The day of the trip came before I knew it but at the same time it felt like it was too late because I was looking forward to it.I said goodbye to my parents and narrowed my eyes when I saw them waving goodbye with misty eyes.I expected that a week would be enough for them to get over these excesses but I was wrong.
I turned my back and supported the bag better on my back.I didn't know how to feel about taking five days to see them.Since I had never been on a trip or outing before,I had never been separated from my family for more than a day. Something inside me made me clench and want to turn back as every step I took was a step outside my safety zone and made my heart pound like crazy.I felt like a kid going to school for the first time and not wanting to be separated from his parents.
But as soon as I stepped far enough away without looking back,another feeling came that fought against everything else.Independence and freedom.The wind hit me and I gripped the handles of the bag tighter before I started running towards the school. I was going to get a chance to feel like I was growing up and could handle things on my own.The feeling was indescribable and the journey hadn't even started yet.Something told me that everything was going to go my way.It was like I could feel it inside.
I arrived at the bus that was waiting for us outside and it wasn't that hard to spot the teacher in charge of my class.Most of the students had gathered and soon he would start reading the names and letting us in.I stayed behind to be preceded by those who were in pairs and he had to make me sit alone. Under other circumstances he might break some other larger group to put me in with one of them but I certainly didn't want that either.I couldn't understand why the teachers were so insistent on making us do everything together.What would they gain from it and what were we supposed to learn?
They all passed by and he looked at me in surprise when he saw that I was there since I had requested a release from the field trips since last year.He went to smile but found that I was alone and paid no attention to my satisfied smile because of just that fact.
In his eyes I had made up my mind to enjoy my school years and if I was alone I wouldn't have been able to do that.Maybe I would have said something to let him know that this was how I enjoyed it but now I knew I didn't need to do that. I could see him looking upsetly once inside and once at me before he bowed his head in frustration since he couldn't find me someone to sit next to me. I bit my lip to hide my relief.
"Come on in "He said in a voice that showed he felt he had let me down as a teacher and made a note on his paper that I was present.I climbed the steps and my trained eyes immediately spotted two empty seats towards the middle of the vehicle.Myself and I were very happy to be seated together.
I laughed at that thought and walked over to them happily.I sat down on the inside because I liked to look out the window and get lost in my own thoughts and put the bag in the seat next to me.Luckily I hadn't had to sit with the kids in the group. I was sure they felt just as relieved.
The teacher read the names one more time to make sure we were all there and that we weren't forgetting anyone.He stuck to one name because no one answered and started repeating it.I looked around to see if the boy who was called couldn't hear him but even if his name rang a bell,I couldn't remember his face at that moment.
"Does anyone know if anything happened to Minamoto Saboru?" the professor asked because he didn't want to leave without being sure the student couldn't come.
"Let's wait a little longer, sir!He's very sleepy and almost always late!" suggested a boy who probably knew him well and some people started giggling as soon as he said that.He probably had a reputation for such things. I soured my face because I thought sleepyheads were very lazy people. Sure I slept in class too and I might be a little late but I never missed class.I couldn't stand people who weren't there on time and delayed everyone else's schedule.
The teacher opened his mouth as if he was about to say something but at that very moment a student appeared from behind him and almost fell on him from the momentum with which he had entered.He was full of sweat and out of breath from running.His face looked familiar to me but that was only natural since we were in the same class.
"Sorry for the delay!" he shouted breathlessly and I disliked him even more because I couldn't stand the noisy ones.The professor looked at him with a playful glare as if he wanted to laugh as he saw him but was holding back because of his position.
"Never mind.The important thing is that you caught up with us because we don't want to leave anyone behind!" he said and patted him on the back in a friendly manner to push him to look for a seat and sit down.It didn't even cross my mind for a second and I certainly didn't expect it even if it was the expected thing.I realized that I was the only one sitting alone when he came over to where I was sitting and looked at me awkwardly grabbing the back of his head.
"Can I sit here?"Seeing his awkwardness and the polite smile at the end,I realized it was that baseball player who had suggested I play with them.I sighed and put the bag down.The trip was already starting to go bad and that perfect picture I had was fading.Not only was there someone sitting next to me who was annoying me but he was the one who was giving me second thoughts about the whole cheerleading club thing. On one hand I wanted to see if he had seemed friendly just to mock me and now he wouldn't make another move to get to know me but I still hoped he wouldn't do anything.I didn't feel like opening a conversation and I just wanted to stay in silence and get lost in my thoughts until we reached our destination.
I was surprised though that I hadn't realized before that we were from the same class.If I hadn't met him at the taps,I wouldn't recognize him now and I could have sworn I hadn't seen him in class.He seemed like a person who stood out in his own way so it would have been hard not to have noticed him but from the looks of it not impossible.
The bus started and I was about to let out a relieved breath because he had seemingly decided not to bother me.Within a few seconds though I could feel his seat shift showing his hesitation and embarrassment. He wanted to do something but wasn't sure how I would react.I tried to give off an aura that showed I wanted nothing to do with him to give him the answer to his dilemma but I should have known he was so thick headed he wouldn't get the message.
"Do you want to play a game?I have cards and some other things that are for traveling... "I could hear him rummaging through his bag and I really appreciated that he was trying but I was in no mood for that.However, he had come prepared for the trip.
"I don't want to play. "I replied dryly, resting my hand on the edge of the window and then resting my head on my palm.He seemed to freeze a little but it wasn't enough to deter him it seemed.
"Oh....Ok....Then maybe...?"Now he was looking for something else and I was really curious as to what else he might suggest but I was sure I would dismiss it again. "Are you hungry? I have several snacks.."
I turned around to tell him that these were not allowed on the buses but I saw him touching his lips with his index finger and holding out his other hand which was filled with snacks of various kinds. I didn't like refusing other people's offers and I didn't want to be rude so I took one at random and ate it turning back to the window.It was strange in taste but I couldn't complain because he had bought them for himself and he liked them.He wouldn't buy flavours based on what others liked.
"So....you wanted to come on this trip..is there anything...?"He seemed happy that I had accepted his snack and went to step on it to open up conversation.
"Thanks for the snack!"My voice was sharp and had sharp angles that threatened anyone who made the mistake of getting any closer.I wasn't going to let him think that we had become buddies because we happened to sit together and I happened to accept his snack.I didn't know how easily he made friends but it wasn't that simple for me.And the topic he was trying to start with was definitely a touchy one. I may have looked mean but I reacted like any living organism when you tried to invade his space,I clawed.
"You're welcome!" he replied and it seemed he was obviously heavy.Not only was his voice deeper and weaker but the sound of his words changed showing that now his lips had dropped down.
He didn't bother me the rest of the trip and I expected him to strike up a conversation with all the other guys since he looked famous but he remained silent next to me as if he had lost his will.I wouldn't feel guilty because it simply wasn't my fault!
I completely put him out of my mind the entire ride and when we got off the bus I did everything I could to avoid him.Even when we got to where we were staying,I chose to grab a spot as far away from his as possible to put my stuff down and put my futon on.
It seemed excessive since he hadn't done anything to me but if he tried to be friends again, he would get in the way of me trying to find the other six.That was the reason I had come in the first place so I wasn't going to let anyone spoil it for me.
On the first day we were all going together as a sophomore class to certain attractions.This was my chance if I wanted to track down Chiasa, Nen and Fujita.I hoped that if I found them today when we were all together, I could find out other useful information like where their own classes were and where they planned to be as a club for the remaining four days we were free to wander the city.
I hadn't expected us to be given so much freedom but perhaps it had more to do with the fact that there weren't many places we could all visit together than with the fact that the director had done it for us.The area we had visited was not one of the best known for its tourist destinations and the truth was that we didn't even know why it had been chosen for the tour.
Of course,I didn't care about any of that because whatever the reason was,it gave me more days that I could follow the cheerleading club.I had to concentrate on the excuse I could find to get away from the teacher in charge and then be able to find the other guys. I would become one with their class since one face among the twenty was not something easily discernible.Their teacher would not spot me and I would make sure to use my skills to make myself invisible to prying eyes.
But there were two problems that I still didn't know how to deal with.Not only did I not know what class they belonged to since they had never mentioned it during club hours, but I didn't know if they had a female or male teacher so I could narrow down the scope of my search.
They were in four classes and the only thing I knew for sure was that they weren't in my class.How could I tell them apart from the back,without seeing their faces, that all looked the same?
I raised my fist with a determined look on my face; the more obstacles that appeared the more I deserved what I had conquered and I would find a way to fight them one way or another. It may seem strange because difficulties seem to most people like warnings from the universe telling them not to do what they are about to do but to me it was fueling my stubbornness.The more guards outside,the greater the treasure inside.That was the feeling I had and it would not change my mind.
We passed quickly by some sights and I knew that I didn't have time to do it at that moment because by the time I walked away,their class would be gone. So I waited for that much needed break in between where we would be all classes mixed and I would have enough time to carry out my quest.
We stopped at a park to eat and drink water or go to the bathroom,that last excuse I planned to use as well. But I had to wait for all the people who asked to go initially to return as they would see me change course and tell the professor if he asked where I was.I was starting to get annoyed as I was wasting my time but I smiled when I saw them return.
"Sensei,I need to go to the bathroom!"I went and said wearing my most convincing expression and he looked at me wondering why I hadn't said it before. But physical need is not something we can control so I had chosen that excuse.If I had told him that I was suddenly hungry and wanted to go buy something he would have either told me to be patient or asked someone else to share his food with me.
"Go but hurry up because we're leaving in a little while. "His suggestion made me run at breakneck speed because if I took even a little longer,I could lose them.I cursed the others who were probably loitering all that time and hurriedly headed for the toilets to change course later. I looked back out of the corner of my eye to see when the professor would turn his attention elsewhere but as if he was worried about me,his eyes never left me.
I snapped.He didn't have to do his job so well!I had to go into the toilets and out a different door.My eyebrows were furrowed with nerves and my forehead was furrowed with tension.I gritted my teeth and prepared to run with as much strength as I could muster on my feet.
I would find them even if I had to ask one by one the teachers of the classes if they had students with those names.But of course when everything was going wrong,there was nothing going right because it would feel lonely among the rest.
I collided with someone and with the momentum I had gained I ended up hurling them to the opposite side while I fell backwards.I was ready to heavily curse whoever was in front of me even if I was the one I couldn't see in front of me.
My mouth was left gaping open when I saw that it was Tanji Shizu.It will sound shallow but now I felt a little guilty I had pushed her like that just after she had come out of the bathroom.
"I'm sorry...I wasn't looking... "I apologized and stood up to hold out my hand to help her up.She looked up in annoyance but her own expression softened when she saw who I was.She accepted my hand and then shook her skirt.I hoped she would continue on back through that different door and leave me alone to do what I wanted.
"It's okay, Haga-kun.Where are you going? "She asked me and for a moment I felt a bite in my heart but then I remembered that I had already confided in her about what I was doing so there was no need to hide it.If I gave a direct answer it would have ended the conversation faster.
"I thought I'd look for Nen,Fujita and Chiasa... "I replied with a blush slowly staining my cheeks and rubbing the back of my head.Her eyes opened wide and I didn't understand why so my expression started to change form into a confused and a little scared frown.
"Are they at the club?Oh yes of course!How silly of me!They had caused trouble."She tapped her forehead and started a conversation with herself that was confusing me more and more.I started to wiggle with worry because I was wasting time switching the weight from the heels of my feet to my toes. "The two boys are in my class and the girl is in the one next door" She finally said and my eyes nearly bugged out of their sockets from shock while my mouth unscrewed.
"So..so can you show me where I can find them?"Finally maybe something good was happening.They were right those who said that everything happened for a reason.If I hadn't bumped into her I would still be looking for them and I might not have found them.
"Yes,of course "She replied and we opened that door again so we could get to where everyone was taking a break to see that no one was there.A feeling went through me like something had pierced my stomach.I scanned the area around me with my eyes and couldn't spot anyone.
"What do we do now?"I asked her because we didn't know which way they were going or what the next sight was so we could ask passersby and get our bearings.
My heart felt like a runner who instead of running to get the medal,was panicking for his life trying to avoid something.I didn't have a cell phone with me.The model I had was very old and I had taken it with me just to let my parents know that everything was going well. That's why I had left where we were staying.
I abruptly turned around next to me to make sure she was still there since she hadn't given me any answer yet.I was a little relieved that I wasn't alone because it felt like everyone suddenly started to disappear around me.I don't know what a panic attack feels like because I'd never had one before but I'm pretty sure that whatever was approaching me at that moment and was about to wrap its icy arms around me was something like that.
Tanji lifted her head forward as if various thoughts were passing before her eyes and checked her phone once again.Without giving me any explanation,she took my hand in hers and pulled me in one direction.
"Where...?"She motioned for me to be quiet or she would lose her concentration.She kept looking at the GPS on her phone as if trying to figure out if the streets she saw there, were actually the ones we were walking on at that moment.
"I sent a text to ask what the next sight was.Because they went into the toilets and couldn't find us some teachers are looking for us while others are continuing the tour as normal so that the rest of the students don't panic" She explained with a gasp because she could probably tell from the pulse in my hand that I was panicking.
I let out a breath that I had been holding for so long once I realized what she was trying to do; however, I have to admit that I was impressed because she had thought it through pretty quickly and had kept her cool by coming up with a pretty good solution.
At that moment I thought that if I hadn't bumped into her I would have been alone without a cell phone and I would have worried my teachers like crazy.Maybe because of me the field trip would have been interrupted or the rest of us would have been deprived of the freedom of the rest of the days. I was too reckless and hadn't thought about how my actions could affect those around me.If I did something in the absence of the teacher, he would be held responsible and the consequences of my wrongdoings would fall on him.I had to think more about my actions.
I followed Tanji with my head bowed and not speaking a word. I didn't even pay attention to the fact that it was the first time I had ever held a girl's hand other than my sisters'.I shouldn't have come on that trip in the first place since what I had in mind required breaking a lot of rules and getting a lot of people in trouble.When it was just me it was different but now I had caused trouble for so many others.I was ashamed of myself.
I really didn't even understand when we were able to find everyone else because I simply hadn't done anything to help.Tanji had to wrestle with her own mind and get her bearings.
Luckily it hadn't been long and they hadn't gotten too far away.When she stopped walking,I knew we had arrived.I prepared myself for the sermon of the century but I certainly didn't expect to find myself in a tight embrace.
"You scared us "The professor's voice came brokenly to my ears and I have the impression that I gasped because my vision blurred.We had managed to find them thanks to the fact that she had moved so fast and was so good at finding the way but I was very scared when we suddenly found ourselves alone in an unfamiliar area. I had realised how small and unprepared I was to go out into the world.My emotions were so intense that I didn't realise it when Tanji passed a piece of paper in my hand.