As I opened my eyes, the picture and purify light from the fresh echoes of spring that morn, welcome my eyes.
Finally, I came back home.
I lift of my body from being rest and straighten my posture, the calendar crosses at my projection and it's twenty-nine of April. Which means, it looks like, everything was just a dream, for me.
Just a conclusion of assumption, because if I will try to define it? What is used? The whole scenarios of the past isn't important, but the lesson that it thought to me.
"Wait, I have my school today! Aigoooo!"
I immediately run downstairs to check my stuffs.
"Why you're being so hurry?"
I turn my gaze around and it was my older sister. "Am I late?" I asked, whilst panting a bit.
"You are, I thought you'll not attend your class. Seems like you sleep so well deeply."
She let out a small laughter, as I just smiled and crosses her position. "Let me eat breakfast, first then."
"You will still attend, but you're late. I thought you hate doin' so?"
"Well, we're human, so it's okay to fail sometimes."
I took a glance towards her and I noticed her raising her right brow and the idea pop-up inside my head, realizing the fact that my parents aren't there.
"Where's Mom and Dad, by the way?"
"The two left earlier, they do have more appointments to do."
"What about you? Your work and class?"
"I don't have class today and I am PM shift so, yeah."
A long period of minutes, preparing and I completely reach the Campus, whereas I am one hour late, already.
I stepped inside the Campus and it was pretty silent, whilst the guard still let me enter so, since it was my first time, but ofcourse, I won't tolerate and enjoy the fact that I am late.
As I reach the room, the first extend of my right leg, caught everyone's attention, I saw their eyes widen, looking at me fixedly.
"Why are you late, Dae-Jung? I thought you'll be absent."
"I just really woke up late, I didn't mean to. I'm really sorry, Sir. I am willing to accept any punishment if it's necessary doing so."
I next closed the door, as I completely entered inside and the silence remains.
Of course, those words and neutral tone is said to be new. I never apology, in front of anyone, even it's my professor, that's my behavior before.
"Is it you? DJ? Who really talking?"
I lift up my head and caught my professor looking at me too. "Yes, Prof. I am. Why tho-"
"There's a lot of difference in you today, I don't care if you're late, but I really notice the different ambiance on your face."
I could defined his amusement through his eyes, then I took my gaze on the students seating on there seats as I asked politely, "May I seat, Sir?"
He nodded, as I went to seat on my usual chair. And as it was expected, the whole lane was empty of students.
I rested my weight there, I look in both sides of mine, then at my back. "Would you mind to seat beside me? Or even along with my lane?"
Girls at the back started to giggles, whilst some are speechless, because when I said, never, I never approach anyone. I never become humble or even become less cold.
It's pretty new kind of me, but I just felt a very light weight deep inside of me. And that remaining weight comes from longing and missing to the woman who become the bridge of my change.
Two months later and I went back to the bench where I met the so called, Liu Alex. No one was there, but I take rest even I'm just alone.
I cycle my protrusion around my surrounding. Feeling the happiness that isn't just from my achievements and sake, but a glitter of light in being a influence and mentor to other people.
My heart, finally reach the point of feeling the contentment pleasure through helping people, without waiting any pay back.
"Dae-Jung, right? May I seat beside you?"
My heartbeat paused in a brief seconds, as the familiar voice come to cross in my ears once again.
"Might you want to see me, with your eyes again?"
The skips of heartbeat turns so fast, as I simultaneously turn my gaze on the right side, whereby the voice is coming from.
My time completely stops for a while, as I see her once again. It's funny that I cannot even move my body anymore from being froze.
There's a lot of pressure of emotions penetrating over my soul, that just wanting me to melt anytime.
"S-Sure, anytime." I ackwardly spoke, as my heart wanted to jump off from my chest as I look at her eyes much more deeper. "You finally recovered? You remember me? Still?"
A simple smile plastered on her lips, as she said, "Everything. I finally do. To be honest, since I never mentioned about your situation before in different situation of yours, it actually have a purpose."
The whole tension gradually slowly down, as she placed her left hand gently over my right shoulder before uttering any word.
"You better calm down, it's fine. I'm real, this isn't a soul anymore." She let out a laughter, after.
"Then, why I am blind before?"
"You're blind, because it's corresponds to what people feel that time. They just see darkness, they couldn't even find any light.
"Like a blind, you need support, a thing that will guide you in your way, and that said to be your mindset, or the way how you handle yourself in that kind of situation."
"Then why crippled, as well?"
"It relates to everything you have, having a relationship with other. If you're crippled, you need wheelchair or crutches, just how you need the presence of people around you.
"You cannot just live, alone. No matter what, there will be a time that anyone around you, will be there to help you in the time that you badly needed so.
"Plus, feel how you hold your crutches and give it's support you in order to walk and explore in different areas those time. It reflects you, helping to those people who needed you, because they don't have capability of doing so."
"So, you mean, I am like a crutches? A pair of crutches," I asked, as I fixly looked at her mesmeric eyes.
"Indeed, you are and everything there is particularly, about you and things you have to realize."
Very much a question, how? How it exist? Just like in reality, you didn't know how some stuffs come into place.
A long period of years, after then and I have a new chapter of book with the said woman I have met in the University, when I was in college.
Beside the river, whilst my adult skin facing it. The cold radiancy of my doe-shaped globular organ where projecting across the ocean-blue sky. A dejected mixture of invisible gaseous substances that pouring underneath my long-sleeve fabric, penetrating over my warm skin, giving it's body system a glitter of shiverㅡdown to my spine.
Every seconds that passes is like a high-speed transportation on the road of a highway. Unfortunately, time that has been taken cannot be revisited, neither can turn it back anymoreㅡunlike those vehicles. Now, If today is said to be your last day, would you still want to repeat the same mistake of yesterday?
Ofcourse, no.
No one will, but almost everyone will do.
What do I mean by that?
No one will answer 'yes'.
But.
Almost everyone will do it, at the end.
Struggles are real, like, you do your best, but at the end it's still not enough. Everyone do have a problem, everyone do have an imperfect relationship. There's no fairytale, like do disney's love story have.
All I just knew is, when it comes to real world. It's painful. It's hard to breath. Why? Because truth, always hurts.
Don't get too used in the way that your sensitivity never get scared by anyone, sometimes, the more it was so silent, the more it's really bleeding.
If ever rebirth or reincarnations is said to be real, will that be the necessary the basis in order for you to just calm down today?
Of course no!
The person itself is the one who is capable to paint a color in their Cold Monochrome life.
In short.
I do believe that destiny exist.
But.
I don't believe that it wasn't fixed yet.
Because, what was the purpose of living if you cannot handle your own life.
If a house and lot, do have a documents in able to stand as the validation if the car do need a driver in order to be controlled, or if everything needed to a controller in able to manage something.
Then who we are in our life?
We're the CEO of our life.
And.
We choose how our Company will work and produce a succes.
''Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quite voice at the end of the day, saying, 'I will try again tomorrow'." A quote from Mary Anne Radmacher.
You, yes you!
Don't just exist.
Do LIVE.