Monday, another day for the school day in this kind of world.
The low tone of the aircon and the cold air it releases that were touching my skin every millisecond. My eyes were gazing at the clear peach wall while straightly sitting on my chair.
I took a deep breath and closed the laptop that was placed on the table in front of me, I started to move my right hand on the edge of the table, reaching for the pair of crutches which, I placed before starting my class.
Before, when everything was fine. I hate the presence of people around me, I just want to be main topic of the everyone.
However, I realized that I will never be known in our Campus if ever no one supports me.
I badly want to turn back the time, right now. Where the school day's that time could make you feel the presence of the people around you, where you could heard the steps they made as they make their way outside the room, where you could heard the noise from groups interactions and idle chatter.
All of that are now just a blur in my head. A beautiful memory that was driven by yesterday wind, that I cannot hold once again. A scene, I so desperately want to go back to, but will now remain as a painting hanging through my mind historyㅡas of now.
Now, I stand here, hearing nothing around me. Nothing but the noise that I have created by myself, through every movement.
As, I head towards the living room in order to watch the television, my older sister immediately spoke. Me, not yet being able to seat on the couch.
"DJ, how was your school?" Ha-Ji asked.
It's been 5 months since I've started to study online. Without me even realizing how I able to expand my learning, even just through braille book.
Even that I woke in this kind of situation, having that memory about reading a blind braille book, it isn't easy, as my body isn't used with that kind of lifestyle.
"Good," I responded.
Coldly and emotionless. Why?
I know how this life revolved, but it's not that easy to enjoy learning if everything is just cycling around online life.
It's boring.
Completely boring.
Imagine, instead of heaving a long run on the battle field in the time of Physical Health, you will jog inside your house.
Group activity that usually involves more interaction, but now, you all having a meeting in screen, whilst some are logging out because of the poor internet connection.
The unpleasant thoughts kepts swirling in my head that were starting to take a toll on my bones, making them wobbly and weak.
I really want to enjoy studying, but unfortunately, whatever is happening outside this house is affecting me—badly.
"I've already ordered our dinner, online," she said.
I decided to not be seated on the couch, as if my mind immediately shifted on to coming back inside my room, instead of watching television that will just bring more anxiety, because of different horrible news.
I suddenly thought of our parents who were stuck in an apartment, away from us, because they needed to be near from their jobs, as well as to prevent having more contact with us, since they do have a lot of interactions with many infected patients.
Instill, they always come home during weekends, but it's not enough. Before, yes. I choose not to interact with them since, I find them irritating. However, will you still think of it, if you know that they are risking their lives, almost everyday. Especially that these times, it's impossible for them to go home, since, the government made the policies more stricter.
"I'll just go back inside my room, I need to do my homework."
I was about to turn around when she spoke again, "I've prepared some lemon juice. Let me get it for you, hold on there."
A small noise started from the couch, then a big steps from the living room to the kitchen comes next, as I just remain standing in my place, waiting for her.
"Why everything change, like her whole behavior?'' I whisphered and chuckled a bitㅡafterwhile.
Afterwards, I heard foot steps that approaching me. Her vanilla scent starts to fill my nostrils. She stopped in front of me while I stared at nothing in particular.
"Let me help you go to your room, as well."
When we both got ourselves in front of the door of my room, I heard the noise of the doorknob that being twisted by her. I was about to enter, but I felt her body block my way as something was placed on top of my table. She then tapped my left shoulder and stepped out of my way.
I didn't say anything, choosing to just enter my room and close the door.
As I felt the need to rest my knees, I hurriedly sat on my bed, putting the crutches beside it, then pushing myself backwards on the bed to find something to lean on.
Not yet having a long period of rest, my schoolwork flashes briefly in my mind, but I don't want to do anything about them.
"You look like, you're thinking something deep."
Hearing Alex's voice, again, but her presence was a bit distant from mineㅡthat time.
"Since you're the one who put me here, I wanted to know why everyone's behavior change?"
"Change? No, they didn't. It's just their characteristics whenever you try to listen to them.
"Whilst, your classmates, it's just an indication that if ever you stay your life being so 'cool' and 'proud', people will get used and changed their views towards you."
I nodded a bit as a response. Then, her noise from seating on my chair, blindly passes throught my hangnails.
"I see you having friends, very new."
"Will I still hold them, once I came back in my original life?"
"Well, unfortunately, no. What have you left in the past, will remain like that once you come back, because it shouldn't be seen as it was." She said. "It's not the surrounding, DJ. It's about you."
I nodded once again, absorbing everything I've heard.
"You must be doing your school works, right?"
"I'm not feeling so."
"Why though?"
"Why? It's because I find everything here is boring. You study, it's pretty uncomfortable, since you don't get the same focus, compare to face to face study."
"Well, why not to choose to study instead of putting your back against the wall, placing both of your hands on the sides of your head, and crying for hours?
"Understand this kind of piece of world, DJ. Who are you to give up? If your teachers decide to teach yoy, despite that everyone's situation is completely complicated.
"So, you will tell me that, if this is the kind of world we really have in reality, you will give up your study?" She let out a small cackles, whilst feet tapping against the floor
Again...
I was killed through word's by her, again.
I have higher IQ, but a low EQ, I guess.
Her words struck my whole soul. Everything she said finally completed the puzzle of thoughts and realizations I unconsciously created inside my brain, and it feels as if something was tugging and pulling inside my heart.
I stopped that moment in order to understand and think every answers by myself.
We're the one who choose where we will be at. Our mind is the first thing that influence our next decision.
The universe to everyone's frequency, if you're vibrating in a negative phase, like, fear, boredom, etc. It will just attract the same negative impact to your life.
Once you starts to vibrate a positive mindset, you will also interact much more positive impact.
Imagine, you're tuning in a radio station, you're listening to your favourite song. That song will give you happiness or positive vibes. Just how you tune in your energy that bringing manifestation or affect in your life.
In study, instead of having drama with yourself, why not just follow what is needed?
It's not just study to continue and graduate as a 'student', but study in order to continue learning and develope your knowledge.
Think of the situation much more deeper.
Evaluate.
Everyone is different. As of now, I might be blind and crippled, but I know how it felt like to be not. However, no matter how you weighs everything, people are in the same situation, facing and trying to cure the pandemic.
All aren't used.
All aren't feeling easy and comfortable.
It's sad that we have to stay within the four corners of our home, that we cannot enjoy and do all the things we did before all of this happened.
But I realize that, if ever my time is today, I cannot even step backwards, I have to move forward.
If we focus how it hurts, we will remain suffering.
But.
If we focus of how it will help as learn, we will grow.
We will overcome.