To protect you, I have to stay away from you. You and I can never become we.
I am sorry.
Dui Bu Qi, Wei Ying.
"You scared me!" Clutching his chest and changing his tactics, he instantly gives me a smile that shines brightly tonight.
Don't smile, Wei. My heart would be unable to take it.
Keeping a stoic face and averting my gaze from his lips I admonish him, "You're breaking our rules, anyone who misses the curfew can come back to Cloud Recess only after 5am. Now leave."
His smile diminishes and pleads, "Brother Wangji, I am sorry, I am still unaware of your rules" glancing at the goods he's carrying in his hand, he turns to look at me with a smirk, "Brother Wangji, look, you can have the most famous wine of Gusu, Emperor's smile."
Oh my heart, don't you know, sharing a bottle of wine in Gusu, means you're confessing your feelings for them? Stop! Please stop!
"You're breaking the rules, you're offering an officer liquor, it's forbidden here" I state and yet he shrugs. His mischevious smile, melts my heart, but a moment below catches my eye.
Gege!
I have to stop Wei from breaking the rules this very instant!
With my attention no longer on Wei, he tries to sneak away from me, but with my brother approaching, I needed to save the man in front of me. Quickly I block his way using my Bichen. He's taken aback with my swift move, but with that same smile in place, he sincerely apologises and seeks to know his Sects whereabouts.
They're safe Wei, trust me.
When I don't budge, he yet again offers the jar of wine and what ensues next is our first fight which neither of us expected. With my Bichen against his sheathed sword, I must admit, I am extremely impressed. Without using an ounce of power, he is able to subdue my moves.
Maybe it was him, or him challenging my beliefs, or maybe it was just him awakening a dormant feeling within me, that after all these years I finally feel alive. Alright, let's see who wins!
How much do you love your wine, Wei? Shall we test?
As he tries to dodge my attack, I observe that the two jars are connected by a thread. This is where he fails and does not take into consideration the thread binding two jars together. My Bichen slices them in half and even though he quickly jumps to catch one and balance the other on his sword, but alas it falls and breaks.
Ah! His wrath is directed towards me and what he says next, brings my whole world to a standstill.
"Lan Zhan!!!"
My heart skips several beats. No one has ever called me Lan Zhan, Wei. No one. If one could hear a soul cry, maybe they could hear mine too. That one moment. That one second. My life had a meaning to it. Finally.
But right now, I had to teach him to respect Gusu rules. If he does not learn it quickly, he would be in trouble.
"Turn around" at my command he obliges and gasps.
"What are these?" He stutters and I calmly reply, "Gusu rules about which half of them you've already broken tonight."
"Whaa... What?" He looks shocked.
"Now follow me" I need to report this to Uncle, if I don't, then the disciples who are on night watch would definitely inform him by tomorrow morning and Wei would be punished. So better me than them.
As we enter Uncle's room, my gaze finds Gege's and for some reason his are shining with delight as it moves from Wei to mine. Huh?
If ever I would or should have felt delighted with my Gege meeting Wei, I'd have been ecstatic if it was under different circumstances and not here. This is not how I wanted him to meet Wei.
The irony is when Wei complains to Gege about me. No on has ever dared to do that. But, what concerns me is when my brother in return informs him about my good deeds to save his Sect from hardship by giving them permission to enter Cloud Recess without an invitation and providing them accomodation to rest.
No please don't, I... I don't want him to get close to me. Don't reveal the truth. But knowing Gege, always the one to protect my interest, reveals the fact to Wei.
"Is it true brother Wangji?" Turning those black orbs towards me, his gaze softens considerably. There is something more in them.
Respect?
Admiration?
What is it?
He takes a step close to me and I involuntarily move back. My hold on Bichen tightens subconsciously. Please don't come any closer. I won't be able to take it. Please walk away from me. I... I am not worth your admiration, Wei.
Luckily for us his attention gets diverted to the disciple placed on a table behind me who was brought in earlier that day when he and his Sect were at the gates of Cloud Recess.
"He was attacked by a resentful energy." His off handed comment surprises both GeGe and me. It seems that the man in front of us is a strong soul. But even though Gege and I appreciate his honesty, it was Uncle's voice that indicated his dissatisfaction on another Sects involvement. With a wave of hand he dismisses us and leave him behind.
Just before going back to his chamber, Wei turns around and grins again, "Lan Zhan." Unable to ignore his alluring presence, I turn to face him. His toothy grin, his innocence, his mole is just out there for people to read and see. For me to read.
Oh Wei, don't wear your emotions on your sleeves.
"Xie Xie," his eyes are so kind, "for helping Jiang Cheng and Shije" with a small bow he walks away.
I sigh.
"Wangji," Gege calls my name, "you wanted to meet me?"
"Yes please, just be careful."
"Brother, do you still want me to look into the matter?" I enquire regarding the walking corpse attack.
I am about to leave when Gege stops me, "Wangji, there are many disciples here who are of your age, please make some friends. Especially, Young Master Wei seems very adept to you." At his suggestion I look at him in surprise. My brother has never asked me to make any friends before, but what surprises me the most is when he suggests Wei and I should become friends.
Brother, no we can't.
Unwilling to ponder over his words, I leave, if my soul isn't resolute and strong then my heart would seek Wei's.
But I can't afford to loose him too. It's best if we're away from eachother.
Ambling my way towards Gusu falls, I happen to walk past his room. His midnight lamp is still burning. He's awake. Involuntarily I take one single step towards him, but I freeze at the last moment.
Stop Lan Zhan, don't go in there. He's not yours. He can't be. Taking a step back, I walk away from Cloud Recess. If I stay here then my heart would seek him out. Walking into the wilderness of Gusu mountains, taking a seat on the grass covered ground under canopies of trees, I watch millions of stars peek through them.
I finally free my forehead band that is bound around my head. Soft winds ruffles my open hair as my fingers caress the Jade embedded on the band. Calling Wangji, for the first time I don't play Inquiry.
I play a forbidden music. Away from preying ears. I play a song that I wrote a while back. For him. For me. For us.
I still have to think of a name for it.
Maybe one day I will.
Awww, this is such a sweet Chapter! I loved writing them. Took quite a lot of scenes from the drama and added many of mine too. Hope you all could relate this!!!
Any guesses which song Lan Zhan's playing?
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