A brief pause from him as he thought of, How come that everything change all in one go? My classmates aren't the same as before. The professor's aren't the same. No one is interested or said to be curious 'bout me or giving an applause to me. Is it because they felt too much? Did they get used before, in this kind dimension?
"It's fine, it doesn't matter at all." He gulp bitterly, pretending that everything was wholly fine. "Well, I gotta go, I still have to attend my next class this afternoon."
Without any pause to listen on her mother's response, he lead his arm infront, indicating that he want for Ha-Ji to handle the phone.
Few minutes; he felt the phone loosen from his grip and completely handled by his sister.
"I'll just bring your lunch upstairs," she said.
Just a filtered smile engrave on his lips, whilst gazing out of nowhere.
Times passed and he sat on his chair, face the laptop after being assembled by his older sisterㅡearlier, book infront of him with little holes that stand as his sight to understand the activities direction, that he cannot be seen in the screen and an another laptop as an instrument to have his attendance in the school, a zoom meeting call, in short.
The way how he could just see those academics as the easiest part of his life, is how it's like being opposed in his current situation.
Almost one and half hour has been passed and the class will get dismiss for few more minutes, as the professor asked for the last time.
"Since, I told you all to study some quotes from Authors. I wanted to know if you really do, who among of you could tell answer me this time.
"She once said, 'Don't start with writing a best-seller.
Start with writing a good line.
Don't self-publish, hoping to get rich.
Do it, hoping to find 10 readers who will become stalwart fans.'
"Who is she?"
Dae-Jung immediately tried to retain what he have reviewed yesterday, unfortunately, a voice from his computer's speaker come across to his sense.
"Sir, it's Ms. M.J. Rose"
Everyone applauded and he remained silent from those moments, until the zoom meeting just stopped.
He propped his two elbows against the book's cover and support his forehead as he rest it on his pair of hands.
Abjuring some breath through his nose, as he shut his eyes.
"Try next time," Alex softly mumbled.
"This is so frustrating, I feel so dumb. I cannot retain my knowledge like before-"
"Now, you know how it feels like to be left behind?" she intruded. "When you do your best, but at the end it still not enough?"
"I was supposed to answer the question!" he shouted.
"We're not perfect."
"No, I didn't able to do so, because of what have you done to me!"
"Can you please lower your pride, even once?" Her veins against her skin throat was too much visible that moment, as an uncontrollable anger burst out on to her. "Why you kept thinking of your own, as always? Why can't you let other people have their chance to shine?"
"Because they will see me as a loser! A trash! That whenever they see my imperfection, it's a biggest sin they've ever seen!" A split of crystal clear liquid drip down to his cheeks down to the paper.
"It's your mindset. You're afraid to lose, because you care to what other people says." She turn her gaze towards him in parched expression and said, "Which means, your confidence doesn't come from you, but from the people who 'just' appreciate you, because you can do something they're amaze to."
That struck his soul in a very deep well, a solemn laxity bring out his first realization why he was in that kind situation.
Alex was about to go, but unexpectedly, his words stopped her from doing so.
"I'm sorry for being selfish."
The heavy embodiment on her face lightened, as she turn her protrusion back to him.
"What happened today, is just the reflection of you before, being so good at everything, not giving a chance to other. Slapping them that there's no way they could defeat you." She exhales and step forward, closer to him and said, "You need to open help with everyone, because no one exist to be perfect."
He push a shire strands of forehead-length bangsㅡbackwards and return his sight come into view. "Is this how weak those people feels like?"
"Not really, that feeling you're in, is what this situation of life reflects to every people."
He turn his protrusion on the right side, right brow puckered down and asked, "What do you mean?"
The left side corner of her mouth, curved slightly upward, as she responded, "You're here, because you need to see the importance of the things you haven't yet seen."
Pandemic. The hustle and bustle of transportation that become silent. Kids that playing outside your house whenever you go take your work in the morning. Open malls with tons of people who shop everything they wanted. Crowded parks with people having their own activity in each phase. And the busy presence of people around the place, having their own vehicle, detecting their own destination, just gone all in one go.
A change that feels like the time just stopped in one blink of an eye. It's truly hard to adjust, when you come to the point that, a situation will just arised without you expecting that it will happen.
That make sense, whoever you are today, whatever you have in your hands today, how much strong you are this time, no one knows what will be the set-up of your yesterday.
"Life is too short and unpredictable, to make it regrettable, " I mumbled, as her presence just suddenly dismissed beside me.
Few day's after, and a bad weather's welcome my night.
Heavy pressure of raindrops are getting loud, strong wind that keeps blowing so bad against the outside wall of our house, the cold temperature rises from feet up to my upper body. Whilst all of the curtains are being unfolded through the open edge of the window, I'm seating in my cushy bedsteadㅡas usual, with a thick blanket wrapped around my shivering body.
Unexplainable, but my mind kept wondering Alex. I shouldn't, right? But it's been a while since I never heared and felt her presence with me.
"I think if, I am not blind, Alex will jump scare me anytime she pops up."
No one is still responding. Is it normal? When you're feeling empty whenever someone in particular didn't come out into your way?
I can admit that she is a hundred percent different from other women I met before. Unfortunately, how will I fall in love with a person who doesn't even seen by other people?
"Miss me?"
All of my thoughts diminish, as I heard her voice on my left side. I could felt her hot breaths that tickling my skin, after she spoke then.
"Not really," I denied.
But I could felt my cheeks started to burnㅡuncontrollably. I never experienced it before, because I never ask someone to stay with me or even ask a woman to be my date.
"But, you're blushing."
She let out small laughter that made me stopped breathing in a brief of seconds.
"Why do I start to palpitate so bad whenever you pop-up?"
"You are nervous, I guess so..."
A pregnant pause after I break the silence once again, in order to segway the topic. "What was your life before comatose?"
"Well like you"ㅡshe withdraw some breatheㅡ"I also study in that Campus, I've met you before, but I don't approach you at all.
"You really look conceited and cold type, so I always distance myself. I witnessed all of your achievements, it was so amazing. However, I also see the pain in you whenever you act strong."
"You really check me out, aren't you?"
"Not that really, I just notice a lot of times."
There's a pinch of warmth that cease within me as I heard that. Never expected, however my disposition started mold up whenever she's with me.
It's not about my perception in life that woke up from it's consciousness, but my emotional state that started to felt a strong emotion that never been introduce in my life before.
Life?
That word isn't just about one individual, it's all about everything that exist and living in this world.
Why do people have life?
What was the reason of existence?
Like, existence in this kind of situation?
Almost everything we're being restricted, lot of people suffer, an extent number of deaths, open hospital that lacking of space for other patient's and worker's that kept continuing to do their job, despite the fact that it could risk their life.
However, a lot of times that I heard that question, I always encounter answers, 'we do exist, because we have purpose'.
Where to find that purpose?
Do I have a purpose?
'I just suffer a lot. No one cares about me.'
Or the old me, be like:
'My purpose is to live my life to the fullest'
Unfortunately, no.
You as the one who handle your life, you're the one who create the meaning of your 'life'.
You choose where you wanted to be in and that place isn't just differentiate 'bout the current situation of the society you are in, but the control whhat you're doing in able to manage a good or positive perspective in life, despite that the environment that surrounding around you, is that seemingly difficult to see the light.