Preview: You know I love you, but we both know that my love is not enough to make you see me.
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"What are you doing?" Jani asked when she saw Dana sitting in front of the TV that wasn't on with the lights dimmed.
That night at 2 am. Jani woke up because she felt thirsty then she left the room to get some water.
Dana turned to the source of the voice. He saw Jani standing near the dining table.
"I'm not doing anything," Dana answered simply.
Jani thought Dana might not want to be bothered. She just said 'oh' then continued her intention to take a glass of water. Jani drank it until there was nothing left and immediately washed the glass in the sink.
A pair of hands hugged Jani from behind when she had not finished washing the glass. "Dan? It's shocking me, you know!" Jani immediately cleaned up her glass and wiped her wet hands with a hand towel.
"I miss you, Rey."
Jani stiffened in her place. The smell of alcohol wafted from the mouth of the man who was hugging her. Trying to calm down and then take a deep breath, Jani tried to release Dana's arms. However, it didn't work.
"Why did you choose Andre at that time? I'm sick, Rey. I'm incomplete without you," Dana then burst into tears.
Jani just kept silent while holding all her cursing in her heart. No woman wants to be hugged in an unconscious state with the word longing for a woman from her lover's past.
"Answer Rey!" Dana snapped and tightened his arms so Jani could hardly breathe. "You know Rey, I've been faithfully waiting for you at Green Trees," Dana mumbled. "I'm sure you remember your promise, Rey," Dana cried.
Jani widened her eyes, for whatever reason Jani was confused and could not guess what made the two lovebirds break up. Her heart throbbed in pain. Never thought that the establishment of the Green Trees is related with Reyna. Instantly Jani became afraid of having to stay under the same roof with Dana.
"Why are you silent, Rey? Reply me!" Dana immediately turned Jani's body to face him.
For a moment, Dana frowned. The grip of his hands on Jani's arms began to loosen and let go. Dana is moving backwards. He rubbed his face in frustration.
Jani is still silent. Didn't say a word. Didn't move an inch either. Jani tried to neutralize her heart which suddenly felt like running a marathon. Now, she didn't seem to know Dana. Jani wanted to get out of Dana's apartment immediately. She couldn't stay here any longer.
"Sorry," Dana finally spoke up after a few seconds. "I'm sorry… I thought you… I thought you…"
"Reyna," Jani continued Dana.
Suddenly Dana raised his head which had previously bowed down in regret. Both of their eyes meet each other
"Sorry," was the only word that came out of Dana's mouth and Jani was getting hurt of it.
Jani forced her feet to walk away from the place, but after only two steps, Dana grabbed her hand. Jani turned to Dana and looked at the face of the man who in Jani's opinion was very handsome with his minus glasses.
"I want to go back to sleep, if you want to talk to Reyna," Jani sighed tiredly. "Meet her, don't get drunk. I think the few days when you disappeared, you guys had a long conversation with each other. Ah… maybe just letting go of each other by hugging or kissing each other, right?" Jani said in a cold voice.
Jani doesn't really know why the words 'hug' and 'kiss' come out of her mouth. She could no longer hold back the emotional turmoil in her chest that was ready to explode at that moment.
"What are you talking about? I don't have physical contact with her!" Dana felt a little provoked, but Jani only responded with a shrug of her shoulders and a flat look. "I'm not cheating, Jani!" Dana spoke again.
Dana's eyes tried to focus on Jani. His head was dizzy.
Jani raised her eyebrows then said, "I don't accuse you of cheating unless you admits it by yourself."
"I know I was wrong for meeting Reyna behind your back but please believe me, I'm not having an affair with her!" Dana said drunkenly.
She didn't think Jani would be this brave. Jani just looked at Dana without responding to her lover's statement. Jani walked away leaving Dana who was breathing heavily.
With still a little wobble, Dana entered his room. She had to take a shower and splash his head with cold water to recover his consciousness quickly. His head was spinning, his tongue was bitter and his heart ached. He doesn't know who has hurt him. Jani or Reyna? He does not know.
Jani looked at the ceiling of the room with a blank stare. Was what she feared true? Did she turn out to be just a back up lover for Dana? Had she been just a diversion to Dana's pain from losing Reyna? Why does her chest hurt so much? Jani's guess could have been right considering that Dana compared her to Reyna when she cooked Beef Teriyaki, one of Dana's favorite dishes. Jani remembers well, Dana said it tasted similar to Rey's cooking. Jani, who was in stupid mode at the time, took Dana's words seriously when the man said Rey was his friend.
***
"Jani!" Sarah shouted.
The girl with the very look fashionable and much different from Jani, ran towards Jani and immediately hugged her. "I miss you! Damn! Where have you been? Always busy, you usually just text me, I'm annoyed," Jani chuckled hearing Sarah's narrative.
They were at the dining area in front of Jani's office building. The two of them had agreed to have lunch together. Only Sarah has free time.
"I'm looking for a boarding house, can you help me?" Jani asked to the point.
Sarah drank her mango juice before replying, "You want a boarding house? I have an acquaintance who has a female boarding house close to here, it's only 10 minutes by motorbike. "
"It's not wrong that I have a friend like you," Jani chuckled.
"I'll ask if there's an empty one or not. If you want a boarding house, it means that your father has agreed, right?" Sarah asked.
"Please stop! I miss you guys. I want to get together like before," Jani looked sadly at Sarah.
"Whose fault? You are difficult to meet, the reason is overtime or whatever, we're confused. I've been to your house twice but you're not there. Arjuna isn't there and your father is alone at home," said Sarah.
Jani scratched the tip of her forehead that didn't itch. "Sorry," she said with a look of regret.
***
"Where are you going?" Dana asked Jani who was seen dragging her suitcase towards the exit.
"Move away," Jani answered without looking at Dana.
When Jani was about to open the apartment door, Dana grabbed her hand. Jani couldn't help but stare at Dana. Dana's eyes seemed so unfriendly for some reason.
"I'm sorry, we can have a good talk, right? Why should you go?" Dana begged.
if it's like this, jani can't do anything. The pleading gaze that Dana gave made Jani unbearable. She didn't want to either, it was just that her brain seemed to be signaling that it was better for her to stay apart from a man who wasn't her husband.
"I have to move away, you must understand," Jani sighed tiredly. "I think we shouldn't be in the same house. I also want us to see our hearts together, especially your heart," Jani removed her hand from Dana and opened the apartment door. "Goodbye, you will be fine," Jani was still standing in front of the door.
It was reluctant to come out but she had to. "You know that I love you, Dan, but we both know that my love is not enough to make you see me," Jani's voice trembled.
"I'm sorry, don't go!" Dana shook his head like a sulking child. "I'll fix everything, I promise you."
Jani shook her head and then wiped her tears roughly. "We are still in a relationship, what are you really worried about?"
"I… I don't know I just like afraid you'll go, Jani."
"Afraid if I go or afraid that you won't have a back up lover anymore because Reyna left?" Jani smiled fiercely. "I'll go first, Dan, take care of your health." After saying her goodbyes, Jani walked out of the apartment with a confused heart.
She knew it would be harder for her to stay with Dana than it was when she was under the same roof with the man who had turned her world upside down.
Dana just froze, unable to answer. He even just stared at Jani's departure. He didn't hold her back, not because he didn't want to. Really, he wanted to tie up Jani so she wouldn't go if she could. It's just that, his intelligent brain is still able to think clearly that Jani can't be treated like before. He had to make a choice, fix what he nearly broke and get things started right.