Chereads / Distant branches (dropped) / Chapter 8 - dumbasses wanting to be a hero

Chapter 8 - dumbasses wanting to be a hero

Over the course of seven months my work life became torturous. The UA entrance exam made all the students who wanted to apply rush into "private" areas and unleash their quirks and attempt to train them.

A quirk is like a muscle, is the common ideology that the children carry so they empty whatever reserves they have and then face cases of extreme exhaustion. Most heroes are delegates to search and rescue at this point as within Mustafu the normal area for teens to go to train is either the beach in the water, the roof of some building, abandoned warehouses in the bad side of town or the nearby forests.

I had to dive into icy waters to retrieve a moron with an alligator quirk thinking he'd be fine in the ocean. I bonked him on the head and told him to google his animal. Crocodiles go in saltwater not alligators. He moaned and complained to his parents who went to take his side until I said "he tried to drown himself because you put age restriction on the TV and WiFi, he may not be able to watch porn but that also means he can't watch the nature documentary's."

The kid changed his tune when he could get free rein over the internet and TV. We all know what he started searching for so I pat myself on the back for creating another degenerate.

On the roof tops of several buildings I could find several people with body augmenting quirks and even some quirkless thinking that they're kid doing flips n shit without any prior training. The amount of people who fall off the ledge or break a window is insane.

I've even had to answer if some quirkless kids could become a hero. Deku was actually more common than I thought, all these whiny idiots who think that just because they believe in themselves and imitate a recording they can do what I can are really annoying.

Rather than confirm or deny their dreams I simply recite fatality rates off heroes then I list the quirks off those heroes and explain how OP some of them were. Then I gave them a blank stare and asked "so you believe you can survive stuff that those guys can't."

When they look down and tremble in fear or indignation I give the whole "there are others ways to be a hero" like being a doctor or a fire fighter. It actually motivates a fair number of them. When I meet a bratty kid I give them the colossus speech which makes them want to blow someone's brains out.

The next step up from training on a rooftop in mustafu is messing around on top off a bloody skyscraper. Hawks looks cool but he has years of training! I'm pretty sure I saved that fat kid that bakugo was friends with after he pulled a muscle mid air.

As a punishment I would safely secure them to the building... upside down over the ledge~. After the authorities get them down they gladly accept a lecture from them as opposed to another talk with me.

Teenage mutant ninja turtles🎼 turtles in a half shell~ Turtle power! Playing old super hero themes from the pre quirk era bass booster in the sewers as I rescue the morons who tried to train down there are hilarious. I legit met four teenage turtle quirk users.

My dreams were crushed when I found out that they were obese otaku who just dicked around with weapons they bought at a convention. Their version of ninja training was a slow combat roll behind a dirty mattress to a concrete girder. Most of the time they'd end up on their backs because of the shells. A diet on pizza alone isn't a healthy option, I told them to swap to vegetarians pizzas and join a gym.

They made me revisit my stealth training and up my regimen. There are stealth ops training facilities for heroes so I just started visiting one with Nemuri because she thought it would be fun. It really was~

The red one took offence until I told him to drop and give me fifty. When he went on his hands I nudged him onto his back and told his friends/ brothers not to help him. I didn't feel like meeting their master splinter so I just escorted them to the surface.

It was a complete cluster fuck when we emerged up top. A villain was attacking who named himself shredder. He had a quirk similar to gyrate that allowed him to spin or oscillate his limbs. So he strapped a bladed samurai costume on and duct taped some blades to decent spots before going full beyblade.

So I unveiled a new move to knock him out, shroom strangler! I wrapped him with wood before he could carve his way out of it and then manifested some mushrooms that excrete spores. Kinoko komori joined my fan club and began posting her ideas about stuff I could utilise on there. Several heroes actually gain moves by reading what their fans think would be awesome.

Yu thought she could perform Chun Li's helicopter kick in her giant form. Had to stop that mess immediately. Anyway kinoko posted a lot of mushrooms that could be found growing on trees along with their respective traits.

So I took nightlife and Yu on a hiking trip to find some mushrooms. Nightlife may have had the ring idea when I said we were looking for mushrooms to take. No wonder he named himself that code name, dudes a party animal.

Found some mushrooms that spray a gas so I contacted some people at I-island who genetically altered it to spray knock out gas. I then asked about any mushrooms that are bioluminescent so they sent me a mutated batch of foxfire.

No not a kitsune girl throwing fireballs, it's a type of mushroom that glows. I allowed the mushrooms onto my body and then let them merge with the wood. I can call them at any time I want so it was easy.

I tried learning how to create fire through the bioluminescence. That process utilises something called cold light. This led me to more research discovering papers and studies into quirk based versions of people able to achieve combustion through bioluminescence.

During the seven months I managed to be able to super heat whatever part the mushrooms cover. So now I have super heated wooden weapons that mimic super heated steel weapons. I can basically cauterise any wounds I make with a wooden blade.

I also improve my long range game by developing the wooden cannon. Using the shrooms to make the rounds hotter I could achieve much better results. Now I can fire actual cannon balls, some of the shrooms contain gas which ignites causing the kaboom. When I revealed the move to the public against a guy with a defensive quirk I could feel bakugo staring at me from somewhere. It freaked me out.

Oh yeah I forgot to mention the people who trained in the forests. My quirk makes me wood... so I can navigate a forest easily. It's basically an instinct for me. I kept finding small forest fires aboht to break out or chopped up lumber ready to be sold. Which I then took away for my safe keeping~.

I started selling Kamui Woods fire wood online for people who had wood burning fire places. My stuff is highly recommended by chefs involved with stone baked oven products as the wood delivers a crispier and stronger texture. Numerous distilleries contacted me about making wooden barrels for their alcohol.

I said if I get some shares in their profits and a few kegs for myself whenever I want that I'd do it. My current hero rank reached 11th on the day of the UA exam.

I was sitting on a ledge with a pair of binoculars observing the flood of students entering the building. A crowd like this could definitely contain a villain who is casing out targets to kidnap. It's a wonder that villains don't attack students in the show. Then again I would wait until after the exam, the kids would be tired out making the catch easier.

Guess I know what I'm doing the rest of the day, observing kids~ only difference between me and a pedophile is the cops willing to help me hahahahaha