The shadow moved and I remembered those strange things I had heard the first day I was late because of the club. I was shaking all over and really wasn't sure if I wanted to accept an answer to my question.I saw her approaching towards the light and my scream stopped just short of my throat making me sound like some complaining puppy.I let out a relieved breath when I saw that she was just a classmate and didn't look like some kind of ghost though in these situations you never know.
"Sorry for scaring you "She said with an awkward expression and smiled widely at me.I've been hearing a lot of apologies lately...I rubbed my head and only at the memory of the pain in that spot after the unorthodox encounter with Aiko.
"Oh, it's okay.I just didn't expect someone else to be here and in the dark..." Although I also had an apologetic expression,my eyes were sharp as they looked at her as if forcing her to confess something.It was certainly strange to find someone else in there and certainly in the dark without the light on. I knew that I should probably not be the one in the position of the interrogator with what I was doing and that if word of the embarrassment got out it would never leave me.That's why I had immediately gone on the offensive,so that I wouldn't be on the defensive.
"I would have said the same about you.I asked and was told that this room was free for me to use for my club.Was there a mistake? "Her expression was innocent and she asked the questions in an embellished way so as not to appear to be accusing me but it was obvious that now I had to apologize and answer for being there.
"And what were you doing in the dark?" say the cheeky thing but I kept trying to get the upper hand because I simply didn't want to leave that place or that group of kids; it was all I had no matter how sickening it sounded. As soon as I thought about it the memory of that classmate of mine who played baseball and we could have been friends and I wouldn't have needed that fake experience.I sent it away with the cheap excuse that they probably wanted to make fun of me and I was right not to go.
"The lamp is burnt out "She replied, crossing her arms and having started to lose patience with me.Maybe that's how I would feel if instead of getting answers I ended up giving them. "But you still haven't told me, what are you doing here?"
I hoped I could avoid this by throwing out nonsense and running out before she knew my name and could report to the principal that I was using a room without permission.Then my parents would find out and all my life I would be the fantasist who, because he had no friends of his own,found some ready-made ones and kept them company in his head. But I didn't see me getting away so easily because after my repeated attempts to maneuver,her attention was now even more on me.There is a possibility that she was putting far worse things in her mind than what I was actually doing.
"... "I opened my mouth but no words came out because I simply didn't expect to need anything ready and convincing to say in case I was discovered. I thought I was careful enough that no one would show any interest in this abandoned and dark room; but if they wanted to set up a new club and all the other rooms were taken, I could see why they would end up in this one.
As I took longer to answer,she was growing more and more suspicious and I could see her eyes darting around various parts of the room as if trying to spot something that would give away whatever it was I was doing in there. Things were starting to go downhill and I knew I had to open my mouth. I hadn't imagined that I would have to reveal it to a stranger but there was no choice as her body was facing the door and she looked ready to run towards a professor at any moment.I sighed.
"Promise to keep it a secret? "I asked her defeatedly and she turned back to me a little surprised as if she didn't expect me to finally speak.She thought about it for a moment before answering.
"Unless it's something very strange that needs to be reported to the principal. Yes" I didn't blame her for being so hesitant and suspicious because the boys had done a lot of unacceptable things in secret like selling pictures of the girls they thought were prettier to each other.But I didn't know if she would also classify what I did as one of the strange things the principal should know about.
"I don't know about you....but I promise it has nothing to do with girls or anything illegal…as far as I know that is. "Her eyes cut me from top to bottom as if she was trying to gauge what she thought I was capable of.Finally she waved her hand for me to continue.The look on her face gave me the feeling that I was a defendant in court and despite the darkness, I could feel the interrogation lamp burning my face.My palms and forehead started to get wet and no matter how much I opened my mouth no words came out.I took a deep breath and said it all together.
As soon as I finished I lifted my face hesitantly to see her reaction.She hadn't said anything so I couldn't tell what she had thought about what I had said. I raised one eyebrow and cocked my head to the side in confusion when I saw her vibrate all over.Before I could ask her, she made a sound as if her lips were able to break their bonds and a loud and constant laugh escaped from her side.
Her whole body was shaking and she had turned to the side covering her mouth with her lips in case it cut the sound.Her other hand was holding her stomach which was probably starting to hurt.I think I could see a few tears rolling from her eyes.This was definitely not the reaction I was expecting.
"Don't worry...your secret is safe with me.. "She uttered with some difficulty when she started to calm down and I felt the relief spread throughout my body though with the way she had reacted I wasn't sure if she would keep her word.
"Was...was that so funny?" I asked feeling a little like i was shrinking but she waved her hands in the negative and confused me even more.She wiped her teary eyes and took a breath to get rid of the laughter from before.When she looked at me she had a more serious yet glowing expression on her face.
"The truth is that I'm not interested in doing a club.I just had seen you come here in such a dark place and I wanted to see if something weird was happening again.You know I was a victim of the photo trade too so I didn't want something like that to happen again."She spoke with a firm voice and a little bitterness in the last sentence but then she smiled broadly. "That's why I in no way expected you to do something like that and it was a relief along with the surprise.Sure it's a little weird but I won't judge you for it."
I managed to catch my breath at the way she ended her speech.Her eyes held something like understanding and I knew I could keep coming there since she didn't have a club of her own.
"So you won't say anything?"
"As long as you don't cause any trouble,I don't see the point in doing so"She shrugged.At that moment I wondered if her eyes were the ones I felt on me yesterday and a little today.I opened my mouth with the intention of asking in a way because I couldn't stand the idea that I was paranoid and imagining all this.But instead of my voice coming out,there was another voice shouting as well.
"You son of a....!Ah!I can't work with that boomerang!It ruins everything I do!"A woman's voice shouted from next door and the door was heard creeping with great force.
"Don't look at me like that!Go apologize to her!She was right this time!" I managed to recognize Kaoru's voice and even though he was saying it loudly,he wasn't shouting or hiding any tension.
"Pfff,fine!"Replied a boyish voice and then walked out of the club too.Before I could think about it,the girl across from me spoke as if she knew exactly the thoughts I was having.
"Aren't you going?"She asked me a little briskly and pointed her hand at the door meaning for me to follow them.I smiled and started to walk away but turned back at the last minute.
"I didn't introduce myself.I'm Haga Ryo"
"Tanji Shizu. Nice to meet you."
"You too!"I replied quickly and walked out to catch up with the two who were fighting. I found them in the gazebo yelling at each other and making such intense movements that they could be seen from a distance.They should have considered the possibility that putting several troublemakers together wasn't the best choice though.The result now was the expected one.
I couldn't get close enough to hear exactly what they were saying but many words were reaching the point I was at and I had caught a glimpse of something in the cheering club room that made everything make sense.The ones who had been fighting were Gin and Etsuko.Kaoru had asked the girl to make the banner they would use at the soccer game to cheer on the players. The room had now been cleared and he was just looking for ways to utilize everyone's talents.Gin however was still the best at pranks and the one who enjoyed them the most so he had ruined the banner by making the paint explode somehow and bathing her in paint as well.It went without saying that she would be upset.Actually if you saw how she looked from a distance with the paint,you would think her reaction was mild.
Eventually they made up and shook hands even though they both seemed reluctant.I wanted to see how Kaoru would manage to bring all those different characters together and make them cooperate.They hadn't yet started rehearsing what they were going to say and how they were going to do it but I was sure it was going to be a lot of fun when they did it and I certainly didn't want to miss it.
I returned before them to the room next to their club and saw that Tanji-san had already left the room leaving me to do what I wanted to do; her understanding made me feel better about what I was doing and I needed her to push away the guilt and the few second thoughts.
I stopped thinking to myself though because I couldn't hear what they were saying and they seemed to have started a conversation.I had a hard time understanding what it was about at first but after a few contexts the picture was starting to clear in my mind.As if to confirm me,Kaoru said it clearly.
"Where will your year go for the school trip?"He asked the two troublemakers who had argued before because they were the only ones not involved in the conversation.They were both first graders while the rest were second graders like me with the exception of the one talking who was a third grader.Kaoru had said where they were going,Nen had said where we were going and the only ones who hadn't spoken were Etsuko and Gin.
I couldn't hear what answer they gave because I was having a bit of a stroke as I had completely forgotten about the school trip and was so distracted today that I hadn't heard any of the information.If I hadn't listened to Nen I wouldn't even know the destination and now I had to find a way to find out the date.
Under other circumstances I wouldn't have cared one bit because I simply wouldn't have gone but now that I had what I considered friends,I wanted to go to see how they were passing time during the trip.The truth is I had never been a person who was crazy about traveling so I hadn't gone even when I had friends. So my curiosity was piqued with what they would do to spend their time and what it would be like when there weren't such strict restrictions of school and they would show themselves more spontaneously.My heart started beating faster just at the thought and before I could control it I was already getting excited.
They continued to talk about it as they took a break and soon they would be leaving after they had completed most of their chores.I was sitting on the floor with my back against the wall and listening to their voices in the background while I was lost in thoughts and daydreams of what that trip could have been like. I may have long ago stopped paying attention to their every word, but just hearing voices in the background so close to you makes you feel like you're not alone.
I brought my legs closer to my body and smiled into my knees with my cheeks burning and in that moment I knew I had made the right choice; sharing their memories without fear of arguing or anything else. Even if I had become friends with that baseball player,we wouldn't have had much in common and there would have been this anxiety of how to behave so the other person could have a good time and not get hurt.That was definitely the best choice.
When I left school that day,my heart was much lighter and my steps were slow as if I was walking on clouds.I thought I had a strange feeling as if there was someone close enough to be felt but far enough away that I was unaware of them.I let go of the vivid feeling for a moment and prepared to look back at the thought that I might be confronted by the person who was watching me if it wasn't Tanji-san after all. But before I turned around,a couple walked past me giggling and talking and I let out a relieved breath.I released the grip on my fists and found that the feeling was gone.I decided at that moment to pay no attention to those sensations because they made me fear even my own shadow.After all,it had been proven many times that they were all creations of my galloping imagination.
I returned home and immediately went to the fridge to catch some strawberries.I had kept some and had hidden them so that Echi wouldn't take them from me but I was sure that she would spot them as soon as she returned so I hurried to fill my mouth with them.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!!"Chizu emphasized the first syllable so abruptly that it made me jerk and turn to look at her with my cheeks full and juices running from my mouth. I tried to smile innocently but it sure looked weird with the food in my puffy cheeks.I didn't get a chance to see her face because the flash from her phone hit me and made me close my eyes before I realized what she was doing.
She smiled wide at me waving her phone and showing me the embarrassing picture of me that was going into her album.She had a whole folder on her phone and computer so she could threaten me now and in the future.I swallowed the strawberries all at once and wiped my mouth before giving her a murderous look and starting to run towards her.
"You're dead!" I yelled at her menacingly only to get her mocking laugh in response.
"Then why am I still seeing your face?!!"She replied and continued to run towards her room.She was the only one who was allowed to have a key and if I let her in,there would be no way to erase the picture.My eyes spotted Echi playing inside since they shared a room.
"Echi,if you help your big brother,he will give you more strawberries!"I shouted and her head shot up at once and she looked at me with a twinkle in her eyes but then her expression changed to suspicion.
"But we ran out of strawberries yesterday. "She cut me off with her eyes and I knew I would be digging my own hole if I said I had more but I hid them so she wouldn't find them.So I came up with the first excuse that came to mind.
"I got a few more today!"As soon as I answered that,the little girl closed the door to the room and locked herself inside.At first I thought she was pouting at me but then I realized that the desire for strawberries could sharpen her thinking.If I got out and tried to cut her off,she was lacking in height and strength but if she closed the only room with a locker,Chizu would have no place to hide.
I saw her shake her head back and forth to find another way to escape but I caught up and ran into her knocking her down.I was definitely too weak but it was still enough to get the upper hand and take the phone out of her hand.I smiled victoriously as I picked it up and was about to run away from her but then came the most unfair and invincible attack...the tickle.
I began to flail and take quick breaths because I was one of those people who tickled easily and too much.I saw her step on something through the tears that began to stream from my eyes and her evil grin let me know that she had saved it in the locked folder.I had lost once again.
She left me after a while after I had exhausted all my oxygen reserves and was turning bright red.But I didn't have time to calm down and get up because another heavy thing was hooked to me.
"Strawberries!Strawberries!Onii-chan will give strawberries to Echi!" She started shouting and bouncing happily.I stood up with a sour and downcast expression with the little girl on my back like a monkey.Not only was I defeated and my image in the present and future was in danger, but I was going to be starving. I walked with heavy steps to the kitchen and handed the strawberries to Echi with a sad look as if I was parting with a partner even though I was also about to eat them before.But the way I saw her smiling broadly,I knew it was worth it. Even if my belly kept growling.
I was waiting for my parents to get back from their jobs to ask if I could go on the school trip.We had enough money to live in some comfort but I had never asked for this before so I didn't know if we had money to spend on it. I didn't have time to finish my question and I saw them looking dumbfounded before they both fell into my arms and started squeezing me.Their reaction again seemed excessive but I didn't speak and let them express themselves as they wanted.
When other children asked for things their parents resented them but mine celebrated as if I had offered to give them something.Maybe it was because I rarely asked or wanted anything.I usually took what they gave me and was satisfied with it.I didn't express much desire because I didn't care much either.
But when I did ask it was like they were relieved that I was acting like a normal kid and it made me feel weird about who I was and I thought about how I made them feel in general.But I didn't put too much weight on it and tried to focus on the fact that they were happy.
Chizu was looking at me suspiciously but I could see her faint smile that I don't know how it made me feel while the little one was glued to me and nagging about how she wanted to go on the trip with me.It made me feel important when she paid so much attention to me and she was the only person who I didn't mind when she was so close to me and violated my personal space.
The next day I found out that the field trip was scheduled for a week later and it was time to choose the groups of four to five people.Never before had that problem arisen with me because I didn't go but now the teacher had to randomly put me in a group that didn't fill the number.
There were two girls and one boy.I recognized their faces because I watched everyone in the class but I had no idea what their names were. They looked embarrassed as if they didn't even know I existed until just now.One of the girls opened her mouth to start a conversation but it was painful all the way through so I thought I would put her out of her misery.
"Don't worry.I'm only in the group to fill the number. Once we arrive I'll leave you and find my friends in another class. "I said casually and didn't feel the least bit weird calling Nen,Fujita and Chiasa friends.Since that's who I considered them to be and I was going to go to them,I wasn't lying.
The trio looked relieved and smiled at me more sincerely this time.I couldn't do them any justice since I had burdened them and would affect their plans if I stayed with them. Between them they seemed to have worked it out as they were friends but now they would have to ask me what I wanted and where I thought it would be good to go.If there was a difference of opinion,things would be much more difficult.So we decided that we would look like a group but act like we weren't.
I let them talk and my mind slipped into the upcoming trip making me smile.I was going to have a good time.I could feel it.It would be different.