Ace's POV:
Dear John,
Hi! How are you doing? Are you fine? What about your friends? You know, I think we don't talk enough about you. We should do that. I feel like I don't know you.
Uh-oh. I don't like where this is going. Small talk means trouble.
Wait, you asked me if I knew who told about your non-existant girlfriend. Well, I got a letter that didn't have a name on it. It's a girl from your school. She's actually really nice. We exchanged a few letters.
Great, I'm not the only one who gets her letters.
But you do know you'll always be my number one, don't you?
I smiled at that.
She told me about herself and she seemed nice. She didn't tell me her name but she said that she doesn't want you to know.
Hey! I thought I was special. How can you do this to me? This ain't fair.
Yo, you don't get to be upset, I thought you broke the holy code of dibs.
Anyways, she goes to your school, do you have any idea who she might be? Also, don't be mad at her for snooping into your stuff.
Wait what? Someone....someone snooped into my stuff?
How else did you think she got my address? Magic?
Ok even I admit that was lame. But you get the point, and she had a very good reason to do it.
Uh-huh, what reason?
Love. Ok, this is really complicated but try to follow. Let's name the girl Odette, Okay? So, Odette really loves Logan (we shall call the guy) and wants him to reciprocate it, but Logan likes Valentina. Now another guy, umm, Maverick, he comes along the way and tells her that he likes her, a lot and she doesn't know what to do about it. Maybe cause she has feelings for Maverick. But she strongly believes that there's something between her and Logan. She has made a mission out of getting Logan to like her. Now she doesn't know what to do anymore.
I didn't get any of that.
I know.
And I have no idea what any of this has to do with snooping through my stuff.
"But if you really think she had a good reason to do what she did, I won't report her. But tell her not to do that again," I sighed.
You see, that's why you're my number one.
"Don't butter me up," I muttered.
Okay, can I cheese you up, then?
"That's even lame-er," I rubbed my forehead.
Lame-er is not a word.
You know, I have always loved how we can communicate and have conversations with each other through simple letters. But this is where it gets scary. It's almost like she can read my thoughts and to be honest, that's a bit freaky.
Welcome to the freak show.
"See, this is exactly what I'm talking about," I stated while pointing at the letter.
Okay, Okay, I won't do it again.
"You're doing it right now," I shook my head.
Geez.
Hey and before I forget, I just wanted to tell you something inconsequential. I'm going to a senior party this saturday. What are your plans?
I love you
Jane
Inconsequential
Inconsequential
I-N-C-O-N-S-E-Q-U-E-N-T-I-A-L!!!!!
She thinks her going to a party is nothing?
She can't keep dropping bombs on me everytime. This is huge. The first time I went to a high school party I had to drink under peer pressure, a girl almost kissed me and I got into a fight. I don't want any of that for her.
Ughh, I don't know what to do.
I can't stop her.
But I don't want her to go either.
I stared at the letter long and hard. I glared at those last words, hoping that if I stared long enough, those words would somehow erase themselves.
That's stupid.
I averted my eyes only for them to fall on another piece of paper on my desk. Her last letter. I picked it up off the table.
Dear John,
I am really surprised to know that you have a girlfriend. Why didn't you tell me? I thought we told each other everything. Why didn't you tell me about this fucking hot model girlfriend of yours? I'm so mad at you for not telling me.
And your girl? Your number one girl. You didn't tell me anything about her either.
Is it Vivian? I mean she's pretty, smart and adorable. I'm sure she has a great personality too. And she's going to Harvard. How can you not like a girl like that. I swear if I was there, I'd date her before you. So, don't let her go. I'm sure that if you like her, then I'd definitely like her too. Also, if you love her, don't let her go. I totally ship the both of you. I really do. I just wish you had trusted me enough to tell me about this.
But really, why didn't you tell me? What was the reason? Did you think I'll be mad at you for having a girlfriend? Did you not tell me because of the stupid dibs thing? Dibs is for kids.
I really really want you to be happy. That's all that matters. So, the next time you have something to tell me, don't hesitate. Please. I love knowing that I'm the only one you can share everything with. I love knowing that you can trust me enough to tell me everything. I love being that person.
Your friend,
Jane
I frowned as I held the paper in my hand, covered with dried splotches, a clear indication that she had been crying while writing this.
I noticed how she didn't say 'I love you' and that word 'friend' hurt more than ever before. How can she, even for a second, think I'd date a girl who's not her.
Maybe it's cause you never told her.
I hit the back of my head. How dumb can I be? I've never told her anything. I always assumed she knew. But what exactly can I tell her and would she even believe me? Would she believe it if I told her...ugh... Whatever it is that I'll tell her. And this is far too personal for a letter. Sometimes I curse myself for being so young.
I wish I was older so that at least I'd know what it is that I'm feeling, so that I could come to terms with it. No, that's not a good idea. Her parents would never let me write letters to her if I was any older than this.
I shudder as I remembered the call I received two years ago from her parents, I was so darn scared. I thought that they wanted to talk to my parents but I guess they already kinda knew about them. I have their number saved and everytime I have to resist the temptation to call that number, just to hear her voice. Once. Just once. I could hang up after hearing that voice. But we promised each other and I don't plan on breaking any of the those promises.
Ugh... This is it. If I stay in this room by myself for another minute I'll lose it.
I slammed the door to my dorm room before walking down the grand hallway.
I looked around me trying to calm myself. The students in the hallway stopped talking and made way for me. Damn I must look really bad.
I made my way to Mason's room and walked in without knocking.
Uh-oh. Wrong move.
My eyes widened and I had a panic attack seeing the scene in front of me. Mason was pinned against the wall with a girl kissing him. She had bright blonde hair, a slight tan and looked very familiar. They didn't even notice me entering. It was like they were not here. He held her face in his hands gently as if she was made of glass before he moved them over to her waist. His hands slid down.
"Ok, stoooop it!!!," I shouted while averting my eyes.
They broke away from each other, startled and their eyes landed on me. Olivia stood back staring at me with her eyes and mouth wide open, her hair a mess while Mason still stood against the wall, both not knowing what to do. Heck even I didn't know what to say. Up until today, I thought Olivia liked Lucas and now....this!!!!
After some time, Olivia stammered," I..um I...was... I mean we uh w-w-we wer-were,"
"We were practicing for the Romeo and Juliet play that's coming up," Mason lied through his teeth and I nodded my head.
The play is A Midsummer Night's Dream.
"Yeah, it was really good. I couldn't even tell that you were...uh," I let out a nervous laugh.
We stood in the awkward silence for some more time.
"I should probably go now." Olivia whispered before she started walking away.
I held her wrist for a moment before releasing it," I won't tell anyone" I promised and she looked into my eyes for sometime, searching for something and when she found it, she walked out of the room.
"I should go after her," Mason stood rooted to his spot.
"Yeah, well you have to start walking for that" I reminded.
"Yeah, right" He started walking, still in a trance.
What the fuck just happened here?
I walked out of Mason's room, closing the door behind me, looks like he has enough issues of his own.
Throughout the years that I've know him, he has always been the one to resolve my issues. He's never had issues of his own. And now that he does, I don't know what to do about it.
I don't even know what's going on here. He happens to be the one person...well, one of the two people now...who knows about Jane. I've never had to comfort him or give him advice about a girl. I'm clueless here. I can't believe he didn't tell me.
I almost want to cry.
And then realization hit me like a dump truck, is this how Jane felt when she thought I didn't tell her about something so important in my life. Although that's not the same since I never had a girlfriend and she kinda maybe likes me. But even the feeling of being alienated by your own best friend is enough for it to hurt like hell.
I shook my head. No. I'm sure he must have had a good reason not to tell me about this. Maybe Olivia didn't want anyone to know about it. Maybe it wasn't that serious.
No, it looked pretty serious and I'm sure even a blind, deaf and dumb person could tell.
How come I never noticed it before. No, I did notice it but he somehow always diverted my attention. Now, it all came back rushing to me, the signs. God, it's been going on since he came here.
It's not the time to blame him. I should try and make all of this better somehow and before that I should find out what is exactly going on here. I have to find him.
I ran down the corridors, asking random strangers if they saw Olivia or Mason. They didn't.
After an hour, I found myself sitting on the bench in the huge ground, thinking.
My life's a mess. My best friend's life is a mess.
And I can't do anything about it.
Someone plopped on the bench beside me and I didn't pay it any mind. I had enough going on in my life and I needed peace.
"You wanna talk?" The person beside me asked and I looked up to see Mason.
"I thought it'd be you who'd do the talking," I gave him an expectant look.
"Beer?," He offered and I looked at the carton with a few bottles in his hand.
Since when did he start drinking?
"I don't want to think tonight. Plus it's non-alcoholic." He said after seeing the doubtful look on my face.
"Then, why bother?,"
"Do you want it or not?" He asked, pointedly.
I snatched one from the box and started drinking. I spit it out after one sip.
The sour and bitter taste was nothing like non-alcoholic beer.
"I lied," He said while taking another sip of that god-awful beverage.
"So?" I prompted after keeping aside the bottle of beer.
"So...." He stretched out, trying to prolong the inevitable.
"Ok, see, I want advice. It's nothing major or important. Something Inconsequential."
"Something inconsequential. About what?"
"Love. Relationships. Blah. Blah. Blah. Not for me, just for...a friend."
"From me?" I questioned, "The guy whose "love life" is limited to a couple letters from a girl he hasn't even met."
Damn, I sound pathetic.
A group of freshmen girls passing by gave me a few flying kisses and winked at me, two girls even threw their phone number at me. The folded piece of paper hit my cheek before falling on my lap.
I rubbed my cheek. No. No. I'm already booked.
I tore the piece of paper in front of them and threw it away.
"Ok, then. Let's call it an exchange of opinions, shall we?" I nodded.
"So, let's name the guy Marvel. Marvel comes to a high-end school. Marvel doesn't have name or money. He stumbles upon this girl, let's name her Oaklyn. Now Oaklyn is in love with another guy, Loo, Okay?" He asked and I nodded while trying to stiffle my laughter.
"But Mason decides to chase after Oaklyn nonetheless and makes a pact with her that he'll help her make Loo jealous so that he can see her worth. Now, Marvel really likes her and doesn't know what to do?"
And then it hit me! Olivia! Olivia snooped through my stuff so she could find out if Vivian and I were dating! She did that cause she wanted to know if Lucas and Vivian were still in love with each other or not!
"So what are you thinking?" He asked after finishing.
"I'm thinking Marvel should have given himself a better name and that he shouldn't be so jealous as to call his enemy Loo," I concluded.
"Don't make fun of Marvel. He's already clueless and he has his idiotic best friend's problems to deal with too," Mason chided.
"Uh-huh, what's his name? Ace?"
"Close, it's Ass, how did you know?" He replied.
That was mean. Witty but mean.
"Ok, so, I think you shoul-"
Mason cut me off," Hey! Hey! This isn't about me, it's about Marvel. Did you not hear thr story?"
I gave him a look before starting, "Ok, so I think that Marvel should give Oaklyn the time and space she needs."
Wow, that's actually some really good advice. I'm proud of myself.
"I can't believe you came up with that." He scoffed," So, why did you come to my room?"
"I wanted to just leave my room. If I had there another minute, I'd have lost it." I stated.
"Ok, Ace, there's a limit to how dumb you can get. And you've already crossed it.... several times." He pointed out.
Well, there's that.
"So, what made you lose it?"
"Jane, she..she said she's going to this high school party and I don't know how to feel about it?" I let out.
"Ok, how do you feel right now?"
"Not good. I have this, this feeling in my chest that just hurts,"
"So, why don't you want her to go?"
"Because..." I stoop up, putting my head between my hands," There... There will be drinks, maybe she'll take a sip or two and then she'll be light headed before she knows it. And drunk people make stupid mistakes, I don't want her to make stupid mistakes."
"Like what?"
"Like, I don't know kissing a guy she doesn't even know."
A guy who's not me.
"She could even end up doing more than that and I won't be there to stop her"
Just thinking about it makes me see red.
"And why exactly does that effect you? Teenagers do crazy stuff. Happens all the time. What is new about that? Hey! Remember how Adeel did it in the bathroom for the first time."
"Wait. What if she...she" I could feel a panic attack on the way and it had nothing to do with my PTSD.
"Chill out, man. She's fourteen."
"Adeel was Fourteen!!!!"
"Well, not everyone's Adeel."
Fair point. I took a deep breath to calm myself down. It didn't work. So I started pacing restlessly across the field.
"But the point here is that why does it affect you so much?"
"Cause she's my friend and I don't want anything bad to happen to her"
"Is that it? Is that all? So, you're saying that you'd be okay with it if she had a boyfriend that was a good guy, one her parents knew about and were okay with, one she went on dates with, one she felt safe enough to share all her secrets with, one who made her genuinely happy?"
"No. No. I won't."
"So you need to figure it out. Figure out what you're feeling and once you do, let her know."
I have always known in my heart that I cannot love someone, anyone, I just can't. Maybe because I don't know what it is. I've never felt it. How can I make someone else feel what I haven't ever felt? How can I say those words without meaning them? Love is an abstract concept to me, baseless and far-fetched. I have always wanted it, craved it, chased after it but everytime I came back empty-handed. I have always thought that understanding it was inconsequential.