The week the baby arrived Jan realized she was not allowed go to the hospital due to the covid rules. This was another blow to the family and Jan had become quite hysterical about it. She had a fight with Andy and Maggie over it.
'What's wrong with you all?' Andy had screamed down the phone. 'Just obey the rules! Who do you think you are bloody doctors or scientists?'
Andy could no longer speak to Darren and blamed him for indoctrinating Jan and Victoria with his covid nonsense. That morning Andy had stood in the small kitchen staring at the yellow walls in his blue and white stripey pyjamas with his hands clutching his head in disbelief. He had literally shaken with anger at how reckless he thought they were all being.
Maggie had heard him and stood in the doorway of the kitchen clutching her pink toweling dressing gown a little too tightly.
'Jan won't even wear a fucking mask!' he said in an exasperated tone as he made some tea.
'What the hell is wrong with them?' he said, 'Jan had the cheek to tell me she did the shopping in Tesco and refused to wear a mask and that it was all made up and to do with population control or some bollocks!' he said with a snort of derision.
'Can you believe it Mam?' asked Andy, looking a bit red in the face at this stage. 'Covid killed Bill and Emma and they won't even do the bloody basics!'
'Calm down Andy,' his Mam said but Andy didn't even hear her as he continued his rant.
Eventually Andy calmed down a bit and they both sat down at the little white Ikea table for some tea and toast. Maggies face was all pinched up with the stress of it all. She still blamed herself for Bill's death and thought of telling Andy her part in bringing Covid into the house that time she snuck out to the petrol station to get some fags.
She was afraid of how he might react and just sat instead staring at the wall noticing the peeling yellow paint and remembering the day Bill had last painted the kitchen. Sadness filled her heart and she just burst into tears. Andy seeing his Mam crying had stopped in mid rant and also promptly started to weep.
The rest of the day both of them kept themselves to themselves. Andy stayed mostly in his bedroom on the computer and Maggie stayed in the living room watching daytime TV. The episode had left them both feeling a bit ill as the grief washed over them again. They ate a bit of lunch without saying much and in the afternoon Andy came into the living room with a tray of a pot of Tetley's tea and two big slices of Victoria sponge that he had made the day before.
They sat facing each other and Andy appologised for his rant in the morning.
'Ah son it's alright we're all going through so much at the moment Maggie said. 'I'm worried about you Andy. Are you okay?
Andy looked at his Mam and just suddenly blurted out how he felt. That he didn't ever want to go back to the pub, or to Jan for that matter and then he just kept repeating 'I'm living a lie Mam, a big fat lie.' The tears streaming down his face. Maggie reached forward and was held her sons hand.
'Come on now Andy whats the matter you can tell me.' she said. Then as she held his hand the words came out 'Mam, I'm Gay!' once he said it he couldn't take the words back. He had schocked himself by saying the words out loud especially because he hadn't planned to tell her or anyone ever for that matter. So both of them sat looking at each other in stunned silence.
Maggie stared at her son and realized she had always known anyway and somehow it was a relief and refreshing to have it out in the open.
She squeezed his hand and said 'That's okay Andy, its okay. Come on now lets pour some tea that cake looks delicious.'
They both then carried on as usual and had their afternoon tea without addressing what had been said . From that moment on both of them started to open up and the truth started to came out. Later on that day, in the early evening, Andy's mobile rang with Jan excitedly telling him that Victoria had gone into labour. They were going to go through the early stages of the labour at home and would drop her at the hospital later on that evening. Andy had been quite concerned especially given what he thought about their reckless behavour.
'Look Andy I've had three babies myself I think I know what im talking about' Jan snapped.
In Hayes, Victoria was curled up on the sofa and would occasionaly walk around the living room. Spice had taken to whining as if she could sense something was about to happen. Jan and Darren were overly excited and rushing around Victoria who was the calmest in the room. In some ways you would think she wasn't having a baby at all. Her bag was packed and ready to go.
Darren had even rushed out to check the car would start even though he had no reason to think it wouldn't. He felt really important that he was bringing her to the hospital but was furious they would have to leave her at the door.
'Its inhumane,' he said 'and don't let them put a mask on you or take the baby out of your sight!'
He was worried about what they could force his sister into as he had now lost all trust in doctors or hospitals. At twelve o' clock that night they decided to drop her to Hillingdon Hospital. It was only a fifteen minute drive from the house. Jan had been like a mother hen and reassured Victoria and inspired such confidence in her daughter telling her not to worry it was the most natural thing in the world.
They left her at the main entrance to the hospital and watched her walk in all alone. Jan's heart broke at not to be able to be by her daughter's side and both Darren and her had ranted on the way at the injustice of it all. 'Fuck it!' Jan had said loudly. Their emotions were all over the place anger, excitement and grief, a strange mixture which quite frankly made Jan and Darren feel quite superhuman.
They stayed outside the hospital for over an hour feeling closer to her just by being there until they decided they had better just go home. Both of them were beside themselves as the hours passed. They sat in the open plan living room with its calming neutral tones and Jan curled up on the grey sofa with Spice cuddled up to her.
Darren lit one of Jan's new aromatherapy candles and a calming lavender scent filled the room. He made her a herbal tea and grabbed himself a beer as they sat and waited for news from the hospital.
Every half hour or so the mobile would ring and it would be Andy or Maggie anxiously waiting for news. Andy and Maggie were as excited as the rest of the family. Andy knew he wasn't going to sleep that nigh tand at 2.30 am insisted that his Mam get some sleep. He then sat in the living room alone waiting and staring at Bill and Emma's photos on the mantelpiece.
In the hospital all was going well and Victoria being her brave calm self had carried on all alone with just a stranger holding her hand. Her baby was safely delivered without much bother. She had cried out several times during the labour for her mum and a nurse had kindly held her hand and reassured her. It was better than nothing but what she really needed was her Mum by her side.
At 3.45am her baby was born and laid on her chest and Victoria cried tears of happiness. Her first thoughts were to leave the hospital and the nurses had to persuade her to wait until the morning. She would phone Darren in the morning and get home and be with her family but for now all she wanted to do was sleep.
When the phone call came from the hospital and Jan heard the good news that her daughter delivered a healthy baby girl at 3.45 am they all shouted in delight and cried tears of joy. It was one of the best moments in all of their lives and so badly needed in the family at this time.
Somehow the contrast of life and death was clear to them all and this new little life that was just starting meant the world to them and would help them heal. As soon as Jan had put down the phone they called Andy who became overwhelmed with emotion and was completely speechless. He just couldn't get any words out.
Maggie had heard the phone ringing and had got up and taken the phone gently from Andy and had then heard the news for herself. The joy that filled everyone's hearts at this baby's arrival was amazing and wonderful. They all deserved some happiness after the dark days that they had all gone through recently.
'Try to get some sleep love,' Maggie said after spending time talking to Jan and then to Darren 'you will have lots of sleepless nights soon with a crying baby in the house.' and they all laughed at that.
In reality it sounded fantastic to have a baby in the house. They couldn't wait.