurt. All I wanted now was to break free from his grasp on my wrist, which was now starting to hurt from my struggle.
"Roy, you're hurting me",I said and he seemed to loosen his grip,but still held my wrist and said,"Issy, I know that in this world,you love me the most. I know how much you have sacrificed for me, and I know how much I mean to you. I took your love for granted but I felt suffocated. I felt like I couldn't take so much love from someone so I did stupid things, and it was too late when I realized my mistakes."
My mind was now going dizzy from all that he was saying. So obviously, my love was suffocation for him, and maybe he was right. Maybe, I shouldn't have given him all of my love and given myself even a fraction of that love for myself, but I didn't hold back. What I thought was my hundred percent love was actually the cause of my own heart break.
"Roy, can we not discuss these now",I said, trying to hold back my tears and trying to sound as firm as I could.
He seemed to understand and let go of my wrist. We had stood there in the hallway for what seemed like eternity and finally, I opened my door and went in,leaving Roy still standing outside.
We had never ,in our almost three years of relationship, talked about our issues like we had done just now and I wondered, what if we had done this type of talking before, would we have been in a different place?
But for now, there was no point in thinking about the 'what if's'. It was better to forget about guys and focus on my own future, but making a resolve and actually living it were two completely different things.
My heart still ached and no amount of tears that fell from my eyes now would be enough to numb the pain I felt. I didn't even know why I was hurt,but hurt I was.