The dorm where the Idols are staying has its own music room and a mini recording studio, so they can still work on their music writing even if they don't go at the company. Emy felt a bit sad for Saff, thinking how busy a celebrity can be to be working even on the day that they should have rest. The limelights, the fans, the fame, are just the blinding façade that masked the raw reality of being a celebrity.
The memory of their lunch out at a restaurant resurfaces at Emy's mind, remembering at how pitiful Saff had to eat there just to avoid eyes and attention from anyone. Looks like they would have to take private room the next time they would plan to eat outside, but then Saff likes to blend in with people as he said that it makes him more normal, she just ended up sighing at her thoughts as she stared back at the half open window.
When they got at Emy's house, it was eight in the evening already as their way here got crowded, and the traffic jam emerged because of the rush hour.
Looking at her wrist watch, Emy thought if she could invite Saff to have dinner with them tonight but then she worries for her daughter, she would be very surprised as it's not every day that she could get a chance to have a dinner with her Idol, and besides she hadn't got a chance yet to talk to her mom if it is alright to bring another man at her house.
Emy just shrugged her thoughts, thinking it would not be a right timing now and then she says "Thanks for the ride, Saff…be safe on your way back", she smiled at him while waving her hand. "Maybe next time you could visit my house…good night then" Emy continued before she went out the car.
Saff waved back his hand to her while charming her with his smile, and then he went off. When Emy turned to enter their gate, she saw Amy again at the balcony, staring at the back of the car before it really disappeared at their sight.
The next morning, it's Saturday and Emy has a free weekend as well as her daughter Amy from her school, so she decided to take Amy and Mrs. Prim to have breakfast at Starbucks, where her daughter is a very big fan of their frappes and pastries.
After having breakfast, which took them two hours as they chatted while eating and enjoying the ambiance of the café, the three of them went to the cemetery.
They visit first the tomb of Emy's father, placing the bouquet of flowers that they have bought on their way there, after several minutes they walked to the tomb of Emy's husband, placing the bouquet of flowers as well before Mrs. Prim laid out a picnic blanket for them to sit on.
The cemetery is a private lot with broad lawn that looks like a garden that has green carpet with its beautiful and well-trimmed grass. It has several big trees that were planted on the side that makes the place looks nature friendly with birds chirping sounds that is very calming on one's soul.
Emy remembered those days when she was always here like almost every day, just laying down here at the grass, crying and sobbing non-stop until her heart's content. Looking back now as she stands in front of her late husband's tomb, she realized those days were gone as her attention slowly redirecting with her busy schedule at work that she haven't got much time as she was always caught up with the loads of work.
"I still missed you love...Amy missed you too...how are you there? Do you remember those times when I wanted you to come for me and take me there with you? Good thing I still got Amy here, and mom, and Ada, and Harry. They had kept me alive…and looking back now, I should say sorry for being a nuisance to you then. It must have worried you a lot when you should be resting peacefully there…" Emy whispered, her own words stinging her heart as tears starting to well up in her hazel eyes.
She continue to say "I have a new work now, Ada helped me with it, and that's what keeping me busy now...I missed getting drowned with alcohol though!" she chuckled at the thought of it.
Then she continue to say "love...there is this someone, a young man...I'm sorry about that...I never expected for him, and I never thought of having a new relationship but one day, he just came…and now I am feeling this way, and I'm so sorry…" Emy's tears ran down at her cheeks, unable to control her emotions anymore especially at the last part of her words.
Mrs. Prim who was sitting on the blanket with Amy, heard Emy's sudden breakdown, they both stood up and run to where she is kneeling down to hug her, giving comfort to her trembling body. After several minutes of sobbing there, the three of them finally stood up and went to sit on the blanket.
While Mrs. Prim and Emy are watching Amy running all over the place as she is playing by herself, and enjoying the warm sun as she runs at the spacious lawn carpeted ground of the cemetery and carefully steering clear from the other headstones, Mrs. Prim and Emy are sitting on the picnic blanket having their conversation only for their ears to hear.
Mrs. Prim carefully asks Emy with a gentle voice "what is it about Emy? You know you can talk to me dear"
"Mom...Is it alright to fall in love again after being married once? Because I might be falling for someone…" Emy responded unhesitatingly honest with her thoughts and emotions, her voice express melancholy tone.
Mrs. Prim quickly shifts her gaze from Amy to Emy with utter surprise on Emy's forthright words and she couldn't speak a single word about it, she just stared at her side view for few minutes making her speechless. It's not that she is judging her daughter but she just didn't expected that she would fall in love again at her current state. After witnessing her daughter's long months of grieving, this is the least that she had expected to happen.
It is not that she would oppose about this, she doesn't want to meddle with her daughter's personal affairs such as her love life or relationships, and after all, Emy is already at the right age to make decisions and stand on her own. However, with her daughter's past and current state now, she can't help but to worry about her, and that someone.
"Is that why you cried awhile ago?" Mrs. Prim asked, with her voice full of gentleness for Emy to nod at her question while still watching Amy from where they are sitting. Mrs. Prim then continues to ask "are you feeling guilty about it, dear?" Emy nods once again at her question with a slightly frown face that showed her sadness even from only the side view of her face, Mrs. Prim let out a deep sigh seeing her.
"Mom...when dad past away, how did you know that you have already moved on from the grief of losing him?", Emy carefully asked as she stared down at her hands resting on her lap. This has been troubling her for the past few days, since she is not quite sure if she had really coped up from the past tragedy before she could enter a new relationship, if ever she would at this present time.
She wouldn't wanted a repressed painful memory of trauma to resurfaced and affect her current relationship as that would be unfair for Saff, and that is if or only if they would be in a relationship.
Mrs. Prim turned her head to look away from Emy as she slightly looked up at the sight of big trees that are surrounding the place under the warm sun rays, before she answers "The moment I accepted it, everything follows…When I let myself sit in the feeling of that pain back then, I had learned to understand that I need to acknowledge what is happening inside me, that it's alright to grieve, to cry, and let it out of your chest. After that, I was able to notice and remember those around me, like you, my family and friends. When I realized that I still have you all, it started to give me new hope again. Then, that's when the moment I felt alive again, because losing someone felt like part of you had died along with that someone you have loved so dearly, and it really drains down all the hope from one's soul"
Upon hearing her mother's encouraging words from her past experiences which she can utterly relate to, Emy thought how brave and strong her mother was back then to be able to face it on her own while raising a kid at the same time.
Unlike in her situation, she had to seek for professional help to be able to manage her emotions, not to mention all those bottles of liquor that she had to get herself drowned into so she could make it through the night.
Looking back at those moments, Emy doesn't regret any of what he had done just to survive the next day of her life; nevertheless it saved her from giving up. Besides, she is glad that she had followed her psychologist's recommendations, only not the drinking session part of it. Otherwise, she had already lost her sanity by now.
"Do you still have nightmares about that tragic night, dear?" Emy heard her mother asked and it brings her back to reality from her deep thoughts.
"Hmm" Emy hum as she nods with her face down looking at her hands, she couldn't put into words the feeling of having those nightmares, it hunts her sleep as if drowning her with mixed emotions of fear and deep sadness.
"Looks like it's time you finally learn to deal with your nightmares, dear...Don't be afraid of it, they are just there to help you make sense of why things are the way they are, so you won't miss a piece of the puzzle and that puzzle makes you who you are at this moment" Mrs. Prim said with her calming voice as if reassuring her daughter that she would be alright.
Although her mom's words is a little deep with meaning, Emy understood what she meant by it. Her mood lightens up a bit as it makes her feel safe and that there is hope that in time she would be healed and maybe will be able to open up her heart for someone once again.