As Andy poured his mother a glass of wine and opened a beer for himself he wondered what the hell she was going to tell him. His stomach twisted into a knot and he suddenly felt quite light headed as he placed the two drinks side by side on the coffee table.
The night had drawn in and the room had gotten quite dark so he turned on the standard lamp in the corner of the room. This gave the room a nice golden glow.
As his Mam came back in and the room filled with cold air Andy jumped up and turned another bar on the gas fire. Within no time the small flat warmed back up and they both sat facing the fake fireplace.
Maggie cleared her throat and began.
'I had three brothers and one sister and they were all younger than me. Being the eldest I tried to help Ma as much as possible. My earliest memories are changing the baby's nappy. I would help with the cooking and cleaning and looking after the kids. We didn't go to school or anything like that.
'We were such a close family and we stayed strong together. When I was fifteen Donal was fourteen, Aine was thirteen, Sean twelve and little Tommy was eleven. They were all blond I was the only redhead like Ma. Donal was a funny little boy who took his role as head of the family when Da was on the drink and had gone awol. He wore a pair of broken glasses as he was a bit cross eyed and Sean well Sean was a big thinker. Really intelligent and curious. A bit withdrawn he didn't like noise or fighting and would hide away under the caravan with Tommy when Da was a bender.'
'Aine was a little brat who used to go off for the day on her own and come back with loads of sweets and goodies. Well, we knew that she must have been shoplifting but we never said anything. We would hide it from Ma as she didn't believe in stealing at all. We only begged when we had to and Ma hated that but sometimes we had no choice even though stealing was a taboo in our family.'
'Little Tommy, ahh he was a gorgeous little fellow, very soft and sensitive with a big round face. Him and Sean were the best of friends and as I said they would hide under the caravan when Da was on one just to stay out of the way. Donal would stay and try and protect Ma even standing in front of her as Da would lash out. He slung Donal out the door one night and cut up all his face but Donal was fierce and fearless. Aine would just sit outside with the dogs, Teddy and Rex, saying nothing. My job was to try and protect them all but that last night I failed Andy, I failed.'
Maggie took a break from recounting the story and sat staring at the fake fire with tears streaming down her face.
'Let me just have another fag,' she said as she made her way out to the balcony. Andy reached forward and ripped open a large Toblerone breaking off two pieces he wolfed them down then absentmindedly broke off another two peeling the foil off and popping them in his mouth.
He sat there waiting for Maggie to finish her fag and tell him the rest of the story. He knew in his heart it wouldn't be good and felt the difficulty she was having recounting the events of her childhood.
As Maggie sat back down she knocked back the rest of her wine and reached for the Toblerone.
'Go and make a cup of Tea will you my darling and I'll have some of this Chocolate.; she said.
Andy had jumped up and made himself busy in the kitchen. He felt she was delaying but couldn't push her. This would have to come out at her own pace. He glanced back into the living room as he waited for the kettle to boil and he saw his Mam with her head in her hands. She looked so small and fragile and his heart broke for her.
He came back in with the tray of floral china cups and the stripy Tea Pot. He had added a plate of Christmas Log and some small slices of Christmas cake. He had also put a fake robin from the cake on top of the goodies. This had made Maggie smile as he laid the tray down on the coffee table. The small flat looked quite festive with a warm orange glow and the coloured lights on the small white tree that Maggie dragged out each year.
They both sat in silence at first as Andy pored the tea carefully using a strainer. On special occasions they always had loose leaf Barry's tea which was his Mams favorite.
'What would you like Mam?' Andy asked his Mother.
'I'll have a small bit of cake and sher pass me over that Toblerone.; she said.
Somehow both of them needed the comfort of a rush of sugar. They sat for what seemed an age pouring more tea and munching away on all the festive treats and Andy started to wonder if his Mam was going to tell him anything more. He just didn't feel it was right to push her but couldn't help himself.
Finally he asked her 'So what was your Mother like?'
'Well she would be your grandmother now wouldn't she. As I said she was only fourteen when she married Da.'
'God that was very young to get married wasn't it?' he said in a rather loud voice.
'Ah no that was quite normal in our community Son and sher wasn't she promised to him at a special gathering when she was only twelve. The family's would agree on stuff like that. Then she had me when she was fifteen and as I said she then had a baby each year until the last one Tommy. So she would have only been a slip of a girl aged twenty with five babies to rear.
'She was a tiny little thing so slim with long flaming red hair down to her waist and piercing green eyes. Her skin was porcelain white with a smattering of freckles over her nose. She would pile all her hair on top of her head during the day and all the curls would hang loosely around her face. I always thought she looked like a little doll but make no mistakes she was also tough as nails. Well she had to be dealing with Da.'
'She was a wonderful mother, she really was, and she did her best. I realize now she was so thin because she would always make sure we ate first and being kids we would quite often scoff the lot. I would save her some once I got older and realized but she would always say:
'Let the boys eat first sher they are all growing.'
We did fight a lot as kids but she kept us all busy. We each had our chores but I was the one who stood side by side and helped her. Peeling potatoes, making the fire and of course the endless cleaning. I would send the kids out in front of the caravan and they would all play fight. Aine rolled and tumbled with her brothers and was tougher than all of them. Well, maybe she had to be, we didn't have much choice and she loved her dogs and would sit chatting with them for hours. God knows sometimes I thought maybe she wasn't quite right in the head!'
The boys would get an old football every now and then and play obsessively until it was just an old burst bit of plastic but they would still kick it around anyway.
'And what about your Dad,' Andy said as Maggie took a long silent break from recounting her family history. She had looked so sad and wistful throughout, sometimes stopping unable to get the words out and sometimes with silent tears running down her face. Maggie reached forward and ate the last bit of Toblerone and sat nervously scrunching up the foil as was a habit of hers.
As she pressed the foil into hard little balls her face turned dark and she spat out the words: 'I hated him Andy, We all did. He made our lives a misery, he was a big man over six foot and he would dominate the caravan when he was home. He had an air of brooding menace about him that intimidated us because we knew he could turn ugly and violent in a flash. He was always whacking the boys and of course it was Ma who really got the worst of it.'
'That last night was the worst it ever was we were all terrified and God help me Andy I shouldn't be alive today! God forgive me for what happened.'
Andy drew in a sharp breath as Maggie got up for another cigarette. Andy knew he was about to hear something monumental, something he possibly didn't want to hear. He sat on the sofa clutching a dark green velvet cushion to his chest and waited for his Mam to come back and tell him the rest of the story.