It was one of the few times that I smiled so much as I returned home after classes after the decision I had made. Of course I was also a little disappointed because I had to leave before they did, not only to avoid being noticed but also to avoid worrying my parents.The last thing I wanted was for them to start digging into the whole thing.
I walked past the neighborhood grocery store and felt as if the fresh strawberries were calling to me with their beautiful aroma.I had a soft spot for this fruit and I knew Echi shared the same love. The little girl always gave me not only a strong feeling of protectiveness but also a desire to please her; I could hardly refuse her anything. Unlike Chizu who always annoyed me and gave me a sense of having to go against everything she said and it was only natural that we would fight all the time.
I furrowed my eyebrows just thinking about it and shook my head to shake it off while I approached the counter to check the strawberries; because of how many I consumed I could tell when they were mainly chemical and never natural so I investigated them with my eyes in a very careful manner. I didn't have to leave out a single detail because I would be giving away part of my pocket money and I certainly didn't want to be disappointed by buying a pesticide product or something expired.
"Hey, Ryo!How's it going?How are you doing at school? "Generally I was a person who didn't like to be seen and the neighborhood's tendency to show indiscretion was unbearable but this particular grocer was very warm and sincere in his expressions so I didn't mind.I had very fond memories in which I remembered him giving us some free fruit and snacks when we played on the street in front of his store.
"Well.Ikijima-san, how about you?" I asked politely, looking up from the strawberries for a moment and having already decided which ones to get. I had spotted them one by one but generally I knew his products were of good quality because he was pre-selling them from a relative in the countryside.
"Me too!Can I help you with anything? "I loved the depth of his voice and the fact that you could tell he was smiling from the sound of it without even looking at him.
"I just need a bag "I replied and stepped forward reaching out my hand because I saw him grab a few and part them to give me one.His hand was a few inches away from mine when I seemed to hear something tearing and before I could react or look up,something came crashing into my head so hard it knocked me to the floor.
My whole skull was ringing and it felt like bees had gathered near my ears and were buzzing without letting me hear anything else.I realized someone was trying to lift me up and I could hear voices even though I couldn't make out words.I opened my eyes I could see a blur moving jerkily and restlessly back and forth.
"Oh I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!"I thought there was something wrong with my hearing and I kept hearing that word but as soon as my eyes focused and could see a girl on her knees shaking her head up and down apologetically,it became obvious that she was involved in whatever had happened even though I had no idea what it was.
Behind her I could see the grocery store awning torn down and a picture began to form in my mind as crazy as it seemed.
"Did you run into me?" I asked dazedly, not blaming her but just trying to figure out what i had collided with.She abruptly raised her head and parted her lips to speak but her cheeks lit up with embarrassment and she looked back down.My eyes fell on her uniform and i realized it was from my high school.
"I...I'm sorry...I was in a hurry to get home and... "She didn't need to say more to tell me what had happened since I already had an idea on my own. Her excuse seemed odd to me as she couldn't explain why she had jumped into a thin awning and ended up tearing it up but overall she didn't seem like the most normal of people. Her brown hair was messy from running and her clothes had some colorful accents that she had probably added herself.
The important thing was that even though my head was hit by her feet, as time went on I felt better and there was only a small headache left behind to remind me of what had happened.She looked up again and prepared to speak again but her eyes opened widely and she hurriedly pulled something out of her bag.I saw that it was a handkerchief but I hadn't expected her to come so close to me so abruptly.
She closed the distance between us in seconds and started wiping my nose but I couldn't concentrate on anything other than the fact that a girl was so close to me.I may have been used to having Chizu and Echi around but this was completely different and my whole face was on fire like a pot that was on the boiling point while my heart started beating like crazy. Up so close I could see details that you don't notice from afar like how thin her features were and how long her eyelashes were or how soft her lips looked.
"Didn't you realize you were bleeding?" she asked me in a slightly sterner voice.Apparently my nose was starting to bleed from the hard blow but I hadn't noticed.Of course at the time I didn't care about that as my nose was filled with her fruity scent that was in the handkerchief. "Hold it" She said and started to move away so I realized she hadn't managed to stop the bleeding and I had to hold it to my nose.Once I did and there was distance between us again I felt as if I could breathe again.
"Sorry about the handkerchief... "I apologised, my voice coming out nasally because I was pressing my nose.It was beautifully braided and it was a bit of a shame that it was now filled with my blood. She shook her hands and head vigorously to show that there was no problem.
"It's nothing compared to what I did..." she said with an embarrassed smile while scratching her cheek.
"I'll let your parents and your school know. "The grocer's voice was heard and it was understandable since his tent had been destroyed. If there was a sudden rain or if the sun became more intense,they would have to compensate him for all the products that were destroyed.
The girl nodded in the affirmative and stood up to give him her details. I got up too, shaking off my clothes and waiting a little further on because after the pain I had felt,strawberries were now indispensable.Only they could make me feel better. But because I was so close,I unwittingly heard her name and my mind jotted it down as it did with every new piece of information.I was of the opinion that you never know when you might need something you've learned.
"Chinen Aiko..." Without realizing it I found myself whispering it.
"Did you say something?" Ikijima-san asked and I shook my head vigorously in the negative, my cheeks lighting up at the mere thought of being misunderstood for hearing her name and rehearsing it on my tongue.
"No, nothing!Shall we now move on to those strawberries? "I tried to change the subject because this man knew how to read me too well.He didn't answer anything and just proceeded to put the strawberries I wanted in the bag but didn't weigh them to charge me and I went to ask him what was wrong.
"These from me. After what happened to you,you need them" He winked at me briskly but I was about to complain because he already had the damage done because of the girl.I couldn't deprive him of money he needed when it wasn't even his fault in the first place.
"But.... "The intense look he gave me made me fear for my life and I finally accepted the strawberries without another word and thanked him. I took my bottle out of the bag and washed some out of mere impatience. I abruptly closed my eyes because they were a little sour but I could tell they were fresh and the taste of them made me smile. Of course, Echi smiled a lot more when she saw them.
Once I explained why I was late and what had happened,mom looked at me worriedly but dad and Chizu started laughing at my expense while the former asked me if I had found out who she was and what she had looked like.If it wasn't for my family I might not have been able to stand them with what they were doing.
I don't know if you've noticed but when you meet someone, their presence is suddenly felt wherever you see it.It's as if your eyes immediately spot them in the crowd or see some characteristic and recognize it immediately. That's what happened with Chinen Aiko and my damn eyes were constantly spotting her which compromised my attempt to remain unnoticed.If she spotted me too,there would be no turning back.
But when I heard the principal calling her name over the loudspeakers, I couldn't stop myself from taking another route and finding myself nearby. No matter how many warnings my mind sent me about my curiosity and where it could lead me,it was so great that I couldn't and wouldn't keep it under control.It felt like thirst and trying to satiate it excited me so I still wasn't able to stop. I kept saying that if something happened I would stop but that meant it might be too late by the time I decided to pull away.Maybe by then I was already too far in the deep end.
I walked slowly just outside the principal office and from the little I could hear,I knew it was about yesterday's incident.It may have taken place outside the school but the school was the miniature of society and had the responsibility to make us proper citizens. So if a student behaved in an inappropriate manner,the school was not doing its job properly.
The headmaster had lost all semblance of composure and was straining his voice more and more and as a result he sounded crushed.But I couldn't blame him because the school was filled with troublemakers and all these things happened one after another without leaving a single day empty. The school's image was fading and getting uglier and uglier in the eyes of the parents and the only hope for redemption was the cheer club.I could tell the principal was counting on this move to improve the image as he had also invited Kaoru to the office.
For the first two troublemakers I knew that he had suggested they join but something told me that Chiasa yesterday and Aiko today were the principal's ideas. To an outsider it would look like he was leaving his job to a mere student but in reality he hoped that this action would help the students think about their mistakes.He was known for his kindness and fairness; he was never more harsh than necessary. So he recognized that harsh punishment was not the answer and he really wanted to help his students. Since even his raised voice hid remorse behind it as if he believed that his own mishandling had led so many students to this inappropriate behavior.
I didn't want to see him thinking like that because he was one of the few educators I had become emotionally close to and I didn't like it at all to see people so good hurting themselves unjustly. Fortunately those who were not foolish and those who had tried to take advantage of his willingness and kindness,had learned their lesson. Just because he didn't like to punish students,didn't mean he hesitated to do so when necessary.
The bell rang again so I couldn't stay out of there any longer but now I knew that when I went to the area next to the cheering club,I would hear her voice among the members.I walked away with my hands in my pockets and that thought causing a silly smile on my lips as it seemed even funnier than yesterday because I didn't expect them to keep filling up with troublemakers for members. However,I had to point out that none of them had given me the impression that they were bad or had done it all on purpose.It was as if circumstances had led them all to that behaviour and in the club.
Nothing remarkable happened through the rest of the day as my classes went on as normal with me being bored with my life and thinking of things to kill time and trying to survive.The only thing different with yesterday was that I didn't give up my food for any of the club members this time. I had learned my lesson and knew by now that nice philosophies and aerologies could not satisfy our needs.The other thing was that the one who seemed to be watching me didn't make an appearance one bit.Not a card or a snack while I had the impression that the sense of being watched was gone.It was beginning to confirm that I had probably become paranoid because I was the one watching others.
I wanted to go to the club as soon as classes were over but I had cleaning duty and I knew it would take me a long time.It made me feel sluggish just thinking about having to do it so I moved even slower with each step and dragged my feet eating up extra time. I turned off the whiteboard and put the chalks back in place while I transferred the sponges to our classroom teacher. Then I opened all the windows before I started wiping in a completely mechanical manner.
I leaned on my hand that was holding the broom and almost fell asleep from the calm and sweet air but I woke up in a bit of a rough way.I got hit in the head by a baseball ball.I couldn't tell if I had done anything and maybe I had angered some local deity since I kept getting things dropped on my head from yesterday.At least it didn't break the window because it went through where it was open.
I approached there and saw a few players downstairs waving their hands for me to return the ball and apologizing.I took it in my hand with a rush and got into position as if I was about to throw it so hard I was going to hit a home run but eventually I went back to my previous stance. I knew this would be great if I could do it on top of being hit but I couldn't do that and I didn't want to make a fool of myself trying. I let the ball fall out of my hand and the guy waiting just below caught it and started running towards the field.
A few steps later,he turned back to look at me and grabbed the brim of his hat in gratitude since if he said it he wouldn't be heard.He had done it just when I was beginning to think that athletes are ungrateful and don't think of anyone so it surprised me.
I went back into the classroom and finished sweeping to deal with the trash. They never learned that the classroom bin is only for stationery so it can go straight to recycling.They had thrown in half-finished juice cans and bits of food that now not only stank but dripped so I had to keep my hand underneath as I ran to catch up before a drop dripped.
I reached in front of the outer bin and threw the bag in at lightning speed because it was making me sick and I was grossing myself out with my own hands. My face went sour and I stuck my tongue out before deciding to go to the taps and rinse myself off because I couldn't stand even a little bit of the garbage juice on me.
I ran towards them at medium speed as I wasn't particularly athletic; actually my body was meant to be an athlete but I was very unfit so I was panting quickly. I started flushing frantically so I didn't notice someone who came at that moment to a nearby faucet. I was only startled when I heard the sound his bottle made when it crumpled because he was trying to drink every last drop of water.
I wasn't going to pay attention to him and was about to disappear when he spoke and I had to look up and see him wiping his mouth on his shirt sleeve; he was a baseball player.
"Sorry about before with the ball "He said with sincere regret and I was surprised that he could tell it was me when there were so many floors separating us.But then my eyes stumbled over the number on his uniform and I realized it was him waiting downstairs and then he had thanked me.
"It's okay.These things happen "My voice came out as a whisper since I wasn't used to talking at all in the school grounds unless a teacher forced me to.I stepped past him and moved away hoping he wouldn't talk anymore but he opened his mouth again making me curse under the breath I took.
"Do you want to play with us?It's a friendly game and non-members play "He suggested and I was surprised because that had come out of nowhere.I didn't think I gave off anything that indicated I was good for company or a game.I was brooding and obviously not good at sports.Why would he suggest that?
I turned back to look at him noticing for the first time his face and his gentle smile.I always looked anywhere below someone's head to keep our eyes from meeting but now he had piqued my curiosity.He didn't seem to have any second thoughts beneath the surface or any gain from all this.
I think I almost reached out towards him but my heart tightened as if to remind me how easy it is to get hurt and hurt when you make connections with people.That was why I liked to observe others from a distance. Maybe this opportunity wouldn't come again and I probably made a big mistake but I couldn't help overanalyzing everything and at that moment I wasn't ready for that.Even if it meant continuing to live in my own world and missing the opportunity.
"I don't.... "I started and he was understanding, saying something that gave me hope even though I tried to push it away.
"Maybe some other time."
I slowly walked away and once I was in a place where he couldn't see me,I started running wanting to get to the safety of that empty room as quickly as possible. It wasn't that I was hurting badly with any of my past experiences.But I was observant and I was seeing things that I not only didn't want to happen to me but more importantly I didn't want to inflict them on others.That was reason enough for me.
I quickly walked out the door of the club and stopped, feeling the need to look inside.There were more people after all.A boy and a girl had joined them in addition to Aiko. I knew them because they had been in trouble before.Etsuko had made graffiti on the outside walls of the school and no matter how many times she had been punished,she never stopped.Gin was notorious for his custom made hard slabs and charging for them.Another particularly troublemaking element but I didn't care about that at the moment.
They were laughing and shouting at each other.I touched the door that separated us and in that moment I realised that there would always be an obstacle if I continued to live like this and I would never feel the true emotion of all those who risked their hearts but would satisfy myself with imitations.With the reflection of the mirror that can only show the object but not touch it.
I closed myself in the dark room and let some tears fall when I thought I heard something and saw a shadow moving.
"Who's there?"