I only saw the slip of paper when we returned to the place where we were going to sleep and I took out my leather jacket as it was tucked away in my pocket. I was so fatigued that I wanted to go to bed immediately as I had exhausted my mental and physical batteries and I was tired of hearing what a model student we were after we had managed to handle the situation so well.
The teachers insisted on telling the others that they should follow our example and this made me feel worse and worse because they thought that they had made a mistake and we were lost when that was my intention all along.
But even more tiresome were the questions from the boys who insisted that something was going on between me and Tanji because we had been lost at the same time and had returned holding each other's hands; I denied the rumours all day long, avoiding mentioning that she was holding my hand so that I wouldn't get lost again.
This attention was beginning to make me more and more uncomfortable because I was a creature of darkness that had come out of it under the blinding sunlight and it was leaving burns all over my body. I had always tried to disappear into the crowd and now everyone was looking at me when the teachers mentioned my name while the boys had suddenly gained an intimacy with me that I hadn't even given them permission to have.At any moment I would make a sudden outburst that would repel everyone but then they would think I was weird.I preferred that they didn't even know I existed.
"Knock it off." came the flat and stern voice of the last person I wanted to be involved.Saboru had thrown two pillows at two of the people sitting around me and looked at the others as if threatening them that their turn would come if they didn't return to their futons.Usually he had an expression that made you think he couldn't be scary but when his gaze plastered on,it made the hairs stand up.
Pillow fighting in general wasn't such a dangerous thing but when your opponent was the best pitcher on the baseball team,you didn't want to be involved in something like that.They gave him a grumpy look but he kept his gaze until they gave up and walked away in frustration.
"Get ready to go to the bathrooms as we are the next class." He said more sternly than the professor himself would have said and they obeyed, dragging their feet; they had hoped to get into various kinds of mischief since the professors were sleeping in a different room from ours but Saboru had turned out to be unexpectedly responsible so he was spoiling it for them.
"The sooner we finish,the sooner we can go back and play various games."He added in a lively and conspiratorial tone that made everyone smile mischievously.
I couldn't tell if he was actually excited about it or if he had just done it to motivate them and not be like that.Whatever the reason,he had his way with the boys in our class and it was quite impressive.
My mind raced to what excuse I needed to bring up to not join in their silly games so that they wouldn't think I was a lout and that I didn't approve of them.But my thoughts were suddenly interrupted as if I had just heard what he had said before and realized what he meant.
Since I didn't have many friends and had never been on a field trip before,I hadn't had to follow this ritual that was common for everyone else.I covered my mouth before I could even think of screaming and my whole face turned bright red as if I had put it in the oven. I would faint at the thought of taking a bath with all of those disgusting guys.
A hand touched my forehead and it felt cool because my whole head was burning and had turned a deep red color.My brain had literally died so I couldn't understand what was going on or who had touched me.I only started to come to when I heard him speak loudly as if he wanted everyone else to hear him.
"You're burning up.You must have a fever.You better lie down and leave the bath for another day when you'll be better!"I didn't think my face was burning enough to be mistaken for sick but I knew what was going on when the person whispered close to my ear. "You can pretend to lie down and go to bath later when no one is around.If you want I'll ask permission from the professor as well"
I was getting stubborn and I wanted so badly to bounce his offer.I couldn't understand why he was being so nice to me and trying to protect me when I had treated him so rudely.But if I refused the offer, I would have to do something that could kill me with shame, so I decided to put my ego aside and accept his help for this one time.
"Okay"I whispered avoiding to look at him and nodding my head positively.
I lay down on my futon and curled up to pretend to be sick.Unbeknownst to him,he had also given me an excuse for not playing in the games and also for what the paper had mentioned.
For a while I had forgotten about it but while the rest were at the hot springs bathing,the piece of paper seemed to burn my pillow since I had put it under there.I hadn't expected her to suggest something like that and it had come out of nowhere as a suggestion so I couldn't help but kick it around in my mind until everyone returned.
When I saw what they had all brought me out of concern for my health a delicate chord inside of me was touched and also the guilt began to flare up. I decided that tomorrow I would join them in the baths since I couldn't drag out this business of illness for long anyway.I watched them playing and looking like they were having a good time and feeling some obligation to return the favour with all they had bought me,I rose.
"W-...Would you like to come and play near here to.... so I can play too?"I was prepared for rejection.If they thought I was sick, they wouldn't want to get sick as too.
Some made excited noises and ran towards me while the others broke up the game even though they were halfway through so they could come over and play a game from the start so I could join in.
None of them mentioned anything about me never wanting to do anything with other people but they reacted as if it was the most natural thing to do.
One who I couldn't remember his name and was one of the first to let out excited screams before running right past me,was very enthusiastic and told me one by one the game titles so I could choose the one I wanted.It was as if the way he was so honest and reacted lessened my need to stay away from other people. He was violating my personal space but he did it in a way that didn't make me pull back.
Eventually we fell asleep between games and on top of each other.
It took Saboru to nudge me to wake me up so I could go to the bathrooms. If I hadn't kept an eye on the paper,I might have left the bathroom for another time and gone back to sleep as there were not many times I fell asleep so sweetly and heavily.
I saw him grab everyone by the legs or lift them on his back to take everyone to his futon or somewhere around there. He looked carefree but he actually cared for all of them and reacted like a big brother while being the little one when needed. Maybe that's why he was trying to help me too,I didn't know.
"Sa-...Saboru... "He turned to me in surprise as it was the first time I called him by his name or answered him instead of cutting him off.
I opened my mouth to say the next word which was incredibly difficult but then one of the others started to ramble in his sleep and startled us before causing us to laugh out loud. We were thrashing around trying not to be heard because he was talking nonsense and pursing his lips while moving around like he was seeing some girl in his dream.
I grabbed the door thinking I had gotten away with it but I couldn't stand it and said it quickly and whispered it through my teeth without turning to look at him.
"Thank you" I said and hurried out before I heard his reply and ran to the bathrooms to finish before the meeting time the note said.I had no way of letting her know what had happened so I had to hurry so as not to change plans and make a mistake that would cost us. The teachers wouldn't be so tolerant if they saw us doing something alarming to them again but at least I had made sure to confirm that it wasn't anything dangerous and the blame would fall solely on me.
The bath was so refreshing that if I could I would have stayed in there for the rest of the night and never come out.I could have slept in there but that wouldn't have ended well and I knew it.
I also had to move quickly.Although the rush didn't work out well as the increased temperature blurred my vision and my often tight skin softened and relaxed. So when I stepped out I slipped because my steps were hurried and unsteady and I ended up falling back on the hot spring.I surfaced and was in such a state of euphoria that I started laughing to myself before trying to get back out.
I drank the cold milk and put on my kimono with my underwear underneath to dry off before I started to head to the meeting point.I was a little afraid of my lies coming true and getting sick with wet wool but there was no way I was going to meet Tanji with a towel on my head. Luckily my hair that wasn't particularly long and would be dry in no time.
The thing was that I was no longer sure about all this because I had woken up from a deep sleep and had been in such a relaxing bath.I felt ready to sleep standing up.If I had her number I would have texted her to postpone it but now I knew I couldn't let her wait like that when she had been doing all this for me in the first place.
I got to the spot where the paper said but before I could stand right next to the vending machine as she had advised for some strange reason,a hand pulled me backwards sharply.
I didn't put up much resistance as my body was still like jelly.Before I could make a sound,a tender hand covered my mouth and I thought I could smell something like potato chips but I wasn't sure.
"Don't make a sound "Tanji's whispered voice tickled my ear and I found myself shuddering while hoping her hand couldn't feel the blush on my cheeks.Once I knew it was her,I obeyed what she whispered because I was sure there must be a reason for all this.There was no other excuse.
I thought I heard footsteps from the corridor across the one we were on and almost at the same moment she squeezed my arm and pulled me towards an unknown destination.
She had promised to help me see the members of the club and find out information about their plans from the next day onwards but maybe the plan had changed now that someone had appeared to be approaching. There was no way we wanted to be caught outside the rooms we were supposed to be in so late at night and together.It could cause misunderstandings and it wasn't something we needed on our shoulders after the rumors that had started because we had been seen returning hand in hand. That was why I blindly followed her knowing that she knew what she was doing and that it would cause trouble if I asked for an explanation.
We walked very carefully so as not to cause noise and she looked around to see if a teacher was approaching who was just wandering around to check on the students.It was very reminiscent of the experience we had that morning but not as scary in that we might not be able to find our way.
Of course,it was quite dark and we shook at every sound fearing it was a teacher.Both situations were quite stressful but I couldn't say I didn't enjoy that adrenaline rush even a little bit.
"Why are you wearing a kimono too?"I asked her in the breakout at some point when I couldn't hear anything because I had just noticed that she was wearing the same outfit as me. I had indeed gone to the bathrooms and could use that as an excuse if I was found alone outside since I had the teacher's permission; but how had she come up with the same excuse as me without knowing that I would do that?Was it just a coincidence?
"Uh....In general, news travels fast...And there was talk of you not wanting to go bathing with the others..So I knew you were going to go bath later... "She said it a little hesitantly thinking about my feelings but no matter how much hesitation she had in her voice,it didn't change the information I had just received.
Not only had some rumor started about me even though it had been said that I was sick but it had even reached the ears of the girls in other classes.It was quite a blow because I knew that when a rumor starts about you,you get the shaft. They start saying more and more things adding more and more sauce until you are fingered and they stick a nickname on you that you don't even know where it came from because you didn't do any of the things you were accused of.
And the few good feelings I had from before with the boys faded away and I felt like my heart started to get heavy and sink in my chest.
My mind went to Saboru who was the only one who knew about it and I felt silly for thanking him from above. No one else could have started those rumors.I remembered his sincere expression but I didn't let it confuse me once again.He was a very good actor and I was a big fool that I had ended up risking my feelings again at the first opportunity.I never learned my lesson.
"We're here "I heard her say after some time and I saw her slowly open the door.I followed her without looking up but when I did,I almost screamed.I pulled her out hard again almost pulling her arm out of the momentum and looked at her like she was crazy.
"Do you realize where you've brought me?!"
"Don't you want to listen to Chiasa talk about their plans as a club or look through her phone to see?" She asked as if it was the obvious thing to ask and it actually shook me up a bit making me think for a few seconds that I was the irrational one but I managed to recover quickly.
"Couldn't we go to Nen and Fujita who are also from your class?Do you know what will happen to me if they see me walk into a room full of defenseless girls?" Even though I was whispering my voice was tense and it was distorted as a sound because it was too high pitched from shock.
This was something I was in no way expecting and I wasn't prepared to do it. Besides,I didn't know if I was willing to risk my image and the rest of my time at school just to find out their plans.It may have been the only option that put all the blame on me but the point was that I would be blamed for things I hadn't done!
She didn't answer my questions and just crossed her arms raising one eyebrow.At first I didn't understand what had triggered this reaction but then it hit me.I was the one who was interested in this information and she had already taken a risk by being in a different class and going out so late.As much as I would be in trouble if I was found in a room with girls,she would be in trouble if she was found in a room with boys.
"I'm sorry"I finally said and her expression softened.She motioned for me to go in first and I dry heaved while my legs began to shake.My disguise was also very suspicious.If I was found,there would be no way to justify myself or prove I was innocent. Although I don't know if I actually was because I was about to hack into a stranger's cell phone to see where she was meeting the others and be able to track them.
Yeah, maybe it was better if they thought otherwise and didn't know the truth.
As I walked in I thought about the fact that Tanji had already helped me three times without obliging her anything.I smiled softly and decided to find a way to repay her as best I could.There was always something I could do no matter how inexperienced I was.
I found myself on top of Chiasa who was sound asleep snoring lightly and Tanji found herself on the opposite side so we could simultaneously search her belongings and find the cell phone quicker.
I moved a little slowly because I tried to search carefully and not touch too many things because I felt like a thief and was afraid they might find my fingerprints. I saw a movement and felt some wind,I lifted my head to see her waving the phone with a victorious expression that suddenly changed to surprise because in her attempt to get my attention she lost her balance.
I saw her fall back and I moved before I could think about it and filter it.I stepped over the dozing Chiasa and grabbed her arms to create a counterweight so she could stand but I ended up falling towards her myself doing my best not to touch the dozing girl.
I found myself lying on top of her with my heart pounding as if trying to break the bonds of my body and get out,my face darkened in the darkness from blushing and my eyes staring deep into hers unable to pull away.Luckily Chiasa was the last in that line so we hadn't run into anyone else.
I opened my mouth to say something but no sound could come out. There was a sound from outside and we both rolled our eyes before turning to the door at the same time.We saw some flashlights glowing and it looked like someone was about to walk in.
Tanji was frozen and there wasn't much she could do from her position so I knew that for once I had to do something.I was going to hide us somehow but if it didn't work,I would take all the blame.It was all my fault to begin with.
I noticed that Chiasa was uncovered and had pushed her cover down further.In a flash I grasped it and covered us.But to make it look like there was a lying human underneath,I looked at her apologetically and let my body fall on top of her trying not to let go of all the weight.
We were practically clinging tightly even though one of my hands was still holding the cover protectively.I could feel her heart beating as frantically as mine as a teacher came in and shone her flashlight on several spots.
We only breathed again when she left and I slumped over a little further knowing that I was over the edge in time.Her face was bright red and she looked at me as if she wanted to kill me but in the end she said nothing acknowledging that I was only doing what I could to protect us.I hadn't taken advantage of the situation or anything else.
I was trying to push the thoughts and the feeling of her body out of my mind and body and act as if nothing had happened.I had moved as far away from her as I could, stuck against the wall and feeling my whole body vibrating and on fire.
We could still hear talking from outside and see flashlights and we waited for the right time to leave but we made a fatal mistake.We got carried away until we fell asleep there.